: BJ and cheating?  

 
Imagine yourself working for a bakery. You are a good baker and the boss initially hires you in at 500 dollars a week plus a loaf of bread a day to take home. He likes your work ethic and makes you an unofficial partner of sorts in the business.  

You work hard, are a good employee and bring the shop some income. You are a part of the team and life is good. Then one day, after your first year or so, the boss says, "I need to cut back on the bread you take home, so you can only have one loaf every other day." Time goes on and a while later the boss says that he can only give you a loaf of bread to take home twice a week. "The bread, he says, "is a bonus and not an obligation on my part." Finally the boss says he can only give you a loaf a week and two years later he cuts that down to your birthday or the anniversary of the store opening. All the while you as the employee are continuing to work hard and make the boss money and are being a true team player.  

One day the boss says to you, "I need to cut your salary by one hundred dollars a week." In addition, you are noticing that the boss is giving you the cold shoulder more and listening to your ideas for making the shop successful less. The boss is constantly on your ass about trivial stuff. You and the boss have a relationship that has gone to shit. But the boss keeps you around because he knows you are helping to make him and the business money. You know sales and profit have gone up since you started working there.  

You are by this time getting miserable working there I imagine.  

So, walking home from work one day, the owner of a different bakery stops you. He says, "Listen, I noticed you used to carry a loaf of bread home every day and now you don't. I want you to try my bread and see what you think, here's a free loaf. If you like it great, if you think you can help me make better bread, I will hire you on the spot. As a matter of fact, I will make you an equal partner and if we ever disagree we can split any profits we have made right down the middle. Your salary will be 600 dollars a week plus profit sharing. I have seen how your boss treats you and I think you deserve better. You are a great baker, I have seen you in action and people rave about your bread and skills. Oh, one more thing, you can take as much bread home as you like, whenever you like."  

Do you really think you'd NOT take the other guy up on his offer?  

All you people busting the OP's chops on this one are failing to realize that his wife is cheating him as well. If she was having wild ass monkey sex and giving him head on a regular basis before they got married and right after he tied the knot and now all of a sudden has changed the deal without giving him an explanation, SHE is as big of a cheat as he is considering becoming. Men don't get married in order to NOT have sex. Men get married to have sex with the same woman for the rest of their lives.  

For you idiots out there who will say it is her body and she doesn't "owe" him a blow job or he is not "entitled" to sex when he wants it, well, it is his dick and if she has a right to hold out because it is her body, he has a right to do what he wants to with HIS body and get "it" somewhere else

The baker has a RIGHT to take the best offer for employment offered, regardless of how his current employer treats him (unless under exclusive contract). He doesn't need a reason to quit his job.

What does "have a right" mean in this situation?

The husband has both an obligation to his wife, and a need to explore an alternative source of fulling his needs if she cannot do so.

Social order relies on the baker/shop owner contract of: baker shows up for work every day, and he always has a job waiting for him. When he doesn't get the expected return, he's free to seek such a contract elsewhere.

The marriage contract is outdated insomuch as the social order is less dependent on monogamy, but still somewhat dependent on people either staying together or living apart. If on Monday you refer to the woman on you arm as your wife, it's a disruptive if you don't refer to her as your wife on Tuesday. Or refer to her as your wife for asset/liability and tax reasons but not for social reasons.

If the owner of the bakery found that the baker no longer baked any bread, would he be obligated to continue employing him? If the baker one day burned his hands on the oven so badly that he could no longer do his work, would the employer/employee contract demand anything of his boss?

If the husband's wife was in a car accident and lying in a coma, what would become of the marriage contract?

We no longer have to worry so much about unwanted illegitimate children or abandoned spouses becoming destitute beggars when alone. Emotionally we're still catching up to these new conditions.

So are you talking contractual obligations, moral obligations, or emotional obligation? On this forum you'll get a lot of support for sleeping around with providers. Is the husband causing the wife a greater degree of pain by going elsewhere than the pleasure he is receiving from the provider?

Is pleasure even the right word for sexual encounters? In either the Epicurean sense or the hedonistic sense?

The general rule is that we end the relationship we're in before beginning a new one.

Providers can be viewed as a way to fulfill the need WITHOUT threatening the relationship. Nevertheless, people can feel great pain when their spouse sleeps or has sex with someone else.

Quantifying pain caused and measuring it against pleasure received usually proves difficult. There's no gauge or meter devised for the task.

Divorce is expensive and emotionally traumatic.

So... What does the husband do?

We venture into the world knowing that it will react to how we act upon it. There is a tiny bit of illusion about providers. Because they provide a no-strings-attached encounter does not necessarily mean that enjoying such an encounter is without consequence. One can go paragliding with no fear of anyone shooting him out of the sky, but you might twist your ankle on landing as you pivot to control the chute.

For this to fit my situation the employee would have to be slacking off on the job as well, maybe not baking as good of bread as he once did.

END OF MESSAGE

First woman I dated after my first wife and I divorced (lack of sex was not an issue in divorce) was very sexual, including first date. After a while we moved in together and after about a month, the sex drastically diminished.

Asked her about it and after avoiding the subject, or giving me some to shut me up, she finally admitted "I really liked you and wanted you to be my boyfriend and I figured if I didn't screw you you would dump me. I really only want to have sex once a month, that's all I need it."

Relationship didn't last long after that. Thankfully we hadn't gotten married or had a child.

I believe a LOT of women feel the same way this gal did and think NOTHING of failing to hold up "their part of the bargain" in the bedroom.

If my broad won't suck my dick, I should be allowed get it sucked by a hooker or two. Bitches are wrong by thinking that someone married them for NOT wanting to have regular sex, in fact when exactly opposite is true.

END OF MESSAGE

Guy has job baking bread, likes the benies, company removes benies, guy gets side job at new bakery with the missing bennies. Blame him?

-- Modified on 1/19/2014 8:43:48 AM

Why wait until he's offered another job? Go out and look for the job of your dreams. Stop settling.

Before he goes to the next bakery, he may have signed a contract with the first one not to work for competition.  

So quit bakery#1 first, then go work for bakery #2.  

Sorry lol...

Happens in large companies all the time. You slowly take things away so the person notices, but accepts these things because it's 'just a little less'. If the owner jumped from one loaf / day to one loaf / anniversary, the guy would have said something.

Ever heard of the slow cooked chicken? The chicken doesn't realize it's being cooked until the water is boiling. The water went from cool to hot very subtly, so the chicken didn't notice until it started to sting.  

Same goes for life. There are mind games and manipulation played between these decisions, and one day the guy wakes up and says, 'hey! Fuck this shit!' That's when the 'owner' starts cutting money out, and not just bread.  

Then he goes and hires us. Lol

and he may have some stock in the bakery that he has to forfeit if he leaves.. and the financial loss may justify  just allowing the abuse.. and dealing with it by buying a great loaf of bread elsewhere

What if he really likes bakery 1 and doesn't want them to go out of bakery biz?

"Men get married to have sex with only one woman for the rest of their lives?" Yah right. There are men who would cheat if they married Jenna Jameson, so please don't go there. Most of you get married to a woman you damn well knew was not your sexual couterpart, but you loved her for all those other things, and you are too chickenshit to let those other things go because of lack of sex, so you blame her and fk around. I too would get bored fkin the same person over and over, but guess what... I am not married, and will likely never be again knowing that about myself.  

Just like the Baker who can quit his job and find another one, so can the husband/wife. No one is forcing you or anyone else to stay, and don't say it's for the children, because most times, that is bs. It is because most people are codependents who can't or, are too afraid to do shit on their own. THAT is the hard truth. Most men and women I have asked, "Why not just leave" will tell me, because it's cheaper to stay and they can't afford to. Or, "I am too AFRAID to be on my own." That's pathetic.  Yah, it's for the kids, alright.  

I have zero problems with people who screw around, but don't give me the bs excuses. Just flat out say, you want strange ass and own the shit. Once a guy finds out he can have 20 year old super models on demand without all the baggage, 9 times out of 10, his wife becomes the hooker in that scenario... he only fks her when he can't afford to pay the provider.  

 


-- Modified on 1/19/2014 11:45:29 AM

The owner was taking advantage of our guy.  And if his bakery goes out of business tough shit. He should have thought of that when he started cutting our guy's bread allotment and take home pay.  People need to be where they're valued and respected!

If this refers to a prior thread, I'd like to read the original arguments on both sides.  
Better to link the whole discussion than excerpt one long-ass portion.  
Otherwise, it's a waste of time to read your air arguments against details that are not present in my mind.
I never trust a speaker to tell another person's side accurately.
It puts me at a disadvantage in a debate.

One important thing: this failure to link the prior debate creates a key logical problem with your OP.  
Namely, you present an analogy (baker) but analogies are only useful if they represent the truth of the topic.
If you don't even link the original discussion, then there is no way to tell where your analogy lies.
Could be completely non sequitur or other types of manipulation.  

If you want my real response, do those things and maybe write your opinion concisely and clearly.
From what I skimmed, you wrote a lot of fluffy stuff along with ad hominem.
So far, you read like your proverbial "idiot" to me.  


-- Modified on 1/19/2014 11:04:02 AM

When people are somewhere for a long time they just settle in. They take the abuse telling themselves that its not so bad, and that at least they have a job. Quitting isn't an option, and they either don't know where to begin to look for a new job or they're too busy to find an alternative...so they just deal. It takes many many small cuts before enough is enough.

The baker is loafing because he kneads more attention.

perhaps the oven has to have more dough to get hot and cook up some sweet moist pastry.

Butt then again maybe the baker is not giving the honey buns the proper glaze.

 
In any case I’m going to have a few cups of coffee with my cupcake.

 
Thank Yo

and you are taking this shit way too serious. Busting chops is having some good old fun. Nothing more.

Lighten up

Reserve your criticism to some other asinine shit that goes on around here, or post something of your own.

I'm not unsympathetic to men in the situation you describe. But your analogy equates sex to something we NEED to stay alive (food/pay) that nobody would argue is a person's inviolable right. Sex? Nobody's entitled to sex from anybody. Not even if they pay. That's why mean, disrespectful people get refused appts all the time...that's why guys whose dicks smell like pee and who don't take the time to consider their partner's needs, both physically and emotionally, will find themselves on the cold side of the bed.

I'll say this...in my past relationships, if something's not been quite right...it's hard for me to get in the mood for sex. That's definitely true of relationship issues; it can also be true of general stress in my life. Having a solid relationship w/good communication and a supportive, thoughtful, partner goes a long way w/me...as do immaculate netherparts. With that said, I've rarely refused sex w/any bf of mine and (because of what I do here) I'm very sensitive to that need of theirs.

I couldn't face sex w/some of my clients daily. And most of the ones I've found the most unenjoyable don't think they're bad in bed at all...in fact, some think they're studs! Probably because lying ho's (like me) tell them that their wives are crazy not to wanna f*** them all day long, lol.

-- Modified on 1/19/2014 9:12:21 AM

"Probably because lying ho's (like me) tell them that their wives are crazy not to wanna f*** them all day long, lol."

I sure as shit have never said that. Sorry, but I am not lying to anyone. They know what's up from jump.

They basically insist to me that their wives must be crazy...right? LOL. I figure the last thing they're looking for is an honest reply.

I usually don't spout BS compliments to a guy...for instance, if he's 300 lbs I won't tell him that I enjoy looking at his physique. I might tell him that I like his eyes, or praise his thoughtfulness (whatever's applicable). But if that same 300 lb guy is telling me that he has a hot body and obviously expecting me to agree...yea, I'll take the easy way out.

Ok, take the age factor out of it, and the end result is still the same. If I had an average looking boyfriend and did nothing but fk guys who looked better than him, do you honestly think that is not going to have an impact on how I feel about him sexually? It sure as hell would. It would not impact my love for him, but the attraction would start to fade more and more, as I keep looking, touching, and fkin men who look better than him... possibly even perform better, which is why most guys say they are here. Many have wives that look better than most providers, but she won't have sex on demand, in the outfit they want, in a hotel room, and most importantly, like she is about to have her last meal. The envelope creates that illusion, nothing else.  

I don't buy the same bs most others seem to buy, because it is played out. Many of the same men crying about a wife that won't fk them, are the very same ones that would fk around on a porn star. Many, not all of course, because I know many guys who truly love their wives and want to be with them, and no one else. About the kids... staying for the kids is a cop out, and never helps anyone. It's bs. Children even at the age of 5 are not stupid, and can pick up on the signs of mom and dad not being 'into' one another.

Most of these men have jobs that pay very well, and they would be fine on their own. They are just too chicken shit to leave, and want it ALL. If you knew you wanted a wife that was into bondage and anal, you should not have married the first grade teacher because you respect her and thought she would be a good mother, then fk around on her. That's a bit weak. Too many guys are ashamed and afraid to marry the slut, but they want to fk the sluts behind the wife's back. Fail. And, anyone (man or woman) going into a marriage thinking that sex will NEVER fade, change, or cease to exist at one point, is a complete MORON, who has no business getting married. At 80, I am so sure it's about sex.  

-- Modified on 1/19/2014 5:28:26 PM

Yes, I have time for you all, my precious (creepy Lotr reference).

Ooh, pick me. Lol.

Did Eliot Spitzer's GF write that for you?

This sounds like a good approach to things for the baker, but not such a good approach for the husband.

Not saying there isn't more than one angle to look at it from.  

It's not a perfect analogy because the baker doesn't have kids with the boss, lol

post your fantasies and erotic literature?

-- Modified on 1/20/2014 1:49:55 AM