MY VAGINA MONOLOGUES:

1. why do women have vaginas?
  - - so men will talk to them

2. what do you call the useless flap of skin around a vagina?
 - - a woman

3. guy walks into an elevator occupied by a lone woman. as the car begins to move, he turns to her and says,
  "can i smell your vagina?"

she looks at him in disgust and replies,
  " i don't THINK so!!"

"oh", he says. " must be your breath, then".

EXCELLENT COSTUME IDEAS

1. couple on their way to a party dressed as a cow (him in front, her in back) take a short cut through a field when they see a bull galloping towards them. she says, "oh my god, what will we do?" he says, "i think i'm gonna be okay... but you'd better brace yourself".

2. the costume-party host answers the doorbell to find a guy standing there with no shirt, socks, or shoes. host says "what are you supposed to be?" the guy says, "i'm a premature ejaculation. i just came in my pants."

HORNY TO THE END

1. the madam is getting impatient as she watches the old gaffer shuffling slowly towards her desk. he finally arrives, lets go of his walker and slams his gnarled fist down on the desktop as he wheezes:
"i want you to set me up with two 18 year old prostitutes !!"

she says, "two young girls? are you kidding? mister, you've HAD IT!"

he looks puzzled for a second. "ohhh," he mumbles, shuffling through his wallet. "how much do i owe ya?"

2. This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her awhile then says, "You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?"
She says, "I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again.
He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?"
She says, "Well, your name never came up."

3. Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while when they decided to have sex!"
And so they did.

As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!"

And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!"

Jokes are good, but you might want to screen what you consider funny, lest you offend some people who might interpret your humor as sexist.. Just a thought to consider...

Absolutely - better stick to male-bashing jokes. That way you're safe, and all the ladies will love you.

I hate PC bullshit.

... would YOU?  

best to post (most) jokes to the "erotic humor" board

Goodness gracious, somebody might get offended by a sexist joke!  You would think people have better things to do than play PC policeman on TER, which is all about sexism by the way, in case you haven't noticed.  

So let's see if I got this straight.  It's OK to pay a woman to suck your dick and play with your dick, etc., but it's not OK to tell a joke relating to sex because it might offend someone.  What a crock of shit!

I know where you're coming from on this, & don't take what I'm about to say as a slam because I actually enjoy your posts & the limited interaction we've had therein, but I think you may overly concerned in this regard.  Most of the gals I know (& I find a sense of humor to be not only attractive, but important) have a great ability to 'laugh at themselves' so to speak...as long as it's not poking fun maliciously.  Most people with a real sense of humor have that ability.  Many examples I could give, but I'll limit it to one...you & I both know a certain blonde lady who has a great sense of humor who gets a kick out of 'dumb blonde' jokes.

Don't knock it until you've tried it.
(LOL)