For me it's not the looks or performance (although both are important) it's the intangibles,the conversation - not strained, forced or artificial.  Its like we are long lost friends or have always been friends.  A look, a smile, a genuine touch.  Just getting all mushy here

It encompasses generosity of spirit, kindness, curiosity, intelligence, consideration, respect... someone who respects my time and business, but whose company I can also enjoy. Someone I can look up to or admire as a person.  

I just met a guy today. He pre-booked one of my shorter appointments about two weeks ago, and asked me to come out to the Meadowlands to see him (and book a hotel). As I had no other dates (and I got a really good vibe), I agreed to do so. In the meantime, I got a mid-afternoon date in NYC, and booked a hotel for that. Then, I got literally 4 other requests for tonight, all in NYC, all for longer appointment times. But, I kept my original date, because, as I said, I got a good vibe, and I could tell he was genuinely looking forward to our date (he said it was like Christmas Eve!). I didn't want to disappoint him, and I also instinctively knew I'd like him.  

I can't tell you what specific factors contributed to the good vibe I got. Just a sense of positivity and warmth

An unguarded moment reveals so much...

In one instance, a provider said something and then immediately apologized for having broken the fourth wall. My response was that while I realized that she was putting on a performance (and obviously very well, since this was not our first date), it was more important that she was having the kind of fun she liked, rather than running the script she thought I wanted run. That I had no preconceived notion of how things should go, and that revealing little bits of herself was actually better. With her little slip-up, and her response to my response, she promoted herself from 'ridiculously attractive & skilled' to 'favorite'.

In another instance, during a break on our third date, a provider confessed to big bad trouble she had gotten into many years ago. She was expecting a cautionary speech from me, and probably that this would be the last time we met. "There but for the grace of God go I", was my response, followed by my tale of having been doing the EXACT same thing at that age. The only difference was that I didn't get caught. "If you want to be judged harshly for that, you're gonna need to find someone else". Our rapport scores 11 on the TER scale since then. Total favorite.

So - appearance, not a factor. Quality of sex, not a factor. The person behind the persona, major factor.

Mutual trust and sharing. Conversation that...

extends beyond the "date". Both of us at risk, if you will. Both of us OK with some secrets that we know and trust will not harm us.

Confidence that you have someone who will help you out and/or watch your back. Small demonstrations of that. Or will tell you when you are being a fucktard, and know you won't blow up about it.

Great comfort and fun in one anothers company. Like any good friend.

Not just about sex or looks; let's face it, there is always someone hotter or younger or wilder out there on the horizon.

I don't think you choose an ATF at all; you choose each other

and we have good conversation and get to connect on emotional level

i agree with earlier posters it is intangibl

...and it's her wonderful larger-than-life personality as much as her physical beauty that still has me thinking about her and I've been comparing every other lady to her since. She had just the right amount of aggressiveness and didn't have one insincere or shy bone in her body. Gawd I miss her

In what makes a man stand out for me 'here'...

He....

Doesn't frustrate.
Doesn't lie.  
Doesn't hide. (on or off or behind the boards)
Knows how to plan a date. I mean a real date.  
Isn't a talker. Actually acts upon his word.  
Keeps his word.
Doesn't talk behind your back. (ahem backchannel)
Is a true man.
His donation becomes more than a donation. (will not explain)
Would never cheat you in the donation regard. Ever. Quite the opposite.
Doesn't frustrate.
Doesn't have ridiculous unicorn expectations.
Keeps it real.  
Doesn't sugarcoat.  
Wants good things for you.  
Becomes a friend. Not a client.
Speaks and writes less verbiage which says more.  
Chooses his words wisely.
Is sn excellent communicator.  
Doesn't frustrate.  
Gives what is asked.  
Has extreme balls in the sweet way (I get ya Roxanne)
Understands what this world is about and what makes a woman tick...here.
Simply .. He gets it. (many don't)

Now...does he exist? Perhaps lol. Perhaps not lol.  

In this complicated web we weave of companionship.  But this is how it 'should' be (in my opinion). Makes the other frustrating components some men create here evaporate.

G xo  

PS. Great post Zak. Glad to see you're having fun, found a few you click with and doing it right. That's what makes a real man...'here'.  


-- Modified on 3/4/2016 5:51:11 AM

She is one of the sweetest women I have ever met. She is the most beautiful, sexy woman that I have ever met.  

I once told her, as she was curled up in my arms during the down time, that she made me feel like a King. She said "you deserve to feel like a King", and she said it with enough conviction that at that moment I believed her. I asked her once "how does it feel when you walk into a building and know that you are the most beautiful woman in the whole place"? Her response "I don't think that way". I said "I know, and that makes you even more beautiful".

On top of all that, she gives the very best head I've ever had, real DT not deep mouth.

Chemistry! It's either there, or it isn't. It doesn't matter what she looks like, how much she weighs, what her religion or race is, nor how big her tits are. Some ladies, who take their craft seriously, require a second or third visit to determine the realness of the connection. But most of the time you can tell right away. My magic number is three. If I see you beyond a third visit, then it's going to double figures. If you were to look at the list of ladies I've seen over the years, and the number of visits, you'd see hundreds of ladies with one visit. About thirty ladies with two visits. Almost twenty ladies with 3 visits. And the ones with great chemistry, about ten ladies, no more than two in any one time period, with double figure visits, and beyond. With true chemistry comes my loyalty.  

There have been two exceptions. One lady and I had this incredible chemistry going for two visits, and then she retired. I tried to see her for a third visit on her last day, but Murphy's Law ruled. The other exception is a lady I see about once a year. She has absolutely zero connective skills, but the sex is so hot, I make an exception for her when the chemistry ladies are busy.