Idk if it's just me but I feel like I'm never fully satisfied. I keep searching for the perfect provider but no one scratches that itch, I'll see multiple girls a week and most leave me feeling bored and unsatisfied if I'm being honest but I'll never tell them that cause I don't like putting others down so I'll pretend it was great. I can't enjoy it unless heavily on substances. I do have ragular ladies I see who are sweet and I enjoy their company but it still feels like something is always missing. I just feel like it's a never ending search, I chose this lifestyle to avoid the drama, and effort and searching for the perfect one just to do the same thing I thought I opted out of.
You can’t always get what you want.
But if you try sometime you just might find (you just might find) you get what you need.
Your experiences are all transactional. If you have to abuse substances you're doing it all wrong. You should be able to enjoy this hobby life sober and still have a blast. Maybe it's you & not the providers.
Yep---It's You..........................................................!
then you will never be happy.
Instead, except the pleasure you do get and keep going treating each time as an adventure to find more of what you may be looking for.
Can you even put into words exactly what it is that is missing?
I feel like it's rough cause I do crave when things feel "real" and I feel "loved" but I do not want a real civie relationship cause that comes with it's own problems, breakups, drama, I been there done that so I try to creat the perfect fantasy of it, the type of fantasy you'd have in your head. I guess I wanna "have my cake and eat it to" I'm trying to remove the negatives from both and make something perfect with the best of both worlds.
it's very definition is not a real-life relationship, to be an equal substitute for a civvie girlfriend, then perhaps your expectations-bar is too high. For me, the best of both worlds is to use P4P as a fallback position that provides an NSA sexual release when I am BETWEEN real-life girlfriends.
Ironically, I have found myself morphing into real-life relationships with providers, but it has to be the provider's idea, not mine. These rarely last very long because providers want me to be exclusive with them while they continue to see customers. My counter to that is that transactional sex for both of us should not be considered "cheating." IOW, I can have sex with others when I'm paying, and they can have sex with others if they are being paid. This agreement can extend the relationship a little longer, but eventually, their jealousy, usually when I see another provider they know, gets the best of them. My point here is that trying to get real feelings and emotional love with a provider comes with a lot of baggage that may take the shine off the trophy.
I don't actually want something real, I could never commit to one. I want someone who will act and play the role but it's just acting. That way I do not need to bother with real dating if all the boxes are being checked. I want a outlit to dump my emotions and "love" onto someone who will never leave as long as I pay and will say all the words I want to hear, do all the acts I want all while I'm free to do this with as many providers as I can and I get a huge dopamine hit from feeling loved, feeling like I have someone wanting me more than anyone in the universe, even if it's fake the dopamine is real and the substance use helps me forget what's real and what's fake, I'm really into mdma and that alone controls your emotions perfectly for this fantasy but I mix it with other stuff too like cannabis, psychedelics and blow.
Parts of this sounds familiar. I been going through something kinda similar. After a divorce a few years ago I decided I never wanted a serious relationship again but lately I’ve been seeing some stuff in myself that makes me think I actually want a relationship again. Maybe. At least some part of me.
Have you considered that your “wanting to eat your cake and have it too” is you wanting the benefits of a real, caring relationship without the emotional risks and financial costs of one?
I think a number of people look for basically that in this world, many of them are not consciously aware of it though. Conscious or not, it’s a big mistake. At best you’ll continue to spend money on appointments that leave you feeling empty, unfulfilled, bored, whatever word you would use for it. Another possibility is that you will accidentally catch feelings for a provider and get in a mess.
There’s certainly nothing wrong with being your authentic self with providers, forging genuine friendships and connecting on that level. If this is your primary source of human connection, however, then IMO something is not right.
Your comments below, in your response to Robert, seem pretty relevant. Particularly the part about “just becoming bored of everything that used to be fun not just this hobby.” If a lot of things in life that you enjoyed now hold no interest or zest for you, that kinda sounds like someone who’s depressed. Or, if that sounds scary or is an overreaction, then it sounds like someone who maybe doesn’t know what their purpose is.
The fact that you’re bored with lots of other stuff in your real life, along with the substance abuse sounds like what you have going on is bigger than just this hobby leaving you unsatisfied.
I don’t know, I’m not a head shrinker. Just food for thought. I think if you stepped back from all this, get clear of this world for at least thirty days to see how you feel then, that would be a good idea. See if you start to enjoy the other things you’ve become bored with again. See if you start to feel like dating might have a point to it. Just find out if walking away from this for a time changes your perspective.
Good luck
that you want to eat your cake and have it too.
Welcome to the club.
In life, we have to take the good with the bad...whether it be relationships, jobs, hobbies, or....cake.
The trick is to learn to accept the limitation, and be grateful for the fun and good times. Our greatest gift is that we are able to remember those good times, and forget the bad ones, if we decided to.
Not to be snarky, but some Zen meditation could do you a world of good. Lord knows, it did for me.
Personally, seeing a few different ladies every week wouldn’t work for me either. If I wanted to see a lady frequently, it would have to be an ATF that I built a real connection to, but that’s expensive and hard to find. Since I tend to hobby around, I find spacing them out more makes sessions better. If what you’re doing isn’t working, maybe try waiting longer and building the anticipation up more.
There would be no shame in that. This realm isn't for everyone. But there are a number of red flags in what you said that suggest there may be some truth to what I am saying.
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If you are genuinely bored most of the time with beautiful women who are eager to please you sexually, then maybe its time to leave p4p behind and try the civie online dating, perhaps.
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I'll admit that some dates are better than others, but I can't honestly say I have ever been bored in p4p. I do get burned out from time to time, but that's something entirely different. For me, the solution is to take a break, and maybe that's what you need too.
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Stepping away and reassessing can be a healthy thing. Take a month or two off and see how you feel afterward. If you don't miss it, you will ll have your answer. That approach has always worked for me, which is why I intentionally build breaks in and step away from the demimonde two or three times a year. I almost always come back feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and excited about it again. In the very rare case I dont, I stay away a bit longer until I do.
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Maybe what you need is a little self care is all. The one thing you said that genuinely concerns me is that you feel the need to be "heavily on substances" when you play. I am not going to ask what you mean by that specifically, because that's your business and not mine, but it might be worth looking into the reasons as to why that is. Tbh, at a first glance, it does sound unhealthy, however.
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I am not judging you at all. It may simply help to have someone you trust, possibly a professional, to work through some of this with you, sort it all out, and offer guidance, support and a different path. Give it some thought, give yourslef some time and good luck with it all.
I still do civie dating here and there but after a breakup I had a while back I feel like it's pointless and can't take it seriously and I get bored even faster when I gotta put the effort into something I doubt will last and be meaningful. I think I'm just becoming bored of everything that use to be fun not just this hobby, maybe your right and I'm over doing it
Ie is it predictability and routine?
Is it the fact that if you put in time it won't matter?
If it's the former, I'd look for something you haven't experienced before so you don't know how it will go.
If it's the latter I'd look for some kind of goal to achieve that makes your time put in matter.
Also, how do substances make it less boring and in what way? If they make you feel less rational and more adventurous, maybe try making more irrational and unpredictable choices even without substances. If they take you away from reality and put you into more of a fantasy land, perhaps maybe some role playing a fantasy or whatever can help.
Tbh it feels like less of a p4p issue but more of a life identity crisis thing. It's one thing to get bored of sex or p4p another is to be bored of lots of things at the same time.
I don't enjoy things I can't control so it's not that, I it's more being disappointed with encounters that didn't go the way I wanted them to, not saying it was bad it just wasn't what I was hoping for. I am not attracted to looks and actually prefer a more average, humble, mature and heavier looking girl that you'd never guess is a provider. Personality and the fantasy of being deeply loved and the center of someones world is what does it for me. I am trying to find girls who are good at role play for this but nothing really hits so I'm bored of a search that feels pointless, mdma helps me believe the fantasy cause emotions are just chemicals and that substance will control my emotions and make the fantasy feel real in the moment and a more basic looking girl makes the fantasy feel real as well, like if people see us in public nobody would think she's a model or gold digger but a regulary ordinary girl who is head over heels obsessed with me. The goal is to find a girl who fits this description and get intoxicated enough with her to make the whole fantasy come to life
Sorry you’re having those feelings, but it sounds like you already go into each booking “glass half empty”. Attitude is the determining factor to make or break any experience. This hobby isn’t cheap, so if you’re leaving unsatisfied something needs to change, or take a break.
Look inward.. You might be the common denominator. Ask yourself:
1) are my expectations reasonable?
2) am I making a fair attempt to enjoy it?
3) do I want a specific service? If so, speak up - providers aren’t mind readers
4) am I doing my part to make it pleasant? Good energy, arriving on time, hygiene, etc
5) do I want to continue being a client? - at the end of the day, this is a transaction. Maybe your subconscious is telling you p2p is hurting the experience. Could be time for a relationship; a bond and unrestricted sex with 1 person
We’re human. Imo the best experiences happen when things flow with minimal expectations. The substances could also the problem. If you’ve come close to perfect with the providers you’ve seen, that’s something of value. Instead of looking for perfect (which doesn’t really exist) go into your next booking glass half full.
I would say just enjoy the search. I often feel the same way and that’s why i am always searching for new partners. And even when I do find someone who checks all the boxes, the meet ups tend to eventually get stale after multiple visits. The search is part of what I find exciting. Who will be behind the door or show up. The anticipation of mtg/hooking up with a new strange partner is exhilarating.
Another suggestion is try different avenues of p4p as they all are slightly different. Variety is always good.
- massage parlors
- SA
- strip club vip rooms (only in certain cities)
- fkk clubs if in europe
- karoake clubs (if in asia)
Btw, I actually find being in an altered state lessens the p4p experience for me. But that’s just me.
Beyond that, even "fake" relationships take effort.
First, repeat visits, then establishing your expectations and both your boundaries.
It also sounds like you want an NSA relationship. Maybe the sugar world is worth exploring.
Yes I am thinking sugar dating might be good. I am just a perfectionlist and I do want a sort of relationship but one that's focused on being a service for me, I think I need a good role player cause I want to script everything from words to acts.
Forgive me for reversing the Costanza maxim, but, in this case, it fits.
As both QB and RR have pointed out, this ain't working for you. It could be P4P generally, the way you're approaching it, or something deeper. Whatever it is, take a breath man.
Take a trip to Bali. Take up Tai Chi. Go out with platonic friends to trivia night. Learn Salsa. Volunteer at the animal shelter. Watch every episode of GOT and make notes on all the things you would have written differently. Do something--anything constructive and other than this. You sound burned out or on the very precipice.
Give your dick and your libido and your mind and your soul a rest. You don't want to end up like Jonathan in Carnal knowledge.
Buen suerte.
My take is you are really looking for something that is not just simple, straightforward transactional sex and interaction. Maybe deep down you think there is something immoral or looking for some replacement for an intimate relationship ---like I said that is ALL just speculation not a claim that is the case. But I think you might want to do a bit of soul search about what you want and why you're playing in this playground.
I would hope whatever is missing you can identify and then make an adjustment so you can, assuming you keep playing, engage in the activity and have fun without feeling something is missing.