Sorry you’re having those feelings, but it sounds like you already go into each booking “glass half empty”. Attitude is the determining factor to make or break any experience. This hobby isn’t cheap, so if you’re leaving unsatisfied something needs to change, or take a break.
Look inward.. You might be the common denominator. Ask yourself:
1) are my expectations reasonable?
2) am I making a fair attempt to enjoy it?
3) do I want a specific service? If so, speak up - providers aren’t mind readers
4) am I doing my part to make it pleasant? Good energy, arriving on time, hygiene, etc
5) do I want to continue being a client? - at the end of the day, this is a transaction. Maybe your subconscious is telling you p2p is hurting the experience. Could be time for a relationship; a bond and unrestricted sex with 1 person
We’re human. Imo the best experiences happen when things flow with minimal expectations. The substances could also the problem. If you’ve come close to perfect with the providers you’ve seen, that’s something of value. Instead of looking for perfect (which doesn’t really exist) go into your next booking glass half full.