Seems like a silly question, as the conventional wisdom is that women are more emotional. However, in reading not only recent and other earlier posts, coupled with my own experience, about getting drawn into an emotional pit with a provider, I'm not so sure that men and women are not pretty damn close in that department.  Yes, it's manifested in different ways, but it sure seems like a lot of men get pulled into an emotional attachment based on a physical experience.  LOL, I have to watch my own silly impulses from just reading too much into a smile and a nice conversation, while I know that for women, it's quite different. On the other hand, women seem to get hung up in different ways, and I'm not even close to understanding that.  Seems like many of us are on the razor's edge in this game, easily slipping off and getting hurt.

I wouldn't say that its a silly question, I think we both are emotional but woman would be maybe a little more, once the relationship is establish, I'm talking about the normal relationship not the kind you develop with a provider. I could be wrong its just my opinion.

I think both sexes are equally emotional. I think women express our emotions outwardly and that makes our expression different.

For instance, when I am really scared I scream FIRST. When I have been in the presence of men who were equally afraid, their first response was to defend physically.

When I am really stressed out, I cry. A man may be just as stressed out over the exact same issue, but his first response may be more physical than mine response to our situation.

I would also venture to say women release stress much better than men.....which is probably why we live longer.

Now let's all put our lighters up, sing Kum By Yah, get in touch with our feminine side and have a Kleenex moment.........

better predicate your behavior, and the behavior of the woman you're interrelating with. Good luck with that. It's probably more helpful to specifically address it from an individual, and personal perspective, addressed from psychological question such as; what is my, and this woman I'm dealing with, level of emotional intelligence.

In the case of the hobby it is the men who tend to make the more frequent emotional assumptions, or mistakes if you will. Providers who are any good at the job are capable of opening up their legs for you without opening up their hearts.  Some men, on the other hand, seem to forget that the envelope full of cash on the dresser is the only reason why you are with the provider.  She may be a beautiful lady, a great lover and a nice person to boot but she is selling something and we are buying it. This doesn't mean that we must approach the deed with mechanical indifference (again, the best ladies don't) but we customers need to have a firmer grip on the boundaries of P4P than we sometimes do.

men and women respond emotionally in different ways to different cues. Place inherently differing values on things. Have differing communication styles and interpersonal needs.

Never ever let anyone tell you thought that women are "more emotional" or "emotionally weaker".

Women have a higher pain tolerance - including emotional pain - than most men do. Communicate better about emotions, take better care of themselves emotionally. And yet, contradictorally, are more likely to behave self destructively over emotional trauma.

Men are more likely to internalize and displace emotions and eventually just blow up or fall apart over the accumulation of petty things, or to be totally unable to handle a personal crisis, where women really shine in the moment of decision.

That is one thing I have seen several times during my military career....

Very complex topic you raise which has no *comparative* answer in a linear sense.

GTM--that is an excellent summary, makes great sense all in all.

Tuesday was a prime example: My first reaction was to start screaming. Yours was to get up and go off the deep end.

Oh I forgot about the pain tolerance. (how could I)

I think if one DNA man anywhere on the planet had to have just 1 really bad period there would be laws put in place IMMEDIATELY to make hysterectomies optional surgeries that are covered 100% by any and all insurances and available to grown women regardless of their marital status, their amount or lack of children, and their age.....uterus acting crazy Ma'am...let's remove it!

The same could be said if any DNA man anywhere on the planet went through an unmedicated child birth. There would be NO laws against abortion.

Women turn on tears faster, but we cry and think at the same time.

And.... there is nothing more dangerous or physically aggressive than a woman protecting her children. Dads are awesome as well, but my blood pressure is going up just at the thought of me needing to kill someone over my children and they are adults.

individual differences are larger as far as who feels emotions more keenly. but even then the style of emotionality is something that is even more different.

you may want to read a bit about the meyers briggs personality types to get an idea of the possibilities if you haven't already.

also equating "strong feelings" with susceptibility to "damage" may be misleading. some types seem very cool and calm on the outside but have a very "rich inner life". so it is hard to tell just by overt behavior. others are very noisy on the surface but are quite cold on the inside.

speaking for myself, my day-to-day demeanor is very calm and dry. i like playtime to be more warm and courtly than my day to day. a wonderful physical experience is simply not going to get me to the edge of any abyss of emotional commitment. i need a clear invitation before i'd get into trouble.


-- Modified on 4/18/2010 4:13:17 PM

due to higher levels of oxytocin. Men and women experience similar levels of emotional intensity but the emotional lives of men are less nuanced and less focused on social interaction. Men generally experience lower levels of empathy due the differences in oxytocin and so experience vicarious emotions less often and less intensely.

I don't think it's correct to say that either gender is more emotional since either one can experience very intense emotions in various circumstances. But neither are we the same.

Emotions are very useful - they help us to recognize when we are in danger, and help us to have fulfilling relationships with other people.
They are part of what makes us human.  But they can also cause us to think and feel in ways that are dysfunctional and unhelpful.

One of these is Emotional Reasoning, in which we believe that if we feel something powerfully, then it must be true.

The other is Secondary Emotions, which are how we "feel about how we feel".  The first, primary emotion is a valid, understandable response to a situation.  But then comes the unhelpful Secondary Emotion, which is not helpful, and can cause us to distrust our primary emotions.  For example, I am sad about something that has happened, and then feel angry at myself for feeling sad.  

Sorry! I was just checking out your capacity to experience vicarious emotions.

Men can express and demonstrate emotion quite well, but often are not quite as good, as women, at verbalizing them.

Men bottle themselves up, then it comes out, sometimes in violent ways.

Women are more likely to express themselves from the get go, and get blamed for being too emotional.

I agree with Allure.  The way in which we react to our emotions is how and where we differ.

-- Modified on 4/18/2010 5:13:31 PM

And I was fucking pissed! I was ready to kick the shit out of them, but they curred. Basically begged for their shit, which I threw at them, and they were gone.

I'm sorry, sweety.

Next time I'll be more careful with your time and sensiblities.

Still love me?!

...when confronted with a stressful or violent situation.

And are a result of higher levels of oxytocin (often referred to as the 'bonding' hormone) and differences in the amygdala.

I disagree that the secondary emotions are negative. Often the real work begins when we examine how we feel about what we felt.

The Secondary Emotions ("how we feel about how we feel") are unhelpful because they can cause us to distrust and fear our primary emotions.

I am not suggesting that people behave in an emotionally impulsive way, but that they can get into trouble when they fear their own emotions.

manginas seem to be overly sensitive and emotional.
Most likely due to the fact that the feminine side is always at odds with the masculine side.  The masculine side sometimes tries to fight a little, but is soon drown is a sea of estrogen.
It must be horrible!

indicates that women DO experience what you are referring to as secondary emotions more than men do and has identified physiological reasons for that.

What about secondary emotions which make us feel good about our primary emotional experience? Wouldn't that be positive? Why would fear and distrust be the only outcome of examining why and how we experience our primary emotions?

left brain, or primary process emotions vs. secondary process emotions.