Last night I went to a "10 dates in 50 min event."  I did this hoping that I would find reasonable folks who might be interested in the same things that I like...  Roller coasters, books, skiing, movies, kids, photography, food and SEX!  lol!!!  Afterwards, I was ready to shoot myself... but stopped 'cause of the thought that one of those women there might be a long term care facility nurse and be assigned to take care of me!  eeeeek!!!!

Seriously, I sat down at one "station" (for the catholics out there, kinda like the "Stations of the Cross"!) and the "lady" proceeded to tell me that she was looking for someone to pay her bills - I kid you not - when on the topic of kids, I indicated shared custody, her take was "Oh, you forced your ex to work!"!  I looked at her and said, "she is a professional, highly paid executive in charge of global activities for a major international company!  she enjoys what she does!  I couldn't stop her if I wanted!"  She kinda huffed at that! lol...

Another was proud of the fact that she owned a cat that "goes limp" when you pick it up....  another told me of freezing her eggs....!  lol!

And so, my night continued!  sad but true...   and I hobby.  I have met some truly normal sane women in this hobby.... they are honest, hard working, caring, kinda normal ladies...  they are honest about who they are and what they do... and yes, I have also met some I would prefer to not know, but all in all, on the whole, the majority of ladies I have met in this hobby since my divorce are really great ladies (of the 35 or so, only a few "scare" me!!)

Most have things other than this profession, and enjoy that as well!  In short, they have "real lives" and not some odd collection of things to keep busy!  I think it is because they have a healthy sex life?! maybe?! When I am out with them, in public, I am never embarassed! to be seen with them... as they are always kind to people... a little low key, some even correct me! when I get out of hand!!! and try to make me a better person...

Yea, I know about the "white envelop" but think back to the first person I described in this rant!  At least with providers, I know how much to put into the envelop! lol....  I also know it is "easy" to be nice for the short periods of time that I get together with a provider, but I also know that if you see a provider over a period of time, her personality will come out...  and mostly - under those circumstances I am always pleasantly surprised at how genuine the ladies are...

Ladies, this is a complement to you!  Please take it as such... there is no hidden agenda in it... I am just glad to have met ya'll!

There are normal ladies out there, but they are truly hard to find... mostly hiding under rocks... cause guess what, I saw the dudes at this thing...   hey, I'm actually "normal!"  Green!?  some of those dudes were really odd colors!  purple, mauve, magenta etc...

Dudes, fellow hobbiests, this your experience or do I live in some alternative universe that occasionally intersects with the "normal universe"!?????  lol!

-- Modified on 6/20/2006 8:22:28 AM

Hahahahahaha. I'm sorry to laugh at your pain, but damn, those events seem to be frequented by the same desperate women that flood match.com and all those other dating sites.

A buddy of mine signed up on their jewish equivalent, whatever it was called, and was inundated with emails from these women who were basically a)looking to marry SOON, b)wanted to find a rich future husband so they didn't have to do anything but spend his money and c)wanted to have kids SOON. He went out a couple of times, but was so disgusted with the whole process that he gave up and ended up dating a 22 yr. old stripper with an ass and legs that would make you weep. Their relationship is perfect- she's amazing and it boggles the mind that he found such a perfect girlfriend in the one place we're not supposed to be o.k. with looking for girls.

Mother always said to marry a nice girl, but what if the only truly nice and compatible women out there are highly sexual business entrepreneurs who just happen to get laid more times than I care to think about? Does it mean that the world has turned upside down? Nah, it just means that they're a little closer to the reality we experience these days... they're not chasing someone's wallet down (why run, when it comes to you) and they're not trying to trick a dude into knocking them up (generally seen as a liability in this business, I would think.) For me, it's great... especially when you take the "Where is this going?" conversation out of the equation.

As for finding a civvie romance, start looking for younger women who aren't so concerned about freezing eggs or recent college grads- they're not yet concerned with a man paying their bills as they are in getting out and landing their dream job with their new degrees. You'll know how to recognize them- they're still the girls getting smashed in the bars on weekends and right before they do you, they all say "I don't usually do this... " lol.

If you think that your time with us so called "normal"women is a honest assesment of who we really are you are making a big mistake...even I can seem normal for 2 hours...but wait till you really know me...yeesh!!!ask my ex husband and my boyfriend I had them snowed too!!!!!!

keeps them frozen for a very long time.

In it he tells the story of Arturo Toscanini and Pablo Casals who were backstage waiting to perform.  Casals was feverishly bowing away... practicing... while Toscanini was pacing back and forth muttering "we are terrible, we are horrible.... our interpretations are really bad, and you, how can you live with your performances... me, I am no better!"  over and over, he lamented the poor state of their musical abilities... Casals looks at his friend and asks "Maestro, if we are so bad, why do we perform?"  Toscanini's response, "Because the others are so much worse."

Yes, I know of the frailties of many of you.  What I celebrate is the good!  and as I say, take the complement... it is heartfelt! as for the civies, they are equally bad and maybe worse!

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-- Modified on 6/20/2006 10:02:53 AM

to become a provider requires a strong sense of self in the first place,which in itself separates the wheat from the chaff...BTW, why do you keep exposing thyself to such "meetings" where the chance of meeting a lady of your caliber is slim, or nonexistent. Perhaps a wish to be continually disappointed?... lol. Stick to the hobby!

Think Dobie Gillis!  lol

-- Modified on 6/20/2006 10:07:24 AM

She helped me right after the divorce - as someone I could talk to.... very sweet gal!  We have both gone separate ways since... but I think highly of her.

I thought you were going to write "Did not bring them with her!"

What about the one with the cat? She sounds like a winner....

PS - The cat might be on to something with the 'limp 'thing....

Some of us don't have children, some of us still have jobs, some of us don't want your money (but we'll gladly accept it  

Sometimes that's how some women feel about older men. Let's talk stereotypes with men now: They only want young women, they only want sex and not conversation, they only want a tight ass and long hair, they only want to be acknowledged by a younger woman looking to praise them all the time.

Just kidding

Hugs,
Ciara

-- Modified on 6/20/2006 1:04:00 PM

Cliche' that life is unfair.  Consider how older men have so many more options than women, particularly if the man has $.  Don't believe me, then look at physical cretins like Kissinger and Carville.  Some very unpleasant tests:  When looking at our nubile 20 year old hard body, check out her mother and grandmother.  Is this what you want to spend your golden years with, post menapausal disaster, compared to paying for an occasional "provider?"  Do you really want to spend 40 years building wealth to have it confiscated by a cuckholder and some shyster lawyer?  Bizzaro knows of what I speak, just more temperate than I. So, to revive the cliche' my providers are delightful, I adore them, when with them I dedicate myself to our shared joy, compared to envisioning the 65year old I once loved and who is now a crone.

Believe me when I say it's the same for men. I went to one of those gatherings about four years ago and it was frightening. Most men I meet in the civie world only talk about their ex-wives and how horrible they are (which I think is rude), talk about their cars and jobs, and how they're not getting enough sex. Thanks for the insight and the good laugh.

Hugs,
Ciara

-- Modified on 6/20/2006 1:54:43 PM

I've found most of the psychos are in the "real" world, and it can be a very scary place indeed

And no, I wasn't laughing at you. I think it's sad.

However, have you ever thought your wife might feel the same way? Maybe she's getting layed by a younger guy who isn't post mid-life crisis. Wink!  Also, has she not worked her whole life too? Just curious. Please don't take this personally because you know how I feel about you, but it does seem like the majority of men on this board have had bad experiences with their wives. There are lots of women who have had bad experiences with men, too.

Hugs,
ciara

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-- Modified on 6/20/2006 1:52:29 PM

This is NOT the Happily Married Husbands (HMH) website! I would think if you are cheating on your wife there is something that is wrong with the marriage. I do not think that happily married guys statisfied by their wives would be as negative. So this forum would lean towards a negative view of marriage in my opinion.

I guess we get a little tired of woman-bashing at times. It's not meant that you can't post on your life or sadness. I just think there's a lot of it lately and it's primarily coming from men. I couldn't tell you the amount of times I've had bad relationships with men where I gave it my all, but I don't bash "all men" on the board and tell them that all civies are bad. It's a two-way street, and there are just as many nice -- as well as nasty money-grabbing -- men out there as there are ladies. Believe me, it's true! Just an opinion and I appreciate your post and your honesty.

Hugs,
ciara

I agree with you, Ciara.
There is a lot of "women bashing" going on.
My reasons for being here, seeing you ladies may be somewhat different from the majority of these posters.

As you, and some others, know, my wife of, now, 30 years, has Alzheimers.
She developed it at an early age and it has affected our life in a very negative way.
She is no longer the wonderful woman I married.
She was withdrawn, depressed, couldn't remember things, had several serious medical episodes over the last few years.
She is better now, thanks to some newer "wonder" drugs. For how long is anyones guess.
I was never one to say, "this is to much, I'm gone".
I took my vows seriously and would not have walked away from her in her condition.
Now that things are better, I have backed off the hobby, only keeping in contact with the friends I have made.

I'm certainly not telling this for sympathy, or that I'm better than anyone else.
Just that we all have so many different and varied reasons for participating here.
Maybe because I "love" women, and was brought up with a father who stressed that we always respect women, I have always had great relationships with women.
My best friends have always been women.
I just can't relate to some of the stories I am reading here.

Damn, sorry I got on a roll and it got away from me.

Bottom line...
all women aren't bad, just as all men aren't bad.

Let's just have a little respect for each other and we can all get along.

Just my opinion...
B

Something evil comes when some people are expected to be sexual faithful to each other and put into close proximity and expected to raise kids with limited resources and time, all the while growing old and having other concerns as well.

Not that marriage can't work, but there has to be a better way.

Hey, I don't count you among the gold digging women who speed date with the balls to say pay my bills... however, many a single woman in her 30's+ in L.A. wants a man to take care of her. I've heard the story countless times and it may just be the shallow shithole I live in where they all come to feast on beauty, bask in the glow of someone else's fame and drain the life out of financially secure men, but it's not uncommon.

As for women, I'd like them to be in their 20's because yes, I feel I can attract a sexy young thing, and yes, I am still young enough to fish in that pond (I'm not yet over the hill or middle aged.) Yes, I do want lots and lots of sex and much praising of the cock. I feel so understood. Ciara, tell me you're a hot 20 something girl with an ass you can bounce a quarter off of and I'll pound you into the mattress when my rotation frees up. Lol.

There are very few men that I have encountered that have not been jaded to the point of no return, and it shows in their actions and comments. Very few can be humorous without being condescending, be honest yet caring, be objective about themselves, be sensitive and not worry about looking like a wimp, and still be a man. Congratulations on every account. And, yes, you still have a wonderful woman.

Hugs,
ciara

...sheen gives you that youthful glow!  LOL

Oscar's wife June was a hot blondie, BTW ....

Before performing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, Toscanini reportedly told his NBC Symphony Orchestra: "Coragio!"

Apparently Toscanini spent much of his time whipping his minions into shape.

And, by the way, anyone who can quote from Oscar Levant's autobiography (a pretty fair pianist himself), is in no way "normal".

On Penn & Teller's recent Bullshit season on Showtime, they focussed one of their shows on prostitution....of course, they were very much in favor of legalization.

Early on in the prostitution episode, they show a very attractive couple, with Penn announcing that attractive people like to have sex with one another. Penn adds: "...so I guess there's no way that this woman will ever have sex with me." Penn then approaches the woman, takes out a fat roll of money, and starts counting it out to her. At a certain point, she loses all interest in her "attractive" date, and gives all of her attention to Penn.

Had me rolling in the aisles.

possessed by many of the providers that I have had the pleasure of meeting.  One such lady, sat and provided plot summaries, actors, directors and a whole host of information on movies dating back to the 1930's !  I asked her how old she was... her reply was that it did not matter, well done objects of art, are simply well done... no matter when...

If you are in music, Levant's writings are priceless.  I was almost in music.

And when you're 40 or 46, maybe -- just maybe -- I'll still try to bounce a quarter off your ass if I think you're still cute enough.

Hugs,
Ciara

-- Modified on 6/20/2006 9:51:50 PM

When I reach 40, I'll probably be a fat SOB whose nuts hang down to my knees. By then I figure I'll be even more attractive to the gold digging speed daters. lol.

She had five husbands, buried three of them, and is so fat and ugly now I wouldn't recognize her on the street.  Nobody is boinking her now although she once used every hotel and motel on the LV strip.  She never worked an honest day in her life after age 28. Even her shrink declared her a true sociopath.

The purpose of this post was NOT to bash females... civie or otherwise... in fact, I stated that there are nice ladies out there in the civie world... I know cause I HAVE met and dated some!  The purpose was to complement providers that I have met.... they are intelligent, witty and fun to be with.  More importantly, they tend to be honest, and for the most part, independant - the opposite of the typical "gold digger"!  

It seems that the "dating clubs" bring out the critters that hide in the daytime... MALE and FEMALE!  (Maybe I should question why I was there! lol)

To Cerebral_ho... yea - I hear ya babe!  but trust me when I tell you that I have seen civies do really incredibly dumb things... I saw one of my "hot mommies" this weekend at a local community event...   she is still in recovery from a really, really dumb escapade.... and can now, at least walk on crutches.  We can all be jack-asses at times!  even me!

I am well aware of my shortcomings as a human bean!  What do I think that the "daters" think of me?!   lol.... they probably think, "that shriveled up green dude, tried to make us think that he is younger than 80 by showing us pictures of his great-grandkids and claiming that he is their father.... what a tool!  What is worse, he smells and isn't very funny!"

Seriously, This post was meant to say, that at least in the short periods of time that I have spent with providers, they are, for the most part, pretty decent people... with the same concerns, ups and downs that we all share in life....  Difference between them and the ladies (and gents) at this speed dating thingy is that,  I know from what they have told me and the evidence I have seen, they are not quite as self centered as the folks who tend to "speed date"! You know, the "look at me, look at me!" crowd.

Yea, providers tend to look pretty good! and they spend time working at that (well most do!  there are a couple who I think are actually goddesses and are miraculously beautiful by suspension of the physical laws of the known universe!!! lol).  But for the most part, they can carry on a converstion that is around "generic issues" or their life experiences, some of which are truly interesting (one is/was a hypnotherapist with a degree in clinical psychology!!).  

Civie women that I have met who are "normal" are usually to be found in my neighborhood... hangin at the Y (no not that Y), totin' the younuns to karate, soccer, Lacrosse, Girl Scouts or what not!  They are decent peeps that I can call and count on to help me, and they can depend on me likewise.  They get up, on a daily basis, and take care business for their kids.  They are solids!  Many, Many, Many of the providers that I have met, fit that description - with very few exceptions.  more so, than the group of 10 speed daters that I met...

So please ladies (and gents) this is not bashing All women!  This is kinda saying "I don't think I will be attending any more "speed dating" events - I'm done!"  A corollary is that ladies I meet in civie life, who are nice and "normal" do not have time for these types of things.  It is also saying, that I think very highly of most of the providers that I have had the pleasure of meeting.

Soooo, ladies, it is a complement.  You seem nice to me.

What a compressed experience of insanity without much risk!  I mean, you only wasted an hour and came away with great stories.  And the wackos can't really hurt you in a public place.

You didn't mention that she was a total maniac. It just sounded like all the other replies from women haters lately. Sorry.

Hugs,
ciara

It has nothing to do with your original post. And, I think you're one of the true gems. Perhaps all of us are a little oversensitive these days, eh? That's bound to happen in this business. There are some nice guys (like you) and there are some mean guys, too. There's nothing like a good debate or conversation. I think by me mentioning that a lot of men seem to be bashing women lately applies to the thread. Look at all the hostility, my dear. It has nothing to do with your initial post. And yes, one does get tired of all the bashing of women. I merely mentioned that it's no better for us (women) in the dating world, too. I tried one of those gatherings and all I met were strange, overbearing men. If you are unsure of something I've said (which I think I'm pretty thoughtful and careful with my words on TER), then why don't you just email me if you have a problem and not put it on the board. We know each other and perhaps that's a better way to communicate. Wink!

Hugs,
Ciara

-- Modified on 6/21/2006 11:39:37 AM