I never ask about the children, house or wife.  If they want to share, I'll listen.  Sometimes you do not have to ask about any of those, as you are invited into the house he and the family live in.  Now you want to talk about strange . . . there is nothing like going into the family room for a romp while photo's of she and the children are sitting on the mantle, or hanging on the wall!  Then a cat comes over and he says, that is my wife's pet, not mine.  You use the towels she laundered, scent of soap she picked out, drink from the glassware she liked . . .

There is nothing better then pulling in the drive and the neighbor in the next yard is out with her children and waves at you.   Oh, hello to you too!   The best one was a lawyer I had met with a few times, who had a home office.   During one of our "meetings" I was told that if his inlaws stop in I was a paralegal who had been dropping off paper work.   Really?  I might get to meet your wife's parents?   Sometimes you have to chuckle and forget about it!   In short, I do not think all married men are feeling very guilty.

Here's something I've noticed over the many years I have been working.  Some men seem to carry an inherent guilt with them that they often project on the women ( providers) that they see. It comes out in various ways, but it's there. Sometimes they try to make the provider feel bad about her choice of profession, other times, they won't make eye contact when they leave, or they try a pity ploy about why they chose to see the provider in the first place.


For myself, I wish that all men would simply NOT FEEL GUILTY! I mean hey, this is a no-strings attached kind of thing! Don't feel guilty and the best clients of all are the ones who do their thing and leave with a smile on their face instead of sadness or wondering about why he was there to begin with.


So why do you guys and ladies feel some men have to project guilt or regret of some sort?

Also many of the ladies ask the guy if he is married and has kids. They seem shocked that we have children in college their age, lol.

I never feel guilty or ashamed that I see escorts, but then I am not married or in a relationship when I choose to see them.
If I was married or in a relationship, I am sure I would feel different.

then he should feel guilty.
After all, he is very likely putting his partners health in danger, assuming he is having sex with her.

I know a lot of married men see escorts because they are NOT getting sex at home for various reasons, but the ones who are having sex with their partner and escorts, deserve to feel guilt ridden.

I, almost, every time, left a hooker incall saying to myself  that this is the last time I am fucking a hooker..

It was after about 6-7 years, did I feel completely comfortable with the game.  I was only 22 when I started..

Such a moronic post by OP...

Why men feel guilty after a session? The answers to that is probably to numerous to count. And in most of the U.S. they are guilty of a misdemeanor. Who knows?

Truthfully, I don't have a guilt issue... but I do get a tinge of unease when a provider ask me if I have any children. That question should never be asked by a provider. I don't mind being asked what I do for a living, what are my hobbies (beside this one), where did I grow up.... but, ladies! stop asking about children! Discussing my child is ackward and out of bounds. If you have a non-guilt stricken client with you, don't encourage him to think about his child(ren) and become guilt stricken.

Just my 2 cents...

Jeez, I'm already having more fun, maybe this is good advice for life in general.

More than half of the guys on this board, I suspect, are married and seeing providers.  Ask providers how many wedding rings they see on their clients, and I would venture to guess it's at least half.

You are entitled to your opinions, but realize that you are speaking to a what is probably a majority of the people on this board.

The truth is...a man's sex drive will cause him to do a lot of things that he otherwise wouldn't.  And when a man isn't getting sex, he tends to find situations where he will get sex.  It's really that simple.

If a man is in a relationship but not getting sex regularly, he will go elsewhere at some point.  And since providers make it very easy to do that (all you need is to be screened and have the cash), this makes it a very easy and tempting outlet.  The sheer availability of a lot of very hot women makes seeing a provider very addictive to many, because it's just a function of cash, mostly.

Does that mean a guy doesn't love his wife or SO?  No.  But as I said, if a man isn't getting sex, he will go elsewhere.  And that's really the bottom line.  If you at history and all the men who have fallen and fucked up their lives and careers, there is usually a common theme behind that, and it's usually the pursuit of pussy.

You nailed this one.  Sad that it has to be this way, but if it were not, I might be out some money.

The underlying principle of your argument is that it is immoral to put your partner as risk for STD.  It is moral relativism to say this is a problem for married men.  It is also immoral for ANYONE that has multiple sex partners according to the premise.

So join in the guilt next time you cheat on last week's hooker.  You are putting another human at risk for disease based on your selfish interests.

..I will get married  fully knowing that there is a high chance that I would get back in the hobby after honeymoon is over.

Knowledge, is power, they say. And I have had knowledge for a long time now - knowledge that a few hundred bucks can buy you a real good pussy for an hour or two.

And if I have a SO, then I won't be doing this, as well, either.

It may come to that soon, as I am getting serious with a girl, and all this may have to end.  But that's a choice I will make, and I certainly don't start imposing my own sense of morality on others.  The truth is, many married/attached men cheat.  I see it all the time in the NYC finance circles.  But that's their own decision.

If a guy is gonna cheat, is it smarter to have an affair with a coworker or a girl who works in the same business?  Or is it smarter to have a provider who is NSA?  Methinks the latter.

But again, while I choose to live life to whatever morality I believe in, that doesn't give me the right to impose that on others.  Homosexuality?  Not my thing.  Trannies?  Not my thing.  But if that's your thing, then go for it.  I certainly won't tell you that I would expect you to live life according to my own standards.

Being single is great in the sense that I can have outcalls to my place without having to worry about answering to anyone.  But if I'm gonna get involved, then it's over for me.  But that's just ME, and I would never say that anyone else needs to live by that.

I assume this is aimed at me?

If so...The hooker chose to do what she does and knows the risks.
The wife does not expect her husband to go behind her back and stick his cock in a hookers mouth, lick her arse and then come home and risk her health.

And BTW. I get tested regular, and I am single. Went last Friday in fact. So I am looking out for my own health, and any escort that I may see in the future.

one is the cultural religious guilt trip, true. that does not apply to me and i have little or no sympathy with it. empathy yes, sympathy know. i mean grow up already. there is no Santa Claus either.

another is that i am extremely uncomfortable about having sex with someone who feels compelled in any way. but there is really very little one can do to make sure you aren't contributing to a situation where the lady is an unwilling participant. some indies turn out not to be quite so indie.

there's more to that than being part of an agency either, this isn't an agency versus indie thing.  it's also about having "habits" that are compellingly expensive. for me the biggest guiltiest turn off would be that she saw me because she "had to" for any reason.

you are still putting another human at risk for your disease, and even if you wait for your results you are not 100% sure you are disease free.  The tests don't cover everything, and the incubation window for a given virus may hide it from the testing.  

So the only safe sex is masturbation,  unless your god cares about such things and will burn you for eternity for engaging in that....

I concede your point about damaging a spouse, but I did not claim that such guilt was unwarranted, I am pointing out that you share in the same moral lapse you are accusing others of.  The marriage circumstance does not change the moral premise, which in its most simple form is "do no harm unto others".  

or really good at justifying what they do as ok. If you're hurting another person because of your actions, guilt is a natural feeling for humans. I certainly have felt it a few times, and continue to not justify what it is I do.

to destroy lives or hurt someone, so playing the deny card is a bit foolish. It is what it is. I have never been one to sit here and act like an innocent party in this life, and I never will. I know full well what could happen if a wife found out, which is why I am so hell bent on keeping a distance from the men I do see. I want nothing from them other than the time we spend, because that keeps things in perspective. If I were the wife I sure as hell would feel a lot better knowing all he did was get sucked and fked, vs. actually spending countless hours wining and dining this hooker.

-- Modified on 9/8/2012 12:35:46 PM

In my opinion , the fantasy with providers is so much fun ,  that's ALL I'm thinking about at the time .
 

 I feel guilty after I've left her incall,  when I don't have feelings of guilt  for cheating on a GF .

  I'm not sure if it's me or the GF's I choose .

   I have a sneaking suspicion it's my fault .
Who knows if it's possible to train an old dog  ?

  I've only had sex with one  civvy girl for the last six weeks .

 I'm starting to feel guilty about  deserting my fave provider .
 I miss looking into her eyes  as I walk out her door .  

 

with the shit you write, but this one is right on the money. Us hookers know exactly what we are doing and do it often. We are not sitting at home under the naive illusion that our partner has not fked strangers that week, and will again. Apples and Oranges.

I feel honoured that you agree with me Ms Rayne. Even if it is the only time out of the last 50 comments I have posted.
Hopefully I will make another comment you agree with in the future, but I'm not holding my breath...LOL.

-- Modified on 9/8/2012 12:57:54 PM

To stay on the high horse, you better only see providers then and not date anyone in civvie life because they don't expect you to have seen a hooker the week before.
If what makes it immoral is the expectation of others in your life, then include your job, your parents, your church/mosque/temple, your children, anyone who doesn't think you should see hookers as it would reflect badly on them or you getting sick fom it would affect them somehow.

I try to never ask about a mans home life. I dont wnat to remind him.
except for pets, I will ask if he has pets to make small talk and I find guys like to talk about their dogs and sometimes cats too

the guilt is spending so much money on my own selfish pleasure. It's not the "morality" of paying to be with other women.
I just think of how I could be giving that money to my kids or grandkids or giving it to a good cause.
I'm pretty good at quiting the hobby, hell I've quit a dozen times.

There is a HUGE difference in putting people at risk who are ALREADY doing that to themselves, vs. doing it to an unsuspecting victim who thinks her mate is being faithful. Add to that, I doubt hubby is using a condom with his wife, as most hookers clearly do here. They are two different things, but yes I can agree that each can be labeled immoral or careless depending on the person.

about what I could have done with a lot of money that I have blown on stupid shit in the past, but a few other things surface as well. Since I am not one of these open relationship types, I know one day my deeds will be staring me in the face if I ever find myself with a man who cheats on me. Has not happend thus far, but I don't let myself get that close to anyone for it to happen.

for having you as an employee. Since you brought it up though, you bascially just proved that you think this is immoral by using your job and church as examples. I don't think it's immoral to my career, but I do think it would have an impact. It's not exactly a legit or legal way to make money, which is what they would be more concerned about. If I were just a swinger who screwed everyone for free, I could not be fired for that, but to most that is still immoral.

yes, i was taking his reasoning to its logical conclusion

The whole thread is about whether you should feel guilty.  If John_UK says married hobbyists should feeld guilty because they are exposing their SO to STD, by the same logic, working hobbyists should feel guilty for exposing their employer to bad rep.
Neither the SO nor the employer asked for or knew about the risks and both had expectations, explicit or implicit that this kind of thing would not happen.
The same logic can be carried to family being embarrassed by one of their own being exposed for e.g
You can argue it's not the same degree of guilt, but it's the same logic.  So he should not assert he is 100% not guilty or should not feel any guilt using his logic.
IMO, I think we all have some guilt and we all feel it at some point or the other for our various reasons.

Wrong. Do YOU feel guilty about it? Sounds like you don't. Sounds like you're speaking for those in which the guilt applies to them and not you. And as far as your remark about me worrying about their guilt and making a living out of this, I hate to break it to you, but I wouldn't live in a 500K house if I had to worry about their predilications of guilt. My POINT was, and you completely missed it in your little lecture to me, is that men SHOULD NOT, as you seem to demonstrate, not feel guilty about hobbying. There's no reason to. You don't, do you?

Yes, but do you TELL the provider you feel guilty? That's the whole point of my question.

I'm not shocked by that. My question perhaps should be worded....do YOU tell the escorts you see outright that you feel bad about what you just did, which was to pay for sex?

I'd say that's about right. My question should have been about men who actually TELL the girl they feel crappy for paying for sex. And MY response and reasoning is : they shouldn't.  It's a no-strings attached thing. I imagine they might feel a lot guiltier if they have an emotional entanglement with a mistress, and rightfully so, given the emotions that may be involved.

After few years of hobbying the guilt went away. I am finally at peace with the hobby.

Whether they should FEEL guilty or not depends on individual situation, and their own moral compass. There is no one answer.

-- Modified on 9/9/2012 8:51:15 AM

and she would know exactly who he is, where he lives, works etc. Then again, look at some of the ATF Hooker threads, and they do the very same thing with a paid companion lol. Why do people feel the need to complicate shit, that is supposed to be uncomplicated?

maybe it's my religious upbringing in spite of me being agnostic now; maybe it's what John says and I'm afraid of putting my spouse at risk (I am) or through the embarrassment of getting caught and humiliated publicly (I am); I deal with this as best as I can and I hobby rarely and as safely as possible but when I do hobby I truly enjoy it to the fullest, it's a real high and I try not to feel bad about it and just enjoy the experience and leave good memories to sip on for months. But it's really annoying having a fellow hobbyist passing judgment on me. The last thing I need is being guilt tripped by a hobbyist. You live in a glass house and maybe not now but maybe 5 or 10 years from now, unless you are hermit, you will meet somebody, fall in love and get attached and when the honeymoon is over the beast will surface, trust me on that (mine slept for 8 years). You'll tell me then how you'll handle it. Do you suggest that all married hobbyist get divorced?

-- Modified on 9/12/2012 6:32:55 PM