I tried something recently that I will not repeat.  I tried giving meaningful gifts to some providers that I saw.  The gifts were selected so that the providers would be able to use them for many years and they did have meaninful dollar value.  The problem was that it seemed that the providers got the wrong idea about the gifts.  I do not want a girlfriend other than for the time that I give a donation for, the gifts were simply token of appreciation for work that I consider difficult and valuable.  I am not looking for a relationship, if I wanted that, I can find it without seeing a provider.  Does any other hobbyists have experience with giving material gifts that will last?  Did you get reactions similar to what I mentioned?  I will insure that the donation is right from now on and tip for good service but will completely bypass gift giving.

If I understand your post, you are complaining because the provider is seeking out a relationship with you. Most guys would consider that a compliment. Maybe I misunderstood your post.

If I read this correctly I think he's saying that the
provider thought "HE" wanted a relationship with her.

I'm sure most every provider appreciates a gift regardless
of it's value. It's the thought that counts.

I'm surprised you got that reaction. Is there more we
should know about this?

And your point is?!!   WoW Are you complinging or Bragging?

I've personally always appreciated meaningful gifts.  In fact, one of my puppies was a gift from a client and I will love her always. : )  Never have I read into a gift as being anything more than that.

Just my .02.

XOXO,
RacquelOC


-- Modified on 2/3/2004 3:02:14 PM

It has paid off for me tenfold with one of my providers, I'm not going to say who. What has worked for me is the giving of flowers, now people are going to say that it is the oldest one in the book; that is true in some ways, but what I do before I meet a provider for the first time is find out what color she likes, then bring that color flower or flowers to her. This shows one, you are paying attention and taking an initiuative, and two you are not overdoing it. Another thing that will help you is to remember B-Days. I brought my provider for her last one a card an an inexpensive beret'. I know for a fact that I get the best mialage than most other clients simply by reading the reviews on her. I do not include everything in my reviews simply because I do not want to put her in danger with some discontent client. That is why my reviews are not even on this site. Bottom line, Do not be ashamed to give a small gift to a provider, chances are she will appreciate it greatly. Use your best judgement though.

You misunderstood.  My feeling was that the provider took the gifts to mean that I wanted something more than company for the time that my donation was for, this was not the case.

Neither, I did not understand the providers' reactions and was hoping for some insight from hobbyist who had been in a similar situation.

I am having trouble connecting the dots here. What did you give her, a car? A couple bars of gold? Seriously here, this sounds more than some carboard encased chocolates. Not that there is anything wrong with chocolate! Especially dark...mmmm.

Many people have alternative reasons for giving gifts. Rarely is a gift ever given unconditionally, or without any consideration on the impact it will have on the receipiant.  

The fact is you have gotten an undesirable reaction from more than just one provider, reactions that many hobbiests would love to see from their ATFs. Is it a power play for you? Do you enjoy getting them worked up over you? Its fun to play, we all know the rules, but if gals keep responding a certain way, and you don't like it, then sure don't move your game piece. But are you really complaining? Maybe I need another cup of coffee. My brain is foggy. Maybe I had a momentary lapse of reason.

Honestly, I have everything a young woman could ever want or need in a material sense.

Last week, I recieved flowers three times, alcohol twice, and cards five times. 1.  I abhor cut flowers for a number of reasons, some political and some environmental. I have never kept flowers from a client.  2.  I don't drink. One client brought over $400 of alcohol. I left it out by the street. It was gone in a few hours. 3. The cards often say something sexual or sappy or both, and cannot be found by my mother, father, siblings, or friends. They are trashed along with the flowers, which cannot be seen by the aforementioned people.

Please don't think I'm ungrateful. I'm not. I very appreciative that a client has taken the time to think of me, but I don't need or want anything besides their business. If they would really like to buy me a gift, I'd rather they make a donation to NOW, Planned Parenthood, Sloan Kettering, thier local public library, or some other organization I deem worthy.

-- Modified on 2/2/2004 6:16:25 PM

COMMUNICATION!  You could also try expressing your feelings directly to the provider.  "I want you to know that I am giving you this gift because I value what you do for me.  I do not want you to experience this gift as pressure or the promise of anything more than that."

You should mention these things on your website if you have one and then maybe guy's wouldnt waste their time and money getting you gifts you throw away......


Sham

Every lady I've given a gift to has just thanked me and that was it.

(eom)

OUCH!   Maybe you should tell them NOT to bring any gifts before they come over (or give them to me)  LOL

I used to always bring a small, but nice gift. At the outset (I was a newbie) I thought it would get me that "extra GFE" treatment, but soon realized that wasn't the case.  I continued just cuz I'm a good guy and thought that the ladies would appreciate the extra thought.  But frankly in the dozens of times I've came bearing a gift I can only remember ONE lady that I truly felt appreciated it.


IMO, a gift might be a worth while effort if you are, or plan to, see the lady on a regular and extended basis.  But while your "playing the field" my experience is that a gift isn't worth the $$ or effort for the most part.

Provided that they are not taken out of the donation (I need to pay bills with that donation)

Please don't feel bashed if you haven't found a woman who appreciates your gestures.  There are plenty of us out here who do.

Gifts are thoughtful. I embrace that a gentleman would be thoughtful and generous enough to give them to me aside from the donation.  It's a gesture that he thinks I am human, female, special, and that he is reinforcing that he is a gentleman, indeed. Since I don't date, this is it for me. So the gifts are extra special.  (Btw, when I did date, good God, well, let's suffice to say that is why I DONT date.)

Anyhow,  I would hate for the men to stop doin what comes naturally in a gesture to make a lady happy, because he feels unappreciated.  

If I am given something I cannot use, I  find it extremely distasteful to throw it out unless I felt it was given as an insult. I pass it on, as I know others who can appreciate what I cannot use.  I have received wonderful wonderful gifts, even down to drawings done by patrons.

Gosh, I love the flowers and the brandy etc.  Bring em on!




-- Modified on 2/2/2004 6:52:27 PM

I gave a nice gift (a $300 bracelet) to a long time provider(almost 3 years)for Xmas.  I bought it because I thought it "Looked like Her" not because of value. She thanked me and told me how greatful she was and very happy to get the gift.... Until the next morning when she called me at 9:01 a.m and told me she just came from the "Jewerly Store" (Pawn Shop??) and they said the braclett was only worth $50 bucks and started bitiching and moaning (she did not give me any concession on her serevices and none were asked for, It was just a x-mas gift). Man, was that a mistake! I told her I would gladly get her something else, but it left such a bad taste with me that it ruined a very nice business relationship. However it did give me a very clear picture of the working girl mind. No matter how much they say they like you your just another fool with $200 bucks for them and their on to jerk-off the next John with a hard-on and money to spend, DONT FORGET IT!

And you my dear, are a lady who has it all…

SM

I love to receive little gifts from my clients, as I do appreciate them taking the time out of their day to think about me!

It is very thoughtful and always makes me happy to know that they
didn't have to go that extra mile.

There is not enough kindness in this world and when I do get it
I'm very appreciative and would NEVER think of throwing a gift in the trash! How tacky, to tell someone that!

Guys, there are providers out there that are happy to get your gifts, so please keep giving them! I love surprises and I'm sure
that I'm not the only provider who does!

Well I don't think giving a gift means you want to marry me ........unless it was a diamond ring , a car or a house .


Being the sentimental person that I am I love little gifts to remember my friends by . One day when I retire and grow old I will have things to remember and think about happy and fun times I had when I was younger .


Thank you BBP for your gifts that are always so sweet and cute .

I love the cards that I get from all my clients , and I do save them ...... because they are just so perfect  they add a smile to my face . It feels more personal and warms my heart .

Like this one I got said - see this smile ( there is a picture of a cat with a huge grin on his face )inside it says - You put that there thanks so much .........

another one said - Thinking of you ......inside it says - Naked
LOL LOL  now that is funny .

One had a picture of a guy kissing the ground inside it says - I worship the ground you walk on , plus I get a really good view up your skirt ...... LOL LOL

Well ok I find this funny .

I don't have to worry about hiding things from family or friends so I can keep what is given to me .
I do understand ladies who may have this problem , so maybe better just to give them extra cash if you want to show your appreciation then they can buy what they want or need.


Usually clients try to find out what gift I would prefer so it is not thrown away . Of course there is no point bringing an expensive bottle of alcohol to someone who doesn't drink .



I had a client that wanted to show his appreciation and he went out and bought me a Versace  top worth $800 .....now the thought  was nice of him , I know he was really trying to do something special for me ...... but really I got a bit mad because I really think the top is way over priced , not worth the money and I don't even like Versace style .So it kinda hurts to think he spent all this money for something I won't even use .Yeah I can exchange but they don't have anything I would want to wear .  


But back to the posters problem .First I am wondering what type of gift did you give her ?? Maybe it was sending the wrong message ?
Maybe the lady isn't used to getting gifts so she thought you had a special interest in her beyond business .
Maybe someone who did give her a gift in the past was looking for a relationship so she thought you did too .

You don't have to worry so much about it , you should be flattered and just make it clear that you gave a gift to show your appreciation nothing more . I am sure she will understand . I mean it isn't like because of one gift now she is madly in love with you and will be hurt to find out you don't want her in that way

and yes sometimes extra cash  can be the best gift of appreciation . xoxo CindySpice

Good grief, woman.  I suppose you would throw away a diamond bracelet just to show power?  Just chop out his heart.  Hope that your reviewers are kind to you, too.

We don't need to promote coldness in this world.

Yes, shamrocker is right.  Put a wish list on your site.  Kay Jeweler's No!  Tiffany, yes, but must be anything but Elsa Peretti.

And so on.

I realized that in saying you cut off expression, that in fact, the gents who know you are now alleviated of wasting efforts.

Who am I to chide you?


C'est la vie, those who know you have benefitted by your expression and perhaps you can let them know the charity of your choice...in my case, abused children & abused animals.

-- Modified on 2/2/2004 8:04:25 PM

?

-- Modified on 2/2/2004 8:05:25 PM

When I first started hobbying, I would purchase a small gift, nothing lavish, but something unique and special for each lady I would meet. Had mixed reactions - some would be thankful and appreciate my taking the time and others didn't seem to care much at all. On one first meeting, I had purchased a very special item for her and had hand written a personal note to go with it. She did little more than cast a glance at the gift on her arrival and never did read the note, but was sure to take the gift as she left. All in all, I didn't find taking the time to do this for a first meeting very fulfilling or much appreciated. So I stopped.

Gifts are now only reserved for those very special ladies that I meet and have seen more than once and for those who I know will appreciate my time and effort in this regard.

Now you just sound cold and shallow to me.  Some guy gives you a $400 bottle of wine(?) and you put it on the street?!  What a jerk.  Jump out from behind the alias and tell me who you are so I don't waste my time and money.

For me anyway I can't see giving a gift the first time you meet the lady...at that point you don't know if she'll like you or even you'll like her

That said I have one(and only one lady) who I have seen several times now and once in a while I give her something that I KNOW she would like...sometimes it's something silly and others times it's something she might of mentioned something about during a previous time we were together...not too expensive and the price of which is definitely NOT taken from the donation

Any woman...provider or not likes to know you have taken the time, effort, and thought to give her something you feel she'd like

This isn't to get a little extra from your session...it's just to show you appreciate her as a person and not just for the sex part

If I was in this hobby solely for the sex I'd only frequent MPs and not see an escort in the first place...it doesn't hurt anything to remind her of that once in a while

I like to buy bracelets by the box (20) and give one out to every provider I see at the start of our meeting. That way the escort can see I'm a kind considerate guy and nothing like the rest of the guys that give only money.

I'm hoping that they'll remember me by my gift and give me a feeebie next time.

I can't believe someone would throw out gifts. WOW! Not all of us are ungrateful.
~CarleeofArizona

No need to apologize I understand exactly what you mean. It DOES sound ridiculous, but then again, I'm a ridiculous kind of girl. The Kay Jeweler's line cracked me up. It's so true!

In Atlanta we have a place called Spa Sydell. Why not show your appreciation with a gift certificate to a place where the provider can go and get pampered. Where it is all about her for a change.I cant think of a more approiate gift for someone who maks us feel so good!!

I may not give physical gifts, but have helped some of the wonderful women I have seen with their computers.  I am a computer whiz, and have helped more than a few with problems that they are having, or assisted them in purchasing computers or accessories.  The type of help I have given is something that I thorougly enjoy doing, and have never expected anything in return for doing it.

Computers are much too complicated nowadays. Most of the time, it is difficult to get good help since most companies are all too eager to blame the other company for problems.  If I can help someone get their computer running faster and better, I have no problem with that.

It may not be flowers, jewelry, or the like, but if I can help someone with something I am good at, why not!

... instead of seeing her next time, consider donating her fee to one of her charities and just drop her a line letting her know you thought about her.

Seems to me she has too many hangups about gifts in the first place.

Can we spell "self-absorbed"?

The next day and she called you from a pawn shop to complain. I treasure every gift given to me whether it's from my mother, relative or a client. They all meant that someone was thinking of me and that's what counts.

To pawn (appraise?) your gift is bad enough, but then to bitch to YOU that she didn't get a high enough value for it.  That takes it all.

I'm an fbsm provider so I don't generally receive the big ticket items (nor do I want or expect them) but I have typically recieved cash gifts, cards, flowers, chocolates, candles, books, gift certificates for books or trips to a day spa, alcohol. I treasure and use each and every one of these things myself.

I am expecting a baby boy very soon and a client I've only seen twice just gave me a box of chocolate "cigars" each one wrapped to say "It's A Boy!" Yes, a $10 box of candy but one of the most personal, sweetest gifts I've ever received. If you're out there, you know who you are.

Another treasured gift I received from someone who I've only seen once. I mentioned I liked books so he brought me an advance copy of a new paperback (not available in stores for the next six months). He is a writer so he was able to get books before the general public. Again, something he received free of charge but it meant a lot to me. I have read this book half a dozen times and each time I think of him. If you're out there you know who you are.

Yes, I appreciate all gifts but the ones that mean the most are the ones chosen from the heart that are JUST for me - personalized to my own individual tastes and personality. I LOVE that.

I've had a few friends that have given me gifts. I certainly don't expect them, but I can tell you I greatly appreciated all of them and thanked them quite often for them. With each gift, I say to myself,"Now this is such a sweet gesture and a classy thing to do."

Hugs,
Ciara

Doesn't work every time, but I find a moderate
but decent gift very often makes the pro
significantly more "accommodating".

Honestly, prior to my becoming a provider, I did not find that men I was casually dating brought gifts - then I started providing and found that most clients do - and I have been so grateful.
In down times, a provider can often question whether she is valued beyond the physical (a diliemma I'm sure clients experience now and again regarding the business side of things)and when some sweet man comes sauntering to my incall with a little something that he thought to pick out for me before seeing me, well geez, that's awesome!  It makes me feel like a girl!  
And when I feel like a girly-girl...you WILL reap the benefits.  

Unless you are one of those predetory men who are giving the gifts for "milage"....trust me, we can differentiate good/bad motives and trying to suck us dry just pisses us off!  (okay, a little harsh, but you get the point...)

Regarding the "mixed messages" you are getting - those women would likely have the feelings they have with or without the gifts - you either know you do/don't want a relationship or not - external motivation via gifts will not likely change her position on the subject.