Providers, hobbyists,

Why and how did you get married?

My biological time is ticking and I want to get married, have normal career and have kids. I have been dating a civvie for over a year and think he might be the one (I am hoping he has no idea what I do for living).  I am one of the best, reputable providers on TER, top 50 in my city, and I am very much sure he cares for me as much as I care for him.

How can I get him to marry me?

Honestly why on earth men get married to one girl anyway? Why buy the cow when he can get milk for free?  What can i do to make him believe that I am worth giving up his single life?

I read limitless amount of relationship self-help books. They have clashing opinions on how to get a man tie the knot. Some advise you to never ever mention M word, Marriage, and the three little words, I Love You. Some tell you to give him basically ultimatum.


And why did you get married?

Was it worth it? Do you regret it? Would you have regretted it if you didn't get married?
I, too, have a fucked up family: unhappy, abusive, controlling and divorced parent who gets on my nerve all the time and nagging me when will I get hitched. And I see clients who have sexless boring marriages, cheat on their wives  and hate his wives. All these also give me doubts about having my own family sometimes.

I probably consider marriage as a mean to end my providing profession and see it as a way to start a new chapter in my life.

Please help me. Please tell me your story. What made you decided to get married?

Physical & worldly attraction - that will last a short time, including financies and sexual attraction

Emotional attraction - you have the same wants and desires;  you'll last longer, but not too much

Mental attraction - you actually share a lot of intellectual discussions, you read the same stuff,  you talk about politics, global events, etc. "Like minds attract".  Then, you last longer than just physical and emotional attractions

Spiritual attraction - you share the same values, principles, beliefs, and what you value most in life. This is your core as a human being.

Now, if you have all 4 attractions, that's very rare.  And if you have those 4 attractions, getting married is the right thing to do, because maybe you've found your soulmate.  Not everyone connects on all four levels that strongly.  If you do, go for it.

And as couples grow older, spiritual, mental, and emotional attraction may remain, but the physical/sexual attraction may grow weaker - hence the hobby for some (to fulfill physical needs that partners can no longer fulfill).

Do not try to manipulate this guy into marrying you.  You'll both regret it.  Wait until you are BOTH ready.  Till then, it's a HUGE mistake.  If you and he want to discuss marriage that's fine, but wait on the commitment until he asks you absent any kind of ultimatum or manipulation.  IF you do get married, commit to yourself that you will take care of yourself physically, and consistently be sexually available to him (even if you are not in the mood).  If you don't think you can do that, don't bother getting married.

Women marry men hoping they'll change.  Men marry women hoping they won't.  Men are pretty much "what you see is what you get" creatures.  Women often change many things about themselves to entice the man she wants until "she gets him to marry her".  Then, she relaxes into her normal habits etc.... Don't do it.  Be yourself to this guy.  If he doesn't want who you are, best to know that now.  

Hopefully, you've paid attention to your clients and have learned some common elements that draw them to the hobby. There are no guarantees in life, but you can reduce the risk if you put your mind to it.


There is soooo much more to this than anyone can realistically address here.  These are just a couple of suggestions related to your role in this matter.

I knew it right away, and she knew it as well. I still love her, she loves me, but marriage isn't easy, especially if you grow apart which I feel we've done. I love the idea of being married, but if I could turn back time I don't know if I would do it again. In fact, if we didn't have a kid I think I'd get a divorce at this point. It's painful to think back on how we used to be and compare to the current reality. It's not horrible (most of the time anyway), but I do get very depressed about it very often. I think serial long term relationships are better.

I don't really care about variety. I'm not the cheating type. I would love a happy monogamous marriage. I just don't know how many truly happy long-term marriages are out there. You marry one person, but ten years later you may be stuck with a different person. That's what happened in my case, and why I would never marry again if I were to get divorced.

well - not quite.  I was career military. I warned her what it would be like to have to live with my being gone for extended periods - with sometimes not even knowing where I was.  Sure enough, two years was all she could take....

We remained great friends for many years until later in life when she decided that every unhappiness in her life was due to our short marriage and divorce.  She's getting over that though and it looks as though we may end up friends again, which I would like very much.

Me? I never repeated the experiment (marriage).  My military career and the pursuit of variety for its own sake dominated my life.

Now?  I would take the plunge again. Even offer monogamy. To the right lady. However, no lady in her right mind would want what's left of me at this point lol....

Why and how did you get married?

Simple I love my wife, she loved me. We are best friends. We had the same goals. She understood my pain and I understood her. I wanted no other woman.  So after a year of friendship and a year of dating. I proposed. She said yes. Two week later we got married in a Vegas wedding chapel as nether of us had any family we were close to at the time.

How can I get him to marry me?

Be yourself if he is ready to make the commitment and you are a match it will happen. If not it is for the best. It is OK to bring it up, just don't push him. Unless you want it all or nothing.

Honestly why on earth men get married to one girl anyway? Why buy the cow when he can get milk for free?

Sex is not why one gets married. Men need love, acceptance, appreciation, friendship, compassion, and understanding as much and in my opinion much more than sex. Men like me need to be needed and wanted. We need the emotional physical, and spiritual support a good wife can provide. You can't get that for free. It is not macho to say this but us men need the strings as much as you women do maybe more.

What can i do to make him believe that I am worth giving up his single life?

You must give him what he need. You must accept him and love him as he is and not try to change him. You need to be more than just his lover you also must be his friend. You must be honest about who you are with him warts and all as you can't be "provider GFE perfect" forever. You must trust him to accept you as you really are even when you are not at your best.

And why did you get married?

She was and still is my best friend. We had the same goal, and the same basic core values. I love her and could not see myself without her. Still can't. She makes me a better human and makes me want to grow.

Was it worth it?

After almost six years of the answer is still yes.

Do you regret it?

There has been times, yes, I have regretted it. There was even one time I had divorce papers drawn. Marriage has its highs and its lows. But as a whole I do not regret it and if I had a chance to do it over, I would still choose it marry my wife.

Would you have regretted it if you didn't get married?

I can honestly say that without the support of my wife I would likely be dead. She helped me out of a couple of pretty dark times in my life. Yes, I would have regretted it.

What made you decided to get married?

In the end, because I love her.

It's like a dance where you start out at arms length, and after a while you're dancing closely together, and all of a sudden you realize where you're at (without ever knowing how you really ended up this way).

The only advice I can give... if you have been dating a year, are you guys talking about future plans at all... DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT, wait 2, 5, 10 years waiting for him to ask, thinking he's the one.

You can ask him... thats fine, or you can wait for him to ask. Thats OK too. DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT wait too long without some clear progression over time.

All guys are different, so a specific time frame here is death, but I would say that after two years if it isn't clearly headed that way, then you need to cut your losses (I actually think you should know after a year or so) and move on. The check is not in the mail... he will cum in your mouth and the government is NOT here to help.

I don't mean to sound like an ass, but too many ladies wait for the guy they have because they have too much invested to give up. Kind of like AIG. Too big to let it fail.

My take, from what you wrote (and this is VERY armchair) this is what I see... someone (or both) is not being honest about how they feel. Your statement that, "I am very much sure he cares for me as much as I care for him" means that the talk isn't happening. After a year this sounds like a problem. Do you even know if he wants to get married (in general?) or have kids? What does he see the remainder of his life looking like (retirement, etc)? You should know those answers.

I also am concerned about your statement that, "I probably consider marriage as a mean to end my providing profession and see it as a way to start a new chapter in my life". This is good for you to see, but you have to get past that before you can even think about getting marries, or it is for the wrong reason.

Again, I am sorry if I am sounding all gloom and doom, but from what you wrote, I am concerned. I could be completely wrong, and I hope so. I think at the very least, at a year you have the right to ask what he thinks about marriage in general, kids, etc... You HAVE to have those conversations if there is to be ANY chance. The worst that happens is that he isn't the one and you start over. Thats better than the wrong choice.

Finally, if any of this strikes a cord, feel free to PM me to ask more questions. I can (believe it or not) keep my mouth shut.

I'm not married, almost was, though, and I think I could give you some insight.

I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm no Forrest Gump, either.

...I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.  Simple as that.

Marriage is serious stuff, and at the end of the day isn't it built on trust (amongst other things)?  Shouldn't there be full disclosure prior to that commitment?  Or are there skeletons in everyone's closet that should just stay there?

Every body has a different story, and to apply the lessons of our livrd to your situation would be a mistake.

Marriage is a huge responsibility, so you are wise to consider the question carefully.

What I would suggest is seeing aq councellor in familly issues who will find out what your true motivations, hopes and desires are, and then help craft the correct questions to ask yourself from there.

A good councellor, however, will not answer those questions for you.  You must answer them  yourself.

Whatever way you decide could be the right or the wrong path depending upon how you then rise to the occasion, or not.

I wish you all the best as you set off on this.

...in any major issue that might affect how one partner feels about the other. That's what eventually killed my marriage, as she wasn't truthful about her early life and how some of the issues she had never worked through from that period haunted her (and our marriage). She "paved over" the horror of years of abuse by her father (as she later told me after we had been married for 11 years!) and never mentioned it. Of course, all during the time we were together, the sex was minimal, infrequent and (in retrospect) not very satisfying. If she wasn't truthful about something so basic, what else was she NOT telling me? It goes right to the heart of a marriage, which (for me) is trust and acceptance.

So until he can accept you for who you are and who you have been (that's assuming that *you* can accept that, as well), leave marriage off the table. Work out those issues and you will be further along to making such a life-changing move.

Religion and society however have little understanding of an individual, or respect for the countless life style options in contemporary North America.

Unless you are the RARE EXCEPTION expect unbridled passion and ground shaking sex to dissipate by as much as 70% in less than five years. His skid marked BVD's, and your thighs hanging over the sides of the shitter every morning will either transcend your union to a deeper, and more substantial, empathetic, understanding friendship/partnership. Or it will simply give impetus to a mutual resentment of each other and your marital obligations therein.

 Perhaps the mention of willingly signing a "Pre-nup" will soften him to the idea.  

Most men cant even have a relationship with a lady that provides.  I'm not sure why you would want to marry someone you feel you have to lie to about what you do.  I would suggest if you really want a future you need to let him know what you do.  Better to tell him now if he has a problem with you providing.  If you wait until later you could screw up your childs life as well.  I'd be willing to bet if he finds out about your profession on his own he will be gone regardless of  whether not he would have been able to handle it due your dishonesty.  Personally I know I could never date a lady who is actively providing,  I don't like to share.  Dating or even marrying an ex-provider might not bother me as much; but if it might bother your SO better to find out now then later.  You already have a yr of lies under your belt.  I'm  quite sure he will not be thrilled about this so your already behind the 8 ball so to speak.   I just don't see a good relationship being built on lies and dishonesty.

Lies kill marriages. Lies almost killed mine. Honesty is the only way in my opinion to have a happy marriage long term.

If only.  The lady I wanted to marry, and sell my soul to, proved unworthy because of her addiction to blow, and that she was was willing to sell her body and soul for that shit.  That was twenty + years ago, and I have been happy go lucky ever since I let go of the pain.  

Based on the high rate of broken marriages my friends and family have had to endure, my decision to stay single has been justified to date.  They can keep trying, I am not biting!

So how should I go about asking him "how he feels about marriage in general" and have conversation without sounding desperate. I don't want him to feel like he is being pushed. I want him to genuinely want to make a commitment on his own.