I was one of those lucky newbies who found my GFE/ATF on my first call.  I have been exclusively seeing this wonderful woman for a couple of months on a number of multihour appointments.  But alas she will retire in the not so distant future.  I have a lot of strong feelings now as I know I have at least a crush on (or lust for) this woman.  I won't say it's love because love is not to be taken lightly as a few months thing.  But god I'm human and I cannot help feeling a certain fondness for her.  I truly understand that this is a business and a relationship after she retires is not to be.  However, she has indicated that she is willing to build a friendship.  My question to you all is can one maintain and build a platonic friendship with an ex-provider?  what are the limitations and dangers of this?  She is so wonderful that even to have a platonic relationship is better than nothing at all.

I think this moves outside of the fact that she is a provider, and the real issue is "Can straight men be just friends with an attractive woman?" My opinion would be "no." Ever since I hit puberty, I have never had a man that just wanted to be platonic friends with me. Another question I would pose is what are her reasons for leaving the buisness? Also, did you ask for the friendship? Maybe she is leaving the biz, and wants to make a clean break. That is often the case.I would just let her lead the situation. Make sure she has your contact info., if she truly wants a friendship, then she will call. As for your strong feelings about her, I think that it may have to do with her being your first. I can assure you that there are PLENTY of hot ladies who would be more then happy to take your mind off of her I'll be your friend

I think it is very difficult to form and maintain a true friendship with a provider that is your ATF. First of all, what are the parameters of the friendship? If the friendship's boundaries exclude any kind of touching, it will be virtually impossible for you to try and have this relationship - you will naturally want the intimacy you two have shared.  And if that intimacy becomes unavailable, you will desire it even more.  I have been through this, and no matter how many times I promised I would be "just friends" (hands off!), the temptation was just so strong to try and find a way for it to be more than friends. It screwed with my emotions. Eventually, I cancelled our last "date", as I realized I was only kidding myself about this relationship. This may hard to digest, but in the end, you might be better off having no relationship than trying to build a platonic one.  Good luck!

I agree 100% with everything you say, except for the part where a man cannot have a platonic friendhip with a woman. I think that's possible - for me at least. I have several girls that are just friends, and while they are attractive, I value their friendship more than a one hour roll in the hay. Just my opinion of course.

I think this is one of those things that will be very individual to the people involved.  As Lisa said, it will depend on a lot of things, like why she's leaving the business, and so on.  I'm not saying it's impossible, but I've had no luck with these things at all.  The only men I've been able to be friends with was where there was no sex involved ever.  You add the sex and it makes it into the kind of boyfriend relationship I try to avoid.  That's the thing - if hobbyists are on the whole commitment shy, (and I say that because I've seen so many of them post that kind of sentiment!) then I'm afraid most SPs I've met are the same.

-Anya

I think it is possible to build a friendship. Since she already indicated that she is willing, that's a good sign, but that's easy for her to say now.  I don't think you'll know for sure if she means it until she does retire and she makes some kind of effort to keep in touch with you.  

When my ATF retired a little over a year ago, she gave me her personal number so that we can keep in touch.  So even to this day I keep in contact with her and I consider her a friend.  We aren't really close friends, but who knows, maybe it could be some day.

I hope that when my current favorite retires too, she'll want to keep in touch with me.

Good luck.

Since my divorce after a long marriage, I  started seeing   quite a few providers.Perhaps I am in the minority, but I have remained friends with 2 of them,one retired.We  go out together to restaurants,shows,movies,dancing, lectures etc.We do  "go at it" once in a while. We dont discuss her clients, and to  me it is not important.I continue at times to see other providers.To the gal who is still active, it  is truly not important. To the  retired one thus far, it has not been discussed, and  does not seem to be important as well.Yet. I strongly suspect that it might become an  issue, as it seems to be  a natural order of things. Just  thought I'd "share"  this with you.

Limitations? As in any relationship limitations are set by mutual consent. Dangers? Friendships bring strength not danger. Even if y'all fall in love with one another.... how is this a bad thing?

I've been seeing a former streetwalker and our friendship
blossomed after she was arrested last year for 30 days. I went
to see her twice a week until she was released. If the provider
has a good heart and is leaving the business for good it can
work. Good luck to you two.

I thought I was the only one who thought straight men couldn't just be friends with a beautiful woman.

I am good friends with somebody I met as a client, he's one of the most thoughtful and funniest people I've ever met and I'm very fond of him.  I stopped seeing him as a client after we became friends and started seeing each other socially and I realised he had feelings for me which I did not share.  So, it certainly is possible to build a friendship from the client/provider start.  Providers are human too and those who are not 100% 'professional' in the worst sense will, of course, get to like guys they meet along the way.

Good luck!

I have several -- no, make that -- a Hell of a lot of clients that I used to see that are wonderful friends, most going on four years now.  Having friendships in and out of this business has been a HUGE part of my life, and I talk to everyone I've gotten close to in this business nearly every week for years.  I've been retired-unretired-retired-unretired-retired-unretired, each time starting over with a new alias in a new place because I have made huge moves across the country as my personal/real life/career has demanded it, but through it all, the friends that I have made through this business have definitely been the ones that really "know me" and have stood by me in every aspect of my life, through all of the enormous turns and tilts that my life has taken.  They are my lovers, confidants and best friends.  You can't find intimacy like that anywhere else.

Please note that I am by nature a very private person, and since I have moved a lot, I have a very hard time making friends because to be honest, I just don't get out much around the demands of my RL career and personal obligations at home, and really only have one very close friend outside of this business that I have know far before I was involved in this business.  A huge downside to making friends outside the business and becoming close is that there is this HUGE side of my life that I cannot share with them -- and there is always something missing.  This secret is one I can share with only the ones that understand the business from the "inside," and distances you in a way from everyone outside it.

There is a lot to be said for friends who know "this side" of you; you can talk to them more openly about your "entire" life, like you can with no one else.

I am sure that you will have a very strong friendship with this provider if you choose to go this route.

However, some providers want to just leave for good.  In this case, she may choose (wisely) to just sever all ties and be done with it.  If that's the case, you will have to accept it.

Best wishes with your new-found friend,

BJ, Palm Beach, Florida
[email protected]

I doubt that it can work if you feel that "even to have a platonic relationship is better than nothing at all". If you are lusting for her, you really want to be a boyfriend not a friend and she is going to be able to tell this.

I am going through something similar to what you describe with a well known Los Angeles provider who I will NOT identify here.

An important difference is that she seems to value my company and wants to be friends. We have seen each other "off the clock". We have agreed that I can't see her as a client if I am going to see her as a friend.

She knows that I am married and perfectly happy with my wife (even though after many many years that is no longer a sexual relationship). Although my wife is my "best" friend I don't think that prevents other friendships. (My wife and this lady do not live in the same city and I do not know anyone who knows both so it is extremely unlikely that this will ever kick back to hurt my wife.)

Also, although this provider is an extremely hot lady that I have had some great sex with I know a few others with whom the sex is as good. I don't feel that I "need" to have sex with this lady in order to have a satisfying life.

This is a new thing for me and there are a lot of questions that I don't have answers to. Do we have enough in common to want to hang out together in the absence of sex? I'm not sure. Either of us might decide that we don't. Life doesn't come with any quarantees.

Someone once said, "Friends will get you through times of no sex better than sex will get you through times of no friends." I do think being friends can work in the absence of lust. I do agree that unshared lust puts an enormous strain on a friendship and will probably destroy it. Shared lust, of course, turns the relationship into something other than friendship.

Just my $0.02 worth from someone who doesn't have the answers but is struggling with the question.

while you are "building the friendship".  As for her retiring, saying that you are about to retire when you are really just planning to take a few months off at most is a way to get a sudden increase in business, and one which I have seen several providers use.  They usually have to resurface under a new name when they do this, though.

Keep your head screwed on right.

There are all kinds of friendships, many of which are possible whether a gal is still active or not.  But there are things in your post that make me think you're playing at something that's going to lead you to heartache.  

First off all, it's a little troubling that this was your first hobby experience..I hope that hasn't made your head swim with fantasies like some teenager who falls in "love" the first time in his life a gal spreads her legs for him.  Don't dismiss that offhand as stupid, it can & has happened.

Next you say you're still lusting for her & are willing to "accept" a platonic friendship if that's all that's possible.  No one I've ever known has been able to really pull that one off.  You might try, & even on the surface, be seemingly successful...but what the hell do you think is going to be going on in your gut while to try to put up the brave-front false face?  No thanks..no one needs that kind of anguish.  You'd be far better off to suck it up & move on.

Now if the time ever comes when you want no part of her in a sexual way, a meaningful friendship might be possible.  Right now, I'd bet against it.  

Hope it works out for the best.

My favorite SP (one I never reviewed on TER to respect her privacy)for the past couple of years recently retired. On our next to last date she told me she wanted to continue the warm friendship we had developed as well as the great sex.  She let me know how to contact her in her busy, new professional life to arrange for occasional visits.  I feel very privileged and honored.  It is too soon to know where this will lead, but we both have active private lives.  I would have been happy to remain in contact with her just as a friend, but I am delighted to have the sex included.

..."platonic" friendships with any woman after you've been intimate with her can be tricky--in this case it may be more so.  One sided platonic relationships (where one party still carries a torch) can be painful as Greywolf suggests.  If I were you I'd move on, as hard as it may seem.  Good luck.

I too an quite fond of a semi-retired provider. We are good friends and the sex with her seems more meaningful than if it was business. Is it love? I don't know. That's the $ 64,000 question.

financial support of any kind to these two ladies.