Okay - some of you know me from way back when -- let's not go there now -- and I took those suggestions about becoming an internet lady -- in my own way, y'know, w/ CL and such. Bein' from East St. Lou, I can't say I was totally comfy w/ being a "sophisticated" lady, but I gotta say that the 250 count sheets beat a scratchy blanket in the back of a truck cab any day.  So thanks to all.

But now I got a problem.  It boils down to this: Ladies, are there guys out there who really look to be trashed?  Here's the deal:  This guy connects w/ me, we talk on email for a while, and before I know it he's flying me up to Cleveland for a weekend.  I figure it's great, the money's good and I've never seen Cleveland -- hell, I've never seen that much water!  Anyway, the weekend is a bust!  Ferinstance: I mention I'd like to get a bite to eat when I arrive.  He says fine, then puts porn on the TV for the next two hours.  By then I'm starving, and he wants sex.  Okay, Girlfriend, close your eyes and think of the money.  But after, I say, Geez, I really would have liked to have something to eat and he gets all sorry like he never heard me in the first place.  Next he's got me in some lingerie shop buying me stuff that I don't even know how to put on, and I say, I really don't want this and that just makes him buy more.  Next we're in a restaurant and he's ordering for me, like I can't read the menu myself, and besides, it's oysters, and you know what eating them makes me think of, and I'm NOT bi, so finally I blow my top and tell him he's doing everything possible to turn me off and I'm ready to leave now, can I please have the ticket? Well, he falls on his knees -- this guy's in his 50s -- and starts bawling and saying please please let me make it up to you, please stay.

I forgive him and try to make up, but then it starts all over again -- every time I say what I want, he does the opposite. And if I don't say, he does stuff that turns me off, like looking away when I talk, or interrupting me.  Every time he does it, I get more and more steamed, and by the end of the second day, I let him have it again.  

So at the end of the weekend, and two or three more blowouts, I say, Gee, sorry it didn't work out.  I appreciate seeing Cleveland even tho we didn't get to the Rock and Roll museum like you promised, but sometimes folks just don't fit, and it's too bad.  Nice knowing you, and better luck with another girl.

I leave and come back home and sleep for two days. I had sex once with him over the three days and even tho the money was great, it was the hardest money I've ever earned.  Give me bjs in the back of a semi any day!!

Here's the problem:

I'm back for a few days.  Then there's an email from him saying he wants to fly down right away and see me.  I ignore it, thinking maybe he put the wrong "to" in.  Why see me?

Then I get another email saying he wants to give me a retainer, an allowance, so we can have a relationship and all I have to do is name the price.

What gives here?  Does he get off on making me pissed off at him?  

I'm really, really uncomfortable with this dude.  So girlfriends, does this ever happen?  Do you put up with someone you really can't stand just for the bucks?  

What should I do?

Roxy,

I realize you are asking the ladies for thier opinion but it seems to me that the answer to your next to last question is the answer to your last question.  It seems that the question that you must answer for yourself is 'What has more importance to me: avoidng a repeat of something very undesirable or getting good $'?

However, you do have the right to refuse to see whomever you like. Especially, if you think his is disrespectful or makes you uncomfortable.

My #1 Rule is "Always go with my gut". No matter how much money he promises, or how "okay" he seems when my internal alarms go off then it is a no go. Those instincts are there for a reason. To protect us.

Being that you posted at all, I think your instincts are telling you to back off and run in the other direction. And telling him straight out might just do the next lady a service. But be tactful. Your comments at first seemed good, but obviously he like control and is ignoring you. Tell him "No I will not see you." And if he asks why, then let him know that his behavior was rude and disrespectul.

If that doesn't work, then techinically he is stalking/harassing you. And that's a whole other matter.

Be safe and good luck.

-Vanica

Where do we start?
First - there is a huge transition from providing a "quickie" to becoming a GFE (no matter the time amount) - and it all has to do with attitude - both on the part of the hobbiest and on the part of the provider....   let's take you first, shall we?

You are a provider - and it sounds like you are not into GFE - bear in mind that GFE typically means kissing, DATY, BBBJ etc.  but it can also mean conversation, dinner, warm baths together.... and the illusion that you are not "Bolting" from the room, the minute that the paid for time is up, like the massage chairs at the airport lounge!  GFE means acting more like a well, "Girlfriend."  Have I ever had a lady act like a true "Girlfriend"??  no, they are all "Better!"  lol  From what you describe, you were not interested in providing the "total attitude"  but close enough, dinner, etc.  I have had "dates" where the lady calls the shots of when we eat... and where I have called the shots of when we eat!  and it works both ways... but for one of you to ignore the others expectations is rude.  Which brings us to him!

In setting up the proposed weekend in (gasp!) Cleveland!  did he agree to the R&R hall of fame?  did he agree for dinners?  etc.  I truly try to be accomodating when I make dates...and if I cannot accomodate, I will call back and tell the person...  

What he did was rude - for a civie or for a hobbiest!  I would tell him - "dude, sorry, but I would not be able to accomodate you again."  

Have I had anyone tell me that?  I'll never tell!!! lol... would that bother me?  yes.  would I want to know why? yes. Would I be "owed" an explanation?  no.  

Odd, but I have had both civilian and provider friends confide to me similar situations....

Now, why do I feel qualified to answer?  Because in both hobbying and civie dating... I have had similar results wrt what you describe... in civie... it was just too weird to continue and in the hobby, well, lets just say, "reviews - there are always reviews"!  

Odd, a provider friend and I were sharing civie dating stories... and she suggested a "civie review board" something like TER but for civilian ladies! lol!!!

Seriously, if you are that uncomfortable - you should pay attention to that warning feeling and tell him, in the words of "she whose name we cannot mention" to "bugger off"!  Wow, seems that she had a style that works for all occasions...

Good luck with this!

You've gotten through the hardest part and that's figuring out what his MO is. Now, you sit back and council yourself on how you're going to respond to each of his foul-mannered ways. Also, if he bugs you that much pre-arrange some along time for yourself over the weekend and tell him that it's a requirement. It's completely reasonable as we don't stayed tied to the hip when in our personal relationships right (minus those Sunday mornings where you just can't get enough of each other).

Sounds to me like he's a closet gimper waiting to be bossed around and dominated. Maybe try switching the roles around? I think it would be better to have him on his knees begging than any place else. ; )

I'll teach him manners and I'll spank him if he's bad. Wink! I'll also interrupt him while he's chosing my food and tell the waiter to ignore him and give me what I want. I'll say it with a smile like we're arguing like husband and wife. I'll still get what I want to eat and I'll tell him we're going to R&R Hall of Fame. Usually, though, I'll do pretty much what they want on the date. However, food is a different story. I'll fight to the end. Urgh!

All kidding aside, if he makes you feel uncomfortable and is a jerk, don't see him.

Hugs,
Ciara

-- Modified on 6/14/2006 12:06:43 PM

Biz-
There are sites up for civvies to trash their dates/ boyfriends (generally) although if they put up a site dedicated to all time bitches, my ex-g/f would have to be the poster model for that. That's besides the point, though.

I agree. Sounds like this guy was a tard, maybe a bit rusty at dating, but took the encounter to mean that he was paying, so he calls the shots. Such a shame that his attitude didn't make her want to blow him all day every day.

To the lady-
Say hi to Drew Carey when you see him? I kid, I kid. (Still hearing his show's theme song in my head... Cleveland Rocks)

I'd say stick with the net rather than humping in the back of a pickup truck. You'll probably fare better, although you'll have to adapt somewhat by providing that gfe attitude, as if you actually care about that person, not just the money. Don't be discouraged and if you don't like sex toys, accept them anyways and sell them later on ebay or something as many other "sophisticated" ladies do, I'm sure. As for food, who said you can't live off of semen alone? My semen can sustain you for weeks at a time. Want proof? Just kidding. Bring crackers in your purse and if he asks what you're munching on instead of his cock, explain that when you told him you were starving, you meant it and that you had to take matters into your own hands at that point.

Your psychological well being is much more important than anything this guy can give you.  I would say don't see him again

This guy sounds like an idiot. I can't imagine any hobbyist wanting to pursue an extended GFE relationship unless there is some semblance of chemistry to begin with. Any business relationship is still a relationship and involves more than the exchange of money. Politely decline. You'll feel better.

... unless YOU are into his sort of dysfunctional oddness.  I suspect you did not and would not enjoy time spent with this wack job - a less than life affirming experience.  Let him work out his issues with others of his ilk while you bask in the presence of those of us who just want to get you off while you get us off - then we can go to a fun restaurant and laugh and laugh at life's fine surprises.

I think he should save his money for a therapist.

You should politely decline his invitation or advances.  He sounds too unstable to risk being with.