I don't owe her an explanation why I'm no longer seeing her, so I figure she doesn't owe me one, if she doesn't want to tell me. Since I'm not buying that she ever found me so sexual attractive that see would see me as a civie, and I am clean, well-groomed, not physically repulsive in any way, well mannered, and followed her rules, I would assume she's unwilling or unable to see me for other reasons.

She doesn't want to continue, it would be enough for me to get the message. Plenty of prettier and younger fishes in the sea...

However, if an ATF that I have seen many times (and feel a non-romantic but otherwise a good mix / connection to in my point of view ) suddenly did that though, I'd at least expect a  thoughtful explanation. Face to face is probably not necessary. unless I've known her for years on a personal(civvy) level,  just an honest thoughtful explanation over the phone or e-mail would suffice. Hasnt happen to me (yet) from an ATF knock on wood but have been dumped exactly once by a civvy girl long time ago...(very rare for me, cuz I do most of the dumping lol) She wrote a heartfelt letter and I thought that was kinda "professional" and graceful way to end it.

Yes, Ignoring usually results in the worst but probably the easiest way out no doubt. He'll be wondering for a while and might bombard you with txt/calls  but most sane guys eventually get over it... But with a bad taste in his mouth.

Either way, I think I would be kinda depressed for a short while and possibly hurt too if an ATF  decided to dump me whether it be ignoring or explaining. It has nothing to do with romantic feelings, but more about being rejected... not to mention permanently "losing" someone I have known...

Best to weigh the pros cons & tread carefully.... Imho.

Question for the guys:  

If a provider that you've seen several times decides that, for whatever reason, she does not want to see you any longer, how would you like to be told?

1)  Avoidance-- She just doesnt answer your calls/emails any longer hoping you take the hint.  

(I find that this is the worst way to break up with a client because they usually will continue to contact you, thus prolonging the issue, and making the client angry/frustrated in the process.)

2)  Vague-- She says something like, "I have really enjoyed knowing you but I am no longer available."  No other explanation is offered.

(Ive had mixed results with this.  Some accept it easily and move on, while other pry and relentlessly ask "why?")

3)  The Truth-- For example, if the provider no longer feels any sexual attraction to you and cannot get aroused with you, it can make her job painful (literally).  Would you want to be told the truth?  

(The truth is probably the most respectful and straight forward way to treat another adult.  Overall, Ive had the least problems with this method BUT it can be very hurtful to the client.)

When a client wants to stop seeing a provider, its pretty easy.  All he has to do is stop calling her and she'll get the hint.  But when its the other way around and provider basically says, "you can't even pay me for to be with you", it gets a bit more complicated and a lot of clients react in anger.

So guys, if the issue of ending a client/provider relationship comes up, how would you like to be informed?

Thanks.

You wrote: "if the provider no longer feels any sexual attraction to you"

The only thing that comes to mind is... "Seriously?"

I appreciate your candor, and the respectful way you posed your questions. So please understand I am not raking you over the coals on this.

I'm genuinely gobsmacked;

And the next part of the quote is more startling:

"it can make her job painful (literally)"

I'm speechless on that!

Since when is sexual attraction a factor in seeing a client?

Scoed! Help me out here! MP67, you too! DrunkenAsian! Have you guys ever thought a provider was sexually attracted to you?

I can't believe a provider has ever been sexually attracted to me. It's their job.

I do get invited back. Always. But it certainly has to do with my conduct(and hygeine). Compliments I receive, are not dismissed as fake, but they can't be interpreted like compliments a civie gal gives. Right???

I am just out-of-the-loop on this idea? Or is this something that may be particular to you?

I'd really like to know!


HH


BY THE WAY... #3 is what I'd prefer.

Oh I would never say, "You cant pay me to be with you."  That would be extremely disrespectful and I wouldn't treat my worst enemy that way.  I only said that because when a provider gives a specific reason, like just not enjoying his company anymore, she is basically saying that and alot of guys get really hurt or angry.

Yes, when I tell the truth, I do soften it.  But even when the truth is softened, it can still sting.

I personally would not really want a client to tell me the truth and hurt my feelings.  If he thought I sucked in bed, for example, Id rather just not hear from him again!

Definitely #1 is no good.  How is a client supposed to know why you're not answering?  It's a not a civvie relationship, where not calling back is a standard hint.  Maybe he just thinks you're busy or something.  You're a business, remember?  No one goes off their favorite restaurant forever if they can't get a reservation.

#2 is a little better, in that it's a stronger hint.  But it sounds like you retired or something.  What if the guy sees your ad later.  He might very reasonably call, thinking maybe you changed your mind, or that you were not available due to a short term thing -- illness, baby, relationship, whatever.  Going back to the restaurant analogy: Would a sign in your favorite restaurant saying 'Closed for renovations' make you give on it forever?

#3...  Are you insane?!  Are you forgetting who your customers are?  You are paid to boost egos and make people feel good.  OF COURSE he's going to be annoyed when you tell him he's so nasty that you can't even be paid several hundred dollars an hour to be with him.  That's just downright mean.

The only CORRECT option is #4:  You lie to him.  If he's been a frequent customer, you tell him you're getting a little too attached, and it would be best for both of you if you didn't see him anymore. Be firm.  End the session with a sad look and sisterly hug. Say: 'Thanks for being such a great guy.'

If you've only seen him once or twice, but can't stand him, then you still have a variety of lesser options: Best is this old classic: Tell him his dick is a little too big and it hurts you.  Then recommend someone else that you think would 'fit him better'.  Guys like that one too.  Or, depending on your style, tell him he's a little too energetic for you, that you usually see older guys, or whatever.  Some innocuous incompatibility.  Make up an allergy. Or let your performance go downhill fast.  Use a little too much teeth on the BJs.  Fart.  Have a garlic sandwich before his next session.  Tell him your vagina has been really itchy lately.  He'll go away.

And for the record -- I usually at least get lunch for pandering.  PM me if you're in Chicago and I'll let you take me out this week.

I'd start with just telling the client without specifics, and I would probably if asked why suggest that I'd prefer to leave it at that. However if it was something related to the client and I was really prodded then I would tell the full unaltered truth. If the reason is something personal completely unrelated to the client then you really have no obligation to be forthcoming.

When asked why I might at first say something like, "I'm not in a position where I feel comfortable going into details".

I think I'd generally prefer to not know the details, although if there really was something I had done that made someone feel uncomfortable I'd want to know for the future, so I might ask a followup question respecting the provider's right to not say more but asking for feedback if it was something that I could learn from.

Personally, I try to avoid all of those, espcially hygene, std, disrespectfulness, and being unreasonable...etc, in order to reduce my chances of being flagged as a bad client.

But what about situations where a 'long-term arrangement' rate was established because I have seen and intend on seeing her often (once or twice a month at most but almost every month). She offered a sort of 'package deal' to me where I could purchase a few hours in advance at a discount. Would this fall under "asking for discounts" and eventually would my donation be at risk of becoming less desireable over time? I guess since it's only a total of maybe 5 sessions pre-paid, it isn't a huge problem?

However, you bring up a very good point. This is all the more reason to pay the lady her full price. The truth may be that just because one sees his ATF frequently does not entitle him to a discount EVEN IF she offers it... because eventually she may become turned off by it to the point where she wants to dump him altogether.

Well, I know how much I will be paying on my next visit to my ATF, at the very least I'll include a generous tip on top of the discounted rate if not her full asking price.

OR would this backfire as well?  

Would she think that I'm "up to something" by tipping her or paying close to full price, rather than the arranged rate? Just don't want my donation be seen as 'less desireable' over time to my ATF.

Also in your opinion, how would a guy avoid being in the 'i just disliked seeing him over time' category?  

Just say she is trying to weed down her client base and I didn't make the cut.  It's a job.  Dentists fire hygenists and have to reduce clients too.

LOL!  Great post!!!!!!!

My only issue with what you said is:  As for lying, that can be tricky.  

Hypothetically speaking, say I have a very regular client who has bad hygiene.  (And I tolerated it for a while, but now I just cant stand it anymore).  So I lie and I tell him that I think we are getting too close and I need to end our relationship.  He will probably not walk away, rather try to FIX the problem.  He may suggest getting together once a month rather than once a week, for example.  Then Im still stuck with the stinky guy.  Stuck less frequently but stuck nonetheless.

So Ive pretty much eliminated lying if I want to break up.  

But I love your other excuses!  Too Funny!!!!!!

Is your goal to let him down easy, feel good about yourself,  or get rid of him fast?  The choices you put forth are the same for all relationships and there's no good way for the guy.  That said, whatever you do, if he won't let go, it can get unhealthy fast and at that point, you'll really need to get to the point.

Thanks for your response.  I have broken up with a few ATFs (I was their ATF, not the other way around.)  Yes, thats tough when the guy has been seeing you regularly for months, years, etc and you end it.  I lose a lot of sleep when the time comes to end these relationships.  Its far easier when youve only seen the guy a few times.

BTW, here are a few reasons Ive broken up with clients in the past in case anyone was curious (or cared):

-I suspected he had an STD
-His hygiene declined over time/he got too comfortable
-He called me too much just to chat or was disrespectful of my personal/off time
-He wanted to get together too often
-He became clingy or jealous of other clients
-He was too anal or unreasonable (for example, If I arrive 5 minutes late, he became irate)
-He started asking for discounts
-The infatuation period ended and my sexual attraction to him declined
-His donation became less desirable over time as I raised rates
-Too rough or bad lover
-I just began to dislike seeing him

Just a few reasons.  I notice that familiarity can breed contempt.  A lot of times, when the "relationship" is fairly new, its fine.  But if the client wants to get together 4Xs a month, every single month, eventually something can go wrong and often does.

Yes, and they can accept that reason at first.  But then they see that you continue to put up ads, they confront you.  That can get ugly...

Given that this is a P4P relationship, I would think that a text/email saying that you/I/we need to move on is more than self-explanatory.  The real reasons are unimportant (did you short her envelope...ask for more "free" time...try and perform an act outside her comfort level) or if this OP is a gal (won't he ever take a shower...never heard of mouthwash..keeps shorting the envelope), and you just need to move on to the other fish in the sea (and there are plenty).  

Giving any reason (including the lying excuse) just opens the door for continued exploration of a relationship (that never existed), and both sides will have to deal with potential ramifications of this.  In this particular game we are all hiding behind aliases, hence if one, or the other needs to not be bothered...so be it.  There doesn't need to be a reason..it simply is what it is!

4) Demanding more -- increasing requests for special gifts above the rate is something that i've experienced once. in retrospect it probably was neither an upsell for superior service nor a test of the depth of my appreciation.... it may have been more simply an attempt to discourage further contact. it created a climate in which i did expect more because i was jumping through higher hoops. however service conditions declined. this led to quite a mess with may complicating factors.

5) Let's take a break -- some folks are actually mature enough to acknowledge that there is a problem and that it is temporary. after a vacation, company can resume. if bridges don't HAVE to be burned this will work just fine in my experience.

of the expanded list the worst are 1) and 4).

if a lady thinks a bridge needn't be burned 5) "Take a Break" has and will work just fine with me. i can understand the need to take a vacation when as a client i don't have "most favored" status. i would almost always rather do 5) that resort to 2) or 3).

of the two, Vagueness or Truth..... it's a tough trade. i am a collector of memories and experiences. the advantage of being Vague is that it leaves the pleasant memories intact and untarnished by hurt. "we've had a great time but i need to move on, be well." it would work just fine with me.

but so far i've only experienced 4) and 5). the closest i've gotten to your 1,2, or 3 is with a fantastic lady who moved on into retirement. we still keep in touch.

Thanks for the tips on wet pussies

Still that "sexual attraction" thing...

I'll just say it is outside the realm of reasonable possibility that the providers I've seen have been sexually attracted to me. Wet pussies, squirting O's and all. There is no effen way.

Women CAN take their mind in a sexual direction that is unrelated to their current partner, and even orgasm during sexual activity from the fantasy in their head. An long as distractions don't mess that up. My ex did that for years,

Just thought you'd like to know that little bit of female psychology.


HalfHour

Well... to my money, not me in particular. lol

But why ask for other hobbyists opinion? LOL The ladies have chipped in their 2 cents and I think their opinion makes more sense than our point of view.

Considering most of the clients are in the mid 30-50 age range and general population being obese, I agree with you that most of us probably do not look like Brad Pitt... So I highly doubt majority of providers found me sexually attractive.

However, while I don't look like one of the pumped up guys from the movie 300 screaming 'Sparta', I think I still have plenty of positive traits about me that the right women *might* find attractive. lol  

I'm working on the body building part these days though, it just makes life whole lot easier plus staying in shape is healthy.

Then again, one can always touch a provider in the right places and try to get her aroused "artificially" even if one isn't attractive looking...  Not sure what the ladies think about this approach though.

Yeah, you'll hurt his feelers. But it's upfront and honest. Doesn't leave room for misinterpretation.

You don't have to be mean about it. Just say, 'Gus, I don't think we should see each other anymore.' Explain why if he asks. I'd say 'Alright. Whatever.'

Would be cool of you, unless you think he's a total psycho, if you said he could use you as a referrence.

Look, I don't know who you're talking about and I don't care. But for some reason you feel the need to break it off with this guy(s). Whatever. Your reasons are your's.

If I was him? I'd want a clean break. Just tell me you don't require my company anymore and I'd move on. Simple.

Good luck, BTW, and have fun with that.  

Advertisements are not only for new clients.  Many of the smarter clients (and I consider myself to be one, whether I am or not) do not keep contact information of their favorite girls in a place that can be found - and any place can be found!  But we might keep a mental note of where her advertisement is on the internet, or do a search for the last 4 digits of a phone number, etc.

However to be perfectly blunt, a man who won't take no for an answer is a problem and there's just no way you're going to be able to break it off without changing your phone number, your email address and your URL, IMHO.  (Unless you really want to get a restraining order and then what?  Not like this is a LE friendly business, eh?)

If he does take no for an answer, and I would believe most of us would - as much as we would dislike having a favorite provider tell us no more, then just tell him no more.  The idea of saying you are whittling down your client list was more of a response to his "why" question, which I am sure he will ask.

It's just my opinion, take it or leave it.  However, if one of my now two (used to be three) ATFs asked me not to call them again, I would probably ask why (just in case I did something to piss em off) but I would just accept it and appreciate not getting the run around.  

Ignoring them is probably the worst thing, since you cannot just call up 6 or 7 different girls for the same hour at the same time, you really should (IMHO) call one, wait for an answer, then call the next.  If you ignore them, how will they know to call the next?

Lying is probably just as bad, since you are giving them false hope.

Bluntness, honesty and a good attitude is maybe the only good option.

even just a little, it can hurt despite lube. Pussies and asses only stretch so far when we're not ready for penetration (one of the reasons we all hate that damn speculum in a gyno's office!). And if our minds are adamantly saying "I don't want this!" then it follows that the body isn't going to respond to any amount of overtures on the part of the guy. Thus, it can hurt - and even tear - us if we go ahead and allow him to have his way.

Just thought you'd like to know that little bit of female physiology.

that is she sizes up the client and finds SOMETHING that is attractive an appealing. in my case, since i am a physical ruin, it is usually a character thing.

a lady once told me about a reference she got from another provider. according to her the referring lady said: "he's charming, kind and generous. not big guy, but i can work with him. i'd see him for free."

a successful provider needs to see something (maybe not physically) attractive in each client. or it just will not work. it may be their job but remember you can't do a job that is physically impossible.

It could be thinking of some one else, a personalty trait or something small like the guys eyes. If you repulse them most can not have sex with out pain. The female body was not designed for sex when not turned at leased a little on. It can result in tearing.

I personally have been turned down based on lack of attraction. One was polite about it and as we have mutual friend are still on good terms. One was an ass and called me a "fat fucker" after she seen me. She didn't last in the business. But it does happen that a guy just turns off a lady to the point she can not preform. I don't want to have sex with a lady if it is going to hurt her. Best she is honest.

Please note just because she can find something to get her going does not mean she finds you attractive as a whole. Many ladies focus on my eyes as the rest is not so appealing from a physical stand point.

Yes, I did manage to marry a provider so, I hope she is sexually attracted to me. If not she sure does instigate a lot of sex with someone that she is not attracted to. But never one I paid.

a whole lot better than you do. LOL But, to me, she was talking about physiology, not psychology.

So here's what I see from you: you didn't like her wording. Meh; let it go. Just take it at face value HH. She might not have known how else to phrase it. Not everyone is as old as you and me.

Just let it go.

truth be told "selective focus" can be beneficial for the client too. so when the "Belle du Jour" tells you to "hit the road, Jack" one can find a flaw and use that to represent the whole of the experience. it needn't be a big flaw. but firmly associating that lady with that flaw will eventually cool you off and make you immune to her charms.

As a client, I would prefer not to waste my time and possibly emotional energy,and would also not want to further annoy the lady.  I would want at least an email that said something like " I have appreciated our friendship, but please do not contact me again" Whether to add anything else depends on the individuals involved.  The one specific that might be most useful I whether I should continue to use her as a reference, although, on second thought, a "do not" coul lead to an unwanted request for more information.

I wasn't trying to be funny.  I was serious.  All that shit I suggested in in use, trust me.

I think, given your situation, the best solution is to let your performance run downhill.  Don't answer him as fast, and let the sessions not be as good.  

"Sorry, but for personal reasons.."  (Is there any other kind?) "...I will not be able to see you anymore, and will not be responding to any communication from you."

No lies or obsfucations needed.

Explanations will only beg for a debate, which won't be pleasant or productive for either of you.

He won't be thrilled, but at least he'll know where he stands, and won't have the indignity of banging his head against a wall trying to reach you.

By the way, the several times that I have been dumped, it has always been by #1.  It sucketh greatly, but I survived.  I suspect that this will always be the norm, human nature being what it is.

I had a client I could no longer stomach seeing and chose to ignore him-this unstable man retaliated by writing me a bad false review-though when he thought I was enjoying his company, he gave me a ten/ten. People can be very fragile and may get angry when you stop seeing them. If I were you, I would tell him I was having a hard semester in school and need to take some time off. Best of luck, hope your rejected client doesn't get evil like mine did.

If there is no attraction they just pull out some lube, put it on and let you go at it. All the while thinking "OK I'm $300 richer, let me think what bill I'll pay or what I will buy". Before she knows its over, your happy and so is she spending the money.

I'd prefer either to be ignored or told the truth.  Ignoring me is just a passive way of telling me the truth.

Obviously I was kidding about sucking in bed.

Thank you for your questions and wanting to keep your ATF happy!!!

I think that if she offered you a discount for visiting her frequently, you should enjoy it for a while.  BUT OVER TIME, keep a mental note of what her current going rates are.  If you've been getting a discount for quite a while, but you notice her going rates keep increasing, that is a sign that business is great for her.... She may have needed your business when she initially offered the discount, but that very well could change.  

In general, it may be a good idea to voluntarily pay her going rate (or close to it) if you want to continue being one of her preferred clients.  She wont think you're up to anything.  If she says "no, no its ok!" , give it to her anyway-- shes just being nice.  

This keeps her from secretly prioritizing other clients ahead of you and should keep you off her "How can I break up with this guy?" list

I dont think you need to worry about being in the "I just disliked seeing him over time" category.  The fact that you even commented on this thread asking about these things shows that you are a considerate and cognizant man.  Also, being that she gave you a "frequent visitor" discount, shows that she likes you.  If she didnt, trust me, she would not have given you any incentive to see her more often!  Im sure you're great and she loves knowing you.

Jolene is spot on!

I personally can be sexually attracted to someone even if Im not phyically attracted to them.  Usually if a guy has a hard enough d*ck and puts in in my mouth, I will automatically get wet.  

BUT, say Ive seen the guy 5 times and with each subsequent visit, he starts neglecting his hygiene... I am suddenly no longer sexually attracted to him-- instead, turned off.

If I am turned off by a man, my vagina wont lubricate and sex is painful.  (The tissues are not engorged with blood and the vagina will be very tight and closed.)  Even with artificial lube, if the man has any size, he will tear the vagina.  This is very painful.  I experienced an overnight recently with a guy who didnt arouse me and the sex was absolutley excruciating.

BTW, yes this is a client I wont see again

Im really sorry to hear about your trouble.  

I do know that we have to be sensitive to other people's feelings.  If you've got to break up with a client who really likes you, you need to have an idea of how he'll react.  If hes clingy or a "Mr. fix it", the honest truth may be best.  If hes volitile, a far more careful and gentle approach may be in order.  I guess theres no one answer of how to break up with someone....  But ignoring him seems to be the worst method.