Well there was the time I poped a wicked leg cramp while inside her doggy.
I think she thought I was having a heart attack! I scared the shit out of her!
Sorry about that.  

Then there is the time I tried snowballing.
Trying to be all sexy, and kinky I almost puked!
As soon as I could taste that shit Blah! It really fucked me up!
I was a mess. Fucking cum everywhere! I was wiping my tongue like a little kid!
That is NOT pineapple juice. Props to the ladies who swallow.

Then there was the time I accidentally requested a vibrator up my butt.
There was a bit of a language barrier there. That was awkward.

Then there was the time I almost ran through horse shit because I went to the wrong side of Central Park.
I went flying over the shit and almost cut up my hands breaking my fall. If I didn't use a leather bag I had I would have had to cancel. If I ran through the shit? I guess I would have had to buy new shoes.

Man. It's a wonder I got laid at all