i was wondering if you all could let me know what you think about the chances of picking up strippers are in EITHER the context of A) escort service on the side (in which case, how does one find that out tactfully?) or B) picking up a stripper and she actually goes out w/ you when she's not working?  any suggestions?  or experiences shared would be great.  thanks!

The likelyhood? Very high

The means? Spend, spend, spend.

A "real" provider is far more cost effective.

O.

I've propositioned strippers maybe four times, with two successes.  The positives WYSIWYG (L=10), and they are often (mine were) virginal, so to speak.  The negatives, I've been stood up twice, although I didn't have to pay for an outcall (just yet - it was a hot tub/spa place).  Also, they were a tad expensive +/- $$$$$ (although for >1hr) - I'm sure they are calculating blowing an afternoon or evening when they could make maybe $$$-$$$$ in the club without getting into bed).  For me it worked best if I saw the girl a few times before asking.  When asking, I would say "would you give me a private dance?".  They all know what the code words "private dance" mean. Then I think it's just math and whether she likes you.   I would also tell them that their "dance" didn't have to be any more than what we do at the club (bump and grind) - but when in the room, with a glass of wine and all alone, they all subdue - and like it I may add.  
I've also gone out to dinners, lunches, and drinks with girls.  They will do it if they click with you.  OMG, one once broke down and said "I want to have your child" - I knew we were getting too close then.
good luck

I have tried to pick them up.
After watching a couple of them do 2 girl shows and I mean they were going at it, I offered the one $$$ to come home. Her response.."I don't do that".

What I don't understand  is that they will do anything on stage for a dollar, but won't come home.

I figured it out..escorts don't stip and stippers don't escort.

Shaye

First of all, a dancer is very hard to pick up, because they get asked out (or get asked to a hotel room) by probably 80-90% of the guys they do a lap dance for. You have to be someone special (in either looks, personality or financial status) to achieve this easily.

Some girls will lead you on intentionally, saying they will meet you after their shift ends or even ask for your phone number, but nothing ever happpens. They just wanted those dances and extra tips. I know a dancer who promises 5-6 men a night she will meet them at an after-hours club but she never shows up--ouch!

If you've asked a dancer to meet you and she declines, then you really have your work cut out for you. I'd go ahead and tactfully offer money at that point--you have nothing to lose. Don't worry, she's been propositioned before and won't be surprised by your request. If the amount is large enough (I'd say $500 and up in Vegas) you just may get lucky.

Strippers can be very fun dates. They are generally very open-minded sexually. My guy pals are on constant missions to date them, even though it doesn't happpen very often.

Have fun and good luck!

From my experiences I have found providers who use to be strippers to be excellent providers. The code word is to ask them if they do after hours. Be very careful, LE sometimes targets strip clubs to crack down on the escort business. If you have seen them for a while with a private lap dance, they will bring up the after hours sevices with you. In someplaces there are private strip parties called hoe downs. They are networking events for hobbists and providers.

...having dated, both times fairly briefly, a copuple dancers.

Being neither handsome (not by a long shot) nor wealthy (and for a stripper, wealthy mean pro athlete type wealthy...they turn down the doctor / lawyer types all the time), I needed "personality".

For me, it was going into the same club on a regular basis (a couple times a month) without going so often to mark myself as a loser / stalker (strippers find those guys who show up every other day highly amusing / pathetic). Whenever I went I looked decent (slacks...nice shirt...not necessarily a suit, but decent) which also said "not a loser". I conducted myself as a gentleman with ALL the ladies...not too "handsy"...not rude or offensive (just because a gal works in the sex trade doesn't mean she isn't some sembelance of a lady) not screaming at the stage like a farm animal. I also went alone most times...I am sure that helped.

But the biggest thing that lead to my "success" in both cases I was told was that I didn't treat them like strippers...including not buying dances. In both cases, I'd dance with other girls, but these girls I won't buy dances from. I'd behave as I would on a date...give them lots of attention, make conversation...buy them drinks (boy, did I buy drinks...lol), but no dances (ok...very few...lol). That meant I never became a "john". The pattern that developed was that when they would see me in the club...I didn't harass or stalk...they would come by to chat with me. Dancer like a friendly face...it helps them to deal with all the rejection. I'd chat them up...buy a drink or two...then they would go back to hawking dances. Whenever they wanted to take a break from "would you like a dance?" routine, they'd come sit with me. At first, it was for the free drinks I am sure, but after ahile it was for the conversation, the kind words, flirtatious but genltemanly flattery, shoulder massages...etc. Then, when the time was right after a handfull of visits, I asked them out.

Of the 5 times I did, 3 said yes. One didn't last past the first date...she just wasn't into me, nor I into her when the light of day revealed our true(r) natures...but the other two I both dated for a few months each. Nothing serious or heavy...just a fun, sexy dating partner until in both cases they became to difficult to pen down for dates. I got the hint and stopped calling.

Again, the key is to not become a "john". Unlike an escort, you are NEVER gonna get an hour of a strippers time to talk to her (at least not a quality stripper in a quality club), so a "personal conenction" CAN'T be brought wih money. Even more than escorts, I think strippers see guys as "walking ATM machines"...you are either buying dances or you're not, and if you're not, baby still needs shoes, so CYA...a girl has to work. Don't try to stop them from working, don't BEG (ALL women hate beggers) for them to stay and talk to you or go out with you, don't be lewd, and what happens is you become the nice interesting guy they could have met anywhere...they just happened to meet you at the club.

Worked for me...

and maybe not that particular girl.  But quite a few are straight up about taking appointments, and a lot of the ones who aren't can be tempted under the right circumstances.  If the girl is in need of immediate cash for something like rent money or a ticket back home from Vegas, and the bait ($$$$$$$$$$$) is high enough, and she thinks she is assured of anonymity, well . . .

I have found it easier to pick up strippers in the smaller clubs. Often, the smaller clubs will bring in dancers from bigger cities, so you have a situation where a dancer is spending a few days in a hotel in a small town.

Also, I have found in the smaller clubs, that the girls have more time to chat with the customers, so they can get a sense of your personality.

The strangest experience I had was where a dancer asked me to go home with her first, before I had gotten around to asking. She had broken the heel of her shoe and had taken it off to fix it. I started massaging her foot, not as part of any move I was making, but because I figured it must have hurt when her shoe broke. After about ten minutes of massage, she decided I was going home with her.

Great "method." I'd point out that, as you say, NOT buying dances is probably more effective than buying them. Buying puts you in the category of walking ATM, and consequently if they agree to date you it's literally REMOVING money from their income, in their perception.

I'd add, that in my experience, many girls who strip "on the side" (to pay college tuition, wuddever) actually often PREFER to meet boyfriends who already know that they're strippers. If the stripping is a secret they have to keep from their parents, roommates, or whatnot, then your own male desire to visit a strip club is a similar secret that you two can keep together. She can be in cahoots with you, and you can share a double-life. Not that it's very healthy, but it is a common arrangement that strippers, especially the younger ones, have going on in their lives, and you might be able to work it to your advantage.

I'm personally always on the troll for hot-bodied young women to date. (I don't actually manage to do that very often, but that's because I'm a chicken shit -- a different issue.) One thing I see, is that young men with expensive cars and drug dealing stashes of cocaine, can always "land" a stripper for a date, just by trading off the excitement and the drugs. If you don't want to involve the girl that way, then you need to double-check on several visits to a club to see if she is a "party animal" or "has her head screwed on straight and is planning for her future." The latter is a better target, most likely, for anyone playing the "sincere man" game.

Oh, and finally, I personally never "ask her out on a date" any more, whether or not she's a stripper. Women respond more positively to a definite, strong male. I declare my intents and address her as though it is HER job to fit into a rather strict set of criteria that I hold my women up to, and how you say it is important. "I really would like to get with you cuz you're beautiful, pleeease?" is pathetic, doomed to failure. "I'm looking for someone who has her head screwed on straight, and you seldom meet people like that in a strip club. You might have me fooled, but I suspect that it might be the case with you. I'm going to a diner at midnight. I think you should come along." Much more like a man in charge of his own life, who knows what he wants and knows how to get it, and MIGHT invite this woman into it (so she doesn't feel her stellar looks have already made it so she doesn't have to DO anything to be worthy of you); much less like "I'm a lozer, I don't deserve you, but will you pretty please bestow your charitable graces on me anyway?"

Don't watch the romance movies for how to land any girl. Watch the Schwarzenegger ones -- at least they're more realistic.


-- Modified on 5/10/2003 3:31:13 PM

I have only recently understood the power of this frame of mind.  A lot to be said for it.

-Hoot.

First of all, I want to make it clear up front, I do not know any of this to be fact, but I'm merely relating information that has been gleened from pillow-talk with my clients that used to frequent the Strip Clubs or "Tittie Bars" before they found me.  I've been told that most dancers, either are married and their SO won't allow them to escort and will drop them off and pick them up after work , or the girls may have no interest in men, but see them, as was said previously, as ATM's, since they're Lesbians, or they may be on drugs, and would rather dance, since they're in their own little world and being under the influence there, is much safer that being a Street Whore, but if offered drugs or money, she may be persuaded to see a client out side of the club. The theory here is, if the women were free to choose, liked men and enjoyed sex, she would be a provider already, so the fact that she isn't, should tell you all you need to know...Dancing at these clubs is hard work and money wise, one never knows how the night will go, so,There's more to a Strippers story than you know and it usually involves alot of drama, so unless your one of those "Rescuers" that loves trying to "Save" them, IMHO, you'd be better off with a Provider.

Well ... well ... wiith this technique, you can pickup the cute girl behind the Starbucks counter, the beatiful unmarried checker at your local grocery store, or that sexy kitten in your favorite French Bakery ... and most certainly, the likelihood of them being a gold digger is less.

Then why would you want to apply so much effort to pick up a stripper, if she is not easy picking?

I think it sounds damn good.

First of all, I was there to make money. Stripping is like supermarket sweep, you're $50 or more in the hole you minute you walk in the door (dancer's fee, tip for DJ, bartender, doorman, housemom, etc) so you have x amount of hours to make x amount of money. We are basically "renting" couch space for couch dances much like a manicurist or hairstylist rents a booth. They're not doing manicures or haircuts = they're not getting paid. I've never understood women who wasted it standing around bitching about customers, smoking cigarettes, drinking, lollygagging around. Of course there was a certain amount of networking and chatting to be done.

Another way to look at it: do you go into a nice restaurant and sit forever nursing a cup of coffee? In a strip bar, WE are the product, in a restaurant the food is, but both of us work on tips. If I were a waitress and some guy came in day after day and only bought a cup of coffee and sat there for hours trying to be a forceful alpha male and impress me into going out with him later...PLEASE!

Maybe this approach works for super young, naive and impressionable chicks who get some sort of thrill from someone bossing them about but it would have never worked for me. Did I date guys I met in the club? Sure I did. What worked for me is getting to know someone the way you get to know someone the usual way. Spending time with them. You want to get to know the counter girl at Starbucks you buy a lot of lattes and try your best to get to know her in the interim. Getting to know them, if I liked their personality and what they had to offer I would show interest or reciprocate his.

Who I liked: Guys that didn't have an agenda, guys who weren't liars. Guys who were just hanging out, having a good time, had no guilt trips, shame or weirdness about being in a strip club, guys who didn't waste my time by taking up space, chatting me up and not buying the product, guys who treated me respectfully, looked me in the eyes once in a while (not just the chest), guys who LISTENED to what I told them and remembered things about me and my life, guys followed the rules of the club, guys who could have a drink without getting rude and drunk, guys who were sincere. But moreover guys who weren't just on the make for ANY old stripper, but guys who seemed interested in ME.

MM

-- Modified on 5/11/2003 10:07:22 AM

...second....the whole point was that it wasn't EFFORT. I wasn't there to pick up strippers...that was the whole point I was making. You think strippers can't smell that coming a mile away?

The orginal questions was how to pick up strippers...I provided advice regarding what worked for me, while trying (apprently I failed) to point out the likely pointlessness of "trying to pick up strippers" in the first place.

"wiith this technique, you can pickup the cute girl behind the Starbucks counter, the beatiful unmarried checker at your local grocery store, or that sexy kitten in your favorite French Bakery "

No kidding. Except none of those people are going to sit down next to you while they are doing their jobs, but, yes that was the point...if you don't treat a stripper like a stripper, she is more likely to not think of you as a "John".

"and most certainly, the likelihood of them being a gold digger is less."

I don't know about that...I am not disagreeing...certainly strippers tend to think very much in terms of "what can you do for me" while INSIDE the club. OUTSIDE the club however, my experience was that these women had their own money, and thus didn't need mine. I would say their "gold digger" factor was no greater than that of attractive women as a whole...MOST attractive women expect to be catered to and pampered...because men are willing to do it. My experince has been the greater the income disparity (as in me versus a check out clerk), the more likely there are going to be looking for me to enhance thier standard of living. As a man you have to decide for yourself how far you are willing to go.

"..if she is not easy picking"

And it is EXACTLY that attitude that leads to the flames for most guys in strip joints...the "you take off your clothes for a living, so you must be easy" POV. Again...the stories I would hear from gals about guys like that would have me rolling on the floor.

Feel free to do what works for you. I gave the advice regarding what works for me. Then again, I wouldn't advocate going to a stripper bar to pick up women in the first place...I was just saying I HAD.

-- Modified on 5/11/2003 10:24:56 AM

While there is no disputing that the percentage of dancers who are lesbians or drug users out strips the civilain population, I wouldn't assume it exceeded the percentage amongest escorts. Ok...maybe for lesbians, yes (though I am CERTAIN some percentage of escorts are in fact lesbians), but for drug use...I am sure that is there is any difference, drug use is higher amongest escorts given that an escort obviously is comfortable with the notion of illegal activity.

Which is the first amongest several reasons why "if the women were free to choose, liked men and enjoyed sex, she would be a provider already, so the fact that she isn't, should tell you all you need to know.." doesn't hold water.

1) Being an escort is illegal, being a stripper is not.

2) Being an escort, fairly or unfairly, is almost universally a profession that comes with some stigma. Being a dancer, stripping her way through college, is almost seen as "creative profession" by comparison. Women have wrote several books about it, etc. Many strippers (not all, I'm not claiming that) make no secret at all about how they make a living...friends come to see them dance, etc. I don't know many escorts (I am sure some exist, but) who fly a banner re: their career choice, even in places where it is legal.

3) Being a stripper certainly isn't the same as working at Starbucks, but I would guess it is safer than meeting with strange men you don't know on a regular basis. In a high quality club, you have (mostly) decent clients, and you have plenty of security. Alcohol is a factor, no doubt, but mostly the biggest concern is a guy getting fresh. Being an escort involves REAL RISK, risk that ladies try to mitigate, but real risk all the same.

4) Being a stripper involves little to no health risk above and beyond civilian life. Without entering into a debate about condom use and that whole arguement, it is pretty safe to say that being an escort involves more health risks from a STD stand point. Again, this isn't to debate one particular escorts safe sex practices versus anothers, we are talking professions as a whole in comparison.

5) Finally...not that there aren't other reasons, but this is the last one I will list...there still are women in those world who consider sex something they only share with a SigO. Hard to believe in this community, I know...but...it is true. In plenty of cities / states, lap dancing is illegal as well, so all stripping really entails is a willingness to take your clothes off and be stared at. No contact...and certainly no intimate contact.

All this to say that I think your sources probably don't know many strippers very well.

"...There's more to a Strippers story than you know and it usually involves alot of drama, so unless your one of those "Rescuers" that loves trying to "Save" them, IMHO, you'd be better off with a Provider."

I'd totally disagree...while allowing that it depends on both the guy and the gal. I have met PLENTY of flaky strippers...no question. And drug use is a problem. And no question "drama" is a frequent factor as well.

But just as I am sure most providers wouldn't want to be painted with a broad "loser" brush, most strippers would not want to be either. Personally...I can absolutely see why a young woman who had the good looks and the "balls" to do it would strip. If you are good at it, you can make a very good living, while you focus on something else (say, school). It is fairly mindless work with flexible hours. The biggest danger is having the strength to walk away when you finally get that degree in teaching that you always wanted, and have to take a pay cut.

Being an escort however, IMHO, requires a uniqueness in a woman that, again, IMHO, would seem to make her unsuitable for an exclusive relationship. Whether you consider that "uniqueness" a good thing or a bad thing...empowering, liberating, or a sign of dysfunctionality, it is certainly UNIQUE when is comes to women. Most women couldn't be dancers because they don't have the looks for it, and aren't comfortable being nude. Most women couldn't be escorts because they are TOTALLY adverse with the notion of sex with strange men on a regular basis.

My point? You are more likely to find a "mainstream" gal as a stripper than as an escort. And call me crazy, but if I'm gonna date a gal (versus just have sex with her and then have both of us forget the other even exists), I'd like her to be as close to the center of the road as possible.

I do think it is curious that you seem to imply that being a stripper is closer to being a "Street Whore" than being a "Provider"....I wonder how many people who AREN'T providers or hobbiest would agree.



-- Modified on 5/11/2003 7:45:35 PM

Thanks LookingToParty for actually shedding some light on this issue.  I have never succeeded in picking a stripper, although I have tried.  I have had a lot more luck in other situations as described.  

But, I am going to take your suggestion, and giving it one more try.

Take good care ...

that I didn't know this to be fact, and unless your a dancer or have been one, I'm not sure you can say everything you wrote is FACT either...But obviously, I didn't make myself clear enough to you, since no where, did I say strippers were closer to street whores than Providers, so you'll have to use your flame thrower elsewhere sugar....

at least about the dancer part. I feel like you peeked into my psyche a little bit there. No wonder you were able to date a few girls from a club, you seem very perceptive, caring, sincere and REAL without being wimpy - and those are all very sexy qualities.

MM

So, you agree that we shouldn't visit too often, we should be definite, we should recognize a stripper's need to make money in her time at the club, we should realize it's a low-percentage game, we should ... all the things we've already said. Why do you think you disagree with us?

I think my points were about general attitude and approach with ALL women ... the whole "I'm going to a diner and you should come along" wasn't a stripper-specific method. In fact, I specifically stated "hot-bodied young women" NOT "strippers" were my target. If you wanted to take someone to task for not knowing how to land a stripper, wouldn't it make sense to address people who were talking about landing a stripper?

Yeesh! Women!

Now, aside from that minor miscommunication, I do agree that quite often, as Mistress M felt the need to point out, many strippers simply are NOT going to respond positively (even though Mistress M doesn't seem to realize that some are in a radically different situation from what hers was). Their priorities are elsewhere for their work time. That's good and bad -- bad, because you probably ain't gettin' any. Good, because it's not YOU that is the problem, so you can feel free to brook any objection or rejection with equanimity.

Finally, I'd recommend that men be careful not to listen to what women SAY works for them. Quite often they're likely to tell you that they want a "nice sensitive guy," and that may be true ... they may THINK they WANT that, in their perfect world in their mind, in their imagination of what they "should" be like, or how they would "prefer" to perceive themselves. But they END UP WITH the guy with the Harley. (Or any of a number of other dichotomies.) They ACTIVELY CHOOSE people who are definite, proactive, decisive, not desperate; people who do NOT look like they NEED the woman's approval, but offer an opportunity for the woman to gain THEIR approval. Would it be smarter to continue to try to match the romantic-movie ideals that people THINK are the ways they're SUPPOSED to interact, or the REAL practices that are actually HAPPENING OUT THERE right now?

Not that I am any better at doing it m'self ...


-- Modified on 5/12/2003 12:51:04 PM

of men or approaches by men do or don't work on them, when in fact the opposite is true.

-- Modified on 5/12/2003 8:13:06 PM

Just sharing my opinion. I suppose I just loathe the idea that guys want to bag any old stripper. Everyone wants to be special, even us strippers.

So many other strippers have a different position from what mine was? What was my position, exactly? I didn't know we had been acquainted. I have KNOWN hundreds of strippers and you are right, some of them would have responded to this approach. However, IMO, these girls are the ones who would not be keepers. But being you're a guy, maybe you have a different idea of what a "keeper" is.

As for what I SAY being a dichotomy, not to sure about that. I've always liked nice friendly guys. Not marshmellows, just real people. In fact, I met my husband in Dream Girls in San Diego. And he was a computer programmer, now he is a retail manager (how boring is that?) I saw him for about a year before I ever spoke to him, hung out with him a few months before we slept together, dated for three years before we got married. We've been married a year now and have a daughter together. He followed the plan I described and it worked for us, maybe not quickly, maybe it wasn't inexpensive but then again, in my experience the good things in life usually take a bit of effort to achieve.

MM