I love bad girls!  I like everything about their thought process.  I crave that come fuck me look that providers know how to create.  I have seen a few, not many, but a few, providers where I think we both saw something more than just a financial transaction.  Is that possible?

How do you ask a provider out on a non-professional date?  Would they go?  Any chance it could grow into something real?  Would they still want to provide?  Would I want them to?

You thoughts are solicited....

Are you looking to get free sex?  Good luck with that.  Do yourself a favor and keep the envelope in the picture.

Your reasons seem to be all about the lust, which is fine, but don't go confusing that with love.

Love is a whole other thing and yes, it is possible to have a loving relationship with a provider, but not for the sex, but because you want to create a real interpersonal relationship based on that love.

Although with Hirogen gone it may not go too bad.

Is "the hobby" right place to look for love? No. Can you fall in love and have a relationship? Yes.

Will it be easy? Hell no.

She may be ready to quit, she may be not. You may think you are OK with her job, and then realize that you are not.

A lot depends on each particular situation.  She may be ready and willing to quit, but not in position to do so.

So unless you try, you won't find out.

I guess it can go 2 ways it can either work out or not work out personally I have only been in the industry since october and I have pretty much decided that I dont want to have a boyfriend while providing and I don't want any future boyfriends knowing I was an escort so i dont think i would want to get serouis  with a client although maybe a fling would be fun haha although and I never say never. Thats just me though. I also think that unless you were going to give her a monthly allowance you would  have to be ok with her still providing too which might be weird at times lol i couldnt imagine going home a husband/boyfriend after a session and him asking me how my day went haha classic anyway let us know if it works out for you!
xoxo Lilly Lockhart

The acronyms which you must understand, and no, I do not mean knowing of what they stand for, but to comprehend their meaning within this Hobby:

1- P4P which means: Pay for Play. If you start pussyfooting around this very basic principle of this Hobby, you are often asking for trouble!

2- The four F's: Find them, Feel them, Fuck them & Forget them. By all means harsh, but necessary for maintaining sanity and levity.

Now, I don't mean to be a cynical bastard and I know that anything is possible and when there's chemistry between two people, feelings of mutual gravitation grow even in the most unlikely of realms. However, you MUST approach this hobby with this tenor that MOST providers are in it for the revenue which it generates for them and not for finding love or any true companionship beyond the for-sale time allotment.

Asking a provider to go out on being paid for there time and services are what matter a non-professional date...;hmm most are into this biz for the financial end and thats why they are there on a date as if the gal wld go..>>>i'm not looking to make a long term relationship with a client and if asked out on a date i wld go if the bene's were offered.

So dont fall in love um-less you are preparedbto be "Capt' save a ho"

Well, if you're speaking regarding probabilities. NO!

And, "bad girls" usually make horrible girlfriends and SO's, because they tend to like to be bad across the board, not just with you. If you are limited in time, energy and other resources, why play horrible odds, and get so little return on your investment?

GFE. It's our job to make you feel that there is chemistry beyond the envelope. Sometimes there is, someytimes there isn't. But it's how we make our living. Every client would prefer to think that he's the sexy, favorite John rather than John #3...that's what makes people feel good, and keeps them coming back.

While we do sometimes genuinely like our clients and enjoy the time we spend with them, it's a perk of our job...it doesn't usually mean that we want something more. Lots of people love their job, but would never consider doing it for free.

If you feel that she genuinely enjoyed her time with you and related with you as a person, it just means that she did her job very well. For every one "armybrat," there are 10 more who think the same thing. It's the great quandry of GFE...how to give a convincing and genuine performance...how to truly love your job...and at the same time keep clients from getting too duped by the illusion.

This topic comes up now and again and the answer is always "No", I wont', 'don't', shouldn't, etc., etc., but the reality is something different all together.

I am personally aware off at least 10 providers in the past 10 or so years since started the hobby that has dated and married their clients. While everyone states they won't, the reality is there are many cases which prove otherwise.

It all depends, some will and some won't.

Women do not like to be controlled no matter what professions they do, so no you cannot ask her to quit her job..she has to decide. Whereas some relationships provider-client might work most fail.  

There are plenty of bad girls out there who are not providers...you should ask them out.

This is a very good point.  In fact, I know of two top girls around 30 who are married to former clients over 60, so never say never.  BUT!  I believe these are exceptions that prove the rule: don't confuse the myth created by GFE with the reality.  Most likely, she's not really that into you.  If you are presistently falling into this trap be prepared for pain.  Or perhaps this is the wrong hobby for you.

-- Modified on 5/9/2011 7:45:53 AM

You might want to take a look at the Erotic Highway Board.  This topic has been discussed ad nauseum. You've been given good advice in the previous posts.  Can a relationship work? yes, but it's  rare.

A provider is a female, or usually close enough for government work.

You ask her out like any other female: "Hey X, I think you are swell. (insert here WHY she is swell). I'd like you to join me for Y event (something she'd enjoy)."

She will either agree or disagree.

Either way, once you've done that, you can't see her in her provider role anymore.

BE PREPARED for the fact that nearly all providers see their clients -- just by virtue of the fact they are hobbyists -- as scumbags who are utterly unsuitable for relationships of any sort who are just trying to get "free pussy."

So even if there IS a spark and even if the lady sees it too -- your odds of rejection are considerably higher than they would be if approaching a civie.

But, hey -- I say give it a shot. Worst case scenario is you get rejected and can't see her as a provider anymore. And if you are a worthwhile man, it was HER loss. No problem.

"A provider is a female, or usually close enough for government work."

It means that once out of provider mode she will be just as emotional, unreasonable and demanding as any other civvie.  This is the way we were created.  Some of us actually admit it though.

"You ask her out like any other female: "Hey X, I think you are swell. (insert here WHY she is swell). I'd like you to join me for Y event (something she'd enjoy)."

I would be more elaborate on WHY she should do so.  Since you are asking her out her being swell is pretty much given.

"She will either agree or disagree."

She will start with "disagree".  So repeat elaborating on WHY she should agree.

"BE PREPARED for the fact that nearly all providers see their clients -- just by virtue of the fact they are hobbyists -- as scumbags who are utterly unsuitable for relationships of any sort who are just trying to get "free pussy."

Yes. Sort of like pretty much everyone walking into used car dealership sees smiling salesman as lier who's sole purpose is to sell them piece of crap.

"So even if there IS a spark and even if the lady sees it too -- your odds of rejection are considerably higher than they would be if approaching a civie."

Smart provider knows only too well that once she is in the relationship and gotten emotionally involved, it will be extremely costly one.  Usually providers also have no shortage of potential suitors, lead rather busy lives and often juggle escorting and day time careers.


Oh, and don't forget the part about all the other girls telling her how dumb she is for going out with a client and then turning around and sending him "she is bad I am good see me" emails.  

Add to that all the messages you will get about how you should not be dating her and two of you are in for some fun times.

It is not unheard of some "good friends" manufacturing fake booking requests and forwarding them to provider in relationship as "proof" of what a dog he is.

she has already admitted to "liking me too much" and I had to literally tell her to leave at almost four in the afternoon today.

I have been competely honest about the fact that I am a pig and have no intentions whatsoever of changing, but the heart feels what the heart feels and sometimes there is nothing a person can do to control it.

OTOH I am also seeing a bartender who doesn't exactly charge me for  sex, but it's clear to my very open eyes that the relationship that I have with her is more about the money than the one I have with the prostitute. Go figure, all you can do is try and keep your eyes open, and enjoy the ride.

but I would never ask a provider that I had already slept with on a P4P basis out the same way that I would ask any other woman.

Once you have paid for sex with a woman the dynamic changes significantly. I am not saying that you can't date a woman that you have paid for sex, I am living proof that you can, having had several rather successful (at least in the short term) relationships with providers.

When seeing a provider "off the clock" I am never the pursuer, quite the opposite. I always make it known that I have an interest, but leave it to her to make the first move. This way if there is no interest, which is frequently the case, you haven't ruined what you already have.

Nothing ruins a hobbyist/provider relationship faster than giving the impression you are falling in love when the feelings are not reciprocrated.

Guys fall for providers so much more frequently that it's hard to even quantify, if I were to guess I'd put the ratio at 50-1

I would say more often than not, guys are reading a lot more into the GFE than is really there. Which of course means the ladies are doing their jobs.

I have been with literally thousands of providers over the years and I would estimate that "maybe" one out of fifty is open and/or receptive to making more out of it than P4P, and I am a single guy who is able to enter a relationship if I choose as opposed to married guys who are technically unavailable.

I am happy to hear that you have "been that girl" even girls as hot as you get rejected from time to time. BTW you want to do dinner sometime? lol Be careful how you answer, I can see "behind the curtain" and if you say yes even though I am in Costa Rica, I can be to your city in a matter of hours. lol

and you risk that she will feel you have lost sight of the boundaries.  Likely, if she declines, you'll never see her again.  
Love does happen in the hobby but is so rare as to be remarkable...  and it is a terrible place to look and laced with landmines.  
Sometimes a lady will choose to leave the profession because of a relationship but you must be prepared to provide support...  Very often, it seems the lady will return to the business when the relationship has run it's course.
I know of some ladies who are in relationships or married but continue to provide.  

Again, this is not the place to be looking for a GF.
skb

But it happens much more often that a client mis-interprets the GFE than otherwise. The OP's statement that he'd gotten the 'interested' vibes from multiple providers led me to respond the way I did. But you're completely right, love does happen in this arena, and even if not, life's too short to not take chances

I read the boards a lot, so I know that you guys can see who's 'behind the curtain' lol. Thanks for the compliment I'd love for you to look me up if you are in my area

I am currently in a relationship with a provider which is why I'm not hobbying. And there is a REASON why nobody knows who her BF is, and nobody knows who my GF is. The moment the word was out about who was whom, all sorts of "helpful" people would insert needless drama.

And you have also pointed out another important reality that few appreciate. Even though I have seen many providers complain about how false their BFs are (including those who were never hobbyists); I have never seen them acknowledge the facts that you have just acknowledged. Once other providers know who another provider's BF is; some of them quite specifically target the BF for some fucked up inexplicable reason. The guy should, of course, say no -- so I'm not letting him off the hook. But as a community, providers should at least show the common sense not to target each other's men. But even guys who say no aren't safe because, you are right, the fake bookings then roll in.

And, yes, she WILL be "just as emotional, unreasonable and demanding as any other civvie..." however, she will ALSO be pretty fantastic in other respects, so much so as to override those typical female negatives; which is which she would be GF material in the first place.

I agree about the support thing.  The vast majority of providers got into the biz cuz they needed money.  They needed it fast and once they start earning it they become dependent upon it.  I was in an exclusive relationship with a provider for over two years.  She was beautiful, exotic, sexy, worldly and was madly in love with me.  However, I had to fully support her when she left the biz shortly after meeting me.  The relationship ended after two years for other reasons, but the support thing is very real in any relationship of this nature.  You need to be prepared for it.