So my house of cards finally tumbled down. I got piss drunk yesterday and passed out. When my SO was stripping my cloths off she found my hobby phone. She asked if I saw escorts and I came clean. I think maybe it was a cry for help and I wanted to get caught. Not sure where to go from here....

What help do u need??
Your SO? Are you married??
I agree with London, "Shit or get off the pot"
You wanna a good relationship with your SO, then do it!! ( be faithful and stop paying for pussy )
If not, let her go so she can get on with HER life.
I'm old school i guess, if your married, u don't sleep around....PERIOD!!!

are you still posting on here? If you want to fix it, and want help, the first place I would definitely NOT go is back on a escort board.

Old school sounds nice in theory, however, I'd bet my left nut that MOST of the men in this hobby are either married or in a serious relationship.  Men love variety.  We get bored easily.  When you combine that with a SO who aint' giving you sex, you've got yourself a new "hobby" or are having affairs with civies.  Old school or not, that's reality.

Just a rhetorical question...

Why do married men, even if found guilty, still use escorts?  or the wives, gf, SO, turn a blind eye and and still stay with them?

is what you should have said. if she is anything lime freind's wives, holy shit.

and they don't even see escorts. Time to put on your big boy pants.

Men can not stop themselves. Wives turn a blind eye for many reasons. Security, fear of divorce, fear of being alone, not wanting to start over. Breaking up the family especially if you have kids.

I watched "The Vow" most recently and heard a wife's explanation of why she stayed with her husband, after she caught him cheating with their daughter's best friend no less...it was profound.

She said, "I chose to forgive him for the one thing he did wrong, and stay with him for all the things he had done right." Being in this business has made me realize, that a man can do far worse to a woman than getting a little ass on the side.

-- Modified on 10/10/2012 1:25:59 PM

I suppose I was just looking to get it out in a forum where I think some of the posters might be able to relate.

I have completely lost faith in monogamous relationships since being in this biz...the man who can and wants to be faithful is rare...the only thing about it that annoys me is that usually they want their SO to be faithful or don't give them any idea that they are in a one-sided open relationship...it's kind of retarded.
Now I wonder if I will ever go back to having a "regular" relationship or if I'm too jaded...I secretly hope I'll meet the perfect lover in the hobby who gets it and we can leave emotions and jealousy out of our life together

And be more responsible about drinking, and you wouldn't have this problem then.

I long for that true love type shit, but I don't see how I could ever "live" with anyone. Maybe, I will change in 10 years, but for now...it is what it is. Would be nice if men just told you upfront, what they wanted, but not always the case. Some wives really don't care, but just don't want it thrown in their face. Many of them are just glad they don't have to fk his fat ass anymore bwahahhaa.

I stole a phone".   Geesh !

Men cannot stop themselves?
Sorry Caitlyn, take it from a man, yes we can.
The question is, do we want to.

I agree their are legit reasons for straying, but the "I NEED variety" is a bullshit excuse.
Should of thought of that before you took vows.....i promise to "Love and Cherish" ( anybody remember that one?? ) Don't get me started.

meaning sex, is to see providers. P4P is discrete because we pay the ladies to LEAVE when finished. With a civie affair, too many attachments can develop which lead to you getting caught big time.

if you weren't going to P4P and if you were, I'm sure your companion really enjoyed the time if you were piss drunk. My phone is put away in a very safe place when not being used.

The vow? So many equate love and sex it is disturbing. They are not the same. Not even close. The problem is that in our society, they are so often thought of as one and the same. In relationships that include sex that is. The thing that gets hurt is just pride, not love. This goes both ways though, and I have the same pride issues as anyone. I love variety, but have no doubt that if I found out my SO did too, it would hurt intensely. Hurt my pride that is. Then if I decided to end the relationship, I would have to also admit it was only because I am so damn selfish. Did I love her? if so, how can I decide I don't anymore because of this? The fact is that love cannot be damaged by anything. It is giving and choosing to give without expectation of anything in return. If your love has to get anything in return....it isn't love. However, we aren't by any means able to achieve such lofty goals, so you have to decide what's best for both yourself and those you "love".

that you must have accidentally grabbed someone else's phone in the bar (gym, office or what-have-you.)

Hopefully, there will be no numbers programmed in (like your home number) that would incriminate you.

But that was then and this is now.

You could be facing a divorce if you continue to hobby.  That's what happened to me.  I think in retrospect is was well worth the cost, but that's for you to decide for yourself now.

If you want to avoid that situation, then beg forgiveness and stick to the straight and narrow.  If you feel addicted to the sex, seek help with Sexaholics Anonmynous or with a private therapist.

Good luck.  You will need it.

You can deal with either or both by seeing a qualified, state-licensed counselor.

Of course you can have love without sex, and vice versa but many people also believe in them as mutually exclusive, and more power to them if that is what they want.  The hobby world is far from an example of the role model of what relationships should be.

Maybe your pride was hurt, but a woman rarely loves that way. It hurts her heart more than her damn pride in most cases. It's the lying and feeling betrayed, that cuts deep...not just the 'act' itself. At least you can admit it's selfishness, and you ended the relationship because yep...that is exactly what it is.

Sex is self gratification when done behind someone's back...it sure as hell is NOT for the person being lied to lol.

-- Modified on 10/10/2012 4:29:46 PM

And matched them up to the times I had come home late in the past month. It was futile at that point and probably the last straw.

What I wrote was not about the hobby world, or any movie I have seen. The only way love can hurt the heart is if it is self love. Parents may get upset with a kid that lies, cheats, betrays and cuts deep, but they still love them. It isn't a real world scenario for me either, just self examination, and understanding. And what the fuck is "person being lied to lol?" Sex is self gratification always, not just when done clandestine. You have a lot to learn and maybe you are best to keep it on a topic you know something about?

Someof us  "give in" when we are in LOVE!!! if we didn't care , we move on- just like men... No different. We don't have to stay in an unhealthy relationship.

There are happy relationships out there!!!!  It takes, Respect, Communication, Honesty of our needs and wants, besides the same appetite for sex... When people are Real, Theres a better way to have a great relationship...

I was feeling like you  at one point of my life... I didn't care to get hurt or played on (I'm an overall good woman)  So I figured I would play it safe... So here I am until,  I get bleesed with a man I see has the values, and qualitites that I seek.  Not all men are DOGS!!!! Not all females  are Bit.....

I know my good man is out there...  It's all about timming...  To provide and protect . Yet to enjoy a woman like me in his life- that isn't high maintance-- just a real sweetheart... and has so much love to give...

Viv

mark, I naturally assumed you were talking about that. No honey, I don't have a lot to learn...you do. The person being lied to is the person being cheated on...fkin duh. Can you even follow a post? No, sex is not always about self honey...not when one is doing it whilst in love and pleasing the other person as well. Get your facts straight. I did not cum for 3 damn years with an ex bf, but he did at least twice every encounter. Self my ass.

You have your ideas about what love and sex are,and others have theirs. If you think self love is the only way to get hurt by another person, so be it. I find that concept utterly retarded. No, a person can't hurt you if you don't let them, but what does that leave? Sex with no love...yippee!



-- Modified on 10/10/2012 5:14:17 PM

Yes you have a lot to learn sweetheart. Unless you want to rewrite what love really is. I wonder if you still love the man? Or, because he didn't make you "cum" is it all over?.

-- Modified on 10/10/2012 5:20:42 PM

1. It's best to come clean, so she knows what was missing in  the relationship. Or for you to work on you. Or both of you to be real with your needs and wants. This can Actually make your relatonship stronger...

2 what ever the reason was for you to get busted... it is what it is... Take this time to be honest and tell her why you did it... Was there something you were Not getting at home???
Out of respect for her,  she needs to know.

3. You have the choice to move on and she so does too. If it doesn't make sense ot her- the reason you saw providers..  

4.  We as females also have and must be supporting and loving to our man..  and bring some excitement to the relationship... It takes TWO!!!!!!!!Isn't that the reason we marry someone???? I know---We all have different needs and wants.... But lets be real... You want a selffsih perosn???
I don't!  

*Having a partner for the good times and the Not so good times... Is what a relationship is for... To grow old together and enjoy this time in this planet...  all the beautiful things we have here on earth....

Look at me-- Im dealing with a  car that is acting up- and tired of dealing with mechanics, that try to take advantage of me because Im a  famale?  ;o(

Now, I wish I had that great man next to me- so I could trust in him that he would help me with this car issue...  

Anyways, Best of luck. Be true to yourself...
She will hurt, I just hope she isn't mean, when she expresses her pain...

Best of luck!

Thanks for being open.  Others don't get you .  Dont' let it get the best of you... You know what is right!

ViviannaLove

You know nothing about my life or my relationships, nor what true love really is...that much is obvious. FYI, I have NEVER cheated on anyone I have ever dated...never. So, sex is not the end all be all, in what I look for in a mate. The reason we broke up had nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with him being a lying POS.

Like I said, I am not trying to change your views on sex or love so don't sit here and tell me what mine should be. That's ludicrous, and really a moot issue. You can't change what another person thinks, so why try? I know true love, and it's what my parents and grandparents both had/have.

-- Modified on 10/10/2012 5:27:50 PM

I am only referring to what you have said. If you loved a lying POS....you still would. Maybe you couldn't be in a relationship, but love cannot just go away.

That you have never "cheated" since you like the traditional route. Good luck on that.

NO, I have never cheated whilst in a relationship...ever. I guess if you want to use the Bible's standard of marriage, just by me being divorced and having sex while he is alive, I have cheated so ok. If you want to suggest that I have lied or cheated on any man while we were together, you would just be an idiot, because I have never done that.

I have been a hooker since 2008 and in that time have NOT had a boyfriend or even tried to 'date.' When I am alone, I do what I want, but I don't fk other men when I am with a person. I am sorry you can't grasp that a hooker could be faithful to someone, but that only further proves how deluded some people are to think this is anything more than a fkin job to many of us lol.

Here's another clue...I don't tend to keep a guy around very long, so maybe that's WHY I have never cheated lol. The only reason my ex and I lasted so long was because I only saw him twice a damn month...he lived hours away.

Now, kindly PM or Email me if you have any further questions about my life, because it does not really go with the topic now does it? Meh.

-- Modified on 10/10/2012 5:43:11 PM

My point was...there are more than a few wives out there in traditional marriages, that if they knew you were providing for their husbands, they would probably say YOU are cheating! I debate against bible thumpers, so we are in good company here. And despite the harshness of this debate, I really like what I do know of you, which is admittedly, very little. And you know little of me! No problem with a "hooker", in fact, I don't like to use the term because it is so often used in a demeaning way. If you want further discussion, we can certainly PM, but it does go with the topic very well, unless we get more personal about life.

This is why we have websites and reviews...you don't need to keep a record of it.

done that to someone that "I" love lol. I will fk another woman's husband (for money, never for free), but I would not cheat on my own. I guess I was not getting where you were coming from with the wives thing, but now I do.  It's not even 5 p.m. here...give me time to have a cocktail and I will come back and make more sense lol. Oh, and if I find out that HookerCops is your alias, I am going to kick your ass when I get to Orlando next month!

The girl I was with at the time standing there... when I woke up. :s


Never drink and surf....

get caught, you'd have cleared the phone memory.  You'd not have gotten drunk while carrying the phone...  kind of defeats the purpose!   And you'd have hidden the d@mn phone!  So many obivious errors on your part makes me think you were indeed wanting to get caught...   or too dumb to hobby, which I don't really think but I am throwing it in for shock value.  Did I get your attention?

So now you are caught.  What the hell are you doing back here?   AA is only your first stop...  marriage counciling also.  YOU need to explore & understand WHY you were doing what you were doing & IF you want to save your marriage IF POSSIBLE.  It may not be.  
Your SO needs to have separate counciling and decide IF she wants to save your MARRIAGE IF POSSIBLE.  It's not a given either way.  
After separate counciling, joint counciling to see if there is overlap in her & your intentions.   It could be a long process IF the couple chooses to go that route.  

In the end, you both may be better people for this BUT it's a long road with no guarentees.   You have a long road in front of you.
Good Bye & Good Luck.  We can not see you here again, unless this situation goes the other way.
HV

I will bitch slap you, and send you right home...no charge.

-- Modified on 10/10/2012 6:51:26 PM

but what I want to do is emphasize what Harborview just said.

Contact AA right away, and get that under control first.  I have known many people who have been saved by AA.

You should ask your sponsor whether or not you should simultaneously get help for sexual addiction.

It often works best to get the more serious situation under control first, then work on secondary issues.

I hope your wife loves you enough to be your partner through this, but like someone else said, she is hurting and you are going to hear about it.

Best wishes to you and come back and tell us some good news.

It was a reference to traditional thought and what many would say. NOT what I think.

SEE? This whole self examination thing didn't get through! It's NOT your ass everyone is tired of!

You earned it. Take it well. LOL!

Jeez, it's tight in here.

Anyhow,

Unless a person wants to label themselves a cheater, I think it is unfair for another to judge affairs of the heart (or cock/vagina, if you prefer).

This is the basis for much of society looking down their collective noses at providers.  It's false, and we should not give it any sway on here especially.

It can be successfully argued that providers end up saving more marriages than they "break up", by allowing a legitimate (in my eyes) venue for men to express their sexuality when things at home go south.  Without providers we would find a lot more civie cheating with co-workers, neighbors and friends, situations that would certianly create a lot more problems than with a provider.

Say unfaithful if you must, but let's not use the perjorative term cheating.

but the receiver can not reply?

That's kink of F'ed up, ain't it?

Can anyone else do it?  Maybe somethings wrong with my PM site?

feel a sense of guilt for the role I play. I would feel more guilty if I were to fall for everyone of these guys, but nevertheless, I do feel I play a part.

I do encourage you to post more here though, as you are a breath of fresh air. I am sure everyone is tired of my ass lol.

... I gave up drinking many moons ago.

Being drunk makes you do far too many stupid things, especially if there are family members around. They see you at your worst behavior.

Enough said....

Serpius

Tell her she wasn't giving you enough sex, and it's her damn fault.  And cause you ain't gettin any at home, you had to go somewhere else.

but many of your posts are actually helping me work through this so thank you.

About turning into something you are not and not using alcohol as a crutch for bad behavior.