OK, I know some of you feel this way.  How do you find a special
provider, the one who's sensual and special?  Who takes time, who you can have some connection with? But is professional, and
discreet?  The reviews are great, but after trying some highly ranked providers, I've been dissappointed.
Money is not a problem.  Am I relegated to keep trying until I find the right provider, or is there a way to filter the choices, and find a great provider without having to "hit or miss"?

-- Modified on 7/3/2003 6:37:56 AM

"...who you can have some connection with?"

How deep a connection do you want?  I hope your disappointment isn't based on the fact that the providers you've been seeing aren't connecting with you emotionally.  It's pretty difficult to check reviews carefully, and still wind up continually disappointed...unless you're looking for something not covered in the reviews.  

Please don't allow yourself to fall into the trap of looking for love out here in Fantasy Land.  Sure, it CAN happen.  And it's wonderful when it does.  But be sure you're not setting out to FIND someone.  Have a good time.  Make a few friends -- both male and female.  But don't expect a life-altering event.

Read some of the foregoing posts on falling in love with a provider.  I think you'll see what I mean.

Yup! even Mr. warmth here recently learned the icy cold truth. It has and will always be...

  All about the money

   Cm

Yes, I agree, great reviews don't help for personality and chemistry. You do know how many times, I have heard "Your really aren't my type"...but after meeting, they have said.."Wow, I was wrong about you", you are FUN.

So, my advice is keep trying until you find what you are looking for.

Shaye

a SEXUAL one. cuz god help you if you don't!

cynically yours,
singleton

I almost didn't respond to this, but just couldn't resist, which I may regret later.

I believe that I understand what the poster "may" be looking for, even within the context of the understood "exchange".

Finding the "connection" is not going to be discovered by sifting through the various reviews of another's experiences.  Each person's experience, even with the same provider is going to be based on a large number of factors, not necessarily there every day. (i.e. amount of sleep, chemistry, present sexual drive, current life events, etc.)  As with any person-to-person interaction, these factors all come together for the result one experiences.  And what occurs today may not be true for tomorrow or next week or next year with the same individual as each gains more life experience.  Some relationships take time to develop, others happen instantaneously as if they were always there, and the people are just experiencing something that, from their perspective has always been there.

I have had a lot of great experiences with some wonderful women, both providers and non-providers.  They all had mechanics of sex down very well, or as a coupling found the mechanics to create the experience we shared.  At times the relationships are driven by pure lust and sexual fire.  At times, they’re driven by intimacy and closeness.  And at other times, it was just mechanically going through the motions to effect completion of one or the other or both.  On a “rare” occasion, I find someone, speaking of providers, who I “connect” with.  I enjoy their presence and communication and the sexual aspect becomes secondary although greatly enhanced.  The other providers I see, still provide the variety and touch, or massage the different aspects of my personality, sexual desire or ego.  However, the “rare” one touches something much different that I have yet to be able to tangibly explain without sounding like I’m ready to form my own religious cult.

It’s not being “in-love” with that person; it’s just a kind of  “bonding” felt from within.  I’ve seen “in-love” used as a lame excuse to not take responsibilities for one’s own actions with respect to emotional and sexual ties with someone.  (A married person “falls in love” with someone else and tears away from a primary relationship… etc.)  I believe that love is a decision made daily by people.  You love your mother, father, sons, daughters, a terminally ill spouse or S/O etc.  Hopefully, that love isn’t conditional, but this isn’t a perfect world, and the conditions often go on, until that person is no longer available to us, either through moves or deaths or some other form of physical and or mental separation.  Love is a VERB!!!  It is something you DO.  

The “connection” I feel is either love, or something closely akin to it.  I feel that as humans we have a far greater capacity to love others than we allow ourselves to do, like it’s reserved for only very special people in our lives.  I think of love more like an endless source of energy that grows with the giving or DOING of it.

Ok, so I ran all around the woods just to miss a tree.  J  In the end, the illusive “connection” is something you’ll have to find by experiencing people, and then recognizing it when it is there for what it is within the parameters of your life.  If it’s with a provider, those parameters are that they are doing this for money, sex, ego, variety, which may be their needs, and you’re doing it for companionship, sex, variety, or your needs.   To confuse this “relationship” can have the varied effects you can find in many past and future postings.  Just search for “falling in love with a provider”.  

Find the “connection” you seek, but do so with both feet planted firmly on the ground.  Recognize that they providers have their own lives, which you may or may not know the truth or entire picture of.  Share what you have to give of each other, and then remember one thing.  Starting a relationship takes time, effort and consistent communication.  Now, that is the easy part.  KEEPING the relationship, ANY relationship, takes even MORE time, effort and communication.

I know, I know.  Reading Last of the Mohicans would have been more interesting or insightful, but I just had to vent.


-- Modified on 7/3/2003 9:20:18 AM

if money is not a problem and "it's all about the money", then doesn't that mean that .... uh

never mind

IAATM

I think you put it very well.  A review may help point you in the right direction, but there are no guarantees.

Somewhere in my head is an ancient memory of reading "The Last of the Mohicans."  I do not remember it as a great read.

Try the TER chat rooms.  I have been fortunate over the past year to have found a few providers who fit that description.  Most of them I have met in the TER chat rooms.  Over the course of chatting with them, I have been able to get to know them as people first, not as providers.  Through chat, I can get a good feel of whether or not I "click" emotionally with them.  Sometimes looks isn't even my highest priority, although it does matter.  It's the mental and emotional match as well, the whole package.  Sure it limits my selection, but that's how I prefer it.

A couple of my dates have been overnight or weekend trips and they have been a blast.  We have fond feelings for one another and yet it is very clear to both sides that it is nothing more than that.  I still keep in touch by e-mail or chat, and consider them good friends.  And, no, I'm not out there looking for "LOVE", but isn't sex so much better when you connect with the person you are having sex with?

you have to cast a wild net on non rip-off ladies and hope to find someone you're looking for.

Recently it took me 9 tries and several thousands dollars to find someone exceptional (not someone I have connection with.  Just a rare find in my books).  I have seen dozens of ladies in the past 2 years.  For me, my ATF is still the best one I met in recent years (not the prettiest, not the one with the best skill or service, not the most genuine, just someone I really like.)  Other members have a different opinion.

he was able to fix a problem with my wiring system for just under $200, when the dealership quoted me that the diagnostics alone would take 6-8 hours @ $80 per. The man was able to save me a little bit of money. I think I felt love at that moment. I know for sure that I felt a true bonding. Yes, this may be the type of connection you are referring to.

I think I see my shoe repair guy almost as much as my mechanic. Although he is very good(exceptionally so)at what he does, he is also extremely expensive. But if it has anything to do with leather, he can fix it and make it look like new. I guess just like many paid ladies, you get what you pay for.

I also have a plumber who I have seen more than once. He is really a friendly and nice guy, who does excellent work. We've talked a few times when he was done and we have found some common interests. But, it isn't the same type of relationship that I have with my auto mechanic. When you're talking about someone working on my precious little car--now that is an intimate relationship.

Now there was also the electician, but that was only a one or two time thing so no attachment ever developed.

Now with most paid ladies I've seen, I basically have had a relationship similar to the one I had with the electrician. However, there have been a few paid ladies that rank right up there with my plumber. Seen some of them several times, received exceptional service in exchange for what I thought to be an appropriate rate, and even have from time to time shared a glass of wine or scotch when their work was completed.

The paid lady who I am currently seeing (I have probably seen her close to a dozen times) is very sweet and nice. Able to speak superficially about a variety of subjects. Although some may consider her pricey, her oral talents far far offset any fees incurred. Gives a very good massage as well. But, it seems that no paid lady, or for that matter any other individual who I pay for services, has the same relationship with me as my mechanic (although my shoe repair guy is very very close).

I guess you can say that of the people who I have a somewhat regular business relationship (you know-money for service), my mechanic is ATF #1, my shoe guy is ATF #2 and either the plumber and/or the paid lady I am currently seeing would rank next.

At least for myself, I think I have been able to place that "rare" connection/relationship with all business-type providers in its proper perspective.

...American ATF

After all they keep saying "its not about love, its about winning"  Besides with all those cuties on the show you can't tell me nothings going on when the camera's are turned off.

hmmm...i may disagree...the time has become a pretty good thing f..never min d..to tired to defend this