OMG. I'm just needing to vent so hear me out!

Dated a client for the past 9 months. He moved out from wife in April and we had really good times, dinners, conversations, the best sex ever, falling asleep together, waking up together, long walks on Melrose, Rodeo, Venice, Santa Monica, etc etc. We spent every night together after he left his wife. Never really fought except for the "when are you getting your divorce" type of conversations.

We had it really good until I took a trip to Europe and found out he was looking at other escorts. Dumb me, right? We met that way after all. It didn't really bother me though, sex is just sex and I can't give a person variety - I'll admit that. However, when I confronted him, he claimed I was dishonest for looking in his email (even though we share passwords) and broke up with me!

Well, OK, I was fine with that since I was in Europe, but when I came back, he wanted to work things out.. not really. We got back for a couple of days and I found out he started seeing his wife again, going to couples counseling. I can take fucking around, but not an emotional connection with anyone else, and promptly ended the relationship after my gut instinct kicked in.

I have no regrets ending it, and he's now giving it his best shot with his wife, which I hope, works out for him. But was it worth it? To all you girls who are thinking of walking down this road, NO!! Don't do it!!! LOL

I'm out meeting new people again, and I feel so much more alive and excited when I meet these younger men with rocking bodies... enjoying music from the same generation (I secretly love Taylor Swift & Paramore).. makes me miss being out there in the civie world.

Being with him also made me question if I was being lied to. But now that it's all said and done, it doesn't really matter if I was or not. What matters is what I want, and my gut tells me I can't take this BS. And if I had to choose between BS and living life and loving men in the civie world... well, it's not hard to imagine what I chose.

See, this post has a happy ending.

I think it's not in our makeup to be monogamous.  I finally accepted it in myself and I'm living the way I want to now.

Good luck.

Without going into any analysis of the events that you have described, I gather that you had "dated" an older gentleman and that you are in the process of (hopefully) convincing yourself as to what you have learned, correct?.

You are correct in your gut feeling assumption that this relationship was not going anywhere, from the outset and better to have ended it, while walking away with more good memories than bad ones, which would have surely ensued, had the relationship continued (once the element of trust is broken, you are playing with a losing hand).

Enjoy the younger guys with the hot bods (I am paraphrasing fro your own text) who also share the same interests as you do. It's a generational thing. If I had to guess, I'd be guessing that you are somewhere in between 24-29 years old, right?.

Here is the caveat though: you will be tossing between the younger guys in the civvie world who'll be probably nurturing some of your "want-to-feel-young-and-youthful" needs, while once in a while, you will also be craving for the luxury, the suaveness and the sophistication that the older and the more established guys (not necessarily clients, but perhaps some civvies) may be able to offer.

It's called "growing up" meaning maturing and experiencing life. Do not limit yourself by way of setting a set of pre-determined rules

"Being with him also made me question if I was being lied to. But now that it's all said and done, it doesn't really matter if I was or not."

It really doesn't matter if you were lied to or not, or if he was just deluding himself. Bottom line is, he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. It's the human condition. Too many people try to determine the other person's motives, and whether they are consciously telling the truth or lying. It's usually a big waste of time and energy you could be using on other things that meet your needs and desires. The real questions are, is the relationship meeting your needs, and how much is he keeping or breaking his promises to you.

You are ahead of the game and because you are deluded by the circumstances, move on, quietly. Monogamy is a tough road, even for the ones that claim they are happy with one person. The fact remains, its difficult to be all things to one person and outside of the sexual response, humans are hard-wired for all kinds of things and very few of them have something as simple as and on-and-off switch. Young and beautiful can't trump young and dumb if you go back to this guy. Choose wisely.

When you date someone who's not single, no matter how great the chemistry is or how in love you both are after 9 months, you're still part of the miserable affair. I feel bad that I messed up his life and have done things that are irreversible, but at least I got away scot-free, and don't have responsibilities or consequences to deal with.

Yes, I'm in my mid-20s. I love the spontaneity of being with a young guy, but it's true that you don't learn sophistication until a little later.
Guys don't, however, give great head until they are in their 60s (in my opinion). But what I can do without, I can always replace with a vibrator. Additionally, it priceless when I walk into a restaurant and people are staring because I'm now a "cute couple" with the guy I'm dating, instead of receiving stares because of our age difference - 12yrs to be exact, but I look Extra young with no make-up on.

I was really sad at first, but then eye-candy in LA is overwhelming.. I love the attention, I love the flirting... Have I also told you that unpaid sex feels 10x better to a provider? Oh yeah, I'm in need of some great break-up sex now!!

It's a common excuse for cheating.

Dating people who are still otherwise "attached" always lead to complications. This does not include, to a certain extent, to miserably married couples who are truly separated (living separately, not separate bedrooms in the same house) and waiting for their divorce. But gathering from your post, this was not the case in your situation. You got yourself in with a guy who was crossing the lines between the two worlds (hobbying & being married). Fair enough, hopefully an important lesson was learned, but I do not think that you got away "scot-free", as there are always consequences. Let us just say that you, perhaps, got out with minimal damage

I am 45, so I probably have to wait another 15 years, before I master the art of cunnilingus. I very much look forward to my growth with this regard. I have also dated (actually had been married to one) 15 years my junior who also like you have stated, looked many years younger than her actual age, without make-up. I am actually in better physical shape now than in my 30's, and probably as fit (not as fast) as in my 20's. However, I also resented the "looks" which we used to get as my SO looked like she was 18 YO! Now that I am single, if I go out with a lady in her 30's, I get attention from other women too, because I also look like I'm in my late 30's, so playing the game with an even keel!

I will have sex with girls in their 20's but will not date them on any serious level, because of what we both exactly agree upon. I have nothing in common with guys in their 20's other than training with them in my Muay Thai gym! Girls in their 20's naturally hang out with guys in their 20's and I'm not someone's frigging uncle. There are plenty of women in their 30's who crave a guy who is successful, sophisticated, young-at-heart, decent looking and without (much) baggage.

Is non-provider sex really that much better?. Well, I really don't know and have not had the vast experience, either way, of collecting such data base. When I was truly "in-love" with my ex-spouse, we had the greatest sex. However, I have also had both great & lousy sex with providers (I do not write reviews, either way). But finally, I do agree with you that break up sex serves a great purpose. Enjoy it

And it ended badly. Without going into details, all I can say is that it was ME who ended things because my feeling was that since he went through hoops to lie to his wife about being with me ( telling her he was on business trips and then actually booking a hotel room whenever he came to visit me so he could give her a room number and all that, among many other lies) I couldn't trust him being faithful to me.


It sounds odd and hypocritical. I wouldn't tell someone NOT to have an affair with someone married, because every individual and every ending will be different. But what doesn't change or what won't change in ME, at least ( he already knew I was a provider and I told him I wouldn't quit for him, or anyone else) is the fact that if he lies and cheats on his wife with me, what then will he do behind MY back?


We had great times, and it ended badly, but I have no regrets. It was simply another important learning lesson I think for both of us.


Thanks for sharing your story. And yes, my ex boyfriend's wife found out about it. They're working through it although it probably isn't going to be easy for either of them. For her in particular, once trust is broken, it's broken and takes a long time to repair.

...is a terrible guilt on my part. Perhaps very hypocritical too because I willingly entered the relationship knowing his 'unhappily' married status. I always wondered if I would have had he said he was 'happily married.'  But from the moment we met it was all about how unhappily married he was and all his marital troubles. I fell for it. Unfortunately.


But despite the fallout, I look at that relationship as a learning one. I simply won't get involved emotionally with a married guy and or former client. And for him, he has to learn to rebuild the trust between himself and his wife and repair what damage has been done, as well as the problems they seemed to be suffering from before he met me. It was a learning lesson for us both. I only want to keep the good memories with me of that relationship. And there were many.

I think that's going to be a never-ending debate whether we're ingrained to be monogamous or not by nature, or nurture ( morals, etc). :P I dare not start a thread about it.

I hobbied in 2004 and decided to stop. I had the willpower to do it.  I re-started hobbying this year because life's too short. But I can stop it if I wanted to.

I'm inclined to think that any relationship with a client carries a pretty high risk of ending badly.  Of course as someone said, it's all about what each of your needs, obligations and expectations are.  The thing about the relationship between a provider and a client is that all of those are very clear.  I give something, I can expect something.  If I like it, I come back again.  Nothing is demanded of me or of her other than what we chose going in.  

That's not to say that there may not be more, that the relationship can't develop into something deeper, more intimate. I've had very close, intimate relationships with several providers, where we talk about our lives, what we care about, etc.  But always within the context of the relationship that we have, and not outside of that room and its boundaries.  There have been times I've wanted mote, but fortunately she, or I, or both didn't let that happen.  And perhaps the intimacy was part of the fantasy, and that's ok too.

I think it is very difficult to go from that sort of a relationship to one where the usual expectations we have of those we love are met.  I'm not saying impossible, just difficult.  

And I don't think either you or Ava should feel at all guilty about what you "did" to the marriages.  These guys made choices and have to live with the consequences od those choices.  Any guy who sees escorts has to accept the consequences of his SO finding out, which include the pain it may cause.

I was an excellent girlfriend, stuck around long enough, always paid my share for expensive dinners, gifts, trips and stuff. I will now trade all the good memories for a good pair of Louboutins!

Let this be a precautionary tale to others - just take the money and run! RUN FAR!!

I encourage selfishness; life is too short to be wasted on someone who doesn't completely makes you happy / satisfies your needs.

Richard Gere and Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

Sadly it very rarely happens like that in real life.

Unfortunately many men like to play that role as a prince sweeping a provider off her feet, having many babies and leaving together happily ever after. Sadly many women fall for it.

Affairs almost always end badly.

I know that once you get hurt, there are baggages and scars to carry.

But what if the next guy is the one?  Oh well, that's when the heart grows old and the heart cannot trust anymore. It needs to heal and open up again ... only time heals.

But don't get stuck on the hate and the bad experience. There are still some good ones out there.

When I got a divorce, I completely walked. No calls, no nothing. I also told my ex, when I walk away, I walk away. Having no kids helped.

One primary reason in this society here is that most people are not comfortable to be alone. The culture has instills, one cannot go to to a restaurant, dinner, museum, art festival and movies, etc., alone. I have seen people distressed when they don't have a boy friend or a girl friend.

I did not grow up here so, I am conditioned different, I suppose.

Human beings are not conditioned that way in modern times. I was thinking the other day marriages should last only 10 years and if the couple want to continue, then they should extend it to mutually agreeable term, say; a 5 year extension.

After 10 years, they split what they created in net worth equally, take responsibility for off springs if any and move on. Think about all the unnecessary cost one can avoid.

Unlike in the societies of the past with lower life expectancy, and being not healthy after 50 or so years of age, today's society lives much longer, healthier and wants to be active. Think about Viagra!!!

Marriage, faithful blah, blah is created by various religion in the name of morality to exert control. Natural tendency of all human is to  hunt for mates and take care their off spring. It has been so since emergence of human's on earth. Everything else is man made concepts to control, manipulate and keep power by a group of people who called themselves religious masters appointed by some God to tell people what is right, what is wrong in the name of morality.

In the grand scheme of things, human beings not moral by definitions set down by gods representatives.

I completely agree

I blame it on those stupid love songs. A perfect romance doesn't exist.

I don't believe in one soulmate. I believe that there exists many people whom you can rekindle the "in-love" feeling with for every one person - you just have to keep meeting them to find out.

Monogamy is for birds. Men like variety.. And guess what? Women like variety too! Especially in the 20-something generation today.. Being a conservative prude just isn't in style anymore.

I'm up for the unpaid sex .... but will give a tip if you cum 10X lol.

Do you have a rocking body (not too skinny, not big, NICE muscles) and a really good looking cock? If yes, please sign up on my audition list now! :p

anonymousfun, 7/31/2010 5:03:52 AM
"When I got a divorce, I completely walked. No calls, no nothing. I also told my ex, when I walk away, I walk away. Having no kids helped."

Wow dude ..Thats Extremely Sad.. You saying you thought you loved someone enough to marry them, and divorced not to speak again.
Somethings not right with the picture I am getting..
Did your ex wife kill your Mom or Sister?
Sorry I can't relate to that much anger towards anyone I have kissed.  Thats just me though ..
If I was a shrink I would give you free therapy..Good Luck to you.
Quads unprofessional advice.. Get some  help ASAP with your bottled up childhood issues..


 

I'm sure that you made that statement somewhat facetiously, but in case you were semi serious, here is about me:

5'9", 165 lb, lean & muscular with a 6-pack (not the drinking variety). Body and muscles attained and honed by kickboxing The junior is also 7 when in full attention. Here is the caveat emptor; I'm 45 YO and I don't care much for Taylor Swift, but I'm not a Kanye West type of hater either. LOL! I live down the road from LALA Land, in the Kingdom of San Diego. In case you wanna prove to me that "10x better" theory of yours, feel free to hit me up for some breakup raunchiness :P

You sound like just my type! But I will be sorely disappointed if you don't have that 6-pack and hehe.. that well-endowed member.. It turns me on so much..

A 7 is not exactly something to brag about! Plus, if I am not paying you, I will play hard to get! As a matter of fact, I have done a few who I often wondered as to WTF! Effing junior is an idiot! If I was at a bar, I would not do half the providers which I did. There is something to be said about planning and the envelop in hand, that makes my IQ to drop significantly! As far as the 6-pack foes, it's a hard feat at my age. Almost, everyone has a 6-pack but well hidden under layers of blubber! If I want to show up having an Abercombie model's mid-section, I must make sure that I don't consume alcohol or eat crap food, as I easily lose a few abs, after binging!. LOL! In any case, enough about my hotness, what do you bring to the equation?. For all I know, I could be flirting with a dirty old man, sitting on the other end of the line ???!!!