OBBYIST & COURTESAN DATING IS QUITE THE NORM. BUT WHEN DO WE DRAW THE LINE!  

Like you touched on...so many variables to consider.

1. I would never date a guy who thought me banging strangers for money, was cool.

2. I would never be naive enough to think a guy who is already lying and cheating on someone else, could be faithful to me because "I am so special" lol.

3. They will get offended if you choose, or have to, keep doing this...they might not express that, but not many men who truly LOVE a woman, want her with other men, even if only for money.

4. If you give them the option of "buying you out" they will feel you are only with them to get out of the business, and that can't be a good feeling.

5. You would have to be pretty numb to not feel a little bit guilty sucking some guy's c*ck then going home to kiss your SO.

6. People in open relationships have no problems with this sort of thing, so to me...that's the only way it can work. I doubt the guy is just going to sit home and jack off whilst you are out banging 1-5 guys a week, if not more.



-- Modified on 3/27/2013 12:26:35 PM

Options A and B = not dating. Don't kid yourself. If you are making him pay you for sex it is not dating. period. He may like you but you can not claim to like him if you are charging him to sleep with you.

i never call it dating..i have a few healthy relationships..i NEVER cross the line..they always have their own priorities and agendas..i have mine..trying to involve yourself with their personal lives { and vice versa } can only lead to disaster..i go with the flow and never make waves..

I can imagine it would lead to tension between the two. One or the other asking a question that might set the other off because of guilt or jealousy.

Thanks for your input it was heart felt.  And no it is not easy at all.

Then what the hell is it?

I used to date one of my clients. The problem came up when he wanted me to quit providing...and I told him no. We broke up and I'm glad to be single again.

If I decided to see one of my clients on a more personal level

to even try to negotiate a price on " buy me out " is absurd..no one in there right mind would even attempt it..

YOU should be able to leave this business because of an education or concentrating on building another career while you are here....being dependent on a man, is not exactly the best option, because what if he up and leaves? I get what you're saying, and agree that if a guy EXPECTS you to leave, he will have to cover your bills, but I would never be with a guy "just because" of that.

Most sugar daddies generally agree to this. They want a girl to finish school without being a provider, so they say "Hey, I will take care of you through school, but you can only see me." It happens a lot.

Don't kid yourself.  From the beginning of time women have married men for security. With that security comes a joint account, bills being paid etc. some women become housewives while others go after their careers.  Being dependent on a man that is what we are my dear.  If there were no men in this hobby who would we expect to pay us, women??  

-- Modified on 3/27/2013 12:29:05 PM

Yes a buy out! and it exist. For example there have been men that marry exotic dancers.  They  
take them out of the strip club and upgrade their lifestyle.. Men of means have no problem with a buy out.
believe that.

Just my .02

I just don't think it's something to brag about. I want to be known as someone who is smart enough to do things on my own, without having to only rely on some guy to "take care of me." I think you are also confusing being "codependent" with being dependent. Being able to run your own business and set your own rates...THAT is what most providers do here, and it's freeing, not being dependent. Most of us don't "have to" work every week, if we don't want to. We are FREE to do what we want, when we want, and for a price that WE set. Try doing that with some guy who has you locked up tight, unable to breathe without his permission.

Certainly, we are in a sense dependent by selling sex, but most of us can, and will, walk when we so desire. Not every provider is "stuck" here, waiting for "Captain Save A HO" to come and rescue them. That's a scary thought.

I am here because I do not want to DEPEND on just ONE man to take care of me, and these guys are here to use us, just as we use them. There are no strings, meaning I don't have to do shit until he calls me again, nor does he. I am using this business to make MYSELF better equipped for the future, not to find some poor sap I don't even love to take care of me. That's kind of pathetic.

If your goal in life is to find some man to "buy you out" so you don't have to be here, that's kind of sad. Not saying that IS your goal, but it would say a lot in regards to how you feel about doing this. I like being a provider who only has to work 4 hours a damn week, but in a year or so, I will also like working a 9-5 that I have been educating myself for, over the past 7 years.

Men are not attracted to "needy" women who have no intelligence or ambition...that's just a fact. The only guys who attach to such women are usually abusive, or manipulators. I don't think you realize the position you put yourself in when you allow one man to call the shots, because you have no other options, or too lazy to actually do things yourself.  I have worked in battered women's shelters long enough to know the pattern, and it's far from the "Atlanta Housewives" fantasy we see on Bravo.

And yes, women actually do pay for sex. I have a few female clients.












-- Modified on 3/27/2013 4:19:48 PM

If what your looking for is only  a man with means, then you would be considered a gold digger.  Your perspective seems to me a bit dated; their are many women  who worked hard and became successful without depending on some man.

Luckily, I am not some dumb ass with no education, or means to support myself outside of the hobby. If I were that destitute, I would have to cut my rates in half, twice, and see guys I utterly despised.

I had initially thought this was about "dating clients" but seems like I was wrong. My original post only touched on literally dating as in you really LIKED the guy, and were not just using him for money. That's a sugar daddy, not a relationship based on genuine feelings. I am all for that too, but I am certainly not searching for it as a way to "get out of the hobby." When I want out, I will simply walk and take care of myself as I have done before. I have gone through a few SDs over time, but because I am so INDEPENDENT, I can't be with one man that long and cater to his every need. That would drive me nuts. I am also divorced twice lol, for that very reason.

-- Modified on 3/27/2013 4:16:21 PM

London you have taken this to the left! this is meant to be a light hearted discussion. I may not be well known on this board such as you are. However those that have met me, knows that I am no dumb dumb.  I have my own business outside of being a provider and I'm still in school furthering my education.  I use to dip in the Sugar Land.  Not by design but through introduction. My Daddies foot the bill for my education, my office and my NYC apartment.  

This was the original post... it's simple you choose either A B or C your way out...  

This was the original topic of discussion.. it's simple you choose either A B or C  

C is the only reasonable option. If you think the other options are dating, then your work has screwed too much with your sensibilities' you don't know what a real relationship is.  

If you require him to buy you out then it is not dating. He is your Sugar Daddy. If it is dating you can always tell him no if he requires that you stop providing. Or you could say yes. Saying yes doesn't mean he should have to pay you off. Not if you are in a mutual relationship. Nope. It is your choice. You can choose to walk away or not.  

You still pay for the drinks she serves you, correct?

It's hard not to develop emotional connections sometime. Your physically intimate and really get to know each other.  

"NOT saying that is what your goals are." I have no idea what your plans are, so I did not direct that entire rant towards you. I am speaking in general about women who ARE that way, and I stand by it. It is pathetic to not have any goals of your own, and HAVE TO depend on a man. I get what your original post was about, and responded to it likewise. It took a turn because you used the word "dating" lol.

-- Modified on 3/28/2013 12:10:29 AM

This is was an  A B or C  question.  Off the record I have chit chatted with a few providers that are FUC%&ING their clients ( I think you guys like this word better than dating   when this happens the client no longer offers to pay their hourly rate or simply thinks he should not be paying because he has expressed an interest in that provider.  

Who are you to point fingers???  It's a question..( like so many of them on this board )  you either answer it if you may or just let it fly.  No need to join the masses and play along. It's always OK to be a fly on the wall.  

Hugh Hefner took care of all of his whores. He even tied the knot last year.  There are many guys that  
marry their ATF stripper and porn star.. If you are ever privy to going overseas. It is prevalent and accepted over there....NO shame in their game.

Not all Men who enjoy this hobby are married or attached but,  I agree it'll only work if the guy can accept  what you do for a living

Not to get even more lost in the weeds on the difference between various levels of fantasy, but:

Anybody here ever read the Matt Scudder series of private-eye novels, written by Lawrence Block?  In the first few novels in the series, our hero is a damaged guy, still working his way toward bottoming out in his bout with the bottle, but functional enough that he has some kind of "relationship" with a provider.  IIRC, in those earliest novels he was paying her, but they very definitely had a real "thing" going on as well--and she continued to see other clients.

As the novels continue, he rebuilds his life, gets into The Program and does the Twelve Steps, and at some point, he just sort of notices that they're living together, and later notices that she has stopped telling him "don't come home until after 9 PM" or other similar heads-up messages.

Is something like this really something that can only happen in fiction, never IRL?

More realistically:  Once in a very great while, I see a provider website where there is an indication of "semi-exclusive" arrangements possible, or even one or two that outright said, "I would absolutely consider leaving the biz for the right man".  Is this just a marketing tool by a clever provider or an honest expression of a woman's willingness to do this?

Or how about this:  There is a certain provider who was NOT ever reviewed on here--she was in the "nosebleed" level on the cost for her time (a woman who is actually operating at such a high level that for her, entering the world of TER is like playing in the minor leagues--Yes, they do exist).  At some point, her website changed.  First, it was replaced with a simple picture of a hanging sign, which said "on vacation"--then it was replaced some months later by a sign that said "Bye!".  Last time I looked at her site, it was gone--got a 404 error or something.  I can't be sure, but my best guess is that she met someone that she really took a shine to, and quit the biz to be with him.

Me personally?  Yeah, I could fall in love with the "right provider"--but also Yeah, I'd want her to legitimately be falling for me; and Yeah, just like the hypothetical above of "I'm willing to quit the biz for the right man", I would be willing to quit hobbying for the right woman--even if that also meant a pre-nup, so that if a marriage later failed, she'd be "reimbursed" for the opportunities that had been foregone.

Or am I totally crazy?

I had this dream once where one of my favorite providers and I were doing it, and she started telling me about how she was thinking of quitting the business, and that I should leave my wife, and we'd just go someplace together and start a new life together, etc (btw, not the way I actually feel about her, either--more just that hobbying reminds of what I'm missing in my "real life", I think).

Am I the only hobbyist who feels like there is at least a theoretical, one-in-a-zillion chance of something like this happening?