As a hobbyist, my natural defense mechanism is to believe everything a provider tells me is a lie. A nice, welcomed lie, but I don't let myself get too wrapped up in them.

Now I know (hope?) that not *every* compliment is a bald-faced lie. Maybe she actually does think I dress well.  Providers have stated many times that they look for compliments and things to say that are true. They search for things they can say with sincerity,

While I try not to give any "yeah, right" signals when I'm told I'm the best thing since pressed grapes, it's difficult sometimes when the statements are so cliché. Usually size/performance related.

So to the question . . . Ladies, I wonder if you encounter frustration when you give a gentleman an honest compliment (you have given honest compliments, right?) and he rolls his eyes, or otherwise gives you the indication he's not buying it.

-tessen

I have confessed to lying like a rug to keep the illusion(only to answers to his questions...I don't volunteer bullshit) and not so big fat ones that I look freaking stupid, but just enough not to tell the truth...the truth can be devastating to some men...ok most men, however if there is something that I feel I can be totally honest about, I will say what I have to say.

If he buys it...great, if he rolls his eyes, I make a mental note to not bother with complimenting him again. Keep it smooth, sexy, but leave out the compliments.

A story...there was this short, chubby dude, balding who was so erotic and sensual...the way he held me and lifted me onto the bed...to freaking die for...I told him how fabulous this was and he rolled his eyes.

I shrugged and looked him in the eyes and said..."this is not the first time you have been told this". He nodded to the affirmative and I said..."well then take it when you get it"...and then laid a big wet one on him....great session.

How did he hold you and lift you.

I sure do hope one day we can meey so I can give you the best oral sex you ever had, and I know it would be the the best ever cause you told me so a few weeks ago.


Thank you
2010 = 28

I find the truth is always better than a lie and I am not one to say things that are insincere.

It can be something as simple as: you dress well, your hair is soft, you have bedroom eyes, I enjoy your personality or you have a nice a*s.  I don't feel under any obligation to lie.   It can also be a compliment about the way they perform or kiss.

If the client chooses to discredit what I tell him as insincere.  So be it.  I know it was sincerely given.

You promised you wouldn't share personal physical attributes concerning my dwarfed nature. Does this mean you have shared my physical profile on the provider board also?


DAMN DID WE HAVE A GREAT TIME!!!!! MAN WAS IT A WET ONE!!!!!


jk everyone. This my cloak and dagger day.

We all accept that we're paying for a fantasy. That complicates the question of what to believe and what's fantasy.

That said, I say to keep doing what you're doing, especially if it works for you, and your clients. Just please don't be offended if we don't always believe it. Apologies in advance for when we get it wrong.

And guys... maybe we could all try to take the not-so-obviously-BS comments more at face value.

What kinds of comments do you tend to believe or not believe...

The "no" category:
- Oh you're so big... unless you really think you are - MIKE!

The one I get, which seems odd enough to make me wonder, is on the size of my balls.

literbike"I have confessed to lying like a rug to keep the illusion"

 I have no clue who you are..You might be a man posing as a provider for all I know..
 If I have seen you before and said I was coming back the truth is I'm Not. I can usually tell when she's lying, especially so, when I'm with a robot provider.
If I have never seen you before, please do not reply if I make the mistake of sending you references.

I don't have to say anything...who says I have to compliment anyone...lol...I only say what I mean and I do mean what I say...so whatever I say to my gentleman friends is Not only honest...it is genuine and sincere...and I have never received any kind of negative feedback...and when I receive compliments...the guys know...Flattery Will get them Everywhere and Everything

or I used to be able to.LOL

Sorry my honesty has touched a nerve. And if you do ever contact me using the handle quadseasonal I will be sure to delete. Have a nice day.

"You've got really great shoes!" Well, I knew that already, and was kinda hoping for something a little more, even if it was stretching it a bit

I'll spot you the robots, they often don't really care if we believe them or not since that approach seems to focus on lots of one timers instead of repeats.

But for the others, those who work hard at being the whole package, how does one actually tell if they're telling the truth or not?  And when we can't tell, does it really matter?

-- Modified on 7/17/2010 5:22:51 PM

but rather that you admit to being rampantly dishonest with your clients. In fact, you admit to gaging the level of dishonesty they'll tolerate.

Of your clients, you state that MOST of them would be devastated by the truth.

That's what has concerned him.

For the record, though I know this is hard to believe, there are providers out there who manage to tell guys the truth, albeit nicely, and still get repeat business from them.

The only provider I've ever seen just once thanked me for dozens of orgasms.

Maybe it is with you like with me, I just can't accept compliments. Something about me just refuses to believe them. Not sure why. Like just yesterday, I made a killer dinner for my family, the meatloaf and mashed potatoes turned out great, and everybody told me how great they were. What did I do? Downplayed their compliments and made apologies about how they turned out. Deep down though, I knew it was a great meat loaf, not huge, kind of on the small side, sure, but still great.

The limbic mind doesn't lie.

and I have no delusions about what I look like. That said, like most people I don't mind a bit of flattery, and I don't find it dishonest at all. I do draw the line when a provider claims I gave her a dozen orgasms by simply giving her a peck on the cheek, or makes remarks about how "huge" I am. lol

I try to take compliments in the spirit in which they are given, a little harmless flattery as long as it is not overdone is fine in my book.

It sure beats comments like "who are you going to satisfy with that little thing" To which the answer of course is "Me" lol

FWIW I am not chubby or bald, but I am never going to make the cover of GQ either. Like many if not most of the providers here, I am very comfortable in my own skin, and have no desire to delude myself or others, but hearing something nice every once in a while is a good thing. lol

I can understand why he'd roll his eyes.But I don't give those kind of cliche compliments.  But I honestly never encountered that. When I give a man a compliment, such as, "You look very elegant in that suit ( and very nice without it) and I MEAN it when I say it, men are happy to receive compliments."

Part of our business is to also create a fantasy illusion. I don't go around telling men " oh honey you're dick is so amazing' if it isn't! My compliments are usually along other lines, like " You have a great smile, and I really like the way you did _______ in bed" or whatever. Never had a guy roll his eyes yet, and I've been in this business a long time!

Never had a provider go crazy on my neck like that. For some reason, I really believed she was enjoying it.

This includes a tendency to discount the sincerity of a sincerely given and accurate compliment.

Instead of automatically discounting the accuracy of a compliment, what if we were to give some thought to whether or not there is evidence for the accuracy of the compliment?

If the person giving the compliment is speaking about how they subjectively experience us, why not consider that they may very well be speaking the truth?

When we are the ones giving the compliments, we can stay aware of the fact that for some people, our compliments are more likely to be believed when they refer to a specific action that the person took.

I'm not arguing against literbike's approach -- just trying to offer some insight into why quad might have found it offensive.

Last time I looked in the mirror, I didn't look like Fabio either; I'm not fugly, but I'm certainly no GQ model either. Frankly, I have found that many providers are simply appreciative of the fact I'm not the size of a house, lol.

There is certainly nothing wrong with well-intended compliments. Though, in my case, a lady DOES have to be careful not to overdo it; or to misread me as someone who has insecurities that need to be bolstered.

Let's work through the math just using data from threads in the past few days.

The profession is full of women who lie about their age by 5-10+ years, photoshop their photos, use pictures 5+ years old and more.

Not ALL providers are like that, thankfully. But enough are like that to give hobbyists pause.

So right there is a credibility gap. It shows PROFOUND disrespect for the intelligence of their target audience and a clear tendency toward dishonest business practices.

Then, you can look at the number of times providers, usually aliased, have taken great pains to point out how profoundly unattractive they find their clients. I believe this to be factual in most cases. In fact, I have heard this from people I know and respect.

Given THAT background, when a provider says what a great lover a hobbyist is, his tendency to disregard only makes sense because now the credibility gap has widened into a credibility chasm that a motorcycle couldn't jump.

Note: there are plenty of providers to which the foregoing doesn't apply. But people make decisions, most often, based upon biases induced by unfavorable events.

A compliment does not have to be sincere to be accurate.

Whether sincerely or insincerely given, what is the evidence that the compliment is accurate?

I am thinking mostly of compliments which have nothing to do with sexual performance or physical appearance.  It is these kinds of compliments which may be most meaningful.

Beyond this whole question of compliments from others are the compliments we can give ourselves. When we have done something for which which a "compliment to ourself" is accurate, giving this compliment, rather than "discounting the positive" (which is the form of FUT I am talking about), can be a good thing from time to time.

Will Rogers once said he never met a man he didn't like.  Fast forward to the 21st Century, and our world.  As most of these ladies are looking to be at their best when meeting anyone for the first time, in this arena, it is to their advantage to find something about you that she likes, and to let you know that, and things flow from there.  Questioning their integrity is a mistake, and reveals that you have  

If you approach the hobby from a negative position, and expect negative outcomes, it will become a self fulfilling prophecy.  Hobby world is built on fantasy, not brute honesty.  No one is perfect, and neither is the hobby, nor any of the participants.  End of the day, it's your hobby...make it what you will.  There will always be ladies here that will be ready and happy to see you...if civvie world could deliver that, we wouldn't be here...

As if we'd even know and as if we can even trust our own knowledge on the matter.

It's metaphysically absurd.

Try out this little exercise the next time:

Thank the person for the compliment and then suggest that you remove all your clothes and start screwing around.

Now there's a philosophy we can all live with.

When I instigate a compliment...it is truthful...read the later part of my post. I will not simply lay there and bullshit. If there is anything that I see that I feel I can truthfully comment on I will.

If a client asks me something like..."was that good for you"..and it wasn't, that's where I will lie if it wasn't. He is not paying me to tell him it wasn't. That is part of his fantasy, since I am not s sexual therapist who is there to teach and guide a man through sexually pleasing a woman.

Let's be real here, how well do you think the truth would go over? I never go overboard as I realize that men are not stupid enough to believe a crock, but a well told white lie saves a lot of hurt feelings.

I also am cognizant of the fact that some men who say "I'll be back" have no intention of returning...it's part of the game we play. I don't get bent out of shape if they don't. There will be another nice guy calling.

Like many of you great guys...you have personal preferences and my client base is chosen on many factors, very few of which resonate with my personal tastes. I have chosen that route as, and you may not want to hear this either, make my job easier. And when I am relaxed and content they get a much better session and leave very happy, I am happy and it's a win, win.

I will not say that 100's of orgasms were had, or that he is the best looking stud I have ever met...these things are so blatantly transparent that they are insulting. Men have mirrors and know a little abut themselves to know that these statements are foolish.

Quad may have gotten the wrong impression and may have thought that robotic was my MO...since he has never seen me, his assumption is way off the mark, however he is entitled to perceive my post any way he wishes. The reason I did not jump all over it is because I have no need to defend myself. I have a great group of regular guys...and have been seeing some for years. I treat them very well. For instance, I have given free sessions for birthday gifts, given sessions and been paid weeks later due to hard times, spent numerous hours off the clock just hanging out...does that sound remotely like a robot?

But as in all walks of professional life, there are some people that you see, that are not "your type" but you refrain from pointing out their shortcomings, even if asked.

I feel that for me to come on here and go on about how all my clients are great etc. is more of a damaging lie than the ones I may tell to an individual to brighten his day. Done right, it does more good than harm. I realize that many won't see it the way I do but it has worked very well for me over the years. And I do not consider the men I see as stupid.

I don't care how about the age, race or size of my "friends", you really need to drop me a PM with what city you live in. I think I would love to have a drink, or several, with you.

There is a huge difference between the fake "moaners and screamers" and the little white lies we tell all the time to make people feel better about themselves, Total honesty is completely overrated, espcially when it leads to hurt feelings. A little white lie is sometimes so much kinder.

Well, I guess it's not that important in the grand scheme of things if a lady thinks you are handsome or a good dresser. Now if she says she likes your shoes, it's probably true because it is so specific.

Easy way to know if someone likes you - "The Enthusiastic Hi" when she answers the phone.

I don't think I have ever given a client/friend a compliments and he rolled his eyes or acted like he didn't believe me. I have given a civie guy a compliment and he act like he didn't believe me or shocked that I would call him "handsome." But that's his low self esteem probably, and it's hard to make someone have self esteem. LOL

Kisses,
Vanica Love

Some people use "brutal honesty" as an excuse to simply be brutal.

I like literbike as well.

I think she's cool.  I've survived drinking with Gambler before, and john is intriguing.  If you need a foursome (in the golfing sense), call me.  If it's a foursome in the sexual sense, Gambler & john need to be replaced by 2 of the female persuasion.

but for drinks, I would enjoy that, WTF in person I can speak at least as many words as John types. We'd be back on even ground, and John while it sometimes appears to be paid by the word, I find much of what he has to say interesting as well.

Personally I find Literbike's honesty refreshing, she is candid without being abrasive, arrogant or "bitchy". lol

What a wonderful surprise to get online and read the responses to my post. Thanks guys, very much appreciated. I am having a good time on here contributing to the back and forth. I am finding myself becoming very fond of a few of you..or at least your board persona's.

You all have a wonderful day, go get laid and keep smiling....