While visiting a friend, our conversation turned to a particular message board. I can’t remember what it was we were talking about in specific. But, at one point, the topic of conversation shifted to one hobbyist in particular.

The exchange went something like this – Him: “Yeah, *blank* is such an a-hole.” Me: “Well, I really don’t pay attention to that type of thing. He’s never been rude to me, so…” Him: “Have you seen some of the comments he makes? His views are blah blah blah.” He then references something (I can’t remember exactly what it was because it’s truly not important to me) that *blank* said that he disapproved of. Me: “Well, I don’t pay attention to board personas, so…” Him: “Well, he really has the hots for you…” Me: “ *shock*  Really? I don’t think so… He’s never said anything to me. We’ve never communicated…” Him: “He makes comments about you all the time. But, this guy is really a jerk…”

Seeing as how they’ve never met or even interacted, I found it strange that he was petitioning against him so adamantly. I got a sense that he was inadvertently trying to plant a seed in my head to never see this guy, so I politely stated that “I do not base my business on board personas. One of the sweetest gentlemen I have ever had the pleasure of meeting probably has one of the worst board personas I have ever witnessed. The guys in the men’s room would probably never let up on him if I told about my experience with him because it goes completely against almost everything he posts.” I then changed the subject and shifted his focus. But, when I got home, the FIRST thing I did was jump on my laptop to check this guy out. He made such a pitch to keep me away that it piqued a curiosity I didn’t know existed (well, it DIDN’T exist until he planted the seed). NOW, I’m freaking curious JUST BECAUSE, lol.

Now, I know the general feeling is that providers “cock block” in various ways (not answering reference requests, undercutting other ladies, etc.). But, it’s quite surprising to see it coming from the other end. Ladies, is this common? Gentlemen, have you ever tried to see a lady who refused? What if you found out that the reason she wouldn’t see you is because of male “cock blocking”?

The real in between the lines message he was sending you was something like this:  "Gee I really think you are so cute and I respect you so much and I am going to apply the behavior of decades ago by voluntarily looking after you.  So and so is a jerk and because I've so up front in helping you, won't you now increase your fondness for me".

Shilling comes in all forms and it's always got the same basic motivation... Gee honey, I'm really looking out for you, now ain't I cool.

that consumed with what other providers and hobbyists are doing, who they are fkin, and what they do off these boards they need shock treatment. People need to learn to mind their own business and stay out of ours. I will see who I want, when I want and until I get a pimp..fk the bs.

I am glad the guys who were "warned" about London Rayne got to see for themselves that it was all petty gossip from guys I refused to kiss ass with lol.

I don't try to tell others about how to live their lives or who to see.

I recently had a horrible experience with a provider.  I won't go into details, but it was horrible, and if you knew what happened, you probably would avoid them.  Please don't PM for details.

But the point is...that's MY experience.  I would never that agency again based on that one recent experience, but again, that's just MY experience.

Let people decide for themselves.

yet he knows (or says he does) that he has the hots for you.  So there has to be some interaction there.

Be that as it may, I find it rare but not unheard of that both gals and guys do this.  

I can only recall one example of a gal warning me off another gal, and I ignored her and wish I had heeded her.

Likewise, I can only recall one gal telling me that I someone dissed me saying that I would take advantage of her.  She wouldn't tell me who the guy way - probably just as well.

Much more common is to be told that I should see someone.  Both guys and gals have steered me to some wonderful gals over the years.

That's the way it should be.

No one should ride on someone else's reputation, bottom line. Why did the subject come up in the first place? Just let it go and write it off as some insecure hobbyist's insecurity. gf60

With ladies who are friends.  If I have significant reason to be concerned about a guy (not just 4th hand rumors) I will let her know my concern like I would any lady friend outside the business.  If a lady is my friend then I see it as keeping a friend safe.  Obviously the decision whether to give my comment any weight at all is up to her.

Since it seems you are using an alias it made me wonder:

--If you have reviews under your real handle, and they are honest reviews, isn't this passing along exactly that--YOUR experience so they might learn from it?

--If you have reviews under your real handle but they are NOT honest, isn't that even worse?

--If you don't have reviews, why do you need the alias?

To answer your questions:

1.  Yes, I have reviews under my real handle, but why is my real handle relevant?

2.  Yes, the reviews are all honest and real.  I am passing along MY experience, but only the experiences I wish to share.

3.  I have been over this many times, but using an alias weeds out the morons.  You would be surprised how many dickheads won't PM you simply because they are too stupid to figure out how to use "compose mail" and "to."

Fair question, so let me explain:

You post "I recently had a horrible experience with a provider.  I won't go into details, but it was horrible, and if you knew what happened, you probably would avoid them.  Please don't PM for details."  That comes across as "I had bad problems but I don't care to share/post/PM/review the details in a way that other guys can be warned."  Maybe that isn't what you imtended, but that seems to way it reads.

To me a warning review is the most important review--far more so than those that say "I had a great time" which really is very subjective.

So I wanted to understand that if you did not want to share THIS experience, which you felt strongly about, then did you believe in reviews (which share information) at all?  Or--as you seem to say--you very selectively decide what to put in them.  If you had posted not under an alias then I could have answered much of that questin by direct observation.

Thanks for the reply, though I still do not undersatnd the value of saying you had a really bad experience but will not alert others.  I am sure you have convinced yourself that is the right approach though it is not intuitively obvious.

Let me just quote you and then respond:

1.  You post "I recently had a horrible experience with a provider.  I won't go into details, but it was horrible, and if you knew what happened, you probably would avoid them.  Please don't PM for details."  That comes across as "I had bad problems but I don't care to share/post/PM/review the details in a way that other guys can be warned."  Maybe that isn't what you imtended, but that seems to way it reads.

Response:  You're right.  I am saying that I don't need to point out who this provider is.  The downside is tremendous because they have my personal information, and the upside is marginal to nothing.  So I get a few pats on the back from other "bros" on the board.  That and five cents will get you a cup of soup...maybe.  On the other hand, since the provider has my personal info, I could get blacklisted with my personal info.  Why would anyone decide to tell anyone else about this?

2.  To me a warning review is the most important review--far more so than those that say "I had a great time" which really is very subjective.

Response:  That's fine, but unless you are in NYC and active in that particular sector of the hobbying world, me telling you means nothing, and does nothing.  So some guy in Buttfuck, Iowa realizes that provider X misrepresented the session.  That's great, but totally useless, unless he had a snowball's chance in hell of seeing the provider in Buttfuck, or he was to come to NYC.  And if he were to come to NYC, he could of course tell me a list of providers he was considering, and I could tell him if she is on that list.

3.  So I wanted to understand that if you did not want to share THIS experience, which you felt strongly about, then did you believe in reviews (which share information) at all?  Or--as you seem to say--you very selectively decide what to put in them.  If you had posted not under an alias then I could have answered much of that questin by direct observation.

Response:  How is an alias any different?  The only difference is that the morons who don't have VIP or know their way around this site simply don't see that my reviews are linked to my alias.  And because there is no hyperlink to my alias, they assume they can't PM me.  So that's my issue?  That's the issue of the morons who don't understand how to PM by composing a mail message and TYPING in my alias.  Or they can't figure out how the fuck to actually search by reviewer by (again) entering my alias.  Or they are just too fucking lazy.  Either way, those jackasses don't deserve a response.

4.  Thanks for the reply, though I still do not undersatnd the value of saying you had a really bad experience but will not alert others.  I am sure you have convinced yourself that is the right approach though it is not intuitively obvious.

Response:  I explained it above.  If you are in NYC and are truly concerned you will bump into her, then PM me (instructions in the point above) with a list of providers you are considering, and I can tell you if she is on the list.  Information is given preferentially to those who do some work on their own, instead of asking me to give out hard-earned and paid information FOR FREE.

Essentially you are saying your information is available to the folks who are less likely to need it.  The "new guys" who are trying to learn their way around and/or have little idea what to look for.  That is certainly your perogative, and seems to be the shifting view of the board as a whole.  There are still a lot of members willing to share and teach, but in general over the past few years there seems a definate trend towards your POV--making TER a more closed community.  The structure of the board has also moved in that direction.  It's not evil by any means, but I do think it is a little short sighted (not by you, but by those in charge) and not in the community's best interests.  

Maybe I'm a minority opinion, but for me it's the reason I have stopped being a paying member--I do not like the trend.  I still post reviews to inform others when I do see someone I have not met before, but actually hardly ever read them to decide who I will or won't see.  I see few new ladies any more, and rely almost completely on personal references from a small number of guys and ladies whose judgement I trust.

I doubt you will change my mind on this nor will I change yours (I'm not trying to).

I think you also point out (as has been done by many others many times) why giving out personal data is always a risk.

1.  Essentially you are saying your information is available to the folks who are less likely to need it.  The "new guys" who are trying to learn their way around and/or have little idea what to look for.  That is certainly your perogative, and seems to be the shifting view of the board as a whole.  There are still a lot of members willing to share and teach, but in general over the past few years there seems a definate trend towards your POV--making TER a more closed community.  The structure of the board has also moved in that direction.  It's not evil by any means, but I do think it is a little short sighted (not by you, but by those in charge) and not in the community's best interests.  

Response:  No, I am not saying that.  All you need to do is get a VIP account, and you can figure out how to PM me and search for my reviews.  Start there.  You can figure out that I'm in NYC, and that I review a certain type of provider.  If you who you are seeing flies along with that trend, then PM me, and I am happy to tell you if I have seen someone.  What I DON'T do is just put out free info on every single provider, situation, and appointment for all to see.  No one deserves the benefits of my hard-earned money, research, and time spent on this.  If I choose to share it with you, then fine, but don't expect it.  No one is entitled to that information, and the attitude of entitlement is one thing that I absolutely despise.

When the "community" pays for my sessions or does something for ME, then we can talk.  Until then, it's a losing argument, quite frankly.

2.   Maybe I'm a minority opinion, but for me it's the reason I have stopped being a paying member--I do not like the trend.  I still post reviews to inform others when I do see someone I have not met before, but actually hardly ever read them to decide who I will or won't see.  I see few new ladies any more, and rely almost completely on personal references from a small number of guys and ladies whose judgement I trust.

Response:  If you are a paying member, you deserve nothing.  Why should I give info to you?  I paid for my VIP and I pay for my sessions.  What do you have to offer me in return?  I'm not talking tit-for-tat, but if you have nothing to offer, and STILL tell me that you expect me to give free info, you are just not on the same page.

And you are doing exactly what I find is fine...use the PMs and backchannels to find out information with guys you have established trust with.  Don't expect people to put shit on the boards for all to see.  But isn't that what you are criticizing/questioning me about?

3.  I doubt you will change my mind on this nor will I change yours (I'm not trying to).

Response:  That's fine.  Here we are discussing things, not trying to convert each other.

4.  I think you also point out (as has been done by many others many times) why giving out personal data is always a risk.

Response:  Yes, it is, and you need to ascertain your own tolerances for risk on this matter.