Some guys knwo how to write a review and some just don't. What we want are details about your encounter with the girls. We don't need poetry, or Hemmingway style writing, or 50 words on the bad day you were having before you got to the provider. Just get to the point. What exactly does she do/not do. What makes her different..either in a good way or bad way. Some guys go on and on and on and on as if they're writing a harlequin romance novel which is SO ANNOYING to read. Just give us the necessary information so we can decide if a provider offers the type of experience we want. IE, positions, attitude, specialties (rim, cim, etc.) We REALLY don't need to read about how great YOUR oral techniques are. "She told me I was the best she ever had...." Yeah, you keep believing that...I'm sure she ONLY says that to you.....in any case....WE'RE NOT INTERESTED. There's nothing worse than a 50 line review that tells us NOTHING. If you want to be a writer, join a class, or submit to Hustler! Keep this simple and informative.

I think you'd love the ambience over there...clinically depressing.

so filled with emotion and awe after an experience that we must let the muse loose and revel in our own bliss. Some of us treat this hobby as a religion and need to worship both in deed and word to the godesses of the temple...and some of us are so ashamed of having to pay for sex that we have to rationalize it into being something that it is not.

Why I am bothering with someone with such a limited appreciation of life, I have no idea, but here it is, sugar puss...

we don't care what you think.

This experience was between the lady and us, and I have yet know a woman who didn't appreciate the "Hemmingway-styled" review I wrote for her.  As a matter of fact, in my favorite review, I started it off with a quote from Thomas Hardy.

I am not writing a dispassionate review about how a lawn mower works for a trade publication.  I am writing about the most intimate act you can share with another human being, and even though I am not sharing it with my love partner in this forum, I can say that I have cared about all of the women I met, and have cared about many of them quite a lot, and the expression of what I experienced with that woman was something that could not have been written another way.  I put plenty of useful information in my reviews...I make sure of it.  However, part of the good thing about this forum is that it allows people to express things IN THEIR OWN WORDS.  If reviews were written the way you want, it would seem like I was going to the grocery store.

I can tell you, though, that I know a couple of providers who will give you the type of experience you so obviously need.  Of course, you may not like being tied up and having them tear you up like only they can do, but I think you need it.

And people say I am critical...sheesh.

My reviews follow the TER rules to a T, they have never been rejected, and they hit upon all the important points that you find valuable. Within doing that, I'll write them whatever fucking way I want within the space they give me.  If you can't take that, learn to skim.    

Please, feel free to bore yourself with reviewers who stick to the commodity report.  I won't be one of those, because 15 days of membership is not worth the boredom of writing the review to fit  your market demographic, especially if it's so contrary to an encounter I found delightful.  

I'll warn you to grit your teeth, because I'm submitting another good review this weekend.

But then again, who wants to read about long, detailed descriptions of hot girl on girl sex?  

I should just write DATY DATY and more DATY.  Really, don't you think that's sufficient?

Your reviews make me seriously hot, DC...please see more providers soon, okay?

Here's a really long post that this dude would absolutely hate, on my first time seeing a provider.

My best review though I can't post on TER due to the provider's wishes.  It may be somewhere, some day.

Enjoy.

Yeah.  Another thing that's annoying is a long post (with misspelled words) that made its point in the first line or two yet keeps saying the same thing all the way through a dozen lines or so.  Gee, I don't know where I've seen one of those.

Massage: No
Sex: No
Blow Job: No
Touch Pussy: Yes
Kiss: No
Multiple Pops: No
General Details:  Saw post by Steakfrit on local board, tried to contact but no respose as he was unable to read emails.
Juicy Details:  Made me sit as desk, on computer and show him how to use spell check.  Total bore.

Appearance:  You don't wanna know
Performance:  I should have stayed home
Attitude:  Needs adjustment
Atmosphere:  Totally Boring

I trust this was short and concise.

and there is a "Back" button on the bottom of each review page.  I use this button to skip past reviews that are not helpful.

Some of us are interested in reading coherent reviews about consentual encounters between human beings.  Actually reviews that descibe the reviewers feelings are a lot more useful to some readers.  They would be the ones who prefer intense interactive sexual experiences with women though.

BBBJCIM I can get by picking up a drunk toothless woman at the Half Moon Saloon.  Acronyms don't tell much about the experience of being with a new woman.

Compare "BBBJCIM" to "She has a unique oral technique, lots of tongue action, moist lips, full eye contact.  My back arched, my toes curled, and when she had finished I was immobile.  She curled up next to me and stroked my chest until I could move again."

Oh, and BTW, of course she tells you how good your technique is.  Sometimes it is true & sometimes it is part of the fantasy.  Valuable info all the same.  Do you want to be with someone who tells you that you are a lousy lover?

Speaking as a provider.  I like to read and hear reviews that have some meaning, some feelings.  I think reviews that read like a bowl of alphabet soup are so mechanical that it takes away from the  experience.

If I was writing a review of my experience with a hobbyist, I would write like I am at a wine tasting.  Sure you can kiss and tell, but if the provider gave it her all, please let that show in your review.  

There is more than one way to ride that cow and I don't mean in reverse.

Julie

Read them not, if it is ignorance you wish.  Learning how others are made to feel, and how it was that they were treated for what they did.  You would feel what if a after DATY a provider either said nothing or said, "Dude, you need some lessons." Important are the type and specifics of communications.

You have some seriously tight nuts there, they need to loosen up a bit!

I've always said that TER should serve as a "Consumer Reports" on providers and their performance... not as a "Penthouse Forum". Whenever I see reviews rambling on into a romance novel, I simply discredit it and the reviewer himself and take no stock in their other reviews.

A wise man once said, a skilled and good man doesn't need to keep telling you he is so, he just is.

"Some of us treat this hobby as a religion and need to worship both in deed and word to the godesses of the temple...and some of us are so ashamed of having to pay for sex that we have to rationalize it into being something that it is not"


If that's truly the case, you need to visit a counselor.  It will do more for you than any provider.

At times, hard as it is to believe, I'm a kidder.

I too am fond of the longer, more "romantic" reviews, hence my suggestion to this chap about heading over to the land (board) of "let's not be happy about anything".

Your last line may seem boring, but at least it actually states what was provided in the session.

If some people want to take the time to use sweet prose in their review, so be it, but as a client, I'm looking to see if my money will be well spent by making an appointment.  Reading two paragraphs about a guys emotions ofthe lady which eventually leads to a short sentence stating "I don't want to ruin the image in my mind by posting graphic details about our wonderful encounter"... doesn't tell me a damn thing.

Like I said in other posts... if I want to read a romance novel or Penthouse forum I'll buy one.  If I want to know about a provider... I read a "review".  If a guy wants to buy a boat, he reads consumer reports... not "Moby Dick".

...because of this issue.

What horror awaits me next? A sudden, inexplicable urge to march in the St. Paddy's Parade wearing only a Speedo?

If you want a quick over-view of the services offered look on the providers profile that tells you pretty concisely what she offers, $$, and everything else about her. It can't get much easier or basic than that.

If you want the "juicy details" then you read them, if not you skip them, it's really that simple. Unless you have some form of VIP where someone from TER sit's at the computer with you and holds a gun to your head and makes you read it, then I could understand your frustration.

...as I'm now only up to Chapter 6, tentatively entitled "The Room". So far I've got...

Chapter 1. "The Emails"

Chapter 2. "OK, Where Do I Park" -- it's a real page-turner - even you'll love it.

Chapter 3. "The Lobby Gauntlet" -- very exciting, but also very thought-provoking, particularly the side-story about the Ukrainian couple with the the 3-legged dog.

Chapter 4. "The Elevator Ride" -- so suspenseful that even I nearly peed my pants, and I wrote it.

Chapter 5. "Outside the Door"  -- most interesting for its in-depth exploration of hotel hallway architecture in the late 20th century.

Chapter 6. "The Room"

...I think you need to develop the blow-up character of the doll a little more. I just don't feel her motivation.

... don't blame the reviewer who tried to tell you in detail what to expect.

Your masterpiece will be universally assigned by literature teachers by 2250.  By 2255, every student in the world will hate you.

For me, the conculsion at the end, where you exited the room without going through a wall was a real difficult concept for me, but it made the whole thing come together...   Thanks so much for the help....  I look forward to your next in the series...  "no shows, or how I learned to tell time...."  lol

from one of your poetic reviews Zinaval...

"This brought her swiftly to a soul-smashing orgasm of about two minutes. If she had been a man, she would have splooged the walls and have been clinically dead at the end."

Now tell me.... is this what I can expect from her... or is this what I can expect from you???  I am confused.  I guess its just Ernest Hemmingway's version of "she loves DATY".

I think its crap like this the original poster of this thread was getting at.  A lot of us don't care what bliss the client thinks he puts the provider in... its what provider does for the client that we want to know about.

...two complete trilogies, separate, but with a common theme. The first three books deal with hopes, dreams, and expectations of the client, Anakin Streetwalker, culminating with his actual knock on the door...

..the second set deals with the aftermath of the liaison, and how the provider and client each deals with the separation before going their separate ways in search of lunch.

-- Modified on 6/24/2005 11:08:24 AM

Twenty different words, one each for the last twenty women you've kissed.

Are you going to share them with us in some out-of-order fashion, so that it only makes sense in the end?

How did you miss that?  Perhaps that's why you want the reviews so straightforward: you don't read very well.

Whatever I did with my tongue at the time, at most, added a bit of spice to it.  In fact, as Nicole's orgasm got interesting, I stopped what I was doing and watched her.  So, maybe my tongue-work made a small difference to getting her there, but it plainly made no difference to sustaining it.  I didn't care.  I was just having fun.

You still read into it what you thought you were going to read: a guy boasting about his skills.  Read again.  (I forgot!  You don't like to.)  It's not in there.      

To your question posed from that misreading: you definitely can't expect it from me.  Hire those two women and find out for yourself if you could expect it from them.    

I'm a bit surprised you didn't dig up my review of Candy.  In there I got very close to boasting: just because she seemed to be incredibly orgasmic.  If I thought I had any erotic skills, I was quickly dispossessed of the notion.  I tried the same things later in the week with a different woman, and **nothing** happened.  


-- Modified on 6/25/2005 5:54:38 AM

And a psychiatrist.  They've left it alone.  

Making pilgrimages to different cities to have sex with beautiful women is about as good as any religion gets.  It's definitely better than the traditional Western ones.

OK bud; You now won the favor of my hypercritical ATF who while acknowledging my ability to write engaging, literate reviews also berates me for using vocabulary, simile and metaphor above a 6th grade level. As much as I didn't need you giving her this ammo to fire at me I must concur you make some good if not humorous points.

(1) Omnipresent male ego - We seem to have a lot of fat, balding, out of shape, health challenged  sexually inhibited authors who could give a certified porn actor and a skilled film editor a run for their money.

(2)There are many reviews that do ramble on and on and on and on, telling you absolutely  nothing!
.
 I would like to look forward however to reading reviews that had some sense of literary or journalistic structure, an attempt at accurate spelling and yes a little creativity so as to discriminate it from a repair order for an automobile.

 GnT.

 



-- Modified on 6/25/2005 2:48:49 AM

I had met Dolly in chat late one evening after everyone else had logged off.
She had arrived and was really quite quiet...but did seem to want to chat,
which is actually one of the things I am sort of competent at...so we chatted, I did most of the chatting, her not having fingers and all...but occassionally she would fall forward on to her keyboard and share with me her thoughts.
I guess I have an odd innocent quality about me that allows people and dolls to feel
they can open up to me...you know kind of like talking to your pet or a plant,
where you know what you are saying isn't going to be understood much less repeated.

She and I really hit it off, and continued our discussions in email, though again I did most of the writing.
I knew she was a standard issue blonde, three-hole blow-up doll...so I went online to find pictures of her, I was attracted to the twinkle in her vinyl painted eyes, the quirky gaping hole for a smile, and her smooth man-made skin.

I figured since I didn't have the nerve to make an appointment with an actual woman, yet I was getting a bit bored with my chronic virginity problem, Dolly might just be the perfect inflatable woman for me. So, we set up a dinner date (I thought that meeting her for dinner first might help to relax me and allow me to get to know her, and she me, a bit better and ease the tensions I knew I would have).  

We met at a rather nice restaurant, I brought flowers for her, went with simple spring arrangement as I had decided roses might be a very bad idea when a puncture wound could in Dolly's case be deadly.  She was already there when I arrived, propped up against the bar, I went over to say hello and she gave me a big open mouthed kiss...of course, her mouth is molded open and she couldn't close it even if she wanted to, so I'm not sure if she was "pleased" to meet me or not.

Dinner was wonderful, though she didn't eat anything, and we talked for a good two hours about every topic imaginable..to be honest I did most of the talking since she doesn't have any vocal cords, but she semed to listen to everything I said.

After dinner, I took her up to the hotel room, she leaned against me the entire time we were in the elevator.  She really put me at ease through dinner and now this...she knew how to calm a nervous gal.

When we got to the room she was still leaning against me as I unlocked the door, at one point when I had taken my arm from around her she had already hit the floor but I couldn't let anything happen there in the hallway.  Once inside I led her to the couch and started undressing her...my what a well formed body she had...she had a beautiful molded ass, and I couldn't help myself and just had to bite it....glad I had the foresight to bring the tire repair kit just in case, it did cause an awkward moment when my teeth tore through her vinyl posterior, but once I had her patched-up and re-inflated we laughed about it..ok yeah...I laughed  she sat there with her molded expression.

We kissed again, DFK (ok I DFKed  she doesn't actually have a tongue...but couldn't reject mine) and I led her to the bed.  Being that she is made of vinyl and doesn't have a central nervous system, she wasn't nearly as responsive as a live woman would have been but, she also didn't complain about or give any indication that she minded anything I did in my inexperienced but ebullient efforts.  I kissed and licked my way down her near flawless body (I say "near flawless"  because there was a seam that at one point I kind of cut my tongue on...at that point I was really grateful Dolly doesn't have bodily fluids), and resisted the urge to bite and nibble at her synthetic skin. As closed in on her preformed nether region I was getting quite excited, and went to town on her...I am sure my DATY skills are pretty much non-existant...and even though she is incapable of having an orgasm I still felt pretty bad about not being able to give her one.

She doesn't have a tongue, or fingers, and she can't actually move but she still was instrumental in my enjotment of the evening as a ground my croutch against that bite-able (and puncture-able) ass...and it turns out the texture from the patch I had to apply to it was quite stimulating as I rubbed my clitoris on it.  After we had finished with our fun we took a shower together and she let me bathe her with a gentle vinyl cleanser and I then rinsed her well and dried her off. I layed her back onto the bed and got dressed, she was making no effort to get dressed or to leave (not that she really could), so when I was ready I kissed her once more and left her lying on the bed...all in all a good evening really....and after a number of more times with Dolly I might be ready to move up to a more high-tech model...and who knows maybe in few years I'll be ready for an actual woman.

An excellent review. First rate!

I think you need to give our friend in Seattle a call as a reward for yoursekf, sweetie.  Please don't wait a few years...you deserve it before then.

Peace.

heheheheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

you are so silly !
I lurves you!
tyvm,P.T.