I don't know why it still shocks me considering we live in a country that puts an over emphasis on being blonde and skinny with huge unnatural boobs but for some reason it still surprises me to see that some people are not just prejudiced but disrespectful to large women.

I can understand if you are not attracted to large women, why not just ignore us and focus on people you are attracted to? What is the point in emailing, IM'ing, calling, responding to big women and calling them names and being just plain mean.
I'm not attracted to black men but i don't search the internet for black men to harass and make negative comments to. I focus on people I am attracted to.

Everyday I get about 4 emails or IM's from people commenting negatively on my size and almost EVERYTIME I post on a message board someone makes a comment about my size.

What is these people's point?

It's not the comments that bother me cause I get told every day by numerous guys how beautiful I am so my self esteem is booming, lol,
There use to be a time when I fell into this society's trap of thinking only skinny is beautiful and wanted desperately to lose weight to the point that my self esteem was so low I would lie in my bed and cry for days. I would go on numerous diets and take hard-core RX diet pills and yes I lost quite a bit of weight but my self esteem didn't improve.

As a matter of fact my self esteem didn't become healthy until I became an escort and found out that there is a whole market of men who actually prefer big women and for some the bigger the better.
They are all kinds of guys, and surprisingly a lot are really hott!!
Actually there was a recent guy who I thought was soooooooo hott and he told me he preferred to just see Rose because he likes bigger girls. Now he sees Rose like 2-3 times a week. Argh! I was so upset I wanted to go and eat a gallon of ice-cream, unfortunately I was too lazy to get up and go to the grocery store.
I don't even want to lose weight now because I don't want to lose my edge on this niche in the market. The guys who adore bigger women are incredibly sweet, respectful and just plain adorable I don't want to lose them, lol
And now that I've discovered Lane Bryant there is no reason for me to lose weight. I do want to get healthier though because I have asthma and very weak lungs that I have to take steroids for which tends to bloat me up so I bought a treadmill to help me strengthen my lungs.

Anyway I'm getting off track here

What bothers me is that people actually take the time to post this crap and these negative comments.
Don't these people know that it's a waste of time?
Don't they realize that these comments only prove to me that I don't want to get smaller because then I'd attract classless, tactless superficial guys who don't have a brain of their own and have been brainwashed by television commercials and advertising?
Do they think they are going to get me to lose weight cause they are classless and tacky enough to post opinions about my size?
I don't get it.

For instance today I got this email (and this is just one of many):

Subject: Vicki Minnesota Appointment
Date: 2/12/04 11:05:59 AM Eastern Standard Time

Name: anti fat hookers who hoe themselves on the 'net

Email: [email protected]

CellPhone: 0001234567

Date: when hell freezes over

Time: when you lose 500 lbs
Comments: why would anyone want to PAY to see you naked. The only place you should go with your clients is to Jenny Craig you fat ugly COW

Do you see what I mean?
someone please comment and tell me what the point is.

I'm a former hockey player and powerlifter who hasn't competed in almost 20 yrs but still eats as if he's going to the gym every morning. 300 lbs is definitely in my rear-view mirror.
  I used to have the same problem. People would look at me and think I couldn't do the job. Luckily, I started my own company and we get the job done on a regular basis.
  I've been told that when I enter a room, I take it over by sheer size and force of personality. In my businesses (demolition and trucking), this is not a bad thing. However, it does make others defensive and/or feel inferior. This breeds resentment. Resentment can take many forms. One form is to bash me as "fat."
  These same people who bash me are the some of the same people who come to me for work as subcontractors. Mind you, I'm not Gandhi. I exact my revenge by dressing well, eating in the best restaurants and being accompanied to social functions by a woman who is drop dead gorgeous (my ATF).
  Oh yes, I also don't wear a watch. I know who the bashers are. When meetings are scheduled with them, My attitude is that the meeting commences when I get there and it concludes whenever I believe we are done. If they don't like it, they're free to peddle their services elsewhere.
  Vicki, I'm sorry that you and others are subject to this harassment. I'd suggest you become so successful that these  bashers have no choice but to come to you for their needs; or go without. That, my dear, is the best revenge.

There is no point. And you're lucky that these men do not want to see you. Let them go disrespect others because they will. Those who find fault with everyone else can never face their own shortcomings. Therefore, all the words you have for them will go unheard. Try your best to just ignore them

I think the point is Vicki is that these sorry excuses for human beings who see fit to ridicule you do so because they themselves are so completely miserable with their lives and themselves in general that they have to take it out on someone. The very fact that you are happy and comfortable with yourself infuriates them, because they themselves cannot find that same level of contentment within themselves. On behalf of the men around here who feel fit to criticize you or any of the other hard working, wonderful ladies involved in our hobby, I would like to apologize.

I've never met you, Vicki, and I'm not an avid hobbyist (just once so far), but you've always seemed to be sweet and considerate. You just keep on being you, sweetheart, and don't let them get to you. You're a better person than that!

Vicki, don't let these mental pygmies bother you.  While you may not be everyone's cup of tea in a physical sense, there is plenty to like in your mind and heart, and at the end of the day, that's what really matters.  Everybody has their own concept of physical attractiveness, and that will never change, but we are what we are, and recognizing that we won't appeal to everyone is something we all have to deal with.  Seems to me that you understand this quite well, and as a result, you're way ahead of the game.  Be happy with all you've got, because those idiots who try to put you down clearly are not pleased with themselves.  That's their problem - not yours nor mine!

Don't even bother wasting your time and emotions on these
idiots.I don't know you Vicki,but I will say that I am sure
there are many a hobbyist out there who's main concern is
to make you smile,and can't wait to give you the lovin
you deserve. I looked at your pictures and you look like
a beautiful,happy person to me.Stay that way :^)~

ALL WOMEN ARE VERY BEAUTIFUL IN THEIR OWN UNIQUE WAY!!!

Your post has so many areas to comment on, my head is swimming, and while I will reply to some things here, if you REALLY want some answers to what you posted, it will have to be privately.
Or, maybe you don't want answers and you were just ranting.

First, my guess (only a guess) is that guys who send you these emails are not Players in the Game (hobbyists), but guys surfing porn, and etc. and stumbled upon you. I could be wrong. Since they are unaware of the Game and what's out there, and all the varieties and preferences, and they themselves are repulsed by large people, they can't fathom others actually PURSUING it, so they think you're some girl that just 'thinks she can' and in their minds, "fat chance" (their pun intended). So, losers that they are, they send you a mean, nasty email.
Now, while they don't deserve for you to give them the time of day, you might actually consider responding to them. (one or two)
I received a voice mail AND a nasty email some months back while this guy reamed me for not taking same-day appts. He was so mean and nasty. I chose to respond politely and professionally explaining that if I took same-day appts. then somebody somewhere would always get moved or cancelled, and, as I pointed out, don't most people as well as most businesses plan their weeks the week (or two) before? Everybody's calendars get filled in as it comes to include work, school, dr appts, hair appts, vet, soccer games, etc., etc. Ok, you get what I mean. So, I explained that that's how I have to do my LIFE and as a result I'm on time for my appts and take pride that I rarely ever have to inconvenience a client. Believe it or not, it was a while later, but he responded, and even somewhat politely. So, you may just take a stab at it, and let one ignorant fool know that while you might not be their type, there is a real market out there for large women, and that, believe it or not, you do quite well.

You say, "and almost EVERYTIME I post on a message board someone makes a comment about my size". Do you mean here, on TER?

My own daughter had a body to die for, with natural DD's, and an hourglass figure and then 'let it go', while her life included all the bad habits typical of someone her age. She soared from 115 to double that, 230 in a short time, and then along came the health problems. See there's HEALTH and there's APPEARANCE, and they are two things, yes, but related. We are the most obese country in the world, and along with it the health problems in a country with a health care system that doesn't work! Anyway, she and I battled about it, and I took her to see an Iridologist (that's another story) that is phenomenal here in SD, as I had just been to see him. His comments to me, while looking at my LIVE blood cells was that if he didn't know I was a woman in her forties, he'd think he was looking at a woman in her early twenties. But, when I took my daughter to see him (and he holds nothing back), he was horrified. He told her the exact opposite and that she was already setting herself up for disaster and pointed out the health problems she already had - at 21! And he let her have it!

We seem to ACCEPT bad health. ASTHMA is NOT normal, and for the most part preventable, and curable, and STEROIDS are not going to give you much of a future. Plain and simple.

While you, and she both say you're fine as you are and you except that, I don't necessarily believe it, because if you COULD be at your IDEAL weight (forget 'skinny', and 'thin') I'm sure you would. Who wouldn't?? And if you knew how easy it was to correct the asthma (MOST asthmas), I think you would. Ice cream??? Ohmigosh, girl - dairy is a killer for asthma. Don't you know that? Milk, cheese, ice cream..no way.

As my daughter and I both battled, she insisted that I was mad about her looks. No, I was upset with her habits, and her health. Stuffing one's face; eating an entire package of Oreos in one sitting, or finishing off an entire carton of ice cream is NOT normal.

In the early '90's before my daughter came to live with me, I was into body building and was in the best shape of my life. Am I that way now? No. When she came to live with me, I worked around the clock until 2002 and didn't have the time, nor have it be the priority. And now health is the priority, and fitness will come along.

While in the hospital (both times) this past month, I was asked many times to state the medications I am (routinely) on. When I listed nothing, they asked again, as if I just forgot. A few nurses even commented how I could be in my FORTIES and NOT be on meds! Is that perverse?? I mean, I hope to be in my SEVENTIES and not be!

Targeting higher net worth individuals and gradually streamining my net image has eliminated that completely. The more explicit content tends to attract a large number of guys who have no intention of booking. They are just jacking off to photos all day long.

I learned the reason why some women have only fully clothed, fashion magazine style photos on their web sites or ads. Men that are attracted to you as an individual -- a fashion conscious, publically presentable human being, spend their days dreaming of strolling arm and arm with you down park ave on a summer day before setting off to a romantic lunch and then a heated rendezvous a fine hotel with candled and champaigne.

We learn the marketing game as we go in this. You aren't completely responsible for who comes your way but test the waters by altering your image and see what happens. I saw a huge change and I continue to evolve in light of what produces the best type of client -- and for me that's someone who wants multi-hour appointments and who is loaded.

I have always liked Nicole of SC's image and presentation but for me, my late 29's-early 30's were a time when my fashion sense was stripper slut, costumes, party girl.

As I fine myself simplifying my life and my style, I am attracted to more subtle lines with accents on texture and color. Barney's NY best represents my current style, tweeds, leather, suade, pantsuits, sweaters, cashmere and crepe and silk dresses.

Off to ski in Vail late this month. Tonight, it's  a shopping spree and dinner at the finest restaurant in Vegas. Life is tough. . Keep in mind, there are so many wonderful men in this. Just like meeting people in real life, you weed through to find the gems and when you find 'em, latch on. In the end, all the clothes come off anyway so present yourself as a lady, be true to yourself and don't worry about those who don't appreciate the beauty of who you are. Spend your time focusing on the princes.

See you soon in Boston. Dinner at Morton's. Be there.

love, heather


-- Modified on 2/12/2004 1:23:22 PM

THis guy is obviously just a bitter, *small* man himself, who doesn't appreciate beauty in any form.  So is anyone else who harasses you about your size.  There are indeed MANY, many *gentlemen* (I use the term literally here) who simply adore large women, that is why we have the term BBW!  And you are beautiful, don't f***ng listen to these guys.  I am thin and I get rude emails and phone calls all the time, in fact one I got which read:
UUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
(nothing else, I can only imagine he was Cro-Magnon and that's all he could spell)
It's true that I don't get them as often as you say you do, but it still hurts.  But for every guy who sends you some crap like that, you should know that there are fifty more who feel just as strongly that you are a really beautiful woman whom they'd love to be with.
As for the message boards, is it here on TER that people comment?  If so, I am disappointed.  Most (I say MOST) of the folk on here seem to be intelligent, open-minded and decent.  It sucks that anyone should trash you for any reason.
I think they -- and anyone else who harasses you -- are just intimidated by your confidence.
=^.^=
Sydney

Hey Sedona,
First of all I love your posts, you are such a eloquent writer, thanx for weighing in on this subject.

"First, my guess (only a guess) is that guys who send you these emails are not Players in the Game (hobbyists), but guys surfing porn, and etc. and stumbled upon you."

Actually, that's not entirely true because I get snide comments referring to my size when I post on TER as well, not always but quite a few particularly on the MN board and since I have many reviews here it's quite obvious that there are plenty of guys who pay to see me.

As for health problems, I've had asthma my entire life including when I was very thin.
I have 6 different types of asthma: Allergic Asthma, Infection Induced Asthma, Exercise Induced Asthma, Cardiac Asthma,  Hysterical Asthma and Asthma due to Unknown Cause
As far as I've been told by my doctors and researchers at asthma facilities that I attend, the ailment is of varied types and could generally be controlled, even cured but since mine is caused by so many different things such as exercise, animal hair, dust, weather changes and even some foods they are not sure it can be cured. I can take different drugs to strengthen my lungs and exercise so that i don't have as frequent attacks,  but there are Olympic runners who have asthma and haven't been cured of it.

I've been to the doctor for check ups recently and they have told me I'm perfectly healthy physically (mentally is a different story...ahem....) no sign of diabetes or anything and I asked to be put on diet pills and they refused and said I wasn't obese enough for that, to just exercise. My own doctors rarely believe i'm 30 they all think I'm in my early twenties. I credit that too not letting my inner child die.

I have enough vast knowledge on diet and exericse to be a dietician and personal trainer, I just choose not to apply it for whatever reason. Well I know the reason, it has something to do with laziness and depression but that's a whole nother topic.

No eating junk food is not healthy but people who are unhealthy emotionally sometimes use food as a crutch. I am one of them. I see a therapist. We are dealing with it. But I know that stopping the eating does not work for me, all it does is make me crave it more. I am a overeater but I actually eat very healthily most of the time, I just eat ALOT. However I know that my problem has more to do with exercise than eating. I need to exercise more and bought a treadmill for that purpose but unfortunately it is in Boston and I am in Minnesota. I hope to get back to Boston to retrieve it soon though.

I also use to be into body building and I've gained and lost weight too many times to count, it is not healthy though. SO for now I'm focusing on my mental health because that is the key to solving my weight problems.

BTW, if you visit my website and go to the PHOTO section I have a PHOTOGRAPHIC TIMELINE of my life and you can see how almost every year my weight went up and down drastically. It's horrible.

Anyway I hear what you saying, thanks for hte concern.

Fixating on the visual is not just a male trait.  Although I will grant you that once a woman hits her 20's and beyond, she becomes less dismissive of those that don't fit a "look" they require, but an attraction based on visual appearance is usually the catalyst for most new romances.

I was always "husky" (to use a PC term) in my adolescent years and I was invisible to girls.  I was the "nice" guy they used to complain to when the bad boys they were attracted to would walk all over them.

I lost most of the weight in college (at 230 lbs. you could count my ribs), and found my SO there, but the weight has slowly come back over the years.  At 6'3" I had a large frame to work with (many assumed I played football), but I still sailed to 315 at my peak. I've been dieting for about 6 months and have gotten back down to 290 and I am still going.  At 37 years old, I figured if I don't get it under control now, I never will, so I've been pretty good by eating nuitrition bars for breakfast and lunch and then a normal dinner.  I hope to get back to the point where a woman will actually find me attractive again.

So I promise not to judge a book by its cover if you all won't either.  I'm sure there will be many who do, but I have found the most satisfying relationships with people who didn't fit the profile as attractive, but more than made up for it in, please pardon the cliche, personality.

aww i've moved to minnesota

on the twin cities board roses817 and I have both had some snide references to our wieght.

Get the MN moderator to stop the mean ridicule, for one!

And, as Heather says, maybe try changing some marketing things.

I know I say this a lot but I've lived by it for years and still do it, and that's the Serenity Prayer, do you know it?
"God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the Courage to change the things I can; and the Wisdom to know the difference." So, I've taught my growing kids (now grown) to make a list of the Can't Change and the Can Change and the idea is to start chipping away at the Can't Change until it becomes a Can Change and then DO IT! Keep that list in front of you and start checking it off and it works! List the small and 'silly' things, too because you'll see and feel the relief of checking those things off.

You know what those things are and you know what you need to do. And it's such a viscious cycle - which adds to your depression, which causes you to feel lazy! Break that cycle as only YOU can! And you CAN!

Ok, I'll get off the soapbox - I just get frustrated and want to fix things...

Hi Vickie

Sorry to hear of the abusive idiots who made those attacks on you.  I don't think you have anything to worry about.  I think you're pretty as hell and love your dazzling smile!  So keep smiling!!

Hope that you have a great day!

ignore them and delete their emails. if you are happy with yourself, that is all that matters.

There is always that, but women are appraised much more highly on appearances than men are.  Especially in this profession.  Not to discount any prejudices you may have encountered-- assuming here that you might be bald; need someone to shine your head? --, but one axiom comes to mind:
Man has, woman is.  (stolen from one of my favorite authors)

Men have cars, money, houses, power/ strength... and those are the attributes by which he is judged.  A bald head, or a beer gut, is inconsequential to others who value other things more.  

The first question inevitably asked about an unknown woman is, "Is she hot?"  Women, in my experience, are usually looked at first as a decoration, second as a person-- contrary to all of nature where the male is the more elaborately colorful and ornate of the sexes-- and only if you delve deeper into her identity does an outwardly plain woman reveal her beauty.  (Get out of the gutter!  I was speaking figuratively.)

What the hell is WRONG with us primates?????
=^.^=
Sydney

i had a boyfriend who was bald , man i thought it was soooo sexy and hott

Unfortunately, there are really bad people in all walks of life and in every nook and cranny!
For some stupid reason, many of us do judge a book by its cover, or a news story from a slanted source, etc etc.
You can't possibly please everyone! So be yourself and try to live your life the way you see it without hurting anyone in the process.
Enjoy!

I'm sure this has been said before, but caring about what others feel or think about you will only drive you crazy. Why should you care about their empty minds and souls?

If you do things to look and feel good, do it for you. Looking good for others usually ends up being a shallow exercize in futility. (this applys for age and weight)

Inner beauty and happiness often translates very well to outer beauty. Smiling is my favorite type of makeup.

I agree with Sedona, that there is often a corrilation between weight and many health issues. So if you can be healthy, happy and BBW, be the best damn one there is.

I gotta say it. I like your style.

Vicki, don't make me come out there, and spank that bottom of yours!

You are so beautiful! I told you that, about a thousand times already, and the trick is to try not to let the "bottom-dwellers" get you down! When someone emails you, just hit the delete button and go about your business. They just want a response, and by you not giving them one, is what makes them mad! My mother always told me, kill them with kindness! How true! Sometimes, just to piss a person off, just smile in their faces, and act like it doesn't bother you. In the case of the email, if you really wanted to respond back, just send them a reply for them to have a nice day, themselves. Continue being Vicki! You are loved for it

Mel

Undoubtably this poster was unmoderated. We occasionally miss unmoderated posts. I can't speak for the other moderators but I don't read every unmoderated post. After all, we extend you a certain amout of trust when you are placed on unmoderated status. If a moderator has to read every new post each time (s)he signs on, (s)he might as well leave you moderated. I appreciate it when someone PMs (or emails me) about a questionable post. If you see something like this, contact the board's moderator right away! Even post your concerns directly on the board. The moderator will eith remove the post or explain to you the rationale behind letting the post remain on the board.

thirsty