If he spent that much money on you and is buying you a gift too, this should be a no-brainer.
Unless you spent all of the money and don't have credit, try to think ahead to the next 6 months.

You should hope that he is not reading the board today.

"Tis the season to be stingy---------"----

-- Modified on 12/17/2010 12:25:42 PM

.....could it be a Lexus ?

Regardless of how long he has been a reg, how much he spends on you or even how much he is spending on your gift he is completely out of line in asking you for something that expensive. Honestly, I think he is out of line asking you for anything at all!  Exchanging gifts is fine, I do it with my ATF and with a couple of other long-time regulars. We do not however present specific requests to each other. The idea of exchanging gifts is that it's supposed to be fun-no pressure.  It would seem to me that this would be even more the idea with a P4P friend.

Don't know how the topic came up between both of you, but if he initiated any discussion about what he wants from you, especially if he mentioned a specific gift and/or amount, I think that makes him a putz.

she did not mention if she had also made a gift  request.

He might be testing her to see if money is all she looks for and whether or not he ants to continue with the arrangements.

Not saying I have the correct answer, but there may be more than meets the eye here.

Hello! They are already past that point.
Yeah sure, let her lecture away a $25,000 (in 6 months) meal ticket. Still lmao!

Providers regularly post "wish lists" on their web sites. I'm not saying she did or did not ask for a specific gift but It's P4P, not tit for tat.  It IS all about the money!

If he is trying to figure out how much he means to her by asking for an expensive gift he is already delusional...

Giving him more of it is the ultimate gift! It sounds like you are being more than generous with your customer.  If he needs an expensive material gift on top of what he already gets from you in the way of extra time I would have to guess he is either clueless or trying to test you.

So if he went to a pro shop and bought expensive clubs should he Expect rewards there for giving them his business? No.
So its p4p its a reality. I give my good friends I see lil gifts from time to time and for holidays BUT its going the extra mile, it isn't expected.
Yes his contribution to your income is nice and it sounds also as though you enjoy spending time with him as well. So...you give him extra time. Hes not doing you a favor here he is paying for your time. You owe him nothing. An expectation of a gift of this caliber in this type of a transaction, well its out of line.
He should be asking his wife for something like that.

Thanks in advance for your candid feedback.

Since we met about 6 months ago, a wonderful gentleman has given me around $25,000 total, or just over $5000 per month, on average.  We were recently discussing exchanging Christmas gifts.  He wants a gift that costs about $750.  

Am I wrong to hesitate to spend that much on him?  Am I cheap and ungrateful?  I suppose I should not be focused on the price, rather give the gift as a thank you for all he has done for me?

Thank you

...and looking at it from strictly a business investment standpoint, look at the Return On Investment (ROI). An outlay of $750 against the $25,000 he's already given you is 3%. It would seem to be a great investment in your future business to keep such a client feeling good about seeing you again. How many other clients do you have that are at this level?

Now from a more human standpoint (and from someone with more than 4 decades of sales and customer service experience), any kind of a "thank you" is appreciated by a customer -- as long as it's sincere. If you can personalize the "thank you" in a way that's meaningful to your customer, then you've made them feel valued.

Feliz Navidad --

My mistake.  25,000/6 mo= ~$4000/mo

its p4p theres no donation. She earns her money, hes not doing her a favor. So the return on the money he has paid her is her time spent. Any expectation after that is over the top.
Also if she wasn't seeing him she'd be seeing someone else in that time. This isn't a charity its a business.
A small token of appreciation is always nice anything after that and one requested no less is over the top. This is not her husband BF hes a client.

Thanks Ill keep that in mind.  He is my best, regular client.  However, what I didnt mention in my original post is that to show him I appreciate his regular patronage, I do give him lots of perks and  complimentary time.  The amount of time that we spend together is often double what he actually paid for.... So this contributes to the reason I am hesitant to give such an "expensive" gift.

The $4k/month he provides is the take-home pay of a $72k/yr job. His support alone puts you in the top 1/3rd of incomes and supports you better than most men (48k/yr, 32k after taxes) can support their wives.

I am drawing no conclusions for that, simply giving the context so the amount of money involved can be appreciated.

I would caution you to becareful with a client like this. If he has spent 25,000.00 on you in six months. And is now telling you that he wants you to buy him a 750.00 gift, it could be early signs of him controlling. You've already said you've allowed him to way over in session.

Are you afraid to post your real name because he may find out you're talking about him, and this situation? Think about.

In a clearly fee for service construct, he is paying for your time and you're giving extra of your time due to his regular patronage.

I think he's cheap for asking you for a specific gift, and for one that costs that much. As a business person I think you're cheap to balk if his business is important. If he is important, personally to you, we have a different issue, which you need to address.

IMO... it sounds like a little more separation/distance is in order, to get things back on a more P4P business like basis. I would consider the gift a part of doing business, and recoup that expense through reduced free time. Sit down and take a hard business line look at the amount of free time you'd be willing to give anyone who provided this much business (take any personal issues out of this equation) and give him that. Any analysis of the free time to make available should include the probable lost business due to reduced time availability.

Thank you for reiterating my points.

I don't see how anyone else could've given a different response. Some were just plain rude, where is the moderation?

Not ungrateful or cheap but I don't think i've gotten my mom a gift anywhere near that much.  If you feel it's worth it in the end to give a gift like that do it but it might be time for you and him to have a little talkie about boundaries.

Boston Guy has this nailed. "Gifts" are just that and to "request" a gift in a certain amount is so wrong on so many levels. Does he have something in mind that might cost 750? Is this maybe why he brings up this amount? If not, it is just plain tacky and despite the possibility of losing a regular I think you need to nip this in the bud. However, there could be more than what you are saying; as in"the complete story"

Just Saying

Well...  

I dont know what hes giving me.  I referred him to my wishlist on my website.  Even if he gets me something as expensive, I still dont know if I can spend that much on someone who is essentially "my boss".  As someone else mentioned, Ive never bought ANYONE (family/friends) a $750 gift so thats a bit excessive for a client.

I dont think I'll give him what he asked for, but I will get him something special.  Something with more of a sentimental value.  Like treat him to a nice dinner off the clock.

Good point!!!  Its very easy to lose sight this perspective when youre a provider.

any changes in the way he interacts with you that would cause this?  Have you changed how you meet his needs?  Has the love-making gotten to the "take me for granted stage"?

I understand trying to keep a good client but I think he is out of line for asking for a particular gift, especially a gift in that price range.

giving a customer a gift is not out of line.  You indicate in your original post that he requested an item (that you subsequently determined would cost $ 750) and that he would be exchanging a gift with you as well.  It is quite common for people that I have referred business to would give me a gift at this time of year.  And in many cases the value of that gift was in direct proportion to the amount of business I would refer to them.  You have a similar situation as this fella has contributed to your net income (I would assume a rather substantial portion).  And as any business owner you need to determine whether you value his "donations" in the future.  Giving away some of your time over the preceeding six months is nice (but clearly won't equate in the "johns" mind as a return on his donation).  Since you both have discussed exchanging gifts..and he has defined his expectation..you now have a business decision to make.

While I can understand why some here don't believe you "owe him anything" and keep boundaries, it does appear that you already have created boundary issues.  And I would suspect that his $$$ are causing you to question here what to do.  Ask yourself if you tell him to go away will your lifestyle change and can you accept that change?  I assume that the answer is NO.  Now ask yourself how long you think he will continue paying the $$$ as he has...and I would also guess that you know that this will not continue indefinitely.  As I would recommend to any client, now is the time to eliminate the customer that is clearly dictating how I run my business...and find multiple smaller clients that will eventually cover those expenses that he is presently paying for.

That is your answer in a business analysis...Now can you be a real business person and separate the emotions from the $$$ and make the correct long-term decision?

Good luck

As I outlined in my post my suggestion to the OP is to make this a "business decision".  Take the emotional issues out and the answers are quite evident to a seasoned business person.  It may be that the OP is not seeing this as a business decision, hence her inability to differentiate what would be a smart play by "gifting" the customer something material in nature.  Should she decide to pass on a "gift", then she would need to understand that the "john" may take his business elsewhere.  Hence, this is strictly a business decision of $ 50k/annum.  Plain and simple...do not confuse the issue with semantics please.

If you have enough business to NOT show a good customer appreciation, then dont.  Did you ask him what he wanted and he told you.  OR did he come up and say "get me that $750 leather coat".
I have never seen a business that shows less appreciation for the client than this one. WTH, in any other business the "service provider" goes to great lengths to keep and reward the customer for their patronage.  So you are sellng your time, and you have "given" him a little extra, well woop-di-frickin-do.  Have you ever heard of a bakers dozen, buy one get one free, volume discount?  I can promise you if you end it with him, there will be others standing in line to this kind of deal.

Buy the damn guy a gift and go give it to him butt naked.  He deserves it, he is spending 50 grand per year for the temporary use of your renewable resource.  You sold nothing, that you still dont have.  Or blow the guy off and I'll buy him a damn gift if he will spend 25,000 dollars on me for the next 6 months.

sheeeeeesh

Big and Less Rich

(1) Like a business model, as mentioned aforehand.  In other words, is $750 a smart amount to spend for another six months like you've had?  Generall, I'd say 'yes' to this, especially if he's a guy whose time you enjoy.

(2) On the other hand, I feel the guy is out of line.  I was in a similar situation with a lady, and when I got an occasional "small" gift, I was appreciative of her thouhtfulness.

I think the bottom line is this: if you DO give it to him, it's probably going to be over soon because you'll resent him.

If you DON'T give it to him, it's probably going to be over soon because he'll resent you.  Wrongly, in my opinion, but his head's not right.

I'd pass if I were you....

-- Modified on 12/18/2010 8:15:22 AM

No I am certain you are not.
Sometimes it seems there are men here who despise the fact that we make this kind of cash. Feel we owe our clients for the honor of working, as if its a priviledge. Yes I for one am grateful the men I have had the priviledge to meet but at the same time I feel we both make out there. There are way more clients than there are ladies working so there will always be Demand.
So he may tire of her if she does give in or tire of her if she does not, but she owes him nothing. Its a job we do its not a hand out.

We are not ungrateful but at the same time we are also not fools. She is paid to do a job, her job is the time she spends with someone.
Many times we run into a great client, one that thrills us we have fun with and hes a bit of a cash cow for a while they usually tire of the drill and at some point slow down the frequency or move on. The thrill is gone to some degree, or the phase is over.
If and when rather he does move on, she will find another playmate who fills that nitch and hands over a healthy paycheck. She owes him nothing. Now she needs to draw very clear lines and set boundries.
I am sure you didn't ever buy your employer a $750 gift and would be annoyed if he actually requested it as if it were expected.
Lets get back to reality ppl, its p4p she is being compensated for her time she owes him nothing.

thats the first question, anyway

HalfHour

Most businesses reward loyal customers.  I've got more free hotel nights than I can ever use, and plenty of free rental car days as well.  My banker cut me a deal on the mortgage because I had a large pile in his bank.  Notice that's had, not have  My local casino feeds me for free.  The list goes on and on.  A valued customer gets perks for their loyalty.  He shouldn't have asked for it, but it's not clear how the conversation came about.  So, is his business worth $750 to maintain?  Trust me, that's why those people give me stuff.

And no, I don't mean the diapers.  To continue my travel example, the Best Western hotel chain rewards guest with free rooms or airline miles.  I need a free night at a fucking Best Western like I need another hole in my head, so I opt for the plane ticket.  While she's giving him something extra, he's requesting something different (or maybe something additional...once again, that's not clear).  So, it's on her to decide if she wants to drop the coin on a nice gift or not.  She may also discontinue the extra time or not.  In the end, if his business is worth it, she'll give him what he wants.  Still doesn't make it right, but he's regular money.  I don't know too many ladies these days that would push that in front of an oncoming train.  In the end, I don't care.  I'm not him, although I a nice gift would be cool, lol

Trying to test for what maybe?

Nope....never too late to put someone in their place.....especially if they are testing you there's nothing that pisses me off more.