If you want to use a lady as a reference then ask her first. #1. it could be your SO contacting her. #2 it's just polite to ask her before.

its best to ask ahead of time.

Smooches,
Cami~

If I asked my ATF if she can be a reference for me and she says yes. Then I decide to try and see a different provider 8 months later (I see my ATF once a month), do I need to call her and let her know I am using her as a reference or was her original consent good enough?

b-

can't speak for her. but most would like to be asked each time. it's also good to alternate references so the same lady doesn't have to supply a reference each time. alternate between the ladies.

Im glad this was posted! I think it should be repeated on the Newbie board.

I think it's a good idea to let her know each time you plan to use her just so she can expect to be contacted by another lady. Not essential but to me it's just a courtesy...hey, I still send out thank you notes, or emails, as the case may be...

Just as in the real world when interviewing, it's always a good idea to let your references know that you are using them.  This way the lady will remember you without having to look through past emails/phone records, etc. delaying the response time.   Plus, how embarrassing to tell a provider that the reference you give will remember you because you "rocked her world", to have her respond with a "who?"  lol  true story, btw.

Kari~~

-- Modified on 2/22/2008 10:45:14 PM

I feel awkward about it.  It seems disloyal.  Won't part of the response be "do you want to see someone else because I didn't please you well enough?"