In order to keep this post as short as possible, I'll describe two sessions with two different providers to illustrate my problem.

Provider #1:  I book her a week in advance.  She's a touring provider, stunningly beautiful, a 9 on a 10 scale.   And she's cold & distant, no kissing, no emotion.  And I can't get it up for her, even after I dose myself with viagra.  For the entire session I'm  halfway erect, barely able to get a condom on it, but it's no good and she gets irritated. The session is a disaster.  

Provider #2:  She's a local girl who will text me out of the blue, "Let's get together!'"--her rent is probably due.  She's cute but not beautiful, a 7 on a 10 scale, the girl next door. But she's sweet and passionate, totally GFE ++ and she gets me rock hard every time, no problem.  

But when I'm banging Provider #2, I'm agonizing over Provider #1.  What is wrong with my dick?  Intellectually I know that Provider #2 is a good actress.  But I need that fake girlfriend experience to get hard, like a power-on button than needs to be pushed.  Any thoughts?   Thanks. --z

I quoted that lol

Me, too. Sex is between the ears since turning 50 yo. Hot looks satisfies the visual craving I have but there's an intangible that some ladies have that's more satisfying. Give me a 7-8 in looks who has that intangible "it" factor & I'm good to go.

It's not necessarily GFE. I had a regular who was non-GFE who rang my bell every time we were together.

Sometimes the stunning beauties of the world think that's enough.  It isn't, at least not for me.
Another problem is youth...  may or not be, in your case.  In my limited experience, younger providers expect a man to perform on que...  totally push button.  I was when I was younger.  As a mature man, I find that it takes some skill & effort to make things function...  and the attitude that "what ever is going on with me, won't be a problem".

Unfortunately there is no test for this in advance.
skb

provider #1. Sounds like a cold & miserable person; no wonder your noodle went limp with her.

My advice : forget about provider # 1, keep seeing provider # 2 & be on the lookout for other well reviewed providers in your area.

get it up, when you are with a completely disinterested woman.  Nothing wring with your dick, you are just thinking like a complete dick!
"Stunningly beautiful" as you put it seems to be only a skin deep trait in this case.  
Think with the big head!  I would much rather have a passionate, GFE than an ice cold beauty queen!  Even if the GFE is all fake, and a total act, she trys hard to make sure you enjoy yourself.  The other couldn't care less! If I were with the 10, I'd be thinking about the 7 while being ignored,....NOT vice Versa!!!
WAKE UP!!!!!

and even the face of the most gorgeous cover model is boring at best when they are also bored or otherwise bereft of passion.

So, give me a horny spunky gal over an ice queen any day.

As for the thought that the gal is acting, don't sweat it.  Good acting is what people pay mighty sums to actors and actresses for, and you don't hear them complain.

I've been with average looking girls who were just not really interested. Their lack of model beauty did not turn me on enough to enjoy myself lol...  and I've been with stunners who were so totally into it that I was a fucking machine.

It's not the apperaance at all. don't confuse issues.

it's the provider's approach.

A woman who is disinterested, who does not relate in a positive way, is a turn off. End of discussion.

"As for the thought that the gal is acting, don't sweat it.  Good acting is what people pay mighty sums to actors and actresses for, and you don't hear them complain."

Seriously Mr Fisher, a very valid point. As long as they can do the job who cares..right? And this pertains to this little corner of the world. Providing, at times, is a great example of method acting and if done right can be very convincing.

After all, an actor who portrays a serial killer does not actually have to be one to do a convincing job.

"For every hot, sexy, beautiful woman there is some man who is sick of her shit"

to being a true PROVIDER..
Beauty is on the inside and outside and providership..is a gift !! a true GFE is NOT innate for all ladies..
just my 2 cents.
I hope this helps ..
sincerely
Lovely Lorena

stick to number two while looking for a new number one that is beautiful AND rocks it

... and kisses

I think the lesson for you is to stay in the moment. After all, your mileage may vary with any provider. Provider #2 is the most honest and since you've seen her before, you know what you're getting. There are lots of #1s out there and they get a bit jaded over time to the point of you should pay me to just be in the same room. If you know that $4P is just another illusion, you'll do much better. Surrender to the fact that none of this is real and just go and have fun. If you need to make an impression, help your kids with their homework. They really love you.

I agree, LL. I believe we all want to be validated, seen as the object of another persons desire, viewed as valuable and unique. Haven't you felt attraction for one person so strongly that no one else will do? Have to have that person... The need is so great that only that person can fill it.

Creating that with people you are not in love with is a talent. Finding something of unusual and unique beauty in each person, that is an art.

Wanting the object of beauty, where it begins or seemingly begins, is a natural behavior. Then, to find out that the person has not worked on parts of themselves, well... Disappointing for sure. How can anyone get excited for a pretty shell? (I still long for the shell some times.) I think, no matter how its interrupted, we all want some connection, ultimately.

Being dialed and attractive goes a longer way than just being "hot".

Thought I'd weigh in...


-- Modified on 5/13/2010 8:06:15 AM

of the big head over the little head, the little head is wise enough to realize how vulnerable he, and his two brothers hanging out down below are, that he only enters in to those places where he is unmistakeably welcomed.

Have fun with the one you're with, and be on the lookout for a new dish that really catches your eye.

I do respect your outlook on this Radcow.

Why do you think #2 is a good actress, What if she truly does enjoy your company?
Just a thought...

Hands down, provider #2 is who you want to spend your time with. I've seen ladies who could easily grace the covers and pages of many magazines, but as far as performance goes, they just didn't do it for me. The attitude was either disinterest, or "I'd rather be somewhere else". On the other hand, I've seen ladies who may have been a little past the magazine model point in their lives, or never really were there to begin with. These ladies, however, could damned near make their pussies whistle, and they knew how to enjoy themselves. To me, these women are every bit as beautiful as the super-models, and I'll take the whistling pussy over the glamour any day.

I don't care how pretty she is, if she is apparently unwilling, most guys won't be able to get it up. Some will. But most won't.

The most important aspect of your interaction is your psychological reaction to the provider.

Once the provider has crossed a certain threshold of appearance -- say, a 7 -- then personality kicks in as the most important factor in your satisfaction.

And -- yeah.

I DO realize that many providers are actresses. But, some really aren't. They actually genuinely enjoy the time. They go out of their way to practically handpick clients whose company they will enjoy.

Just as there is no such thing as "ALL hobbyists X" there is also no such thing as "ALL providers Y."

I saw a provider that I thought at the time was acting, but today as another provider was checking my references I was told that she had given a glowing reference and had said that she got butterflies in her stomach thinking about me. That obviously made my day. Maybe I'll try putting the cynicism aside for a bit. Both of these providers try to screen for compatibility as well as safety, so I guess they do enjoy what they do if it's with the right person.

It's all in the mind, looks are meaningless (well unless you want to vomit when you meet) I would go with the girl behind door nuber 2 every time.

Looks are very important to shallow pigs like me.

I do have to confess however, I would rather have a 7-10 than a 10-6, but of course that's the beauty of TER, you should never have to make that kind of tradeoff. There are plenty of 9-8's 8-9's, etc to make the choice moot.

I subscribe to the philosophy that "life is too short to fuck ugly women", anyone that thinks that makes me a shallow pig is entitled to their opinion.

"Ugly goes clear to the bone" lol

I am not advocating fucking "icequeens" as I have had enough of those to last several lifetimes, but not all women are fuckable, no matter how horny, or how great a service they provide. Ugly is Ugly, no matter how willing she is.

For me, the provider has to have looks above a certain threshold to see her the first time.

THEN, if her personality is above a certain threshold I'll see her again!

My most recent visits have been with a 10 (she actually DOES model) but her smarts and wit and most of all, her playfulness once we get comfy are what bring me back

If I were in the OP's shoes I'd stick with #2, forget #1, and keep looking for a #3 that has the best of both worlds!

You wouldn't keep going to a restaurant for the cute waitress there if their food tasted like bat guano would you?

#2 anytime.

I would just make sure I was eating the waitress instead of the food, unless of course she tasted like bat guano as well. lol

#1 Bitch (paraphrasing of course)
#2 Dog
#3 Hot chick that wants to jump my bones, but she's expensive.

#1 CUNT (paraphrasing of course)
#2 Fat and Ugly (again paraphrasing of course.
#3 Hot chick that wants to jump my bones, but she's expensive.

Given those options, I would wish for #4 Hot chick that wants to jump my bones, but "IS NOT" expensive, but given your parameters, I'd suck it up and choose #3. Life is too short to fuck Bitches or Dogs, or even worse "Bitchy Dogs" lmao

What's money for? if not to spend it on things that bring you pleasure? and for me fucking hot chicks that want to jump my bones (or who do a good job of prentending) are what brings me pleasure.

lets be real, do we really notice how attractive she is (7 versus 10) in the midst of a hot session? As long as she isn't unattractive to the point of distraction that is.

Give me a 7 that fucks like a 10 over a 10 that fucks like a 7 any day!

There seems to be a great deal of agreement here that while looks is important to us, your making us feel desired is what will get us strong and long! I like to think that it is genuine but even if you're a great actress, that's what will have us coming back to you.

I'm really picky, but she was a 10 in looks, skills, AND attitude. Unicorns do exist!

I've got another two potential 10s lined up for tomorrow and Monday. I've heard great things about their looks and their attitudes. If I can find three 10s in three weeks I think I can die a happy man, but we'll see. The search is fun anyway.

Call me weird, but I can notice a mole seconds before I nut, and try to paint it.

I wanna fuck a 10.  Period.

I've seen a 10/10.

Heck, if I could have her for desert whenever I want I'd put up with guano food too

Possible explanation: Hollywood and society define to us what a '10' should look like. So, naturally we are conditioned to expect ourselves to be wildly turned on by being with a '10', because society defined to us what a '10' is supposed to be, and wonder why am I not raising a super boner with such a goddess. Perhaps that is the girl of the Hollywood image that you worship like many other American men, and whom many American women wish to be. Perhaps deep inside your really sexual fantasy girl is not the Hollywood defined image at all. I found out by experience that the girl I would point out in my more immature days to the boys, is not necessarily the one that my body and psyche would really like to fuck.  I also found out that by talking to many other hobbyists that there is a wide WIDE range of sexual fantasy fuck desires. Perhaps what you percieve (again due to societal conditioning) as a '10', is really your '2' and your girl next door is really YOUR '10'. There is nothing wrong with you, only with our society.

Men in the civvie world expect to have to "settle" why should we have to do the same in the world of P4P?

If I wanted to fuck sevens, I could have all the sevens I wanted for free, I want to fuck hot women, and lots of them. Call me a shallow pig, but that's why we strive for the almighty buck, so we can have what we want. In my case that's hot women on demand, (who also fuck my brains out) lol

Who cares if your brain knows #2 is a good actress; your dick doesn't seem to mind & he's the one drivin' the bus.  Besides, you could be wrong... maybe you & #2 straight have great sexual chemistry, it does happen.  Further, if you're that bothered by the dilemma, have sex with #2 while fantasizing that she looks like #1.  I guarantee if you had sex with #1 again & experienced a repeat session, you wouldn't think she's as pretty as you once did.

I've had that experience witha 10 ... perfectly toned body and face ... was a bit frigid in bed. Attitude turned me off.

However, I know a physically attractive girl that is also great in bed, and rocks my world.  Problem is .. she's unreliable when it comes to meeting time.  She's 1 hour late ... that kind of thing!

This assumes you are using the TER database of information, to which you contribute zilch to the brethren here. Just sayin.