While I realize that this question is not directly related to provider or hobbyist issues, in the past I've seen that this board has occasionally been used to offer "advice to the lovelorn", etc.  So, here's the situation and your chance to play advice columnist!    This is a tale of The One That Got Away...

Back in 1980, I met a young woman at my job ( a new hire).  She was a recent college grad, gorgeous, and had the most wicked and irreverent "nothing is sacred" sense of humor I've ever seen in a person, male or female.  This woman, whom I will call Ann, immediately captivated me, and in no time at all I was totally, crazy in love with her.  I thought I'd found my true soul mate.  For better or worse, Ann quickly became the Gold Standard by which I've judged all other women.

Ann and I were part of a larger group of young people at work who used to socialize frequently at local bars after our shifts were over, at company picnics and softball games, at holiday parties, etc., so we got to know each other quite well.  Ann and I also went out on numerous "semi-platonic" (I never slept with her) dates; her boyfriend (and future fiance and husband) still lived out of state in her old college town.  She would only see him every 1-2 weekends.  For various reasons, primarily that I totally had my head up my ass at the time, I was never able find the words to "turn the corner" with Ann and turn my close, almost-yet-not-quite  boyfriend status into the real deal.  

A new job in late 1981 took me away from seeing Ann daily; around this time her boyfriend moved into town.  In short order, they were engaged and married in 1982.  Suffice to say that I was totally heartbroken and depressed, but I moved on.

Over the next decade, it seemed that every few years I would run into Ann at work (I work in healthcare, where it's not so unusual for people to move around a lot, and moonlight at other facilities).  Every time I'd see her, we'd catch up with each other and our families and have these amazing conversations -- warm, funny, dry, witty -- and all my old feelings would come flooding back.  I should mention that I've never tried to get Ann to have an affair with me; I fancy myself to be an honorable type of guy.  I just considered her a good friend of long standing that I was catching up with, and that I had great fondness for.

In 1994, I moved cross-country, a full continent away from my old life (and Ann).  Several times since then, on my annual trips home to see the family, I have stopped by at my old place of employment to visit old friends.  However, it seems that Ann left the field several years before, and the few employees who even remember her didn't know where she'd gone or what she was doing.  

Last December, after having gone home to attend my 25th anniversary high school reunion and seeing so many old friends, I was motivated to try to look up Ann.  Recalling that she had a sister who owned her own business, I looked the sister up online for the business address.  (my internet phone directory searches for Ann were unsuccessful, as her married name was complicated and I never really knew exactly what it was)  I wrote this sister a brief letter explaining who I was, that I had briefly met her many years ago on several occasions, that my intentions were completely honorable,  that I was living a continent away and not looking to cause any trouble, and would she please forward to Ann my name and address information and ask her to drop me a line or e-mail.  Whether my letter was lost in the holiday mail crush or was just ignored outright, six months later I've still never heard from Ann.

More recently, I discovered the web site USSearch.com, and...you guessed it!  Using one of there paid search functions, I supplied basic information, and was able to locate Ann and her current address.  Now, before anyone out there goes "Whoah, boy!" let me assure you all that I am NOT a stalker or psycho!!  I have built a very nice life for myself out here, and have no intention of going back to the East Coast or doing anything crazy to get myself in trouble.

However, I have not seen or heard from Ann since 1989, nearly 13 years ago.  I have to admit that my curiosity is probably greater than a cat's, and I've always wondered what happened to my friend Ann.  What I have in mind is to send her a birthday card -- our birthdays are very close together and coming up soon -- to say hello, catch up with what's happened with me (I'm not even sure that she knows I've moved West)  and give her my new internet and local addresses, which have changed since my unanswered December letter to her sister.  Then, it will be her choice whether she decides to contact me or not.  

I'm sure that some of you out there must think I'm making a very big deal over nothing, while others may feel that I should let those ol' sleeping dogs lay, and that this could be a dangerous situation.  But, have any of you ever wondered whatever happened to that special person from many years ago?  Think of the lyrics to that old Paul Simon song, "Still Crazy After All These Years".  The thought that I could go the rest of my life without ever seeing or talking to Ann again (even if it's just by phone or e-mail) is enough to break my heart.  

Am I being totally irrational??  Should I just drop the whole thing?  It's not like I haven't moved on, in a sense.  I have several relationships and one divorce behind me to prove it, and I'm currently and cautiously developing a new one.

It's just that Ann was The One That Got Away.

Any questions, comments, threats, or accusations?  

Thanks for listening.

but based on the fact that this is an escort board, I really thought that you'd end up finding Ann working as an escort.

Think of it, you're a gentleman client who just happens to be looking for this long last lady and you see an escort ad for someone looking very much like her. So you make an appointmemnt and lo and behold it's your dear sweet Ann. Now that my friend, would truly be ironic.

On a similar note, there is a new lady at my work place. I would dearly love to make passionate, sweaty, wicked love to her. But it will never happen. It so happens that she could be a sister to an escort that I do see, damn near twin sister in fact. Now I really dig this particular escort, see her often and I can tell you that it's a great source of relief (: and a wicked mind game that I play when I'm with her. She(the escort) doesn't know, but I think I'll tell her so she can buy in to the fantasy............

Can't really advise you on your situation, but my method might be a lot of fun if you can find a lady that looks like your Ann. MfSD.

Here is a sympathetic response. You are obviously not a stalker, but have an honest interest in seing what, if any, relationship can be saved after these years. Much can happen in 13 years, and in the many years ahead. You never know unless you go there.
There was a TV series years ago called "Finders of Lost Loves." It lasted maybe six seasons, and  illustrated the diversity of circumstances and outcomes in this kind of situation.
Curiosity and affection will certainly compel you to send at least a birthday card, and that seems a wise way to proceed, with caution and respect. Be careful what you say, of course. Sending a card puts the ball in her court, and you go or not from there.
These new search websites are amazing. Now I know where most of my high school classmates are, as well as college and law school. She may be newly single, or not. If not I personally would encourage you to try to put thoughts of her aside, and limit it to holiday or birthday cards. If she is open to seeing you romantically, don't drag your feet this time. I imagine you regret not having moved more deeply into her life at the earliest opportunity.
I'm no Abby or Ann, but have met them both and dated one of their daughters. Twice by coincidence Abby sat next to me on planes flying halfway across the US. Nice lady. Both times we read letters to her and talked about them for the entire flight. We had several friends in common. She is modest about her expertise, and mine is even less.
After two marriages, a dozen female roommates, and many other relationships, I find myself in love with my work, writing, and research, more than any person. Hobbying and vixensniffing provide more fun with the opposite sex than an older gentleman can possibly handle. Others need more steady companionship and deeper relations. Relationships take up so much time and commitment. Good luck.

no more unsympathetic then yours is sympathetic.

I'll ask the guy what I spared him in the first post and what you should have asked him in yours. Do you really think that there is any chance that this woman is going to be a) available and b) amenable to seeing him after all this time? Not withstanding the nearly 40-50 percent rate of divorce in this country, I personally feel the gentleman is deluding himself.

But what the hey, if he thinks lightning may strike, sure fire off a birthday card or some other excuse to test the waters.

Schlong, I've read plenty of your posts. No offense, but you don't strike me as the Dear Abby type. MfSD.

Semd that card it's not going to hurt anyone. She may even be wondering what happened to you all these years.

Good friendships are hard to find, and when you do find a keeper wheather new or old don't let it get away at any price.

So I say good luck, and have a drink on me to "OLD Friendship"


Hugs,
Tammy

Hey, Daydreamer!

Let me start off by saying I am NOT Dear Abby, or anything of the sort.  


However, having lived in numerous countries, I have become quite adept in forging new relationships, and maintaining those that are mutually worthwhile.

You certainly have a quandry on your hands.  Let me use this analogy loosely -- relationship (platonic or romantic) is like a flower bed.   The more time you spend nourishing/cultivating it the better results will be ...  

The fact that you have not been in touch with Ann for 13 years, combined with the fact that your message relayed to Ann via her sister did not receive a positive response or perhaps a luke warm response... all I would say is that the odds are against you.  

If you find additional information about Ann through subtle NON intrusive means -- like mutual friends, use the information accordingly. If you find out that she is single, then perhaps it maybe time to approach her  - write her a letter, and tell her how you miss her, and what her friendship means to you.  If she is happily settled - then the you do have an option other than moving on.

Regardless, I would strongly recommend to go out, socialize, and make new friends.

-- Modified on 6/2/2002 8:36:19 PM

I cannot identify with the gent's situation at all, but remembered the amusing talks with Ms Abby, who was very funny.
I've had a few 15-20 year once-removed relationships, but they were nonsexual after the first 5 years. Still I adore and respect the women and would do anything for them. They are nice younger sisters in a sense. Now we are most likely to visit in respective hospitals or nursing homes some day in the future, but that is good.
In truth, I cannot imagine lusting after someone I met and craved, or even adored 15 years ago. That to me would be utterly delusional. Too much changes. I have become too much of a male slut and uninterested in a monogamous pairing.
However, with a 50+% divorce rate, our poster just might get lucky. I would advise inviting her for a week in Maui and going from there. A room with a jacuzzi overlooking the beach, or the mountains, or a lagoon. That will snap a delusion quickly.

You have nothing to lose. What's the worst that will happen? No response, no contact - which is what you have now, right?

You read about it all the time - old high school sweethearts reunited 25 years later or old friends finding each other later in life. I think you should do it.

Even if she is still happily married and not interested in reconnecting in any real way, at least you'll know how she is and that she's doing fine.

MM

realized that it would be too cynical and depressed.  Been there, done that.  Used to be a romantic who believed in a soul mate but have had that burned out of me.

But that's probably just me.

Go for it.  A card, as seems to be the consensus, is definitely the right way to go.  I would go Christmas (or Hanaukah or Kwanzaa or whatever is appropriate) instead as it might seem less threatening and allow any real feeling to come through without.  "Maybe he's sending holiday cards to all of the people once in his life."  Oh dear.  Starting to get cynical.

Goodbye and Via con Dios!!!

BTW - nothing is "off-topic."  We are a community of people who share a strong interest in "time and companionship" issues.  I have never participated in a board of any type before, but am natually drawn to this one and the people who post here.

I may be wrong but is this very clever spam for ussearch.com?
just curious if anybody else thought this.

Sorry my friend, but my post was 100% on the level.  I have no affiliation whatsoever with USSearch.com.  I discovered this service through another site I was visiting called reversephonedirectory.com.

BTW, thanks to all who replied, pros and cons!