I hope i do this right.


    When you became married did you receive/give your spouse a wedding gift? What was it? Did you expect a gift? Should a provider(or former provider)expect to be treated differently than a civey bride?

    How about the honeymoon? Did the phyisical portion suffer due to the fact that 'physical adventure' was your employer?

    Does your marriage suffer because you are a provider? Are you still willing to entertain your husband at the end of the day?


Tannk you for time everybody

Other than it is people of the opposite sex (usually) having sex, the comparison is not apt.

For the record, me and the ex exchanged inscribed Cross pens as wedding gifts to each other.  Still have it too.

The physical portion of my honeymoon suffered on account of how much I ate and drank that day.

If you are marrying, your occupation or former occupation should have zero impact on your expectations.

Specifically, you should expect the same wedding gift as though you had never been a provider. Tell OSP that for me, okay? If this is your first (and hopefully only) marriage; it is VERY special to you and should be treated that way.

Now -- as to marriage with a CURRENT provider, I'll be honest with you, it is not something I would recommend for legal and other reasons.

Please go to the legal forum for a complete discussion of this issue about a page down. Essentially, providing is an illegal occupation that puts your husband at risk of serious legal difficulties; perhaps even more serious than those to which you would be exposed.

So if you love the man and want the best for him; if you two are gonna marry, you should find some other occupation.

Yes, yes -- some people get away with it. That's great. But if you don't, the outcome won't be pretty.

My other reasons?

Sex is sex whether paid or not. I realize people draw all sorts of rationalizations and stuff in their minds; but the reality is that sex is sex. If paid sex were somehow magically different from unpaid sex; it wouldn't carry all the same risks (i.e. STDs, pregnancy, etc.).

Paid sex is still polygamy; just like most wives who discovered their hubby was sleeping with escorts for money would still consider it cheating. The money doesn't change the fact it is polygamy when known, and infidelity when not known.

I know many providers have a double standard about this. If they are able to enforce it -- fine. But as far as I'm concerned, if "sex for money" is meaningless for women, it is equally meaningless for men. So if it is allowed for one, it should be allowed for both.

There is a VERY high likelihood that you will not be able to enforce a double standard in which one partner is monogamous and the other polygamous.

If you will both be polygamous -- forget all that I just said. DO expect that you should lay your husband enthusiastically at least 3x/week. Your failure to do so will ultimately cause problems.

No matter what, though, the legal concerns don't change.

Now, let my friend know that you are a blushing bride and expect to be treated appropriately.

Ok..I don't know if you are referring to a past marriage before the business or not, but that is the only answer I can provide as I am no longer
married and have since entered the business with no plans to get married in the future.

For my first and only wedding, gifts were exchanged and delivered to each other the day of the ceremony but before hand.


We each gave each other jewelry..He gave me an 20 inch tri colored gold necklace with my :new" initials in diamonds..tricolor and with diamonds to match our wedding rings..

I gave him his initials in diamonds on a tricolor mans bracelet..

that was over 20 yrs ago..we were married for a very very long time..

marrying someone in this business or through this business can only lead to heart-break..

QUOTE:
"But as far as I'm concerned, if "sex for money" is meaningless for women, it is equally meaningless for men. So if it is allowed for one, it should be allowed for both."


I am not sure there is a double standard per se, and I don't think it is the meaninglessness of the encounters which makes having sex for money different than paying for sex.

Most ladies screen to make sure the prospective client isn't LE or a psycho. They don't only see clients that turn them on, are their physical ideal, are great at it, do the things she likes,etc.

Most clients "screen" ladies to make sure they are legit, not LE, look how he likes, offers the menu he likes, flirts with him, has chemistry, etc.

Now if the client had to see every woman that wasn't a psycho whether he was attracted to her or not, and whether she was good at it, or did the things he liked or not maybe it would be a bit more equitable...
but so long as the clients pick their fantasy ladies and the ladies get picked for being a fantasy, then the situation isn't the same.

One is fulfilling someone else's fantasy, and the other is getting their fantasy fulfilled...and those are not the same thing by a big long shot.

Then there is the difference between her seeing clients that are not her fantasy to earn money, vs the client seeing women that are his fantasy and spending money...also, not exactly what I would equitable.

If the sides are equal, then it isn't really a double standard.

be treated like a civvie bride, you are much better.  The last two questions are connected.  The marriage should not suffer, and you are only obligated to entertain your husband if he continues to pay you at the rate he had when you met!  He should also continue to use condoms.

I hope this clears things up for you!

i don't want him to wear a cover. i love the feel of...well you know. i entertain him sometimes 2-3 times a day. why would i be so high and mighty to ask for money to "be with him"? isn't the money OURS anyway?

he's already buying me a horse for graduation, he'll probably do something grand for our wedding.


Everyone is invited!!!!! oh i'd better check with osp before i make that decision. especially concerning this mp67 guy.

i have always enjoyed reading your answers and advice.

i will tell osp you mean business on this one.  

xoxoxoxo mto

However, with the exception of providers who simply do not find men in general attractive, *sometimes* a provider WILL sleep with a man she finds attractive, has chemistry, is her "dream man" etc.

We've both seen providers post about this, so we know it isn't a made-up phenomenon. A while back I had to stop seeing a (not reviewed) provider for sessions (we still do lunch once in a while) because she had decided she was madly in love with me.

So on the provider side, while it certainly isn't always the case; there are definitely times where some providers anyway are seriously enjoying themselves and even develop emotional bonds to clients.

It doesn't have to always happen for the situations to be analogous. But I've seen enough to know that it sometimes happens.

On the hobby side -- how does this apply to a hobbyist like me who often doesn't even look at a provider's pictures before booking, and doesn't care about menu? I screen based on personality, intelligence and character.

I know folks like to think that every girl a hobbyist sees is his dream girl.

Certainly I know a provider or two who likes to think that she could steal any man who walked through her door away from his wife (if married) or induce him to marry her if she wished (if single); but the reality is that this would ultimately only apply to some hobbyists.

They aren't screening for marriage material -- they are mostly screening for hotness for sex. Men have many emotional needs, sex being only one. A lady has to hit 3-4 of his major emotional needs to seriously push his buttons long-term; and that is pretty hard to do as long as there is an envelope. (The envelope allows the guy to take everything the lady says with emotional import -- even if true -- with a grain of salt.)

In four years, so far I have only seen two women that could easily be "romantic interest" material. The others are really kick-ass "friend" material.

But -- again -- sometimes if there is genuine chemistry and stuff; and the provider starts meeting more needs than just sex and especially if the envelope goes away (something I never allow) -- yes, it can become a lot more than just sex.

So I still see the situations as equally emotionally risky in many cases. Not all. There is no hard and fast rule.

But I DO appreciate the differential you are talking about because you are right -- I never book women I find altogether unattractive. I have to find at least *something* attractive about them outside the physical to enjoy their company.

Still, both parties could come home with mono from a stranger they had kissed.

Then take him for all he's worth, which in some cases that might not be much.

Trust me, he will tire of you sucking other guys wee wee's and also have to pay himself. If you are not in it for the money then what? You GO GIRL.

are you unhappy within some part of your life?

i am just a visitor. not everyone was as flippant as you. thank goodness.


give your husband my condolences.


have a happy day sweety. marriage isn't a session sweety

Let me tell you.... He's got a rod up his ass about "equal partnership". So we exchanged wedding gifts. But he's also got another rod up there about respecting "differences".

So he never complained that my gift to him was less expansive than his to me. He's so contradictory and stressful and hard to figure out! Eventually I got it that the big things had to be equal but there could be a lot of differences in the details.

I got him a nice watch and he designed and commissioned a custom necklace in emeralds and silver.

I had always wanted to go to Tahiti so he took me there for our honeymoon. It was very nice, no problem.

Our marriage didn't suffer until I found another client who could keep me better connected to the community I preferred to serve. Tex isn't much of a joiner but I like being part of a group. So my current husband is much better for me that way.

I'm still a little irked that Tex saw it coming and gave me a push out the door.....

OSP warned that my skin wasn't thick enough to interact with this board.

I should have listened to him, but who listens to their BF. hahahahaha

Don't let him take you to the P&R board, you may end up throwing your computer out the window. lol

Maybe you and I should take young miss married_to_osp out for some drinks?

We could chat a little, talk about the weather or what not.

And I stress 'what not'!

Whattya think?

OSP has taken me(and back )to the Politics Board. He's isn't really into politics but is a very religious man. I've heard you're not. Me neither. I do respect everyone's right to religion though.

i have had to calm him down a time or two when things get hot here concerning issues of color. You don't want to be in the same room with him if he takes up as someones champion. I usually have to give him a nice backrub and cim to bring him back to normal.

he has spoken quite highly of you and your brother. Take care sir.

i don't drink very often. Osp has shared hi Long Islands with me occassionaly. Nasty stuff. i like champagne. What girl doesn't?

i afraid of you mp. you come across as a hardass. i like polite gentlemen. i'm afraid there won't be any whatnot. osp isn't a man who would permit his wife to cheat on him. i love that. i love the idea of being his "kept woman". i guess many would call me dumb for being that way. it's my life.

-- Modified on 5/16/2010 12:56:41 PM

Very odd thread. I think I'll move on.......

sometimes the inside joke is so far inside that the insiders don't even get it.

I'm really a nice guy. I just act this way to push buttons, and get some kicks out of it.

I promise I won't bite. Wait. I take that back. I do bite.  

But you can certainly bite me back!