So here's the story. I just started dating this girl. We've been official for about a month, but we've been seeing each other for a little over 2 months. She has told me repeatedly that she doesn't mind if I sleep with other girls, as long as I tell her about it. She is okay with it if it's just for fun and there are no feelings involved. She is even open to 3somes. I haven't seen an escort in my entire time with her. But if I did, would you consider it "cheating"? She technically has given me permission, although I wouldn't tell her because I'm afraid of how she would react to me seeing an escort. Obviously with an escort, it's just for a good time and there is no chance of feelings getting involved.

If you have been given the opportunity to be honest with someone who is open about sex why would you undermine what potentially could be a fantastic relationship ?

Questions,
Is that open lane a two-way street?
If so how would you feel if she pulls a train with the Bulls on the 11th when they play the Knicks? You know just for fun.....

Look Man, I am an Old Dude that has fucked around for a long time. Everytime I have bumped into someone who approaches the  sexually cool level your lady seems to have I have fucked it up because I did not trust the reaction even though I was told it was "OK", "just let me know". I was chasing the thrill of the forbidden and did not recognize how cool it would be to be Honest. I never gave that route a shot. But then again I am just an Old Fuck who is looking in a rearview.

Good Luck


-- Modified on 1/8/2013 3:21:44 PM

If you are specifically told that honesty matters more than pure physical interaction with other women, don't screw it up by lies.

Question for you .. is she "allowed" to see other men?

Sounds like the ground rules are pretty well laid out.  So you're faced with the age-old question: will it be easier to get permission or forgiveness.  If your relationship with this girl is as open as you say, my thinking that trust is a key issue here and if you lose that, the whole thing could easily tank.

Otherwise, I'm not sure why you would need to ask the question.  

I personally have ZERO experience with something like this.  Do you have any experience with this sort of thing?  Does she (my guess is yes as a woman probably doesn't just bring something like this up out of the blue)?  

If she's indicated this is not an issue for her, why the reluctance to tell her?

I have to agree with Stogie. I'm older and looking back at all the things that i have done. So my question to you is do you see a future with this woman or not. If you do, is having an occasional sexual encounter worth a long and happy relationship. And the first thing that comes to my mind when she says its okay for you to fuck other women is, she is testing you. She's wanting to know if your worth the effort to try and have a long and healthy relationship with you, or if he's going to be one of those guys that chases every skirt he see's. Lies kill every relation. Be honest with her, that the most important thing.

She is cool with it now but if things proceed , her attitude could quickly change. It is better to be honest of course but it is tricky! She might be ok with the news, but down the road could not be ok with it and even use it against you. It happens all the time when we are honest with our significant others. It is a shame, because when you can be open and honest, that truly is an awesome relationship.

 So maybe not see any escorts for a bit and see where it goes with her. You say she is OK with one night stands, but when money changes hands the story is a bit different. Tricky, tricky....


 Good Luck!

You don't know her well enough to know if she is being honest or not.

You have unlimited downside by telling her, and basically little to no upside.

I think I'd try getting her interested in sharing another women with you. It s a good way to see if she is really open to having an open relationship and I'd focus on what she'd like and enjoy. If shes into it and things go good then I'd say she is telling the truth about you being free to explore some. Be ready for her to want the same though...

you did sleep with another woman... you do not need to disclose you paid her... or she is an advertising escort... unless she asks I suppose. Then you are being honest with her about your sex life but not exposing enough to make her angry. Is she requiring you tell her WHO the girls are?

You're just one month "official" (are you in high school? LOL) and you're already thinking about putting your dick somewhere else?!?
So much for the 'honeymoon phase'.

If you've known this girl for two months you have NO idea if she's being honest with you....or just wants to test you by saying it's ok, seeing what you do, then using it against you later.

Doesn't really matter though. If you're so new into this 'relationship' and thinking about screwing other people...you obviously don't give two shits about this girl. You should bang as much as you can, tell her about it, let her see you for what you are, and let her move on to someone who maybe isn't a rutting pig with his brains in his balls.

Good luck with that.

and not owe any one an apology for it, Why do guys sign on to these agreements when they know they wanna have multiple partners. I totally dont undertsand, oh i know its cuz you like feelin like your sneakin around, it gets you xtra horny, what r we ever gonna do with you boys, oh my god.

for your poor girlfriend your goin to screw hookers on behind her back you evil horndog. these r tips for her to follow on how to confront you,

I have had periods longer than that. Unless you have established some sort of commitment, I would not consider that cheating. I would call that searching.

It sounds like you know the rules to what is acceptable and what is not by your girlfriend.   Anything that falls into the category f what she considers cheating is cheating.  

Sounds like you have the potential for a pretty good situation if you want it.  Before you risk breaking your girlfriends rule, think if you want to keep that open relationship and the odds of getting another girl that thinks like that.

Tell her you have a threesome fantasy.  When she asks who the 3rd would be, tell her you have looked into it and you think a provider would be the best way.  That way there is no awkwardness or jealousy.  

If she shoots it down or acts disgusted, then you know to end the conversation there.  If she agrees, you can confess your sexual history and attractions later.

Being in an open relationship means you can have sex with whoever.

Being polyamorous means you can LOVE and sustain a relationship with more than one person.

Hence me having 2 wonderful SO's

Again...those are YOUR definitions to fit your lifestyle.

Most look at what you are doing and shake their heads.

But for you to accept this...you need to define that it is love.  

Hey...if it works for you go for it.  Otherwise you'll realize at some point that you are living a farce.

Here in SF (that I am very active in), this is how it's defined. It generally has the connotation of various emotional connections with other people.

Again, sex and love are two different things. They don't always go together. Just having sex with others while you're with someone doesn't make you poly.

amour means love. The love of many....

Words have definitions that aren't always subjective.

about the head shaking...I was raised in poly sex positive household. No one shakes their head at me! and if they do, I bite my thumb at them, sirrah.

And this isn't about what other people think, this is just me correcting him on her verbiage. Diction is important.