Ty so much for allowing me to intrude in
this fashion.

I am currently in a LTR, very exclusive
relationship. I am young*22 soon* and don't
plan to continue in this lifestyle much
longer for very sad reasons but thats the case.

I also have a friend who *worked* her way thru
school as a UTR provider. She had some miserable
experiences but a wonderful man saved her from
all of that. She is now married and, at times,
shows mediocre remorse for her choices from
the past.

Is it typical for a former sex-worker to exhibit
feelings of low self-esteem due to the career she
had chosen? Are there any other documented cases
of psychological stress because of providing?

What should i expect accepting that everyone is different? How can i help my friend also?

You mention that she has some remorse, but who hasn't about anyrhing?

If she is depressed and wants to work out anything, being a sympathetic ear is generally the most helpful thing to do.

From what I've seen of my BM's post-hooker state of mind; I'd describe it less as "low self esteem" and more so as some form of mild pseudo-PTSD. It's weird, we go out and she'll see some obvious hooker or john (or what she seems to think is obvious), or even some P4P related news story or something of the sort,  and she gets the 1,000 yard stare in her eyes, like she's being flooded with a thousand memories she'd rather forget...all of the sudden the type of attitude usually reserved for PMS days comes out and I have to run for cover.

Your employer has my number if you want a more detailed answer or you can PM me. But yes I think it is common to have some feelings of low self-esteem during and after being a sex worker, especially if there was some compulsion in her choice to become one. Please note I am not saying it is true in every case, but I feel it is very common from the ladies I know who have retired or are still in the business.

and you wonder if this won't tarnish you in some way. I see so many young women selling themselves with little clue of the backlash till it's to late. I won't stereo type the drugs and drinking that keep some young ladies going . It's sad because many have never thought about it till they feel lost and alone. Who do you come to when you have such mixed feelings. Many ladies have no one to turn to and are left to mask their own emotions. You have each other to vent and share your uncomfortable moments. Be honest about your thoughts and emotions and be ready to listen to your friend. Some people are able to sweep lifes changes away for the moment but the cause and affect of what we found acceptable lives on in our memories.

Many years ago a man said to me that I took the easy way out....I can tell you that many miles have been put on my high heels and this is no easy way to walk through life.

Kisses Haley

I have only been in the business for a few months but I would say so far my experiences have been 95% positive. I am very happy with my choice to become an escort and while before starting to do this I had my doubts but decided to look at it as a mean to an end, just like all other jobs, but a much more financially rewarding one, today I could not be happier with my decision, because it has provided me with life experiences that very few women my age have had. I don't know of another job that lets you travel around the country and sometimes the world while meeting interesting new people who shower you with money, gifts and affection! If I knew that the business could be done the way I'm doing it now (as an independent, higher end traveling escort), I would have started sooner!
I have made some mistakes (e.g. I worked for a horrible agency), have a few regrets(e.g. refusing several marriage proposals, lol), but I doubt that I would be "permanently damaged" from being in this profession. Will I have to live with my choice for the rest of my life? Sure, but it's true of all decisions, good or bad. I have more regrets about being a waitress for two weeks during college, as I had far worse experiences doing that.
I think if someone gets in the business for the right reason and looks at it as what it is, there is no reason to become any more jaded than you would if you were working in a store. As a sales clerk you will meet a jerk every once in a while, you may have someone try to steal from you, but the majority of people will treat you with polite courtesy and if you are good at your job, they will treat you much nicer than the average and you will likely enjoy seeing them more and more. The same is true for escorts. Escorting is not for those who dislike people or dislike themselves, but any woman with a good head on her shoulders, a good business sense and reasonable intelligence and looks can do it and make the kind of money that she could not make doing anything else, so when people ask me if it's the right decision for them, I say if you can handle it, absolutely! It is the best decision you can make!
--- End of "Escorting, the Good Life" commercial ---

Here are a few things I recommend for helping your friend cope:
1. She has left the life, so it is best to distance herself from it completely. I know that if I left, I would not want to read the boards, watch movies about escorting, etc. That is just too much temptation for me to handle. If she has bad memories, also stay away. Why tear up the wounds again?
2. If she has self-esteem issues, your being there as a supportive friend and telling her that she is  a lovable, worthy person is the best medicine. There are also many books that deal with self-esteem. I remember reading a great one. "Feeling Good" by David Burns. It is mainly to help people with depression through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, but it might be what she needs and if not, she could still enjoy the exercises.
3. While I'm not sure what kind of sex work your friend did, I think she should look into why she has a negative self image because of it. I know that most Americans still look down on any kind of p4p but if you look at the rest of the world, many countries are so much more accepting! Maybe a trip to the Netherlands or Australia is what you two need! When you see how much better accepted sex work is in those countries, you should start to realize that the mainstream American attitude toward it might be a little overboard.
Besides that all I can say is that she is over that part of her life, she has a family now, she (I assume) is living the life that she wanted, so escorting was just a means to an end and it's time to move on and forget about it! Good luck!

My friend has moments like those but no
one needs to run for cover haha.

She's more afraid of what may become of
her if something happens to her husband.
Without her best friend will she end up
returning to the career that didn't
treat her so well. Without his intervention
she mayn't be with us today. thats a personal
story that i'm not priviledge to share. In
fact no one is

A job: you work to get make an income. Advances, mobility, autonomy? Probably not. Usually happy with working condition & environment? Probably not.  Seeing yourself working the same job within the next 5 years? Probably not.

A career: Likes job? Probably, more often than not. In for it for the money? Often no. Works harder to make difference in job? Absolutely.

My point is. Every1 is different. Some jobs are not made for every1, some may benefit while others may not. It depends on if you like the job & plan to make a career out of it. If making it a career, and in this case, being a provider. She or Mangigilo will take necessary steps to ensure success--i.e. websites, referees, reputations, screening, advertisements, and so on.

To answer your questions in my opinions: Low self esteem due to career chosen. Yes, if you are happy with your decision, then no. If not, then yes, simple enough.  Documented cases of psychological stress of being a provider. I am sure of it, no1 is immune stress with any other jobs. Your expectations that every1 is different base on their preference of jobs. Be you, you can judge others, make conclusions, label them, what ever it takes. But, you do not know them, and remember its just your insecurity if you have negativity about a persons chosen path (if not extreme=occupationally).

How can you help your friend? She quit & reflects on her past decisions. Every1 does that. No1 is perfect. Its a part of life, you reflect.

I'm curious how the OP will take this.

She can let the therapist know what is troubling her, and what she would like to accomplish in therapy.

fuck you very much*****i believe thats
one of your lines? haha

There are two types of choices you make in life:

(1) On your own free will

(2) Under Duress

(1a) Choices you make on your own free will regardless of the circumstances you made it, one should never regret.

(1b) If you keep on thinking what other people think, there is no end to your misery in this life, next life, I do not know.

(3c) There are things about you, only you should know, i.e., there is absolutely no reason to dig up your past. I understand most people want to know everything about you, the truth is they don't. Like Colonel Jessup said, "you don't want the truth".

(4d) Remember you did what you had to (means to an end), those who have not done what it takes are self petying themselves with gallon jug somewhere so be proud of yourself.

One should only feel guilty if they intentionally do something to hurt humans, animals or cut down trees. Other than that, everything is part of the journey called life. The fucking screen play society has written is wrong for every one of us, it doesn't work as scripted, majority refuse to open their eyes and those who do, live a free life.

So much to say here to all of this..

Living a lie is hard enough.. Will I have regrets.. I doubt it.. Living the lie bothers the hell out of me. YES.. But at the end of the day. I am the best mom I can be, I have provided for my kids and have set the example of sometimes you just gotta do what is hard. I am back in school and making my oldest go to to school as well.. Who ever says I took the easy way out has not a clue as to the sacrafice and struggle it is to balance it all..

To those that ask. what if they find out.. Well, They did not do without and I did the best I could do. If this alone is not enough then it never will be. What I do does not define who I am..

Would I like to be honest with my friends/BF about what I do YES. Funny, those that are so quick to judge are never in a hurry to be a part of the solution..

My self esteem.. I have a much better sense of who I am now then I ever did BECAUSE OF THIS. I am a beautiful, inside and out woman. who can run a house, be a mom, run a business and stand my ground.. WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everybody reacts differently.

Some people have no adverse aftermath whatsoever, largely because the attitudes they maintained while providing were consistent with the attitudes they maintained before and after.

Where things go wrong is usually when providing requires a suspension of ones normal values, and those values re-assert themselves afterward. The after-effect can be devastating because the self-judgment can be very bad and can seriously endanger future relationships.

Most people recommend therapy. We have a therapy culture and to be quite frank most therapists aren't worth their weight in horse manure. They mostly suck and the therapy they provide is usually based in highly politicized (even though they may be unaware of that) theories that don't work when applied to real live complex human beings.

So rather than a generic recommendation of "therapy" I would say to seek out COMPETENT therapy with someone very familiar and who can point to a TRACK RECORD OF SUCCESS.

Because of confidentiality requirements and the fuzzy nature of the discipline, unlike providers who get reviewed and who get run out of business if they are bad; it is possible for horrendous "therapists" to make a living off of truly horrible performance for their entire lifetime. They get paid whether they succeed or fail. Finding which ones do not suck is extremely difficult.

Michael J. Hurd has written a book called Effective Therapy that explains how to find a competent therapist that will work for you.

Dear Nurse,
I think your last post is very revealing of the true state of her mind.   I know of providers who chose this profession, not being forced into it by circumstances beyond her control.   Very many providers plan to "work" for a set period of time...  say work their way through school & graduate with no crippling stundent loans...  and then move on to a carreer.   Providers I know often have a plan for "the rest of their lives."
I suggest that your friend, take a bit of a break & then proceed to decide what she would like as carreer.  Maybe she does not "need" to work right now, but having a profession to turn to should she ever find the need would be a great boost mentally.  

I am sorry that she had bad experiences in this profession.  
I wish her well, and you also.
H

I am comfortable in my skin but let's face it, it is hard to walk in an escorts shoes. This isn't an easy lifestyle as some ladies think when they enter this life. Many of us do this in the beginning and it serves it's purpose and leave. Some are very comfortable and enjoy their lifestyle which is me. I will admit that I often wonder how I would handle my friends finding out what I do. The conversations I have heard about hookers from them make my hair stand up on my neck and even want to vomit. Disowned would be my feelings....

This is why I was so harsh knowing how straight friends really feel about working girls and how living a secret life can be lonely and painful at times. It takes a strong women to be able to seprate fact from fiction and feel good about themselves in the end.

I want to cry when I see so many young women in their early 20's joining this profession because it does impact their lives.

Sorry to those who thought I was to short or quick as their is no judgement here just true grit from my own shoes

Kisses Haley

" it is possible for horrendous "therapists" to make a living off of truly horrible performance for their entire lifetime. They get paid whether they succeed or fail"


A few years back a friend of mine invited me to a party that his girlfriend at the time was having. I met her (didn't talk to her much) and got a really bad vibe. She looked like she was heavily "medicated" among other things.Later that night, she had a meltdown and threw a tantrum like I've never seen...


The next day, I got to talking to him about her. He told me she was a therapist!