If so, did they get married or move in together? I'm curious if any of the ladies have ever let themselves fall for a hobbyist. How did you approach it?

And for the guys, has it ever happened to you? How did you handle it?

Aliases welcome on this topic due to the nature of confidentiality.

-- Modified on 2/26/2006 2:05:56 PM

Reoes anybody know of a situation where a provider and a hobbyist fell in love with each other?

Nope but I can say that I have dated a provider for like 2-3mos after our first session.  Some of these provider are straight up and if you and her feel something ask her for her personal phone number and see what happens

A very popular provider who retired last year, is, according to her, living with and is engaged to, a former client.

Can it work? Sure it can

Will it work?
For her sake, I truly hope so. She was a good friend of mine.
She deserves to be happy and she wasn't happy in her "provider life".
I wish her the best, even if she won't talk to me anymore.

Just my opinion...
B

Been seeing a former FBSM gal for 4 years....  Great sex, great fun, great times....  She retired just when I was getting into her....disappeared....  Then, she called my cell and asked if I wanted to go to dinner....  She explained why she quit the biz....one thing led to another, and four years later we're still fucking like rabbits....  SBSP

Don't know how it will turn out for you.  
I’ve met about a dozen women or so off ter over the past year, most good, some very good.  Then about a month ago on a recent out-of-town trip, I met an enchanting and gorgeous co-ed half my age.  We saw each other 3 times in 5 days. We connected like you wouldn’t believe.  When it dawned on me what was up, I then read all of the prev ter posts on same subject, and there was some good insight there.  Search on “in love.”  Every situation is different, in my case I think she’s in pretty deep too. She knows I intend to remain married and yet she'll be visiting family (really!) in my town next week and we are planning on spending the day together.  I asked her point blank what she had in mind and she said there will be no charge for any of our time together!  I feel a wild ride coming in both our lives and I, like trustno20, would appreciate any reflections from folks who have actually survived similar situations to tell their tails.


-- Modified on 2/27/2006 3:12:42 PM

Reoes anybody know of a situation where a provider and a hobbyist fell in love with each other?

It is happening rtight here in Atlanta. The guy is really lucky. He is taking one of the best in the area as far as I am concerned.

All were wonderful experiences, and some are still ongoing -- love each other, but have taken time off from seeing each other, due to the intensity/ their family commitments/ distance, etc.

One of the misconceptions that the general public has of this hobby, and that the internet and communication technology has forever changed, is the participants.   They are no longer the druggie - looking for a fix, they are no longer the mentally disturbed seeking assistance, they are no longer the uneducated looking for eeking out an existance.  They are ladies who for a very wide variety of reasons, join this profession and do not fit the stereotypical role.  They are soccer moms, students, ladies with advanced degrees, you name it - I have met them in this hobby.  

The men are also not what you would expect.  They can attract civies, they are ok and socially adept, they are not outcasts of society.  

In short, why would, if the chemistry works, they not fall for each other.  What I find curious, is that women in this industry tend to be more like men - both in their approach to sex, and in their approach to relationships.  What they expect is fairly straight forward... Still liking the romantic part of things, but with a very clear eye with respect to all that can derail a relationship.

So, if you are curious because it is you, I would say good luck, but I would also say that you need to be more honest with yourself and with the SO, when a provider is involved....  Lies that may work in a civie relationship will fail in these.

my ATF was recently out of town and had a personal emergency, she called me and asked if i could buy her a plane ticket home. i did and she said "i love you for doing this" later i got a voice mail where she said i was the only one who had been there for her when she really needed someone. (there were a couple other times i helped her) then i got another voicemail from her a few days later and at the end she said "i love you" i didnt get to see her when she came back home because i live about a 4 hour drive away from where she lives. i havent seen her since then, but she will be home soon. i do suspect that she loves me as a friend rather than in a romantic way but that's ok. im probably too old, poor and lousy in bed to end up with someone like her. if she does love me in the romantic way ill be the luckiest SOB in the world.

Anything is possible.  One of the ladies I've visited with is now married to one of her former clients.  He knows what she does and does not object.  When they first met, she was living with another man and ended up moving out and spending more and more time with her now husband.  They get along well and seem to be happy.  I know that she is still fun to be with.

the name says it all.

Bev. and I have actually only met about five times over about 14 nights since last July, but we communicate by email everyday and every day I bless the internet for bringing us together.
(Special thanks to Vicki Nicole for telling me about Escort Blogs where I first saw Bev's blog as well as to Ciara of Buffalo for naming me, thus confering upon me a sort of title of relationship.)

I have no doubt that she is my soul mate and I hope that, despite our geographic distance, some day we will reside together; whether with or without the benefit(?) of matrimony, I don't know.

All I know is that I have great respect for the work she does, her prolific and insightful writing, and her overall errudition and humanity.  She is also sexy as all hell.

I suppose it is still too soon to tell if this is a "and they all lived happily ever after" type of a situation, but I do know that while it should not be treated lightly, if the elements are there, life is too short not to go for it.

Nothing more, nothing less..lol Good luck and I hope everything works out for you guys..

Reoes anybody know of a situation where a provider and a hobbyist fell in love with each other?

Can it work? Yes, how long depends on the two parties. As long as they are adult about it, lay all the cards on the table and are willing to trust one another, him maybe more so than her, because unfortunately her past may not look  good on the dating resume and he may have to bring a little extra to the relationship, not because she is jaded and unable to love but because she will use prophylactic measures to prevent and be able to recognizes something's that the average girlfriend may not.  Remember, we are not only great acrobats but great listeners as well.  
I did exclusively date a hobbyist when I first started out as a provider for over a year.  After over 6or so months together he became increasingly paranoid. He had equipped me with a Nextel phone, so that he could reach me if not via phone, via the person to person talk system Nextel provides.  
In the long run I guess the love wore off and turned into possession.  It may work for some, the only way it will work is if both parties keep up their end of the deal and don't loose sight of the fact that bothepersons involved are feeling human beings there by choice

You have articulated a well balanced view of the hobby world. I wish only that I had used the words in your post first.

...I loved it! I didn't have to figure out how to tell them gently what I do for a living and gauge their reaction to see if they are ok with it.... Most of them don't have any jealousy issues or pesky questions, and the ones I was with didn't ask me to retire or anything-- infact they said they found it sexy that they got to sleep with me with the knowledge that other guys desired me as well and could only have me at my say-so...

They are great as clients and even more great as a sig-other... they can be just as attentive and caring as they are when you start seeing them in a session.... I would do it again, and again.... and again!

Dani

I've been seeing this one provider on and off for ten years. We clicked after our fourth time together and we consider each other as soul mates. Although we have our separate lives, the time we share together is more than the normal provider-client relationship. I've met her family and on numerous occasions had dinner with them at her house.

Because, it's better that way and I get a stiffer erection when I like her as opposed to dropping in for an hour or two... as for long term, I know of a couple of instances that have worked... and I know of one that ended badly... He called her a 'whore" one night in the midst of an argument... bad form I would say... when you meet someone you like in the context of the hobby, you have to have big balls to know that if she stays, she doing to them, things she might not even do with you... You also must accept that she does/did this for a living and if that matters to you, then stay the fuck out of a close relationship... I can say that the only lady that I have cared for and have great deal of repsect for, sat me down and told me all of the reasons why we shouldn't and I accepted her judgement. I am no longer a client, but I am still a friend, and every now and then when I am in her city, we break bread and if she is not busy, I stay over...

Mr. Fisher, you are too wonderful. Thank you for saying such sweet things about me -- and us.
I love you!
xxxxoooo
Beverly ;-*

Dude, I am happy for you, but there is no such thing as FREE. You are going to pay for this in more ways than one and that is the nature of human relationships. The tag she wheres is no different than any other woman, less you be the one who maintains the chip on your shoulder that she's a provider etc... People fall into to heavy like all the time and your admonishment that you are staying married means nothing to a woman if she is hell bent on having you. The Mars/Venus crap is mostly true and I have found in life that you will PAY for getting what you WANT in life or you PAY for not getting it... either way, an invoice is produced by someone, at some time and if you are not careful, you'll pay with a lot of regret...

but he could not take that I was a provider and I could not take that he was married and still hired hookers, Long story short, we still love each other but are just friends. But he will forever know that in my heart I truely loved him.

We had an instant connection on the first time we met, me as her customer.  I skipped work and we spent most of the day in the hotel room together, but without actually having sex.  We talked (and played, of course).  We both danced around the issue at the time, but were both afraid of being rejected by the other.  I thought I was confusing her great skills as a provider for real interest, and she was afraid of coming off like some stalker chick, because I just told her a few stories about past stalker chicks.  We flirted over phone and messages for the next couple of weeks, and I invited her over to my place.  Today, we vehemently disagree over whether I told her I couldn't pay her in good conscience, or if she told me she refused to accept.  Anyway, we have been inseparable since (6 months) and actually moved in together, which has been a huge mistake.  We are intensely in love, and will work through it.  She still has some difficulty working.  I get jealous, not of the sex, but because she usually is spending time with these men during the time that I am home from work and want to be with her.  She feels guilty and blows off too many appointments because she'd rather be with me.

She'd never done this before.  I, however, had dated each of the previous two providers I had seen.  Call it a gift.  

Moral of the story:  Don't move into together unless and until she retires from the business.  No matter how cool you are, it hurts a little to see her get primped and decked out to go see another guy, especially when you really want to be with her or go do something with her.   And she shouldn't retire until she has built up her own nest egg.  She can't be dependent on you.  

Good luck.  I have found the greatest woman in the world.  If we can't make it work, how can i go back to a non-provider?  lol

Nice comments.  Makes sense and I've tried following your advice to stay centered and to be in control as I see new providers and civillians.  It doesn't do much for me.  I want that rush of passion, of romancing the girl and falling in love.  Yes, its crazy but it can work for a few years at least.  I know since I've done it and it does have all the major downsides that you point out, but when it works it is fantastic.....I would have jumped in full force if I had the opportunity you had.

but don't sell him too short... many guys are chicken-shit when it comes to these kinds of realizations... though the setting and context are different human feelings though often denied are always just below the surface... In my years, I have always seen that barriers such as marriage and children often turn into excuses for inertia... Loving is about risk... if we risked love more, the endings don't always have to be bad... revelations can also be FREEing...

or we'll both get banned from this board for nauseating everyone with our baby-talk, schmoopie.  

He's a guy after all. Ninety percent of us chronically insensitive, and the other 10% just waiting for the nerve to come out of the closet.

-- Modified on 2/27/2006 6:37:14 AM

upside: obvious, everything stays cool....
downside: getting caught and having to explain having an affair with a hooker? Let's hope for the best.

-- Modified on 2/27/2006 3:09:19 PM

-- Modified on 2/27/2006 3:13:48 PM

and if it doesn't work out, there's a lot of other providers out there. ;o)

I have seen 3 providers, and at least two of the three were interested in dating me.  I think it is a way of making myself available.  Most men see providers because they absolutely DON'T want a dating-type relationship.  So they never cross that line for fear of driving the business away.  I was actually looking to enter meet some providers and get into a social circle and date and have fun with some more exciting women.  I didn't expect the lightning strike that occurred, and am dealing with the fallout now--good and bad.

Be careful what you wish for.  There are very rewarding and very challenging aspects to a relationship between provider and (former)customer, from both perspectives.

And thank you very much for the well wishes.

and continue to maintain a good relationship with watch that you don't fall too hard to fast fo the hottie. If you slip, then it should be the end or it will end your life the way you know it to be today. Risking that may seem easy, but again, at some point you will pay.