The current situation involving Grey Eyed Nicole in Boston (who I very sincerely hope is well and contacts someone soon) and the postings over the last couple of months regarding violence and providers have made me want to say something:  I think it is any providers best interest to take classes in self defense.  

While it may not take care of all situations, any woman in this profession should know the basics of self defense.  No, it won't protect you from a gun, and a 125lb woman will most likely have a hard time overpowering a 275lb man, but you would be surprised how many scenarios it can help with. In addition, most self defense classes teach how to react in situations and overcome fear, which is often the worst enemy of a victim of violence, and prevents her from dealing with the situation.

I am only saying this from the standpoint of concern for you ladies out there.  Please be safe, and may angels watch over Nicole and bring her safely back to her friends and loved ones soon.

about the appointment.

Check my post in the Boston board and BigBlondie's response: http://theeroticreview.com/msgBoard/ViewMsgBody.asp?BoardID=9&Page=1&Messageid=11929 .

I've met several providers over the past two years in los angeles...and i worry about all of them...Sigh......there is nothing we can do when they book that fateful appt with some nutcase who is a violent jerk....my only wish and i do realize its only a "wish" and not reality..that these lovely ladies come out of each and every session.....well bluntly....alive.
just wanted to say my bit.
lets hope and pray that greyeyed nicole is safe and sound.
Sham..

This is what escorts have in common w/ cabbies. Both have very dangerous jobs: they usually know nothing about their customers, so each new "ride" suggests them to a small but not insignificant risk. One might say, all these small risks can add up to a certainty.


Self-defense training is a good thing to prepare for that certainty, but a little knowlege is a dangerous thing. A smattering of tewchniques might put ae person  in a worse position than if she knew nothing at all. Yeah-- knowing a hjandful of tricks like keeping your keys  at the reasdyready to put some metal behind a  punch might make you feel more confident, but will they really help? The basics of any self-defense course is figuring out before hand a method of escape, and a speedy method of calling for help. That perhaps suggests thye value of the other techniques.

Betterr than self defense, of course would be an effective  method of profiling potential abusers, screening out the sickos and the psychopathic. I've always felt that gals  in this profession are in more danger from the psychos than from LE, who after all can oly arrest them, so screening should be focused on avoiding the physically dangerous. The penalty for a prostitution conviction is minor and the worst is predictable. In NY (where I'm from), the max is three months. Almost nobody gets even that. Besides, if someone chooses this  "outlaw" (and potential highly profitable) lifestyle, one should be willing to assume (at least)that risk, and make contingency plans for it (putting aside enough money for bail, making  emergency child care arrangements if needed and so forth. (If you're not willing to take this risk, you should not seek the rewards, but would be better off as a civil servant with paid-for health insurance and a pension after 20 or so years( gee just like cops!) Of course, a cop who is also a sicko is a always possibility and a double threat (one who can both "act" and "sing" so to speak.

Joking aside, the psychological/demographic profile of a likely abuser is probably known intuitively to most experienced escorts. That's one advantage for girls working at agencies: excellent screening. And that's why so many gals will only service older gents and salaried gents.

But unlike insurance actuaries who can rely on statistics and demographics to make accurate predictions for their companies, when it comes to individual cases.  No ones judgement, case by case, fare by fare, or John by John,  is foolproof. But at least it is something. And just as a cabby might pass up many a harmless and well meaning customer simply because his appearance superficially shares something with a stereotypical troublemaker, so might (and should) an escort, despite the apparent (or real) unfairness to the one refused. In balancing a provider's possible serious physical  harm against a John's definite  psychological slight, the beam should almost always tip toward the safety side. In the escort business especially, there is a case for rational discrimination. (And for criminal justice academics and profilers  to develop an articulated description of those who prey on escorts, and, equally important, on the profiles of escortsd preyed upon--incall/outcall, ethicity, age, amount of fee, number of clients seen, screening procedure, location, prior victimization, time of victimization...There are innumerable factors, so you get the idea...

That said, isn't it ironic that most harms caused by victimless crimes are artifacts of their illegality, and are not intrinsic to their nature?

What I have been doing is going back to the basics when I first started.

I will call a "friend" and let them know I am safe when I arrive.(I give the room name & number before leaving my house.)

That way if something happens to me (even though it might be too late) if cuts the window of time down.

Also, please remember this...everyday when going to see a client, (can be a regular or newbie) that their are risks we take EVERYDAY.  Sane people crack everyday.  When I go to work,  I have that thought tucked in the back of my mind that something, anything can happen to me. I could be beat up, robbed, arrested...its the risks we decide to take.
It doesn't make it right for people to hurt us, take advantage of us...but not everyone who Hobbies is a sweetie either.

Shaye

-- Modified on 7/28/2003 6:22:35 AM

The majority of violent crimes, murder, assault, and yes, even rape, occur between people who already knew each other(can you say "date-rape"?).  I suspect this holds even when the victim is a provider.  Although I'm no lover of police behavior, there's a real reason why, when a woman is brutalized or murdered the first thing the cops do is check out the (ex)husband, boyfriend, etc.  Certainly in the one recent case where we actually know who did it (New York), it was the boyfriend.

So while reasonable precautions regarding clients are certainly a good idea, I doubt that even if 100% effective they'd have the desired impact on these types of crimes.

Time out!  We don't KNOW that anything terrible has happened to Nicole and I hope as deeply as any of you that nothing has.

Re: profiling.  The profile of your typical psycho killer is quiet, somewhat shy, charming, the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet.  Don't know as that would be much help in screening.  It might be interesting to get a profile (how?) of the "typical" provider's boyfriend.

Re: letting someone know. Great idea.  Even better if the provider somehow let's the client know it's been done.  Prevention is much better than payback, especially for the victim.

Sorry for the length of this but I wanted to touch on a number of very important topics.

to take when you break up with him.

Learning to understand and pay attention to the signals we get that something isn't right is the best way to survive--better yet, avoid--dangerous situations.

The Gift of Fear on Amazon.com:  http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0316235024/ref=lib_rd_btb/102-8148045-6952906?v=glance&s=books

First - the latest news on Nicole is encouraging. It at least indicates that she is probably ok, but dealing with family and other personal issues. At this time, she may not even be aware that we are all worried about her. That's why I'm still insistent on finding someone who can get word to, and from her regarding her 'disappearance'.

Yes, for the most part, statistics show that at least 30% of the time, the perps have been someone they knew - boyfriend, etc. And, in my own life, that has been true. A man that hurt me, and then stalked me was my bosses' husband. When offered a chance to transfer to SD, I had my place packed, in storage, checked out of my apt. and was on my way to SD in less than three hours - that's how frightened I was of him, and how dangerous I felt he was!

I don't think that Providers are so much assuming that a client would be the one TO hurt them, but that the odds are certainly there, given the number of people that cross your paths, and are just being as cautious as they can be with those they come in contact with. And we are used to being cautious wherever we go. Which reminds me of something I want to say to you men. I was saying this to my friend Freedomrider the other day. We ladies, and especially us moms, are 'on alert' all the time, mostly subconciously. But, being in the presence of a man-friend, I noticed that much of that drains away, and I am relaxed because I feel safe. That's a wonderful thing that a man does for a woman - makes her feel safe.

All of the issues that have been raised are good ones.  Whether it is self defense, screening clients, having a POC for each appointment, or whatever, each one contributes to and raises the level of safety for a provider.  Of course, nothing is 100% effective, and of course, there are many potential sources of violence in the world for anyone, woman or man, most from people we know.  However, awareness of all methods of protecting oneself is a good thing, especially in a business like this, and I would encourage every provider to take advantage of as many methods as possible of self protection.

Thanks, Sedona, for the info on Nicole...I am sure we are all happy to hear that.

The company also has a self defense class for women called "IMPACT" through their threat assesment division.
You can go to the website at www.gdbinc.com for more info.

By the way all three of his books are awesome!!!

You're right about the profiling. Just like the moderator of the other board who had seen and gace good reviews to many providers, then for some reason or other snapped and began attacking girls. you just never know.

Laura