1. Any appliance she didn’t ask for
Unless she specifically asked for a waffle maker or blender, don’t buy her one. Even women who enjoy cooking don’t want to feel it’s expected.
2. Clothes
Clothes are a no-no for several reasons. There’s the size issue – if you get her something too big, she’ll probably be offended; if you get her something too small, she might feel bad about herself. There’s also the style issue.
If a wardrobe makeover is what she wants, make a nice card promising to take her on a shopping spree with your cash.
 3. A framed picture of yourself
This “gift” is strangely common, based on personal experience and its presence on almost every “worst gifts” list out there. Nothing says you’re self-absorbed like a framed photo of yourself posing like a model. And the picture of yourself when you were 6 years old? That’s not cute either. Better idea? A picture of the two of you doing something memorable.
4. Anything that can’t be easily exchanged
If your significant other absolutely hates the expensive gift you bought her, be sure you can exchange it, for her sake and yours.
5. Diet or fitness products
Unless you’re looking for trouble, don’t buy her anything related to losing weight. The implication is that you’re not satisfied with her the way she is – definitely not your intended message.
 6. Gifts for yourself
Buying her the new flat-screen TV you want and calling it a gift because she’ll use it too doesn’t work. Give her something she can appreciate and enjoy.
7. Tickets to sporting events
Your significant other might love baseball or football. But unless she’s a die-hard fan, skip the tickets to sports events. A better option: tickets to the ballet or a Broadway musical. Bonus points if you go with her; choose something you might not normally attend and she’ll appreciate it even more.
8. Tacky novelties
She’s not going to be as amused by that singing coffee cup as you were when you spotted it at the store. Unless there’s an inside joke behind the novelty gift and it’s in addition to a larger gift, this is a bad idea.
 9. Perfume
If she asked for Elizabeth Arden’s newest fragrance, by all means, buy it. Otherwise, stay away from the perfume counter. She might hate the fragrance you choose, or worse – she might be allergic to it.
10. Cash
Remember the “Seinfeld” episode in which Jerry gave Elaine cash for Christmas? Elaine got mad, as will the lady in your life if you give her this thoughtless gift.
11.  Cosmetics (including wrinkle cream)
It’s almost unbelievable that men buy women wrinkle cream as a gift. I once heard about a girl who received wrinkle cream from her boyfriend when she was 22! It’s also weird to buy a woman makeup. Just stay away from the cosmetics department.
12. Alcohol
A bottle of wine is nice for a housewarming party, but it’s not quite as classy when you give it to a woman as a holiday, birthday, or anniversary gift.
13. Flowers
Flowers are appropriate at certain times, but the holidays call for something more thoughtful and longer-lasting.
14.  Last year’s gift
She loved the one-hour massage you bought her last year, but she’s expecting something different this year. Even if you have a hard time remembering the details of last year’s gift, chances are she hasn’t forgotten.
15. Candy
Many women love chocolate, but it’s just not a sufficient gift at the holidays. Use it as a stocking stuffer, and put some more thought into a larger gift she’ll appreciate.

I bought a 5 inch black dildo.   That way my 6 inch dick looks huge. ; )

just get her a hooker. That way both of you can enjoy...

Does a gift card for a divorce attorney come with that as well?

Would that be a coflict of intrest?

vacuum cleaner. chicks love vacuum cleaners.

of course im kidding, no need to tell me how rude or sexist this is.

That's funny. One a more serious note, how about giving her a day off. Do the chores, the cooking, and take care of the kids, etc. while she goes out and does (blank) that she would enjoy. Give her that too. Maybe a pedicure, a shopping trip, the movies, whatever. Me time is very valuable to a woman. She will brag about you to her friends who will be pea green with envy.

Although not really my thing.  This year I have asked for lingerie.  And I would be very excited to receive a three or foursome.  That's more my thing.

For your SO, maybe stick with the jewelry.  : )

Simple things like Protein Powder, bath towels, small appliances because I tend to break them a lot lol, perfume, bath and body works items, plush towels, sheets, a nice robe, slippers, etc. Restaurant gift certificates are also great, because often times the person you buy them for asks you out to dinner when they use it lol.