same here.  this has to be a common cycle among us.  I mean, unless your filthy rich, there is a significant cost involved in this "hobby".  Not to mention that many of us may have significant others who are to some extent, cognizant of the finances... if too much goes unaccounted for, there is explaining to do.... regardless...no one feels happy about blowing large sums of money on something you don't really need, and end up with nothign to show for.  It's over too quick.  Unlike a vacation where you have "real" memories.  

when I clear my head, via self help, I too usually don't feel the need to seek out a provider.  I've also found that some providers give you a much better experience than others...so if you're going to a new one, there's always a chance that you'll be expecially disappointed because the quality of the service just isn't up to par... so it's not always worth the money.

there are some though that wow... it's just so fucking good.  it's got to be like drugs.  I dont' do them, so I don't know about that "world"...but there is a "high" involved in this hobby, and it can consume you if you let it....some of us are recreational, some are rare usuers, and some are most likely "addicts".  if you get to that point, wehre it is negatively affecting your life and you can't stop..that's not good.  Luckly, I've never got to that point.

although I think all of us have experienced some "buyer's remorse" or "guilty" feelings after being with a provider.