I just want to take this opportunity to thank all the amazing ladies I have met in this hobby over past 7 years. Its time for me to take care of my family, I convinced myself that hobbying isn't cheating ha ha , but due to being dumped by my ATF I did arealy stupid thing had an affair with a civi . I could not live with the guilt and confessed all my sins to my wife, I have a lot of to make right . She has forgived me ( I hope) I guess 28 years of marriage must count for something.she has just under gone surgery and hope fully the growths they removed are not cancerous. It's bad enough she fought breast cancer 7 years ago and beat it. She nows needs all my attention.
I would especially like to thank Eyva Ferrari,Heidi meadows and Arden moon, there are too many other to list but you all know are , THANK YOU ALL for providing a very important service to us all , I will really miss you xoxo Eddie

we have some similarities, aside from me not yet ready to retire.  that said, all my best to you as you move forward.  take it from me, forgiveness may be given but it needs to be earned daily.  stay strong and survive, love is precious.

Yes, your a smart man for realizing your wife needs you most battling cancer is the most difficult thing our family has had to deal with in life.  Cherish the time you have together.

xoxo

forgive yourself.  

Compassion for one's self is far harder to achieve than compassion for others.  Therefore it is harder to forgive yourself than others.  Until you do forgive yourself you'll experience guilt and shame--emotions that will sap you of the energy needed to "take care of my family"  and to give "all my attention" to your wife.

So having compassion for yourself actually allows you to do all the things you really want to do better for others.  You'll be much nicer to be around.  So let that be the motivation to forgive yourself.

Also, our society/culture and religions have screwed most of us over.  
1) Very little is taught about self compassion.
2) And anything short of monogamy is viewed as bad.  Trust me monogamy is great when it works, but that's only in about 15% of marriages.  

IMHO

Thank you all for your kind words

Hopefully your memories can still inspire you and bring you joy without guilt.

And of course, we all will try to fill the holes your withdraw to retirement leaves

Even when you helped with my party, you told me this might be the case.
I pat you on the back and applaud you!
I love it that you make the choice to put your all into her!!
You are an amazing man Edwin and will continue to be him as you go forward in your life.
Keep up the good work - dad, husband, friend and lover!
XOXO,
Chloe Wilde


P.S. May I offer you a piece of reading that will help you as you battle this demon with your wife??