...that is the question. Although I am still quite the novice
at this "hobby" as it is colloquially labeled I am starting to get my feet wet among other body parts. Actually not much into the foot fettish. That was just a bit of "poetic license".

The point is that I still have a little awkwardness with handling the donation. I have posted before about this subject and received some much appreciated advice and ideas.

Specifically I was wondering what others think about including a card and short note with the donation. Obviously if it is a first time encounter it may not be appropriate since there is
no first hand experience but if it is a repeat visit with a provider it seems it might be a nice touch.

So to the more experienced do you occasionally include a card /note with the donation? If so has the response been favorable or commented on at all?

To providers: do you appreciate receiving a note with the donation or do you see it in a less favorable light? Does something with your "name" on it along with the donation bother you? Do you see it as something that is a little too overly romantic in an activity that is often descibed in that "it's all about the money" manner which is repeatedly driven home on these discussion boards?

I ask this simply because as I take my first tentative steps in
the "hobby" I would like to try and conduct myself in a manner that makes for the most positive experience possible.

I have been with an incredibly wonderful and well reviewed provider here in SD and I was able to make an informed and perhaps even somewhat serendipitous choice largely because of the information provided on TER by the many who have taken the time to share their experiences, insight, and advice in this forum. She's a local treasure and I know from reviews that virtually everyone who has seen her would echo that sentiment.
With her for me it goes beyond "it's all about the money" but then perhaps that is part of the fantasy created in the encounter. Yet I believe that there can be a "connection" that transcends the jaded, if pragmatic, concept of exchange of money
for service that for the most part defines this activity, without crossing the line into what could be emotionally hurtful if one looses his focus on reality.

So I have strayed a bit off the point of this post but I would like to once again thank those who have been willing to share some of their experiences and offer advice and I would definitely appreciate comments on this idea of leaving a note.

I am working on a review for a real sweetheart and hope to submit it soon.



-- Modified on 8/8/2003 5:42:05 PM

-- Modified on 8/8/2003 6:14:55 PM

I've done it, but only for providers that I repeat with and with whom I feel a special connection (no punn intended)or friendship and never the first encounter.  Giving someone a note on the first visit can give the impression that you are (1) strange (2) love struck (3) inexperienced (4) all of the before mentioned.  Consider it from the ladies viewpoint, there are a lot of wierdos and creeps out there.  Fortunately for us, there is TER to provide information, but the ladies don't have an open forum to rate us clients.  Overly friendly can be a warning sign.  I think if you are contemplating a note on the first visit then you might be looking for something in the wrong place...IMHO.

and be realistic and upfront about your romantic intentions and especially your expectations.  Just because you feel it, doesn't mean it's true.  If you need to work thru your emotions with someone, tell a friend your stories first, ask their advice, and then go from there.  If anything, an email after the visit saying "thank you" never hurts and is good ettiquette besides.

and as someone who's pissed off quite a few providers, let me advise not to mention your own financial condition at any time.  It's not relevant or pertinent.  Live in the moment, right?

you might also want to post this question on the newbie board.

"Obviously if it is a first time encounter it may not be appropriate since there is no first hand experience but if it is a repeat visit with a provider it seems it might be a nice touch."

The above is a direct quote lifted from my first post. I should have been more precise in the wording. Instead of "may not be appropriate" I perhaps should have said "would not be appropriate." I would plead guilty only to: (3) inexperienced.

I actually think I exercise good judgement and common sense in most of my endeavors and yes I try dilligently to do my homework. I in fact paid for a VIP membership to TER and I carefully read and reread many reviews before choosing the second provider that I have seen since becoming aware of the "hobby" and the resources available on the internet. The first provider was nice but she was a little too much into Tantra and Indian mysticism for me and there just wasn't that connection I was looking for as a crucial and integral part of
a truly meaningful and pleasurable experience that goes somewhat beyond just physical intimacy.

It is the second provider that I have seen twice, and on the second visit I included a very brief one line note with the donation. I felt I had that special connection and perhaps even nascent friendship that you alluded to in your posted response.

I completely agree that "overly friendly" could be a warning sign. There are definitely any number of weirdos and creeps out there and one needs to be careful both from the perspective of the provider and the client.

So no I wasn't contemplating a note on the first visit despite my poor choice of words in my original post.

Your points are well taken and I appreciate the time you took to share your viewpoint. It is this free exchange of information and viewpoints that makes this a valuable resource.

As a final point regarding (2) "love struck" I believe I have maintained my focus as a realist and haven't strayed off into emotionally dangerous territory although I can understand how it might happen given just the right allignment of the planets or whatever mysterious cosmic event that might cloud our judgement if we are not careful/focused and keep our wits about us.

Thanks again h2Ocmdr and again I would appreciate the viewpoint of some of the ladies out there.

Maybe I am naive and young and dumb myself, but I have received cards from the men I have met, and I thought it was just perfect.  The notes were short and sweet, "Thanks for getting to know me" "Good luck with the term paper!"  Okay you get the point.  

My biggest peeve and guaranteed to freak me out was when someone just placed the funds right out in the open, not even in an envelope.  Blegh!  While I know what "this" is all about, I take extra steps to ensure that you don't feel like it's all about the $$, and I would hope that you could return the favor.

I haven't written a line of poetry since I was 12 years old and that was for a school assignment back in the early 60's.
I can count on one hand the number of poems I've written and still have fingers left over for more pleasurable pursuits.
Perhaps you were making reference to quoting poetry from those who have the gift to write poetry and write it well. I doubt that I would even consider that but if I did it would have to be a very special line for a very special moment.

I didn't really address email, or modest gifts. I have done both and concur that a "Thank you" is common courtesy and good etiquette.

As for my emotional state I would just add this from my previously posted response:
As a final point regarding (2) "love struck" I believe I have maintained my focus as a realist and haven't strayed off into emotionally dangerous territory although I can understand how it might happen given just the right allignment of the planets or whatever mysterious cosmic event that might cloud our judgement if we are not careful/focused and keep our wits about us.

Since you make the point of never mentioning your finanacial condition which I agree is good advice if the motive of doing so is to elicit sympathy (LOL) from the provider and hope for a lower negotiated fee. However if you are making the initial contact with a new provider and especially one who has a contact person who arranges appointments it might be useful to just make it clear where you are positioned on the financial spectrum so that it is obvious that your choices from the wide ranging menu are limited. I had the occasion to do that once and it was just a matter of fact communication and was never taken as an attempt to negotiate the unnegotiable.

Thanks for the post, points well taken

You sound like a real nut job! You don't need a whore... what you do need is a girlfriend. There are plenty of women out there, regardless of what you look like, that would be better able to fulfill your needs. You can't expect to get want you're looking for by pulling out a couple hundred dollars from your pocket... It takes a little bit more effort than that.
And "niceathart," if you're reading this, it applies to you also!

Always remember folks, safety first...

Pecker

I guess that was wrong to give her my car after our first time

Thanks Marnee for sharing a woman's viewpoint. It is precisely
the short and sweet note you alluded to in your post that I was thinking of/used.

Naivete is usually a fleeting condition for most and can even have a rather innocent appeal in a way. Youth sadly is also fleeting so revel in it while you can because it escapes us far quicker than what we might imagine. Someone famous coined the phrase "youth is wasted on the young" Far truer than many might want to admit. Try to prove him wrong.

Dumb? I think not. After all you recognize the value of the ambiance created when you are with someone that transcends the simple exchange of $$. It is a simple act of courtesy, respect, and common decency to treat someone as you yourself would want to be treated and there are men who share that viewpoint and strive to return the favor. It adds immeasurably to the experience from my viewpoint to genuinely try and insure that the woman enjoys the man's company above and beyond the exchange of $$ and I am convinced that many men would agree.



-- Modified on 8/10/2003 12:21:59 PM

The other day i was given my donation in a cute japanese rice paper money envelope thing and it automaticly made me feel comfortable with him. XXXShay

Nice post Marnee.  I can also say that having a provider count the money in front of me does little to enhance the 'illusion' that it is not all about money.

...your view on this Shaylynn. It's nice to know that a simple gesture can be appreciated.