....a legit provider that you have seen before seems to be ripping you off without shame.

A certain well known provider here in town was chatting with me once and mentioned that she really needed some cash quick and I offered to loan it to her.   It was only $200 and I figured it to be just a deposit for a date in the near future.

We stay in contact but she keeps promising that we will get together soon so I did not think anything about it.  I am a patient person and thought I knew her well enough not to have any concern.

Well, as it turns out, she never seems to be able to have time to meet with me.  Eventually she stops communicating with me altogether.

Now it is a few months later, and I am convinced that she has done this on purpose as we had a fairly open dialogue up until this happened.   I have given up trying to figure out why she would have done this to me.  She has never replied to any of my polite emails requesting a resolution to this.

So here are my options:


A)  Blackmail her with threats of exposure?

B)  Kiss the money goodbye?

C)  Make her life difficult?

D)  Post a message on TER describing what happened?

Your suggestions are welcome.

Unless you are prepared for it to become a gift.  If it were me, and she needed money, I'd ask her for a session, and give her the money at the session.

If it were me, I would probably write it off as tip. Trashing the girl on the message board will just serve to get her really pissed at you. Probably will make the situation worse.

However, if you really want the credit/money back, then maybe leave her a message (both voice and email), and let her know that if she doesn't get back in touch with you to setup a date, then you will explain the situation on the TER message board. Definitely give her a chance to make it up to you first!

Everything else feels like bad carma to me...

If you loan money to a friend or someone you know very well, and you don't have something in writing, you should never assume you will be repaid. You loan from the heart - especially if you know you can afford it and they can't. Otherwise - never loan money to anyone - not even relatives. The provider probably is in a financial bind and can't pay you back. Hence - the avoidance. Need to let the provider know that you don't care - what is more valuable - the relationship or the money.

You gave her the money outside of being a provider. Her not paying you back is between you two...exposing her name her is not being fair...if it had something to do with being a provider then you have every right to tell us all.

i got stung by a provider that offerred multiple sessions
because her rent was due...blah blah blah..

i'm an old provider with some savy and few ripoff experiences..

unfortunately..the little head was doing all the thinking that day..

anyways.. i agree with something said before..me..
think of it as a gift and move on..

let it go.. wish her the worst.. but dont actually act on those thoughts.. it will only backfire on you..

focus on the idea that you were being nice..

If she's tapping clients for loans and not repaying them it has quite a bit to do with her being a provider.  

I agree with the guy who suggested giving her a chance first, then putting it on the board.  Who knows, if she reads these boards she may already be aware of the possibilities.

What kind of an excuse is that....it is between the two of you...please.  Provider or not she owes you the money and by her blowing you off just makes her look even worse.  You sound like you have been doing everything in the most polite manner possible.  I say you post something on here that exposes her and perhaps others will stay away from her until they hear that she has paid up.  Keep it clean and on the up and up.  $200 is nothing to 'write off' for anybody.  Especially on someone that you trusted would not turn on you the way she did....

Just my two cents....

How you know each other is because of being in the client/provider relationship in the first place. How she might have repaid you was in the service she provides as a provider, so yes, it does have very much to do with her being a provider.

I do think, Trapper, that what you suggested was most gracious, however, and you are quite the gentleman.

We're big boys and girls here and yes, things happen, but she should be communicating with him regarding her outstanding obligation so that he shouldn't wonder. Instead, she is avoiding him and making the situation worse. This does not reflect well on her as a responsible person nor as a professional business woman.

Hopefully, as said, she will read the boards and take care of this before it goes any further, or worse.

If you loaned money to a business owner to help keep his business afloat, and then the business owner blew you off, would you have the right to tell people you knew who patronized the business that the owner is unscrupulous?  Yes. Same scenario here.

Dion and Sedona are right.  If it wasn't for the fact that she was a provider and you trusted her because of her status through TER and figured that you could receive payment one of two wyas, you never would have loaned this woman money.  As such, she needs to realize that she has an obligation to treat you as well as any other client she has, or that her reputation could be damaged.  

I have travelled this road more than once and have quite a few free sessions which I will never see.  Maybe I am slow to learn or maybe I would rather go through life trusting people instead of assuming everyone is a con artist.

It is funny how small amounts of money can get in the way of good business practices.  If she were to have repaided with a free session you would most likely continue to see her.  At this point a session would probably not be that enjoyable for you and she has lost a regular client and potential exposure to a slect pool of potential clients.

I am not sure if you should tell us her name or just chalk it up to an educational experience.  If a provider were to take the money and run as part of a session, we would all say write a rip off report.  In a way this is a very similar however not all of us are inclined to lend money to anyone.  Without knowing her name most of us will be less likely to help an honest provider in need, as we might think she is the one that burned you.

This is not only bad business practice, it also hurts the rest of the people both male and female in this hobby.  Trust and discretion is very important to all of us.  If you decide to go public you have to make sure that there is no way that she can come back to hurt you.  This can be done by exposing you to family, friends or coworkers.  Many of us divulge personal information as part of the screening process or when we are naked with another person.  When the clothes come off so do some of the other barriers.

Being burned by providers seems to be a very common occurance and are not a good group to lend money to.  If you wish to help just do so with no strings or expectations.  If the provider pays you back be grateful.  If she repays with free or discounted sessions feel lucky.  It does happen but then someone wins the lottery ever so often as well.

1.  Then my suggestion is: remember it’s “The Erotic Review”, not “The Banker’s Gazette.”

2.  Yes, I’ve “lent” money to the ladies, in the sense of paying ahead for future visits as you did.  I recommend being even MORE patient than you've been.  Infinitely so, OK sds?  If she NEVER gets back with you, you’ve just paid a bargain $$ to find out what she really thinks of you.  Cheap if that’s what she’s saying.  However, give her lots more time and let her surprise you.  I know Sedona would disagree, but I also know she'd be THE most dilegent about squaring the debt, even if it took years.

3.  All the ladies I’ve seen have, on occasion, stayed well past our appointed time(s).  “Well past” as measured in many, many hours or even days.  No, I’m not making this up and no, it doesn’t happen every time.  Often enough, though, to the point that I couldn’t begin to adequately compensate them for all the extra time.  I DO offer more $, but half the time, the ladies refuse it.

4.  “Pay back”, then, can take a variety of other forms:

 LOYALTY – I’m not looking for “new” ladies.  I’m not ruling out “variety” but I’m not looking.  

 MORE $ - This visit or the next, I’m happy to add $ or $$ as gift, bonus, pay, whatever...  

 CHITS OF ALL SORT – Regardless of whether I persuaded them to take more $, now I’m indebted to them for the extra time.  Whatever they need, whenever they need it, I’ll consider it.   Need a car, take mine.  Need a place to stay, here’s the key.  Lost your cell phone for a few days, please take my spare. Want a home-cooked meal and a shoulder to cry on, com'on over. Need $$$?  See LOANS below.

 LOANS – One among many things the ladies might seek.  Other than T-bills, I’m not interested in lending $.  I’d prefer it be applied to our next visit (see LOYALTY above).

This make sense?  In other words, don't loose your cool over money.  Just let it be and she'll be giving you a call soon about "payback" over an 'off the clock' ski weekend in Steamboat Springs.

I would almost vote to make her life difficult, but it may backfire in some way that you can't imagine.

Why don't you just post her name/number/website etc and tell us what happened. Coming from you, I would boycott her. Maybe us hobbyists can rally in your favor. It sounds like she took advantage of you. I'm in favor of spreading the bad news about her so she can learn to respect people kind enough to loan money to her.

Otherwise, I wouldn't try to contact her in a negative manner. I find it hard to believe a provider can't find time to meet. She can't be that busy.

let it go . . .a standing principal of lending money without a charter. was it daniel webster who said "never a lender or borrower be . . .?" nothing screws up a relationship faster than money, especially when lending and borrowing become involved. $200 is a small price to pay for a valuable lesson - move on. just my $0.02!

However the amount was $500. I expected to have a couple sessions in the future. She was my regular date and saw her weekly. As soon as I gave her the money, she became difficult to get a reply from emails, never had an appointment available, then became hostile. I was hurt that she only cared about the money and not about the real caring person I was. She took advantage of my gentileness. I forgave her because deep down I knew see needed the money more than I did. I could reationalize it by all the extra hours we spent together without compensation.

Fast forward two years... Same girl. Same situation. Same results. However, this time I realize how much I care for the person and not the "provider". She has given me more than any provider will allow. She allowed me into her heart. To me that is priceless.

So to you my friend, chalk it up to experience. I am sure she would not have asked for the money unless she really needed it. If you care about her, give it a year or so then contact her again.

You are right. He helped her and they knew each other on a business level. That effects us all. This board gives us the ability to patronize providers that pass our screening and can conduct business without problems. So we don't get ripped-off, get busted by LE etc. She has lost her TER gold star and a warning notice needs to be provided to other members.

I have done this with one provider and she now will not take any money when I see her. This sometime makes it awkward because I know she needs the money so I tip her. If she had never paid or not given free sessions it would be one to chalk up has an experience and find another provider. With LE around I stay very loyal even though I will venture out with others occasionally.

And, in fact, think the posts all have good, valid points. If he chose to 'write it off' as a bargain, a gift, the 'cost' of doing the hobby, or whatever, I would be inclined to support his choice on that.

If he continued to reach resolution, and she ignored it, and he chose to post her name on the boards, as a last resort, I would certainly understand his decision with that. I would cringe, embarrassed, for my fellow 'sister', so I hope it doesn't come to that..

But, the part that caught my eye in his post was this:

"Well, as it turns out, she never seems to be able to have time to meet with me.  Eventually she stops communicating with me altogether.
Now it is a FEW MONTHS (my CAPS) later, and I am convinced that she has done this on purpose as we had a fairly open dialogue up until this happened.   I have given up trying to figure out why she would have done this to me.  She has never replied to any of my polite emails requesting a resolution to this."

It is certainly EASIER to be patient when you have someone telling you continually that they know they owe you, they haven't forgotten about it, and with whom you are in regular contact. This lady is ignoring him, and it doesn't APPEAR that she has ANY INTENTION of reimbursing him. I DO see that as being different than your scenario.

You are a giving, and loyal, and caring, sweet man, and your ladies know that. I would be GRAVELY disappointed in any of your ladies if they should behave in this way.

Those saying that you should post the name of the provider are correct when speaking from a business viewpoint.  Any business that defaults on a loan, doesn’t perform as advertised, etc. should have its practices exposed to protect the public at large.  There is, however, something else to consider.

No doubt you, like the rest of us who have hobbyied for awhile, have run across hard-hearted providers who seem to have lost all compassion and sense of humanity.  The same can happen to hobbyists.  These changes usually occur in people who are permanently on guard so nobody will ever again be able to take advantage of them. Just as there is a difference between being cautious and paranoid regarding security there is a difference between being cold hearted and careful with your money.

First and foremost, I advise deciding what will happen to you before you peruse any given course of action.  Do you want to enlarge or diminish your own humanity.  Anyone with compassion for others is going to get hurt on occasion.  I’d suggest the most important thing is learning how to get back on you bicycle, learn to ride your bike without falling off, and doing it without changing your destination.  Good luck--forgiving others isn’t easy, and Mother Teresa is the only person I’ve heard of qualifying for sainthood in my lifetime.

Please clarify what happened after 2 years. Do you care to reveal who this caring provider is if she is active?

I stood out on El Cajon Blvd the other night and all I saw were police decoys. That is so bad for the streetwalker's business!!

Yes, It was the same girl, however she quit the biz and went legit. I had not seen her for a couple of years and wanted to see if she really had changed. She had. We had chemistry and a relationship (unlike others) so things begain where we had left off. This time I did not give her anything as a loan (or advance). I gave her help with bills and she let me back into her heart. Our relationship has gone to the next level. We are now friends w/o benifits. There is too great an age difference for anything else, even though we both wanted it. She is a very sweet (legit) Woman.