I was chatting with a PSE friend & we were discussing dating in the real world vs. seeing providers & we both came to the conclusion that heavy involvement in the hobby ruins dating "civilians".

She said that since starting escorting, her real dates have been pretty much disasters because her clients are thrilled to be with her, go out of their way to please her and will give her as much sex as she wants, whereas a date is generally more interested in his own pleasure & since he's not paying for it isn't always willing to do what it takes to give her as much sex as SHE may want.  

My view is similar but from a different perspective... I'm a bald, overweight middle-aged guy... What chance do I have to find a "real" girlfriend who's drop-dead gorgeous and will swallow, take facials, beg me to fuck her ass & bring a variety of girlfriend home to share with me.

Even if i did find someone whose company I enjoyed I don't know that I could remain faithful to her  - I've just gotten too used to a higher level of sexual expectations.  l think this hobby has ruined me for normal relationships.

Anyone else feel the same?

-- Modified on 10/16/2008 5:35:18 AM

I can't imagine having a normal relationship at this point, although I wish I could. Us middle age guys are better off sticking with our fantasy ladies. Cheaper in the long run, and we're free to live as we please between dates.

i have lost almost all interest in dating 'civilians' since being a hobbyist. Some corporate yuppie seems so boring to me compared to the Provider experience, especially the PSE.

I have been doing this for about 4 yrs, iam 32 yrs old and i can't get enough of these stars. I have no interest in a normal girl and when i do go out on a date or even a blind date i am bored. This is a big issue for me in the sense that all my friends are in that getting married and kids phase where i could care less about that.Part of me says to myself i should be doing that american dream: wife 2 kids but than i just think how i am seeing Bridgette tonight and what a great time i will have and also all the freedom i have in my life. My friends have to basically ask their wives for permission to do things. Great post and i am glad i am not the only one who feels this way.

now, for me there is another thrill to have sex with a lady who is "known".

Especially when she is UTR, my thoughts go like this:

"many guys watch her movies, watch her pics on the web, fantasize having sex with her...masturbate(?)

And here I am, and I dont have to fantasize anymore: I know what she likes, how she tastes, how she made me come, etc...etc..."

Do I feel privileged? Well, ehh....yes.

I come at this from a different perspective. I am a (reasonably) happily married middle-aged guy. I'm not overweight, nor bald, but I'm no Brad Pitt either. I got into this hobby for the same reason most married guys do: my wife lost interest in sex, several years ago.

I have found that this hobby fullfulls that need for me, but not JUST fullfulls, it does so in spades!! I see several of the top escorts - ones that have great websites, and are as hot or hotter than any of the pornstars. I've also seen several pornstars, including Briana Banks (best two hours of my life!!). I'm seeing Memphis Monroe next week in San Franciso (for an overnight!). I've had sex with some of the most beautiful women in the world, and they are not just beautiful, they are focused on showing me the very best time that can be had behind closed doors. It literally doesn't get any better than this!

So if I was to find myself single again, I don't think I would even try to date "civies" (as my London friend calls them). It would be boring, so say the least!

The main thing I consider about the PSE experience is that it's a no fuss, no muss arrangement.

With dating civilians, you're jumping through so many hoops to get to the home plate. The PSE experience just cuts through all the BS. And there are times when the providers are very nice and you can get to know them, chat with them and it's really adds a nice touch to the experienc. Both parties know what is expected and appreciated and each gets what they want and need.

After your encounter with a PSE, you go about your business of your daily life, you don't have to keep playing the game. It's just too much of a hassle dating civis.

The few PSEs I've met have been wonderful, warm and friendly. We have some fun time, we go on with our lives, touch base by phone and meet up several months later. I couldn't ask for more than that. It's a modern view I guess.

Well Eddie I am the same as you except I'm an overweight middle-aged guy.  Have not had as many dates as you in the adult world so haven't had any girl asking me to fuck her ass, or any girlfriends to share yet.  But you are right.  It is very difficult to have the expectations of a normal relationship when the women in this hobby want to please you in every way they can.

Having not yet had the pleasure of a pornstar date, I still would find it difficult to date a civilian after my nearly 3 years of hobbying.  My expectations of bedroom time would probably be too much for her to accomodate.  I just don't think I would wait until the 3rd, 4th, 5th, or who knows how many dates before I get what I get on the first date with a provider.

Swim

Towards the end of college in the mid 1990's, I had joined a dating service with the hopes meeting someone & settling down....But things never went well with those services (this was before the days of match.com & internet dating), coupled with the fact that I never wanted kids (probably will have a vasectomy done early next year) so that made things difficult in the dating scene...

I went to incall establishments in Philadelphia & New York for many years, before I started seeing porn stars around 2001....And it's pretty much been porn stars since then, with the exception of one burnette non porn-star in LA who I've seen many times....Plus I'm very superficial & kinda fussy, so it's probably best that I just stick to seeing professionals, lol...

I've been fortunate in that the PSE that I used to see a lot, has since retired, and has become my best friend and lover.  You might say, I have the best of both worlds.

Despite a lot of roadblocks that we've encountered, our relationship has improved, if that's possible.

Would I date a civilian?  No way.  We're too busy with each other.

Roy

It's almost like the scene in "Analyze This" where Robert DeNiro's character tells Billy Crystal's character why he needs a girlfriend and a wife, where he says something like "my wife kisses the kids with that mouth - I'm not doing that with her!!!"  Certain things you could rarely if ever request of a "civilian" girl (Greek, facials, etc.) that is easily expected within the escort world.  Once again, Eddie hits the nail on the head.

seems like we all have in common that we enjoy the freedom of our unencumbered lives and seeing porn stars or providers whenever we want. Do any of you guys find that you have to 'answer' to friends and family why you're not married or in a serious relationship? do you ever think they might suspect you're gay?

Wow, this really is an interesting question... and one that hits close to home.

I've gone back and forth on this. I actually got a divorce last year to get away from a woman who's sole job in life seemed to be making my life miserable. I swore that once I was divorced, I would do EXACTLY what you guys are all doing, and do the escort/PS thing exclusively. At least that was the plan...

What actually happened was that I got set up with an amazingly beautiful and sweet woman that I started falling for. Before long, nights home alone with just the TV (I also work from home) began to get kind of lonely and boring. I wanted to go out with friends, but wasn't really into the bar scene- besides, most of my friends were married. I did the match.com thing and had great results, but dating three or four times a week can mean you're spending upwards of $2K a month on dates. I called a few escorts and had great times, but found I wanted to have more than just sex at the end of the day.

Please understand- I cast no judgments whatsoever- YMMV and I hope it did and if this is what works for you, hell- I say go for it until the cows come home! Just in my experience, I thought it would work for me- even in the short term- and it didn't. I find I'm really happy with an exclusive girlfriend I can share my life with... along with an occasional extracurricular activity when the need strikes. Just thought I'd share the other side and see if anyone else has had similar experiences.

BTW, would still love to try a hot porn star one day soon- on my list of things to do before I croak.

Good luck!!

That's probably the single biggest reason I got married. All my friends were married, there wasn't a lot to do on weekends as a result, and golf and the sports bar got old after a while. I think the key now is long term relationships... but without marriage!!!!

Hell, do you know anyone who's married who's really happy about it? I don't.

Understand your point but I feel differently about it.  Have a very active social life and the hobby is more of a departure from the complications and stress that comes from relationship management and juggling expectations.  It is a way to feed the lust without hurting anyone's feelings, and when I want to feed the lust I only see PSEs and UTRs as they are a different variety of engagement than you get on the normal social circuit.  I enjoy cooking a lot but when I am in a fine restaurant I never order anything I could make at home. I go for something spectacular -- an experience that will bring enjoyment and create a memory beyond the need to eat.  The hobby is a fine restaurant with intriguing entrees beyond anything you could get at the casual restaurant or tavern around the corner.

It's really funny that you would raise this question now Eddie. I just went on a normal date last week with a very sweet girl. After the date I asked myself that exact same question...Did I ruin myself for regular women because of the outrageous women I've been having sex with these last few years? Answer...I think I did! There was absolutely nothing wrong with this girl I went out with and a few years ago I would have been head over heals. But she's no pornstar!!! I also can't imagine not doing this anymore. I'm living the fantasy like many have mentioned in their responses. Unless I met a girl that was a smokin' hot closet pornstar or a complete sexual dynamo I wouldn't even consider giving up what we've got going here. BTW, I'm 36 years old and pretty average across the board. I've dated beautiful women that I've been very proud to walk into a room with and never cheated.  So I know that I'm capable of being monogamous with the right woman. The problem is as time goes by my standards of what the right woman is is getting higher and higher because of the hobby and I'm just getting older and fatter LOL.

I love my wife and my kids but since there is no real attachment to a PSE or other hottie, i can swoop in...have a great time...and be back with my family and all is good.

Eddie, you paragraph about finding a woman to do all of those things and please her - are just very hard to find!

maybe one day wives wont care....

yeah right!

I have been seeing escorts long before I even knew that ter was around, hell, long before the internet was common. Anyway I see some women outside of the hobby also. When I found out porn stars could be seen, that changed quite a bit....I mean now I could actually have some of the women I dream about!!! Hell Ya!!!
I agree that it is tough to have a normal relationship AND hobby....

Great post home-boy!  I'm going to turn 40 at the end of the month and this wonderful hobby has kept me looking young & feeling great.  

The non-PSE's have treated me like a king and I can't wait for my first PSE so that I can FINALLY scratch that itch.  

Why get married, just to end up cheating on your wife?  Looking at all my married friends and it's obvious that I'm the happiest guy in the room!  

Freedom rocks!!

QK

Great question - here is the "yes it can happen" response.  I dont write in often but when a topic hits home, I tend to voice in.

I saw a PS for 4 years as a hobbiest and then we started dating - real dating..no sex (can ya believe that) but we got to spend time together and really got to know each other. Quiet time,  movies, travel and yes she still worked. Life continue on and as of this year, we have been happily married for 5 years. She still does selected movies and her fan base is huge..You all know her and have probably been with her based on her reviews.

That side of her life is purely the acting side of life...we are a normal couple in real life and do everything that parents and grandparents do. Yes we are grandparents.

Long ago we agreed that our private life will remain private as to who she is and all, but when she retires, you will all be surprised. She is Bi, but we do not share our bed with anyone!

So to expound on the question - yes you can date, have great sex and fall in love at the same time = assuming you are looking. Believe it or not, these ladies are still real people and like to "date". It brings them back to reality.
I am middle aged (53) medium build but not a star - just a normal guy so if you are a great guy and treat them as normal people - with respect, you can have a gorgeous wife / PS.

Good luck to all and keep up the good topics.

I'm married and not really interested in civvie affairs. If I found myself single one day I don't think it would change my hobbying one bit.  No big surprise on my end but both of my ATF escorts don't civvie date and don't miss it at all.

I'm not sure if it's cause I'm still young (just turned 30 last month), cause I still have a strong desire to get married, settle down w/ a loving wife and have kids, or perhaps cause I don't make a ton of money and only hobby on an occasional basis (PS's are even less frequently prob 1 every 4-6 months). Maybe I'm just different...

Could she just be dating the wrong guys? Yes, a client is gonna go out of his way to please her sexually and make her happy, which in turn also makes her want to go out of her way to please him. Of course they're thrilled to be with her, they paid for it so obviously they wanted to spend time with her.  lol  But why does she say her "dates" are only interested in themselves? Is she trying to have sex on the first date with them, cause that might just startle the guy. He could be like me and not perfer to just "do it" on the first date, as I like to get to know the girl and have a good time. Not saying it doesn't happen..  (lol) but maybe he doesn't want it to be all about sex and wants to get to know her for who she is.

I would agree that perhaps once you've seen a few PS's, or even local indy's that it's possible your expectations of sex might change and that it's not as easy to find a partner who is into the same things as you. At least not compared to your typical relationship. And we all love instant gratification, people doing whatever they can to make us happy.

I admit that I love the hobby, and I've had some great times w/ some great ladies and met some cool guys at the one NYC M&G I went to. But I can honestly say that if I found the woman I love tomorrow that I could leave this hobby. Now maybe she doesn't like facials, won't let me give it to her in the ass, do all the things some other providers do. But she'd have my heart, which is something (I hope) no provider gets (cause I'd go broke and still go home alone).

With that said...  you got some info on your PS friend?  I'd love to take her on a traditional date. If she wants more than just let me know.  LMAO  

Rudy



-- Modified on 10/17/2008 10:28:39 AM

I have been hobbying for a while now, but I still dream of a deep meaningful relationship. True hobbying brings many wild experiences to the table, but none of that compares to spending your life with a special girl you can introduce to your family, as well as start a family of your own. Physical sex is fun, but an emotional connection runs stronger. People talk about how it is much cheaper to hobby...how so? In a relationship you don't spend $$$ to have sex, and if you do spend money to take her out, you have to remember she spends on you too. A provider is mostly out for her gain. Not to mention if I were in a relationship, I wouldn't be in this hobby.
But this doesn't mean you can't have a meaningful outside relationship with a provider.

I feel you man, right there with you.

There is a big difference between having sex and making love.  The hobby is for sex only, and if that is all you want then there is nothing wrong with getting it in the most efficient manner possible.  Sex alone has its place, as do the connections that can be found in the real world for spiritual and emotional well being.  Just keep straight what you are after and the two worlds do not need to collide.

Yeah, I completely see where you are coming from- in my last relationship, the woman I was married to was such a pain in the ass that being alone was vastly preferable to being with her.

What I never expected was meeting Miss Perfect- always happy, always willing to accomodate, doesn't like to argue, works to please me... and is drop-dead gorgeous. She's always told she looks just like Jessica Simpson. What can I say, I got lucky.

That said, if I hadn't met her... I would hope to be doing the exact same thing that you are doing. I actually was a little bummed at meeting Miss Perfect so quickly- you can imagine the fun stuff I had planned over the year, but... life is what happens when your busy making other plans.

I will say though, reading what you guys are writing here- you all are really make me envious- there must be a hell of a lot of freaking great experiences!!

Viva la Pussy!

I agree with both Rudy and Lardvador.  Even though I've been burned twice by cheaters in my LTRs (first by my ex gf, then by my ex-wife), nothing compares to a deep meaningful relationship. I'm 47, long divorced but still hold out hope that Ms Right will come along. Maybe I'm just deluding myself! I'd also never be in this hobby if I were in a committed LTR.

Great physical sex with a provider can certainly be awesome. But I've also had some experiences where it was flat-out cold and very mechanical. Does that make any sense?

Great response - which enforces my conclusion that I probably COULD have a relationship, but it enevitably would have to be with a PSE. Over the last 9 years I've dated 5 or 6 pornstars & actually have had 2 serious marriage proposals!  Unfortunately both of them came from train wrecks. But back to my original assertion, I think that's the only thing that would work for me.

But I actually find it depressing to hobby when I'm not in a relationship.  There's a weird switch in me that says if the only way I'm getting some is paying for it, I get depressed.  But when I'm in a relationship, paying for it just means I'm paying for something different than I always get.

That's why when I have experiences where it doesn't feel like a fantasy, I rate it mediocre.

I would like to try dating someone in the sex industry.  I got divorced earlier this year and set out to date a stripper.  It has been a miserable failure.  There always comes a point where it seems they are just out for money.  Even when we do hang out outside of the clubs, there's always a barrier that gets put up.  

I have a friend who dates an escort and they seem absolutely happy.  I think it has a huge part in his attitude that he doesn't care what she does with others sexually, as long as she loves him.  I have a similar attitude, but I think it would be incredibly hard for a provider to see a client in a different light.  It's like she'd always be thinking about that possibility. When the client leaves that would have to be constantly emotionally hurtful.

But if any providers would like to go on a date, feel free to PM me!

There is a sort of relationship that falls between the two extremes - some call it "sugar daddy", some call it "trophy wife", they're all variations on the same theme.  If you're a balding middle aged guy with enough disposable cash to hobby several times a month, you're probably wealthy enough to date younger women who are attracted to power and wealth.  Sure, you'll spend some of it on them, and it may not be as fulfilling for some people as a union of equals, but there's a lot to be said for it.  Think of it as a LTR with an unstated contract.  A lot of younger women don't distinguish between attraction to wealth and power and attraction to men.  Sure, there are some gold-digger types who will only want you for what you buy.  There are others who will be happy to be around someone mature, confident, self-assured and able to do things that men their age cannot do.  I know because I've dated a couple of them.

just my 2 cents.

Haven't posted muchlately because I have started dating civilians again after time off from a LTR.

The short answer is the hobby ruins me in some ways since I get lazy, don't pursue civilian relationships as deeply as some of them need to be pursued to get to where I want to be in the relationship.
It is too easy to call up my ATF, make an arrangement, have her show up, fulfill my sexual needs and some of my basic companionship needs.

That being said, I just came back from a wonderful weekend with my civilian girlfriend in NY.  She paid her own airfare, contributed to meals.  We had a great time.  We walked all over Central Park, went to a jazz club, shopped in Soho, ate great food.  
We had great conversations, shared our hopes and dreams a bit.
Oh, and we stayed up all the first night having great sex. And the next morning, afternoon, evening until we were both exhausted.  There was nothing I would have done with my ATF that my civie doesn't do.
Interestingly enough, my ATF contacted me last week want me to take her on this trip. A short while ago, she would have been the one I would have taken but she wouldn't have paid for anything and in point of fact, I would have had to pay her on top of that.

The bottom line is money aside, my ATF will never have children with me, she will never share my hopes and dreams.  In  between the times I see her and pay her, there is no relationship.  When I grow old, she won't be with me, she will be with someone else.

Guess I am one of those guys who wants more from a relationship than just sex.  So, does the hobby ruin me for civilian relationships?  In a lot of ways it does, and I for one, need to remember what I want in the long term and not be guided by my short term needs.