Muslim stand-up comic Goffaq Yussef:

Good evening gentlemen, and get out, ladies. On my flight to New York there must have been an
Israeli in the bathroom the entire time. There was a sign on the door that said, "Occupied.

What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes? Nothing! You told her twice already!

How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb? None! They sit in the dark forever
and blame the Jews for it!

Did you hear about the Broadway play, "The Palestinians"? It bombed!

What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia? Lefty!

Did you hear about the Muslim strip club? It features full facial nudity!

Why do Palestinians find it convenient to live on the West Bank? Because it's just a stone's
throw from Israel!

Why are Palestinian boys luckier than American boys? Because every Palestinian boy will get to
join a rockgroup.

A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police. "Honest, I'm not a suicide bomber," he said. "I didn't say I wanted to blow myself up so I could sleep with 72 virgins. All I said was, I'm dying to get laid!'"

What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity ward? "Live ammunition."

Palestinian girl says to her mommy: "After Abdul blows himself up, can I have his room?"

Not bad at all.  Creative.  Brought some real chuckles to this grizzled anti-Zionist. [Are these original or ...]

I just made these up for you Doc -- and it'll show!

What about Palestinaian drivers' ed? The first lssson is NEVER Break For Israelis.


Why was the Palestinian delayed in traffic?  He had to stop to change the detonators in his truck bomb.

What's another Arabic word for "shepard"?  Stud.

What do you call an Arab shepard who tends BOTH sheep and goats?  Bigamist.

What do you call a bastard in Saudi Arabia?  A Saudi.

I can't go on.


Hope you are enjoying the road!

from holding the AK-47s with which we used to hiack the jetliner!

Eager to make a comedic name for himself, does Goffaq say to his manager "Tonight, I'm going out and I'm going to kill!"

When Goffaq plays before an Israeli audience, is he conflicted if/when he bombs?

-- Modified on 5/9/2006 5:22:22 PM

Does Goffaq think of himself as a virtual suicide bomber when he manages to bring down the house?

Q. How do you know if  Palestinian is gay?

A. He prefers women to sheep!

grenades? IEDs? or live automatic weapons fire?

so few Americans travel Air Iran?

A. Turned off by the ad slogan,  "We Take You There...And Keep You There."

Q. How many Palestinians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. ????  The Israeli oppressors deprive them even of that.


Q. How many Israelis does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. No one knows.  100 US Seantors avidly compete to do that for them.


Q. What do you call an Israeli w/o the benefit of the world's most blatant  and concerted positive PR spin?

A. A Serbian.


Q. How do the Palestinians abbreviate the word aggresion?

A. IDF.

Q. Did you hear about the absent-minded Palestinian?

A. He constantly misplaced the keys to his car bomb.

Especially for someone as strongly supportive of terrorists as you are (grin)

I can't claim originality.... Yusseff is a real person performing his standup routines in places like Kuwait and Bahrain, where Western Decadence has managed to overwhelm even the Islamic clerics. The ones who are driven around in their Rolls royce limos to go to their harems where their scantily clad Western blondes with covered faces preach to them the value of mouthwash and dental floss.

What? you thought I was serious?

plenty more where those came from.

Feel free to throw your hat into the comedic ring and see if you get get me to hold my nose.

-- Modified on 5/9/2006 8:06:27 PM

As a guy who is a no doubt proud member of the suicide bomer demographic AND pursues a career in comedy, Goffaq REALLY REALLY takes to heart Olivier's observation that "...dying is easy; comedy is hard."

Yussef's "material" is strongly reminescent of a really bad, 3rd rate borst belt comedian.  What would you call the equivalent "circuit" in the Near/Middle East/Arab world?  Hummus Belt?  Fallafel Belt?  Baba Ganoosh Belt?  Shish Kebeb Belt?

PS. Please forgive what I know are some really terrible spellings.

Youssef is writing a comedy/horror screenplay on spec.

It was originally entiled "An American Werewolf In Iraq."

He thought it over, the  proverbial lightbulb [or truck bomb?] went off in his head and he re-titled it "An American Werewolfowitz In Iraq" !!!

Seems to me, the Arabs would call it the Bomb Belt.

ok Xiao, this one was really really reaching. I think its played out now

But it sure did lighten the mood, didnt it.

Trike-o-lishus!

Re:ok Xiao, this one was really really reaching. I think its played out now

But my co-workers loved it!!   I thought it pretty cute meself. I thought this was even better than the "Me and my brother just flew in from Beirut..." line.

I'm working on a list of Yossef's snappy putdowns of hecklers in the audience.  Maybe you'd like to go first?