Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of October 12th, 2005.

The move is being made to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American
jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for sometime. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the office of President as of October 1st.

Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between
the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call center, "stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive
interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."

A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem cause Bush was not familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh
will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all.

"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years." Mr. Singh may have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush has abandoned the "down home" persona in
his effort to appear intelligent and on top of the Katrina situation.

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible
for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a résumé and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience shaking hands and phony smile.

Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air National Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco, TX for a month, before being sent to
Iraq, a country he has visited. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's terminal and gift shop.

Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.

(sent to me in email, no author specified)

-- Modified on 10/8/2005 5:52:50 PM

LMAO!

DoctorGonzo you're previously called me an anti-Semite and a Jew hater, but I just can't resist this one no matter how much verbal abuse you decide to rain down upon moi.

US foreign policy in the Middle East has, for decades, already been outsourced to Menachem Begin and Yithzk Shamir and Bibi Natanyahu and Ari Sharon and their Zionist henchmen.  And they're doing a great job - for Israel!

Love the original post from your anonymous friend in cyberspace.

An alliance between any two countries is always based on MUTUAL interests!(politics 101)You disregard (a)the geopolitcs of the cold war-Israel-Jordan-Turkey as a bulwark against soviet expansion.(b)mideast oil and the danger posed by arab nationalism to the source of cheap oil (Saudi Arabia & the gulf states.
As to outsourcing: you overlook (1)when Syria began to invade Jordan in 1970 Israel's air force intervened and saved King Hussein-a key ally.(2)Sharon's exit from the Gaza strip-who instigated it?

Two what, DoctorGonzo?

Three strikes and presumably I'm off the board?

Or you'll turn my name over to Mossad assassins?

Please explain?

Without "anti-Semitism" in the explanation if that's possible.  Please?

I sent you a reallly great response but it hasn't been posted.  I'm afraid it fell afoul of the Troll Ban.

Too bad I guess.

Peace and good health to you.

1. Mutual interests may not always be symetrical interests - one side may identify with the interests in question to a much greater extend than it's partner[s], be willing to make more sacrifices, accept more losses, etc... Let me also please point out that there has never been a formal treaty between the US and Israel submitted to and ratified by a 2/3 vote of the Senate.  What we've got is a never-ending series of secret agreements, memorandum of understanding, agreements in principle and the euphemistic like putting to some extent the welfare and safety of the US into the impetuous, if not reckless, and calloused hands of Ari and Bibi and the rest, who I'm sure are tortured constantly with the thought  of what effects their actions and decisions will have on the interests and well-being of the US.  Do you really think that's a good idea?

2. Geopoitics - perhaps without realizing it you more or less resurrect the old idea of the "Northern Tier" - a glsis of Arab and Moslem states with decent military capabilities [Turkey, Iraq, Iran] [yes, the irony abounds] which were believed to be willing to "ally" with the US or "the West" more generally as a deterrnt/defensive bulwark against the Soviet Union.  This idea goes back at least half a century, and in fact was the intellectual basis of the short-lived and ill-fated CENTO Treaty [also known as the Baghdad Pact].

2. No matter what you've been lead to believe, the willingness of either Turkey and/r Jordan to be openly seen as members of an alliance which included Israel, was not impressive on its best day.  

3. Arab Nationalism - always overated and misunderstood as a threat to access to oil.  Arab Nationalists have not wanted to embargo oil to the West, but instead have perferred to raise the price of their only inportant commodity [via OPEC and some selective production cuts for brief periods] on the most favorable ters of trade they could manage to negotiate, and to cut out the multinational oil producing entities - many US based - to the greatest extent possible.  Gven all the talk about modernization and internal development over the decades from Arab nationalists, how else were they to fianace any of this except through the sale of oil?

4. Let me point out the one time oil was embargoed by the Arabs, it was in an attempt to punish the US for its incredible levels of support for Israel during the Yom Kippur War in the fall of 1973.  It did contribute to a rise in the world price of oil, but other than that it was a complete failure, as non-OPEC producers were encouraged to make up the shortfalls in world oil production, and the US-Saudi "special relationship" [just slighly less self-destructive than the US-Israeli "special realtionship"] kicked in in earnest.

[more to follow in a separate post]

-- Modified on 10/22/2005 6:31:27 PM

PART II

5. Israeli intervention 1970 - this is a really interesting case, worth a close look.  You've either overlooked or were not aware of a few additional things here that might interest you re this case:

A. the Israelis were acting in their own interests as they understood it - and for absolutely no other reason [ least of all saving the throne and the Kingdom of a petty Arab ruler, no matter how non-threatening and secretly acomodating he was]- when they decided upon this intervention;

B . King Hussein of Jordan, who quietly favored Israeli intervention to save his Kingdom in 1970, at the last minute frantically tried to back out, but Nixon and Kissinger were having none of it;

C. the US secretly [at the time] committed itself to bail out the Israelis if the Arabs managed to invoke and activate whatever defense arrangements they had in place with the Soviet Union;

D. in the aftermath of Israel's intervention the Syrian government was overthrown and none other than Hfrez el Assad came to power, a persistnt and dedicated foes of Israel for every day of the next 30 odd years;

E. the US beagn to shower all sorts of economic and military goodies upon the Israelis as a result of this act.  Very foolish choice, as the Israelis were rewarded for doing nothing more than exactly what they would have done in the first place.  I mean, do you reward you kids EVERY SINGLE DAY for doing thir homework, cleaning their rooms, helping out with household chores and not sassing mom? [If you do will you consider adopting me?] Of course you don't, and it's the same bloody principle.

[check out William Quandt, "Decade of Decisions" for a lenghty treatment of this case].

6. Israeli exit from Gaza - as they say in the 'hood "don't believe the hype."  This is purely a tactical manuever meant to impress the terminally gullible US public and to buy a little time.  I fully expect the Israelis to be back in Gaza in force in less than 2 years.  Expect the usual series of low-level provocations to elict stern Israelis warning and limited but increasing military retaliation.  Eventualy, under some pretext or another [see: Lebanon, 1982] the Israelis will come barreling back in in full force shooting first, never asking any questions, and fully expecting stupid old Uncle Sam to support them in the lavish manner to which they become accustomed.  Supinely and no questions asked and with total disregard to any conception of US interests.

That's Ari's style; that's the Israeli style.  I only hope i'm wrong - nothing would make me happier or more relieved.

If you believe that Ari and company have withdrawn to accomodate the US, you will believe anything i'm afraid.

7. Politics 101 - here's a lesson you might have missed. "My enemy's friend is my enemy." Israel is an enemy of the Arabs.  The US is a friend of Israel.  THEREFORE THE US IS AN ENEMY OF THE ARABS!!!!!!!!!!!  How much simpler can this be point possibly be made??????  And this is all the justification 19 Saudis needed to hijack jetliners, crash them into skyscrapers in NYC and for the forseeable future change the way we live and think in a gazillion ways.  So, if you like where we are in the world with our currnt foreign policy, you know who to thank.  Or to blame, if you don't like where we are.  It's your choice.

8. Another lesson fom politics 101 I've gotta mention is "Qui bono?" [spelling?].  Better known as "who benefits."  Ask yourself :

A. who benefits from a state of perpetual tension and misunderstanding and hostility and violence between the Arabs and the US?  Haliburton?  The weapons manufacturers? VP Cheney's congenitally larcenous cronies? If only it was that simple;

B. who feels threatened by ANY sign of cooperation and good will betwen the US and ANY Arab country, no matter how temporary and insubstantial that good will in reality turns out to be?.

There's no escaping the fact that a radical reinterpretation and direction for US policy in the Near East is long overdue.  One which divorces the US from Israel and puts US interests and well-being first, and suports the policies of Israel IF WHEN AND ONLY IF AND WHEN they do not conflict in any way with the interests and material well-being of the US as an entity and  its citizens.  That's the only way to go.  As it is we're going off a cliff chained to Ari, Bibi and that whole miserable, bloody, phony lot.

When are we gonna wake up at last?

Peace and good health to you.

-- Modified on 10/23/2005 7:53:19 AM