I hope everybody had a nice Turkey Day and as we all get prepared for what should be a happy and horny Christmas season, I thought I would share this twist on an old Christmas classic.  Enjoy everyone!


'Twas the night before Christmas and jeez it was neat, the kids were both gone and my wife was in heat.

The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook. It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

My gal in her teddy and I in the nude had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube when out on the lawn there arose such a cry that I lost my big boner and poor wifey went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf, tore back the shade while she played with herself when what to my wondering eyes should appear but a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.

With a fat little driver half out of his sled, a bra on his ears and panties on his head. To my amazement, he was as high as a kite, and he yelled to his team, but the names were not right.

"Whoa Fuckhead, whoa Buttnose, whoa Stupid, whoa Klutz, either slow this rig down or I'll cut off your nuts. Look out for those chimneys! Don't hit the tree! Quit rockin' this sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee!"

They bumped the church steeple and the tree got a rub just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub. And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, as each little reindeer now emptied its bladder.

I was donning my jacket to cover my ass when down the chimney came Santa with a loud crash. His suit was all smelly with perfume galore; he looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.

"That was some brothel, " he said with a smile. "The reindeer are pooped so I'll stay here awhile."

He walked to the kitchen, poured himself a drink, then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee. The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, but his toys were all gone and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a nude dolly that wets, next came triple-X videos of hot Penthouse Pets. A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, and a six-pack of panties, the edible kind.

A bra without nipples, a penis extension, and several other things I hardly dare mention. A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, a dildo so long it lay in a coil.

"This stuff is for grownups," Santa had to admit as he tried on crotchless panties, enjoying the fit. Then he filled every stocking and soon took his leave, with one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh but his feet were like lead, so he fell on his ass and broke wind instead. The deer started laughing as he yelled. "Who's the boss?" and then they shot off, taking him to Mrs. Claus.

The sleigh was near gone when we last heard Santa shout, "The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"