OK guys, some help here. What do you do when you fall in love with a provider and you don't want to hurt the wife ?? I'm no spring chicken, and I don't think this is midlife crisis. This woman and I just connect like crazy.
Next question... Can you really be in love with 2 women?

You need to step back and re-evaluate what you're saying.  Is the provider in love with you?  Probably not.  This is a business and a diversion, not an emotional life changing thing.

Probably time to take a hobbying hiatus for a while!

It is easy to lust after 2 or more women at the same time, but love?  I think you need to ask LG on The Erotic Highway.

Now a serious questions.  You've connected.  I assume you have had great sex.  You're in love.  But is the new object of your affection in love with you?  Do you have any indication that she doesn't regard you as just another client?

You have undermined your existing relationship and withhdrawn your attention, focus, fidelity and committment to her.

Two other posters have correctly asked if she is in love with you.

Remember, these fantasy virtuosos can make a rock feel like she is the stream they have always yearned to live with. This is not done out of malice, this is part of their art and is what they do.

You my friend, must confront these feelings and be prepared for the consequences. If you express them to the oject of your affection, be prepared for the respnse. She may be in love with you and then you have a decision to make. But, she may also just consider you a good man and a good client that she enjoys being with - but is not "in love" with. In which case, you may find yourself spending your treasure elsewhere. Or, you can go on and enjoy the time you spend with her and work to keep your feelings boxed up.

In love with two different women? I don't think so; but is it possible to love two different women? I do think so.

Tread carefully and I wish you luck on this journey.

...which would be true for any married person on this board and in this hobby, would it not?

that fact shes a provider in my opinion is moot...the fact you state you are in love with two women got my attention...i was in a simelar(not a provider)situation,,wife found out about girlfriend..got rid of girlfriend..wife never got over it..lost wife...worked out pretty well.huh?..my advice...don't see the provider again and try to re-connect with your wife..if in fact you truly love her..good luck

"What do you do when you fall in love with a provider and you don't want to hurt the wife ??"

Simple. Spare your wife the misery of knowing.

"Can you really be in love with 2 women?"

While you might feel "love" for both women, I seriously doubt you feel it in precisely the same way.

I think you need to sit down with yourself, away from both, and "take inventory" on your life. You might have a lot more than you are aware of right now.

I hate to burst any bubbles, but they are paid to connect. There may be a connection, but you can be sure it is not "love." It is infatuation.

When infatuated we experience a surge of dopamine that rushes through the brain causing us to feel good. Norepinephrine flows through the brain stimulating production of adrenaline (pounding heart). Phenylethalimine (found in chocolate) creates a feeling of bliss. Irrational romantic sentiments may be caused by oxytocin, a primary sexual arousal hormone that signals orgasm and feelings of emotional attachment. Together these chemicals sometimes override the brain activity that governs logic.

I would stick to chocolate. And enjoy the playtime with your honey. But please don't misinterpret your feelings for love. File this note away for six months and then read it again. You'll probably say to yourself: Duh, what was I thinking?!!!

Wishing you the best.

Time to quit this hobby friend.

you have a way of putting things so eloquently!!!

Kudos to you and ditto to your statement!

*kisses*
Jazz

Honest, but not harsh.

Sarah,  you once again prove what an awesome lady you are. You and I have met on a few occasions, so I know what you say is from the heart and brain.
This is a difficult thing for sure. I am meeting the lady again soon, to find out if this is my imagination or reciprocated.
Thank you for your thoughts.

Thanks to all who added their thoughts and advice. This is obviously a tender subject since there were no raging, annoying comments. I wonder how often this happens?

Very clinical response. But it isn't the rush and joy when I see her, its the feeling of something absent and missing when I don't. And who ever said logic could be applied to any of this human emotional business? I still thank you for your well-thought and well worded response. If I can I will look at this 6 months from now and see what I was thinking.

Thank you Doc. When I say I don't want to hurt the wife, I mean anymore than she has been. She is a decent woman and doesn't deserve the wreck and ruin this could be. The attention, focus , and committment have been shriveling up for some time. The fidelity was the last to go, and that has been very recent. The desire and need went away first.

because if this turns out to be an infatuation (because of the many reasons discussed in this thread, including the uncomplicated relationship with somebody you don't have to live with for 24/7), you will have destroyed a chance to repair the relationship with your wife, if, indeed, it's salvagable.

I thought one suggestion was very insightful, the suggestion that you approach your provider with the idea of taking the donation out of the relationship equation. While it will not tell you anything about your own state, it will definitely tell you whether the feeling is mutual.

Best of luck.

By the way, I wouldn't trade the sweetness and passionate sexiness I've received from some of the ladies I've seen for anything. And if I were 20 years younger and they weren't in the business, I'd be pursuing them in a New York minute. But I'm not. And they're not. But color me happy.

My Friend, please evaluate if you have had enough time to truly know the object of your affection. Yes, sometimes people just click and we feel like we've known each other for ages.

Sarah makes some fine points below (as usual). What you may know of this lady is what she wants you to see. She is not necessarily hiding anything, but more not wanting to bring her personal life's debri and chaos into your paid time together. Sarah and her sisters do a wonderful job of making each and everyone of us feel special in some way.

I am not saying there is not a true "in love" connection there. Again, as Sarah says below, it does happen. Despite what some cynics might say - these ladies are humans first and providers somewhere after that. Frankly, I marvel at how these ladies can keep such a personal profession separate from their everyday lives.

As before, I wish you the best on this journey.

Good luck with the decisions you have ahead. Weigh carefully your spousal relationship that you stand to lose forever. Be very certain before you pull the plug on it. You may not be able to get it back once you let go of it.

...another question.  Sarah, that was a very thoughtful and intelligent response (IMHO), but I struggle with a different question. And I realize this is could be a complex issue w/o and easy and obvious answer.

"Am I just a coward and self absorbed?"

It is only a matter of time before she finds out. That will, undoubtedly, cause a great deal of pain and sufferring for my immediate and extended families. It will alienate me from them. Is that cost worth it? That, of course, is a question only we can answer for ourselves. The agreement we made when we got married was to NOT do this (be unfaithful). So, if this activity is not sanctioned within the context of that agreement, we either need to alter the agreement (which requires all parties to agree) or we terminate the agreement (or the activity). I don't mean to make it sound so black and white but if we have tried to 'fill the gap' with our spouses or alter the agreement and we are still 'unsatisfied', then we suffer either way (either by ending the marriage or stopping the activity). Neither option is appealing to me ... hence my original question.

To let this subject go.... This is advice from a person who had been in this situation, with me, and said it was too close to home.
  That said.... I have to advise you to step back, think if you must, and know that this can only end badly for someone. Wether it be you realizing it was just a grass is greener situation, or it is truly what you want but hurting someone who doesnt even know you are in this situation to begin with. Like your wife Someone will be hurt! There is also the possibility that you make a change and decide 6 months down the road it was a mistake....who will you resent? Certainly not yourself! Even though it was YOUR descision. It will be the person you made the changes for. Trust me!
   If you are truly unhappy, (reason you hobbied to begin with), and not sure what to do, step back, seperate from your wife for a while and then decide what to do. Be on your own and feel how it feels after so long. Make sure it is because YOU need the change. Not because someone else seems sexy or nice or is a good replacement. I know most of you know what I am talking about.....
   Please consider your options and think about what Sarah said.... If it is new and you are just seeing the good....know that us ladies are like any other woman. You really do see us only at our best.
  We all have to weight our descisions carefully and try to do right by everyone. If it is right you will know

BTW My friend and I are still very close it was my descision to step back to friends with benifits. Even though us ladies do what we do and Enjoy it it doesnt mean we are looking to be replacement material or get into unhealthy relationships. Ask the lady if she is even feeling the same.

Have a great week everyone and I will enjoy New Mexico for a few more days in the 70 degree weather

XOXOXO

-- Modified on 4/8/2007 6:59:35 PM

I have had that hppen with a client and here is my take:

He is a wonderful man who has been married to the same woman for 30 years. He has dabbled a little in the hobby, but not to any extreme. So, He falls for me and tells me he is in love with me after I have seen him about 3 months as a regular. I told him this... You cannot "fall in love" with someone you barely  know. It takes TIME and not just 1 hour intervals, lol. What you "love" is the fantasy, the way I make you feel and the whole scenario. I believe that having lived a sheltered life and not getting attention at home to any large degree, it is simple to get that high-school-butterflies-crush thing going on.

I never told this man I was in love with him also as it would have been a lie. I love him as a dear close friend. He  has continued to see me for a year now, still says he feels the same for me for the most part, but has backed off a lot because time has proven that I am not in love with and do not plan to fall in love with him.

He has been caught by his wife three times now. I often wonder if he actually wanted to be caught with a trail like that, but she is keeping him, even after all that. That is either LOVE or desperation... lol. I encourage him to make it work with her. I do not care to be a homewrecker for ANYONE.

In answer to the questions...
If you tell the wife it will hurt her unless she is extremely open minded and secure (like ME!! lol ) So, if you tell her to ease your guilt it is bad and does nothing but hurt her and make you  feel better, but worst ultimately. Can you really be in love with 2 women? Yes, on rare occasion. Both fulfill you in diffent ways. But for the most part I believe it is LUST the majority of the time.

Sincere wishes for the best outcome,
Cheyenna