On a great local board in NM

References are made up of many parts, all of which can be confusing to some I'm sure, but it's very simple I assure you're full understanding by the end of this thread.

OK here we go, NO HOLES BARRED.  I am not going to give you the pretty story about why we have references... It's not pretty, because one of a few things happens, when you get a bad egg and it's not a happy ending.

REFERENCES : What they mean and to whom :  To men they are a key, unlocking just about every door he wishes to knock on in his community.  He knocks, she answers, he inquires, she demands a reference.  A reference, the one thing that keeps her safe in this world.

She calls his reference, which happens to be a lady of similar age, living in the same community.  She gives the details he provided her, and the lady affirms that she does indeed know him, in a very personal way and that he is of no harm to her.  CONVERSATION OVER.  (Some ladies, chose to keep the conversation going, but most, don't babble.)

The man: Needs references, to prove his character, to prove he is a true participant in the community and not someone looking to infiltrate the country club, so that they can pursuade those there, to commit illegal activities.  A reference, is like I said, very simply, a key to any door he wishes to knock on in his community.

The woman:  Needs to know that her acccommodations are sought without ill will and with a mind absent of malice.  She also needs to be assured that his presense is not a threat to her freedom, from which some will take; after a confusion of wrong doings, seemingly okay, because of the deception at hand.  

So for both, the Reference is a key, to open the door to whatever should happen during the meeting.

Without it, women are in danger and men are vulnerable to indecent participants in the community.  Bad things happen when references are not given, requested and believed...
If a man does not have any references, he may request a list of alternative requirements that the lady may entertain, to ensure safety.
So bottom line... For those who didnt get that...   Men need references to prove to a provider, they are 1) More than likely not going to hurt or harm her in any way... & 2) That he is not some sort of law enforcement, trying to coerse her into doing something that can be misconstrued as intention to participate in illegal activities...

I'm sure that I can speak for all when I say that our local law enforcement agencies are held with the highest respect.

They are only as reliable as the lady giving them to you. On the east coast, it is not uncommon for ladies to give references for men they've never seen before just to sabbotage another lady's business.

In a nutshell, they're unreliable at worst and reliable only if you know the lady and you and she are not on any bad terms that either of you are aware of.

This is why, in a lot of cases though I ask for references, I also go with my gut. There have been times in the past when I've had a reference that cleared but something just didn't feel right so despite the cleared reference, I've cancelled an appointment. Basically, the jist of MY post is that while references are helpful, no one should stake their life or safety on a third party's opinion.

Megan

One of the nice thing about agencies is the ladies may have moved on but the managers are there. I've had providers not respond to reference request due to being travel.

The parties/meet & greets are also a good way to get references. Rose introduced me to several ladies at TMan's party.

Amen Megam you got that one right

edensroses

I favor references.

Most of the time ladies ask for some very simple information which I am not shy to share. It is totally acceptable to me to give them the name by which people here know me, and the name of a provider I’ve seen. I understand the issue for the first-timer but that clearly means doing a little more research and exercising some persistence.

When we guys wish to have an encounter, we do our homework and base our selection on reputation and reviews. All they have is our reference or other information upon which they choose to base their acceptance or rejection.

The bottom line here is simply that the lady does not want to leave the session in bandages or handcuffs. We need to respect that.

Thank you for posting about why references are necessary. When they work, it's awesome, but I do agree that sometimes going with your instincts is best. I've also found that if a provider is busy, you may not get a return phone call or a return email until the opportunity to see the gentleman has already passed and alot of times the provider doesn't recall the gentleman you're calling regarding.. so there's always chance that they are thinking of someone else and give you incorrect information anyway.

Leigh

The point of the post is that it is so well written. I agree that instinct is very important too. If someone will do their homework and not see me unless I am well reviewed and taking a risk by my information being out there I don't think it is unfair to ask for one provider reference. I will always require a reference and there are some people I will not take references from. If a girl is know to not return calls because she doesn't want to give references or because she plays games I will not take her as a reference. I do ask little things to make sure the lady I am getting a reference from is sure of who I am asking about so she doesn't get confused. I ask for two references when I travel so that I can avoid the games the girls will play. I think any of us who have traveled have run into some uf that
We don't always click with the guys even when we get a reference but at least we know he is not going to kill us and that we can feel free to enjoy ourselves without being hauled off to jail.