and I thought I had it bad. All I can say is lifes a journey, so buckle up and enjoy the ride. After all its a story we know the ending to....just not the particulars.

I believe Head in Hands is talking about a real life SO - not an ATF.

Everythinh you say, including the feelings, is completely true.  But, if we can't handle the heat we have to get out of the kitchen!

My "friend" has treated me better than a lot of ladies in some ways but not as good in others.  

The weird thing I feel is that other men don't see her as a woman but as some performer or object.  The sex I have with her is nothing like the reviews but is something we both enjoy.  

Anyway, she is just like another lady.  If it's not fun anymore then it's time to move on.

Yes, you are.  You get to see the real person behind the persona, something very, very rare in this "hobby" of ours.  You get more than the fantasy, more than the make believe, you get what some of us are truly after but forget about by playing in this arena.

I went through the exact same thing 20 years ago and it didn't work out, for reasons totally unrelated to the hobby.  It was fun, it was exciting and yes, humbling, knowing that know matter what she did while with others, at the end of the day she wanted to be with me, side by side on the couch reading or discussing politics or studying for that damned Roman Lit class.

The chicken juice, charmin and clorox...that is real.  Never forget that.

To have a true soul mate is to accept  each other for better or for worse.  We live with our  careers and relationships which can be changed if we choose.  You must listen closely when the background noise  makes it hard to hear the heart. If at the end of a day you have that  someone you are connected with  be happy. If not then it was not meant to be...   keep  looking that person does exist.  Body, mind and  soul are intertwined but  distinct.  To share all is rare and wonderful. Scattered thoughts from an incurable romantic.

PM me if you think I've missed something. I doubt the board really cares about this sub-thread.

Accept the good with the bad and recognize that there are a lot of guys who would not mind trading places with you.  I have always felt that finding a civilian open and kinky enough to keep things interesting would be a herculean task.  Obviously the jealousy factor is the biggest green eyed monster in the room with you.  For God's sake never accuse her of being willing to fuck someone in 2 hours if she doesn't want you tonight.  Remeber, she may be dancing with everyone at the ball, but she is going home with you.  So aren'tyou the one she really prefers?  Lucky SOB.

I agree he is, I made the assumption (correct or otherwise) that he met the gal via "the hobby". But the real intent was to convey that the Journey was the important thing in life since we know the ultimate ending. It's pretty obvious that he has deep & true feelings with regard to the lady in question that cause significant emotional turmoil.

I think anyone who has an "ATF" acts under the belief (which I think is often but not always true) that is some way the "relationship" is special in that your interaction is in at least some small or subtle way different then anyone elses.

So assuming that you've "transitioned" from ATF to SO you've made a huge and obviously (at least part of the time) gut wrenching leap....

Do you really think there are a lot of guys who wouldn't mind trading places with him? I'd think it would be INCREDIBLY difficult to be in love with and date a provider you met through this hobby! I think the jealousy factor would be the easiest thing of all to control. Now, before I lose your interest, hear me out.

Providers are incredibly independent souls. Most of us do not want to be bogged down by the "rules" and constraints of society. This doesn't mean we're all any more or less kinky and "open" than women not in the hobby. In fact, I'd think we'd be less so with our main lovers because it's about the only time we don't have to be "on" and worry about how we're performing and what will be back-channeled. We're all also pretty lazy. LOL I mean come on, we make a hefty sum of money with a minimum of output with regard to "work". This could be a source of contention in a relationship. It has been for me, even though I'm only too lazy to pick up after myself on a daily basis.

I think many of you guys romanticize the idea of being with a provider, but I think if faced with the trials and tribulations of dating and loving people with our personality types, most of you would go nuts and wonder what the hell you were ever thinking. Please remember, the way we are with you guys isn't necessarily how we are in relationships. And I think for the most part, this is a big portion of the message contained in the OP'ers post.

Megan

You're right, Megan, as usual.  The jealousy factor didn't even enter into it with me, at least my being jealous of her.  The hardest thing was worrying about her while she was with a client.  Is she safe, is the guy a psycho, or LE, or not going to pay her?  That worry can tear a guy up if he's not careful.

The independence also comes into play, but that wasn't the problem either as we both were in a non-traditional setting at the time and independence was valued, not feared.

The starter of this thread has it down, describes perfectly what it is like to really be in love with a provider.  Guys forget that providers are people and need to get away from the job just as much as anyone else.

You are probably right, but I have been in a lengthy relationship with a woman who was escorting UTR in a traditional job setting before anyone called it "escorting".  Neither money nor jealousy ever entered into the relationship, and I still miss being with her, more so than any civilian relationshp.  Perhaps if she was as active as the poster describes, I might have felt different.

Been there, done that......got the scars my friend. But the ride can be a wild one for sure.