There are a number of ladies that I can no longer visit since they've retired from the business. I remember each and every one of them. Many times it feels as though I've lost an acquaintance or casual friend. In some rare cases I feel like I've lost a soul mate.
That's the way I feel now with the news I received last week. While I completely understand and support her decision to leave the business I am still left with such a hole in my life right now. Yes, she was a provider and I was a client. However, we shared more than just sex. The finality of it makes it feel like I've lost a best friend.
Why is it that I can't stop thinking about her? Just about every song I hear on the radio reminds me of her. I still check my email thinking I'll hear from her - but no.
Time will heal this sorrow that I feel but for now I am aching. I wish I could find a way to make it stop.
interesting post, I am not sure of the dynamic that has a hobbyiest change mental gears with respect to a ,'provider that ultimately becomes more than a provider'. To make the sorrow stop, maybe the reality that you paid for your encounters is the reality check you need, and then again ,maybe not. I don't believe there is an easy or clean way to cross a line with your feelings. I try to remember that I am one of many to the ladies and she may one of a few for me that has grabbed a piece of my heart. Just some of my initial thoughts.
I like to see people, on both sides, leave the 'business', but for the right reasons. I don't like to see anyone hurt. Sometimes we se the same people, over a period of time and develope a kind of friendship. In your case, i' sounds just like when a friend moves away. Let's hope she left for better things and good reasons.
Sorry to hear that you're hurting like that. A bunch of us have been similar paths and it's not easy. You have to keep in mind that although you may feel it's different, it's still all about the money. Good luck and keep looking - you'll find another great connection.
I beg to differ... it's not always "all about the money". I've cried over the loss of a client relationship and not because I was going to miss his dollar bills.
But even in your own post, you claim he'll find another great "connection". That's not something on which you can put a price tag, my friend.
So, before you pooh-pooh those 'hookers with a heart of gold', please realize that there are providers and hobbyists alike that mourn the loss of relationships... even when they are developed under 'no strings attached' circumstances. The presence of money does not negate the presence of intimate connections.
I agree with your post Aria...I also would try not to take to heart what Jeffe said.
I think both guys here made a good point, the original poster stating that basically he had fallen in love (whether that is a friendship or girlfriend type of love is irrelavent, in this case love is love) and that because he had fallen in love with this certain provider he is now dealing with a tremendous amount of sorrow and pain.
If however you view "hobbying" as nothing more than the gift of staged intimacy in exhange for the gift of cash you will not find yourself in sorrow or pain. Viewing things the way Jeffe does in this instance is basically a defensive mechanism setup to avoid being hurt. Kind of like Julia Roberts "no kissing on the mouth" rule.
AH! that makes good sense.....thank you for the good 2 cents but I think it was worth more than that....how's things in LA LA land, It's about time I make a trip it's been since the summer.
Unusual and interesting post. I dont agree that there is a real defense mechanism either. You never know who's going to touch your heart. Now if a certain young beauty would only make a visit to Boston...
Regarding the original post by TUCLAN - I did not mean to come across as trivializing your hurt - if it sounded that way I apologize. I've been blessed with great, ongoing friendships with ladies that I've met. So I understand your feelings of loss and can certainly feel your pain! I've been in the same situation myself.
"Viewing things the way Jeffe does in this instance is basically a defensive mechanism setup to avoid being hurt." Very well said indeed!! Unfortunately I've had the lesson taught to me oh so well a few times and I've had to harden my heart. Which really sucks because those of you who know me know that it is so far from my nature to feel that way.
Very true Aria - "The presence of money does not negate the presence of intimate connections." I agree completely! But those connections come with a price tag attached, don't they?
First, thank you to everyone who has responded. There is definitely some solice to knowing that what I'm feeling is 'normal' and others can relate to it.
Some very good points have been brought up. Yes, I allowed myself to care deeply for someone regardless of how we first met. The exchange of money may have made it a business transaction but ultimately we viewed each other as friends as well as client/provider. It is the loss of this friendship that I am mourning over now. In this sense, vb24 has really nailed my sentiments to the letter.
Also, Thank you Aria and Ciara. You two understood what I was trying to express and the true loss that I am feeling. Your perspective means a lot to me as a 'hobbyist' and I was hoping that by sharing what I felt I could let other providers know that there are some of us out there that establish connections beyond the business side of things.
I do completely understand what Jeffe and others have also pointed out. I am not new to this arena. I know the boundaries that need to exist. I am not looking for love in this manner. I thought I was protecting myself as Jeffe pointed out. However, what I learned is that sometimes regardless of the intent a bond is formed that can break down the boundaries that we think are solid.
The result was great, while it lasted. The price in the end was also great. Am I sorry? No! Yes, I am hurting now but I also feel like I experienced more than I had in the past with a very special lady.
Thanks to everyone for the support and insights. The understanding and sentiments expressed in each reply have helped me come to terms with my own sorrow.
As a client (and I understand that's what I am) over the years I have tried to be true to my emotions and to my partner. When I have not been in a relationship, I've enjoyed the hobby. When I've been in a reltionship, I've stayed there. For me, that's honest to my partner.
When a provider becomes my "relationship" it's time for a reality check. Either disconnect, or ask the provider to commit to you and you alone. The reply will tell you where you stand pretty fast, and one way or the other.
Interestingly, I've actually known a guy who asked a provider for exclusivity, and they have been together for over 5 years!
I am sorry for your pain but I undertand it all to well. I think we have all been in those shoes both as 'hobbyists and providers'. We all have a side that is, well, gentle and nice. Some of us let that side show on our sleeves. I know mine does and it has caused the same pain you are going thru right now.
I have some 'providers' in my life right now that I feel we have more of a connection than just the hobby. We have done things with each other just because. We all have our ATF, Iwould bet there are providers out there that would say "I would rather meet with this person than spend time with that one" they to have their ATF's.
Know that you are not alone, and you are not the first and unfortunelty for some of us you will not be the last. Whether your love was friendship or you fell 'in love' your feelings were true and you need to find a way to work through them. That, my friend, is different for everyone. I wish I had a magic cure for you, if I did I could bottle it and make a fortune. For me, time has worked well. However, I must warn you someone once told me a takes about one year to truly get over someone you truly cared about.
Wow this thread hits home in a lot of ways. I had a regular thing just beginning with a very special lady here and a misunderstanding or miscommunication brought about an abrupt ending to what I thought was a developing "NSA" relationship. While it was young enough not to cause heart ache, it was ongoing enough to create enough angst such that I harbored bad feelings for a very long time. I hate to say that money was a contributer to these bad feelings, as I felt that I had been taken advantage of, despite her having never given me reason to feel this way in the past.
Recently I reached out again and am hopeful that her and I can renew what we had started. If it is truly all about money and/or sex, I can honestly say I wouldn't have reached out. But it's more than this, an intimate connection makes all the difference in the world and I would rather invest my time, self and resources, such as they are, with a woman that I feel I can connect with and appreciate. Sterile meetings with strangers lasting 60 min or less only portend satisfaction but deliver disappointment. My preference is an established relationship with someone who grows to know me and my likes/dislikes and visa versa. This can only lead to a satisfying and fulfilling experience I hope is shared by both.
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