Have you ever seen a provider or client several times and then started to have "feelings" for them?  Such as thinking about them in romantic ways, fantasizing about them in non-sexual ways, wondering what they were doing at this very moment, starting to really care about them?

If so, how did you handle this?

This has happened to me, nothing will come from it, stay and have great sex ONLY or move on.

While the LG is no longer moderating the Erotic Highway board, this was a favorite saying of hers.
when confronted by a post like this.  Check the board out for these threads, lots of answers for you.  Many prescribe a round of sport fucking, if you know what I mean. Good luck

lmaooooooooooooo  Funny line!   Thanks

Someone asked me the other day - "Do you think a Provder and. Hobbyist could go on to have a real relationship?". My response was absolutely - there is no reason why not?  However, are the odds stacked against them?  Indeed, more than in any other "relationship."

If you see someone repeatedly, I don't think you can avoid feelings. We share the most intimate experience two human beings can share. Do that over and over and affections are bound to arise. Just make sure there are feelings on both sides - because more often than not Providers are in this biz specifically because they DO NOT WANT AN SO. Further, they are skilled at creating the illusion - and I don't mean that negatively. The "Performance" rating at least for me is as much about how she made me feel emotionally as any specific "service.". See someone who is really talented and she'll make you feel like you're the only man in her world, right up to the top of the hour when someone else is the only man in her world.

And again, none of this is meant to be mean spirited. But I am fortunate to call several women I've seen friends, and the #1 topic on the PO Board are guys like us who allow feelings to enter in, and start blowing up these girls with texts and emails. So tread carefully my friend, it's a minefield and at any moment you can take a good thing and turn it into something really really bad really really fast.

do not be afraid to feel the way you do   be true to yourself.....I have clients  I have had for 7yrs and we are still good friends  and rarely are able to get together but a phone call or a lunch is not a big deal  connections in our day to day life are hard to find and just because it happens to be a provider  does not mean  you cannot have a friendship I think it is sweet that  she made a good impression  and that you care enough to to have her cross your mind once in awhile ....we do the same  believe it or not........we are human with feelings and good friends are hard to come bye .....

Reality check yourself.

She's a nice girl but is paid to make you feel that way.

It's hard to develop true feelings at 60 minutes every other week.

Not to say that she does not like you, but her job is to make you feel like she LOVES you.

See other people, take a break, do a reality check and do not fool yourself into thinking you are her perfect guy....chances are you are not.

If you are married (and most of us are) then you REALLY need to stop thinking this.

Ask me how I know.....Or better yet, don't...

NO MATTER WHAT, don't let her use your feelings as a way to get you to pay her way...it only results in a lot of pain...

Ask me how I know....

"sport fucking" - absolutely!  hence my Rocider binge -  but it can also backfire - haven't found anyone close to my ATF that "ran me over."

YOU  teach others  how to treat you  if you allow yourself to be used well  all I can say is  it's your own fault....hopefully you are now wiser for the experience .....

.....I've never began to like-like a client....even the best of them.  Easiest advice is remember the envelope but if you can't do that then take a break from seeing her for a while..... unless she feels the same you wouldn't want to make her uncomfortable.

seems kinda bitter here .....surprised more providers have not commented on this thread there have to be some that are not just that  cold hearted or am I wrong  ?

Been there done that.  But I also know of a couple it worked out for and they have kids now.

Still the odds aren't good because guys tend to fall for the paid experience without really getting to know the girl first.

Also, if you want to take a girl away from her job she has to be able to live, so its not unreasonable for them to expect you to take care of them financially. Just make sure you can afford it, and hen consider if you can afford another one in 2-7 years when you want to try something new.

Not at all. You are business ladies. You are in a service based profession. Some really enjoy the work, some probably don't but know how to work well.  I fit that category with my job. I'd love to quit if I could afford to live.

The girls who are users are the ones who a Guy dates and expects for the Guy to pay for everything including expensive gifts. Civie and Pro girls have done this.  Ultimately its the guys fault if he goes along with it. Can't feel too sorry for a sucker.

Vic, I have to agree! It does sound a little bit bitter here. This is an interesting topic & thread. I guess I'll be one of the providers to post on this. I can understand where the men are coming from with their point of view, and granted there are many girls that fall under the category of being a user. I myself am not one of them, but I have heard many horror stories that give a horrible reputation for us genuine ladies out there. It's hard for me to fathom that someone has the capability to just tell you something they think will make you feel a certain way to gain whatever it is they are wanting - whether that be money, the perception of them, or praise. In reguards to what the OP said, be careful - that's with anyone though. You can develop feelings under many circumstances, this one just happens to be extremely taboo. I suggest asking yourself if she's even worth mentally going to the point of thinking about her in that light. Many times the perception can be very different than the reality, which many others have stated previously.


"It takes a wise man to learn from his mistakes, but an even wiser man to learn from others."

don't confuse sage advice with bitterness... I don't think every provider is a user, but I do believe some are.. I'm generally a sucker, but I can spot a user, civvie or otherwise, pretty quickly..

the nature of the transaction is such that men that have to pay or prefer to pay because of the benefits and advantages have to understand that at the core it is a business transaction. Business transactions mean both parties are trying to take advantage of the other.. in  a win-win situation, both succeed and everyone walks away thinking they done good, but there is always that niggling little thought that I could have gotten just a smidgeon more on my side of the equation and that makes me look at the other side with a jaundiced eye.

Generically, if i come across as thinking the provider is a user, the provider comes across as thinking I am taking advantage.. a time waster, trying to squeeze 75 minutes into an hour, behaving rudely, etc...

There is no question in my mind that a provider and a client can be friends.. long term friends.. hell even get married and live happily ever after friends, it happens, there are examples out there.. there are also examples of complete train wrecks.. and they probably out number the happily ever afters, just because i acknowledge the train wrecks doesn't make me bitter, it just makes me pragmatic...

There is a general fear, well, let me be fair and take that back - I personally am always concerned that I'm being told what I want to hear - in a bad way. Any compliment, "words of encouragement" if you know what I mean, etc.  Maybe that's my own insecurities - but because that concern exists, it casts a shadow over my perception of the various ladies I've encountered. As much as I'd like to think I'm a good judge of character, I have to be honest that my past experience has dictated otherwise. So I approach these encounters with a bit of skepticism which can taint the experience.

So are all Providers, users?  Hell no - anytime the word "all" is used, that's a danger. But the fear is ever present.

Exactly...  this IS the most intimate experience... this it totally normal.  The point about providers being here BECAUSE they don't want a relationship can probably be expanded to the males as well....

You should probably change in your wording and add the word for some folks (for males and females):     "Cant"-  as in "don't want to or can't have a relationship"....   probably endless reasons for that, both simple and complex.


OK

Asuuming you actually WANT to get involved (let's face it... you are in some way.  ha ha) ask her out!  If you're married and have no intention of ending it... then stop teasing yourself... actually I woudn't see anyone if that were the case, but that's just me... I assume you never know, might meet someone special anywhere.  )

Then:

1.)  She accepts and you get to know each other better, discuss dating or whatever, and who knows!  Maybe you both find out it's not as great as you thought... which one would assume probably happens most of the time, but HEY, ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.  
2.) She accepts for her  normal fee (well, any money).... which tells you to stop seeing her if you want more than that.  You're connecting... stop.
3.) She says no... so stop seeing her if you want more... see someone else.

Just be ready for the inevitable... if your dating your NOT going to want her to continue providing, NOW WHAT?... I know it's done, but I doubt it works on a deep level.   JMO of course on this.  

You should consider yourself lucky, a lot of people can't, won't, don't, are scared, or whatever... deeper feelings for someone is normal, very healthy, and awesome... it's supposed to "hurt" sometimes... that tells you to change something... one way or the other.

OK

..... if you end up feeling "used" you PROBABLY (add a kind of sorta-maybe tone to that) put a little too much emotion where it shouldn't be in the first place.

Such wise words...I love the quote. I have been a hobbiest on and off for 20 years and even though there are some bad apples out there, I have been friends and enjoyed the company of some truly incredible ladies. There are two kinds of men. The first kind see's the business as it is. A time to escape for a brief moment in time, to indulge in fantasies and then to go back to the real world. The second kind is looking for a fantasy that does not exist. These type of men I feel bad that are lacking something in there lives that  they are constantly looking for something that is not there. It is a great topic that is complicated.

Holly thank you for your words

I completely agree with your post... there are ladies I've met that couldn't use someone if you gave them a users manual on it (and that is NOT meant to be perjorative... it's sweet), they are genuine and sweet.  I have the sneaking suspicion you are one of them!  {wink}  

OTOH, I'm sure the poster is correct about many.

There are many motivations for being involved in all this... sure maybe $$ is #1... sometimes drugs, shopping, partygirlz, ego  (I'm pretty! Men like me! or I'm getting lots of pretty girls! They like me!)... even (GASP!) Connecting to people.... who knows.  

But all these CAN fall under being a  genuine person underneath.

OK

-- Modified on 10/20/2011 1:14:18 PM

I feel that the best is to feel a real connection.  Sometime it doesn"t happen but if you keep seeing someone feeling od attachment come with it.  But be realistic and give more then you may get that makes it for me.

I have seen a provider a few times now and we get along great.  I am starting to develop feelings for her.  Should I talk to her about it?  I don't want to scare her off and quit seeing me.

You don't need to have a conversation with her, she's not your GF. Try some other ladies, like I said in my initial response to the op, try  a round of sport fucking. No matter how great this escort is, there are many others who will rock your world. Phoenix is teaming with great providers with reasonable donation amounts, it won't take you long to find a replacement. Trust me!

...Number 1 rule of being in the man club:
* Never discuss your feelings with your lady unless;
    You're feeling hungry
    You're feeling horny
     or, you're feeling that you just wanna watch 'the game'  

YES, talk to her... assuming you want to see her on the "outside"... if you DON"T then stop seeing her.

Assuming you do want to 'date' her... then you DO want to scare her off if that's what it does.

OK

Its fantastic when feelings develop! And also, feelings are like the weather of your body. They are temporary unless nurtured. You have a great template to practice. That's what I see sessions for, practicing the erotic, practicing exploration of feelings with a safe coach, practicing feeling your sacred masculine energies in the presence of a sacred feminine energy.

I have had clients fall in love with me... Want to leave their wives, or offer to date me outside of our container of time. I am their Priestess. They take council with me. I offer suggestions into their personal lives when asked, teach how to live more honorably and offer an actively listening ear. I help them sexually, with ed or other issues. I help them feel more masculine and alive. I am not a date. I have distinct boundaries around our relationship which creates the freedom and safety to explore all thoughts, feelings and edges.

This is not that. When I practice Tantra or the erotic arts, sit in yab-yum, eye gaze and breathing together naked or clothed it is easy to open ourselves up and blend with the other and create a level of unheard of intimacy. Client/practioner, Tantra teacher/student or D/s even though we deal with the sexual energy or the erotic, we are not shopping for a mate in this arena. I understand we are practicing for our real mates with an authentic practice partner.

I keep clear boundaries, and create deep intimacy with my my people. I can have a profound experience with someone and know that pursuing a relationship is outside the bounds. It really depends on your communication and relationship. You can create anything you want. Why not with your practitioner? Its like saying you could NEVER date your bartender or doctor. Of course you can. It is all up to what you create.

Providers are human beings with human feelings.  If you feel used its because you gave more than was expected or asked for.... and now you want a refund because you didn't hit the lottery.  I dated a dancer/provider in Phx and for 2 months we had a hell of a good time....but it eventually became flat and died.  I dated a dancer/provider in Reno for a summer and again it was a blast for each....but then again.... it became flat and died.  So.... fun while it lasts if the feelings that develop are mutual.... but not likely to last forever.....  Just because you have feelings does not obligate the other to reciprocate and they don't owe you an explanation.....  Mutual feelings are obvious and need no explaining...