What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
That's all I have...if you all know any good jokes, please add them.

& remember, they're only jokes,
Vampy

BINGO!

BINGO!

***  A hooker saunters out of a Bachelor party, and starts to head home.

On the way out the door she bumps into a guy who is all bloody and battered.

The guy cries "Call me an ambulance!"

The hooker looks at him for a second, smiles seductivly and says, "For $50 bucks I will call you anything you want."

Desperate and bleeding the man fumbles for his wallet and hands over the entire thing begging for her to "Please, Please call me an ambulance"

She giggles and says

"Now of course You're an Ambulance, sweetie!"





***  A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor, opening his eyes he sees Angelina Jolie and Penelope Cruz on the bed next to him. He thinks this is a little odd, as he doesn't remember a thing, let alone going to bed with them.

He decides to get up and get himself a drink from the fridge. He gets to the fridge and opens the door and is faced with a large suitcase. He takes the suitcase out of the fridge, puts it on the table and opens it to find $1 Million.

This is just a little too much for the guy who thinks he is losing his mind. He wonders if he is hallucinating, so he goes to the window and draws back the blind. Outside on his front lawn is the Klu Klux Klan and dangling from the tree is an open noose, empty. They appear to be beckoning him and shouting.
Now the guy is really freaked out, he quickly draws the blind and turns around.

In the corner of his kitchen is a leprechaun, obviously drunk as well.

He asks the leprechaun what is going on.

"Well," says the leprechaun, "I was drunk last night as well, and as I was crossing the road, I was nearly run down. You ran across the road and pushed me to safety, so I granted you three wishes in return for saving me."

"Well, I can guess the first one" says the guy, "Actresses, in the bed, yeah I got that one. What about the other two?"

"The money in the fridge?" says the leprechaun, "You asked for a cool million."

"And them out there?" asks the guy,

"You said you wanted to be hung like a black man."




ROFLMAO- now isn't that funny?

I realize they are just jokes... but Where oh where do you get them from?? Thanks for the laughs- They are always put to good use!

ok, this is my favorite joke, and i think it's right up everyone's alley around here:

a guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm, and declares that he will bet anyone $50 that his octopus can play any instrument you put in front of it like an absolute virtuoso.  All the bar patrons are skeptical, but finally one comes forward with a guitar and places his bet.  The patrons were astonished...Hendrix ain't got nothin' on this octopus!  Then the bets start flying!  Trumpet?  Makes Miles Davis look like a hack.  Harmonica? Could teach John Popper a thing or two.  Violin? Yitschak Perlman can step aside.  Piano?  Liberace would roll over in his grave.  

One by one the bar patrons set em, up, the octopus knocks 'em down, and the guy collects his money, until finally, a man places a set of bagpipes in front of the octopus.  The octopus can do nothing but stare in wonder. The latest wagerer jumps with excitement and cries "Aha!  See? He can't do it!  I've stumped him!  Hand over my money!"

The Octopus looks up at him and says "Play it?  I'm gonna f*ck it as soon as I can figure out how to get those damn pajamas off!"