How many of you hobbyists could accept a provider as a "significant other" (read: spouse or long-term, live-in GF)?  If not, why not?  And be honest - don't pull any punches about admitting to the effects of jealousy/ego - no one knows you out here.  How about concerns for safety and health?  (NOTE: This is truly a hypothetical question . . . no, really, IT IS.)

Those who have providers as significant others or those providers with signficant others, please chime in.  Also those who think that the realm recreation/profession and emotion can be separated, please feel free to join in as well.

Honestly, there is no way I could have a provider as a significant other...Too much internal conflict for me -
Petty? Maybe, but for me it's the truth.  I probably would have this "little voice" always wondering if I could "live" up to the sexual expectations or needs.

Well, FWIW, I've always said, "there's no such thing as a man secure enough to handle a GF/wife in the business."

But I've had enough offers to try and prove me wrong! So far I've not taken the bait.

--Tanya

I could never have a significant other that was also a companion. It is completely an ego/jealousy issue for me. When I am in a relationship I give everything to that relationship and I could never deal with the job I know she is doing.

I don't think it is a situation either one could handle. It can only be succesful when the provider is retired, only because common sense about concerns of physical harm, LE, STD etc. Not to say that the provider would not be committed to the relationship but any partner who said it did not matter was saying they did not care about the other. Having your significant other in "romantic" situations on a consistent basis should be a normal concern also.

I agree with the last post about being retired. I would never even try to date while I am in this business. I would feel bad about what I am doing and would like to keep enjoying it!
Donna

I think it would be an interesting challenge.  If you think about the emotional commitment to any worth while relationship, there are emotional investments from each side.  It would be interesting to see how they (provider & hobbyist) continue to "see other people" while developing their feeling towards one another.  I believe the relationship can work if the guy is comfortable with everything from the beginning and the girl is open and honest with him. There's a better chance if it is a provider/hobbyist, than a provider/non-hobbyist. However, I also believe that the stronger that relationship grows, the stronger the pressures are for monogamy. If the situation is there, why the hell not roll the dice and try it. How many people do you really get the chance to be that close with.

. . . in theory and principle, I agree with you that there should be a difference between the provider-hobbyist v. the provider-nonhobbyist relationships.  That said, of the three providers I know in long-term relationships, they became providers AFTER the relationship started AND their significant others are NOT hobbyists.

The issues that interest me most are: (1) whether a provider can make a living at being chef at a restaurent all day, but save the real feeling and creativity to whip up something really special for her significant other when she gets home; and (2) whether the significant other really BELIEVES that what he is getting IS special (considering that he can't go to the restaurent himself) or whether it really matters to him.

My only similar experience is one where I continued in a long-term relationship after discovery infidelity.  When time healed all the accompanying anger and hurt, the bottom line was the emotional betrayal - not the physical one.  In this context, one could argue that the provider is being completely up front about her activities, but the significant other still has to place a lot of trust in the provider's emotional fidelity.

That said, I personnally have no illusions about my ability to be engaged in a long-term relationship with a provider.  Although I would like to thnk that I could put my ego aside, I would be much too concerned about HER safety and OUR health.

I think the responses of the hobbyists have been honest.  As far as I am concerned, there are more real men out there (i.e., willing to admit their emotional limitations) as hobbyists than there are in the general populace.

You bring up some well stated points. The emotional fidelity, you mentioned, is the breaking point. If that can be sustained and built upon, then I think it's got a chance. It's my opinion that some providers, including some of those whom we know and love here in AZ, are able to "whip up" something for their man at home. Referring to that "wall" from previous post, I believe there's a space there for someone behind that wall. Whether they are willing to let a hobbyist occupy that or not remains to be seen. After all, a hobbyist is making a hobby out of that key ingredient to a relationship, which is why I think a hobbyist and provider could pull it off. If for reasons unimaginenable, such a connection is established and both people continue to feed it with their necks on the line, hoping that it just gets better and better, I can see a fairytale ending. If they can pull that off, is there really anything else that would drive them apart?  Though I'm intrigued by the idea, I think we'd all be better off buying powerball tickets.

You're right. It is nice to see some decent human behavior on here.

I agree about the PowerBall tickets.

I happen to be single, and if I wanted a relationship at this particular time in my life, I would be in one.  I approach the hobby as a form of recreation and fun with another groovy human being (i.e., my own regulars) whom I don't have to feel self-conscious around.  It's like play-acting - everyone knows the deal.  That's why I always cringe at the term "GFE", which seems like an admission that "I REALLY believed the lie".

To be sure, the proverbial "cooking" is ALWAYS recreational.  But in a "relationship", it also takes on a communicative dimension.  That is, "cooking" becomes an expression of something that cannot be said any other way.  I just appreciate the provider who can admit that there are rare, little moments times . . . like when you look each other in the eye at the right time . . . when the wall is, at very least, transparent, and there IS some level of undeniable emotional intimacy - even if it is not what either of you bargained for.

Mixed emotions here.  I wouldn't want a significant other telling me what I can and can't do.... however, I would have a problem with a guy who didn't have a problem with what I'd be doing in this idustry.

What really makes this more confusing is... I wouldn't have a problem with him seeing a provider (one I aprove of of course).  I know it wouldn't be emotionally and that it would be a way release (stress etc).  I know he wouldh't come home with anything such as emotional attachment (real affair) or anything physical (like I said, I'd pick the provider).

I guess it would have to depend on each others confidence in the relationship and level of trust with one another (another way of saying communication and understanding).

Have fun Play safe!!!

Skylor

"Right smack in the heart of contradiction . . . that's where I want to be."
- Sam Sheppard

I'd have no problem with a provider as spouse.  I'd only ask that she be retired from the business as I would retire from the hobby!

Some of the smartest, most down-to-earth, certainly the prettiest and by far the most romantic women I've ever met are/were providers.  I'd love to come home to that for many years to come!

If she is currently working, I would say NFW!  First, I wouldn't like to be dipping my quill into the same ink well that a bunch of strangers have used.

Secondly and based on personal experience, current working gals will use you as long as you let them.  Or, if you catch her in too many lies, she'll try everything to convince you otherwise.  However, once you stop spending money on her (especially if you aren't getting your money's worth from her), she will usually disappear.

I may be posting a VERY LONG topic on this in the near future.  If I do, I'll post it on the LA board and here.

If she's a former working girl, I would have to think very hard on it.  After all, she's use to making a certain amount of $$$ every week and living a certain life-style.  Does she expect me to keep her in that life style?  If so, then my answer is No.  If she cared about me for who I am and was basically an honest person, then I would consider it.