And Now For Something Completely Different

I understand that it must be difficult as a gentleman searching the web, looking for that perfect companion to spend some time with, sorting through the ads wondering who the woman behind the image really is. Allow me to tell you a little about the real me...

I was born to a large Irish Catholic family, my mother was a hamster and my father smelled of elderberries. My father found work as a lumberjack, he slept all night and he worked all day, he cut down trees, we’d skip and jump and together we’d press wildflowers, in the evenings my father would put on womens clothing and hang around in bars. I often heard the story of him meeting my mother on one of these jaunts of his and it was love at first sight, she was sitting there filling her cheeks with peanuts when he sauntered up in suspenders and a bra.  

Overall I had a fairly average childhood, my closest companion was a pet parrot, a wonderful bird that was always pining for the fjords. It was very remarkable bird, very quiet, lovely plumage. As I got older I got a job as a leper, 16 years behind the veil and proud of it. Ended up cured, bloody miracle it was. I was hopping along, minding my own business and all of a sudden Jesus comes up and cures me. One minute I’m a leper with a trade and the next minute my livelihood’s gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! “You’re cured, mate.” Bloody do-gooder.  
So now I find myself here, looking for work posting on TER.  

Now I know you don’t really know what to expect when you see a lady; are her photos real, is her biography true, is she just telling you what she thinks you want to hear? The only thing I can tell you is that you should always do a little bit of research, look at her website, see if her personality comes through and always expect the unexpected. After all you never know when you’ll be sitting at a nice upscale restaurant, enjoying a dinner date with a beautiful woman and the Spanish Inquisition will come barging in.  
And nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!  

To arrange a date, perhaps for a wafer or an afternoon at the Argument Clinic simply send me a message with your verification information and the day/time you would like to meet.
I will be downtown Philadelphia from Oct. 2-3 and would enjoy spending some time with you!

[email protected]

......in a good way.

Fellow MP fan here...definitely interested!

"Sit on my face and tell me that you love me..." No seriously, I want you to sit on my face. PM sent.

Haha! I'm glad you liked it gents, I figure when you are looking for the Holy Grail of companions it's always best to Look On The Bright Side of Life.  
As a final note as a qualifier for Upperclass Twit of the Year 2014 I will be hosting a wake the neighbours competition, I look forward to your entries!

-- Modified on 9/26/2014 7:26:44 AM

Great ad!!! All that's missing here is a recording of "The Lumberjack Song".